Chapter 5

They camped that night just off the path in a circle of fig trees. The dark was not so complete here as it was elsewhere in the forest and they could glimpse small patches of the nighttime sky through the foliage above. Pippin was relieved for the little bit of light that reached them, but he was disappointed that these trees didn’t have any vines to play with. Not far in the distance a family of owls was calling into the night and in the bushes surrounding them, small animals could be heard rustling about in the underbrush.

Frodo again took charge of setting up the tent and storing their gear inside with Sam’s help, and Merry and Pippin again assumed the job of gathering firewood. Once everything was settled and the fire was crackling, Frodo and Merry prepared a quick snack while Sam and Pippin laid out the sleeping rolls in between the various tree roots where the ground was relatively smooth. After they ate and satisfied their stomachs, the older hobbits pulled out their pipes to enjoy a smoke while Pippin looked on in yearning.

“It’s not fair,” he complained. “I think I’m old enough to smoke.”

“Of course you are,” Merry humored him. “Just like you were old enough to have ale at last year’s Harvest Celebration.”

“That wasn’t my fault,” Pippin quickly defended himself. “Fatty put bourbon in the ale, in case you forgot. An ale all by itself wouldn’t have affected me like that, I’m certain.”

“I don’t think I’ve heard this story,” Frodo said, curious to hear more. He had difficulty imagining Fatty sneaking ale to Pippin, much less spiked ale, unless Fatty had been drunk himself at the time. Yet Harvest in the Tookland tended to be a wild time and almost anything was possible. This could prove to be an interesting tale.

“You don’t need to hear it,” Pippin said hastily and shot Merry a warning glance. “It’s really rather dull.”

“Dull?” Frodo said doubtfully.

“Only if you consider mooning Aunt Amber and Aunt Heather dull,” Merry said casually.

“You didn’t!” Frodo laughed in shock as Sam gawked wide-mouthed at the young Took and Merry grinned innocently.

Pippin blushed bright red and crossed his arms with a pout. “I wasn’t the only one. Ferdi and Everard did it too. They talked me into it.”

Now Frodo doubled over with laughter, clutching his side, his eyes watering. He could just picture the scene now. If he had thought his Aunt Dora was the stuffiest and most rigid hobbitess in all the Shire, he had been corrected upon meeting his cousins Amber Took Lightfoot and Heather Took Brockhouse. The elderly matrons were forever serious and stern, and they must have nearly died of shock to suddenly find themselves confronted with such a sight.

“And that’s not all,” Merry said when Frodo finally caught his breath and was wiping the tears from his eyes. “After Uncle Pally put him in his room to sleep it off, he snuck out and mpfh…”

He was abruptly cut off by Pippin, who had all but leaped over the fire and smacked his hand over his cousin’s mouth. This only succeeded in making Merry dissolve into giggles. Merry tried to get away from his cousin, but Pippin had a firm hold. “So Frodo,” Pippin said, still blushing fiercely, “I imagine you must have numerous stories of our Merry here. Let’s hear some of them.”

Merry finally dodged away from Pippin’s hand and scoffed at his younger cousin through his giggles. “I’ll have you know, I was a perfectly behaved child before you came along.”

Now it was Pippin’s turn to laugh. “Perfectly behaved?” he said. “Please Merry, you’re amongst friends. None of us are going to believe that.”

“Very well, but I was nowhere near as bad as you are,” Merry said and leaned toward Frodo, out of Pippin’s immediate reach. “I, for one, never would have mistaken Reginard’s leg for a tree while in a drunken stupor and taken a leak all over him.”

“Merry!” Pippin intoned indignantly while Frodo doubled over with laughter again. Sam did his best to keep a straight face and for the most part succeeded.

“What?” Merry asked innocently, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Pippin turned to Frodo, who was merely chuckling now. “So, Frodo? What about Merry? What sorts of things has he done?”

Frodo gave a few more chuckles, then concentrated on finding the perfect story to both make Pippin feel better and get Merry back for his scheming about this trip. If Merry wanted to come camping with Frodo, he would have to put up with everything that comes with it as well, including embarrassing childhood stories. “I do remember one story involving an aunt of mine,” Frodo said and laughed at the memory.

“What story?” Merry asked, baffled. Frodo had three aunts on his mother’s side and Merry knew that any story involving them would be horribly embarrassing, as Merry’s grandmother Menegilda and great aunts Asphodel and Amaranth were stern and proper in their own right, even if they were not so stuffy as Amber and Heather.

Frodo cleared his throat of his last few giggles and sat up to tell the tale. “You had just learned to walk and had quickly moved onto running. You must have been three or so, and just as every child that age, you constantly had your hands into everything, eagerly exploring whatever came into your path.

“We were out in the stables one morning watching the mares nurse their young. You were absolutely fascinated by it and I’m afraid to say I allowed myself to become a bit lax in my vigilance of you. I started talking to one of the stable lads about how he was enjoying his apprenticeship to Brandy Hall. He was new and still didn’t know very many of the lads his age yet. We got to talking about Brockenborings where he came from when we heard some of the other stable lads yelling in horror.”

And here Merry groaned, for he suddenly remembered where this story was going. It had been so long since anyone had told this tale, Merry had gratefully allowed himself to forget it ever happened. Of course, he couldn’t really remember it for himself anyway, but as long as everyone else seemed to forget about it, Merry happily had let it slip completely from his knowledge.

Frodo only grinned and continued without pause. “I looked down, and sure enough, you’ve taken off and you had discovered the most amazing thing upon the stable floor. I suppose you thought it was mud of some sort, smelly, warm mud, not at all anything you were used to, and you had wasted no time in starting to play with it and smearing it all over your hands and arms.”

“You mean he…” Pippin started.

Frodo nodded. “He had pony dung all over him. When he saw the reaction he was getting from the stable lads, he thought it was a game and went chasing after all of them. They were running away as fast as they could, climbing up into the haylofts or darting behind stable doors, and Merry was just pealing with laughter. Of course, all that commotion attracted much attention, and folk started coming into the stables to see what was going on.”

Now Merry was blushing furiously and he hid his face in his hands and groaned again.

Frodo started laughing again, so hard he had difficulty getting through the last of the story. He had to stop every few seconds to catch his breath and attempt to suppress his giggles. “So, there Merry was… dashing after everyone… and everyone darting out of his way… including me naturally… when who should come… around the corner… and get a sticky, smelly Merry… running full speed into her… brand new frock?”

“Who?” Pippin asked, already snickering uncontrollably.

Frodo gulped for air and managed to regain enough control to say, “None other than Aunt Menegilda.”

Pippin burst into sidesplitting laughter and Sam struggled not to grin too widely and to keep his shoulders from shaking. Merry pulled his shirt up over his face.

For a long time, all Frodo and Pippin could do was laugh and many minutes passed before Frodo calmed down enough to continue. “She was furious,” Frodo said breathlessly, remembering how the Mistress of the Hall had pulled Merry by the ear screaming and crying through the tunnels back to Saradoc’s apartment. “When Uncle Rory found out, you could hear him roaring with laughter clear into the dining hall. The stable lads came up with a rather humorous nickname for you after that, which I will not repeat here, and none of us could go anywhere for weeks without everyone wanting a recount. And I must say, you rather enjoyed all the attention.”

Pippin collapsed helplessly on his side, laughing so hard he could barely breathe, and Sam was having great difficulty keeping his muffled laughter respectfully quiet. Merry finally showed his face and tried valiantly to look aloof, failing miserably. When everyone finally recovered, many minutes later, Merry quickly turned the subject of conversation back onto Pippin. He knew he wouldn’t be able to top that story, but he could at least steer them toward less embarrassing tales.

“I remember when you were first learning to run,” Merry said to his younger cousin. “Aunt Tina had a special weskit made for you, with the buttons up the back so you couldn’t get out of it on your own. Then she had a loop attached to the middle of the back, and there she would fasten a rope and tie you down so you couldn’t scuttle off and disappear on her or your sisters.

“This worked marvelously at first, until you grew up a bit more and eventually figured out how to unknot the rope yourself. Naturally, that was also the same day your mother was busy preparing first breakfast for your grandparents, who were visiting at the time, and she had us all doing various chores about the house. So there wasn’t really anyone watching you, but as you were tied down, she didn’t think it a concern.

“I was hiding behind the settee so I wouldn’t have to do any chores, which meant I also had to hide from you or you’d have given me away, and I saw the whole thing. You untied yourself from the table leg and jumped up and started roaming about the parlor. Whenever you heard someone coming to check on you, you would dash back to where you were supposed to be and wrap the rope back around the table leg and sit there innocent as can be. When you realized that no one noticed you were untied, you saw your opportunity for freedom and took it.

“You dashed out the door when one of the farm hands came in to deliver the daily eggs, and what an alarm it raised! Soon everyone was outside, chasing after you and you were just tearing down the rows as fast as your feet could carry you. The farm hands, your sisters and I were constantly leaping after you, grabbing for the rope and missing every time. The only reason we were able to catch you at all was because you got hungry, stopped to pluck some berries off a bush and the rope got tangled in the branches.”

“Beaten by your own stomach,” Frodo added with a laugh. “I remember that weskit, and that rope always reminded me of a leash. I used to call you Puppy. I’d clap my hands on my knees and say ‘come here Puppy, come here little Puppy’ and you would come dashing over with your arms wide open, a big grin on your face.”

Pippin looked at Frodo, aghast at the idea. “You did not.”

“He did,” Merry chuckled, remembering that also. “You were the only ‘puppy’ Frodo didn’t object to being around. You would even get on all fours and wag your rump in the air and bark.”

“I would not,” Pippin said.

“You would too,” Frodo said, laughing again. “We even got you to eat from your plate off the floor once, before Aunt Tina found us out.”

“I did not do that!” Pippin said hotly, blushing again.

Merry nodded, laughing hard. “You did. You thought it was the best game ever.”

“Did you have any nicknames for Merry?” Pippin asked then. “Did you ever make him do anything like that?”

To Merry’s shock and surprise, Frodo nodded. “Merry was constantly tagging along after me everywhere I went. So I started calling him my Merry Shadow. This somehow got shortened to Meadow, and I would say, ‘let’s go to the meadow, Meadow’ and Merry would jump up and down and grab the throw from the settee and go dashing out the door for our picnics.”

Merry frowned slightly. “Mother still calls me that sometimes. I can’t stand it. I didn’t know you were the one who started that.”

Frodo shrugged. “It was more pleasant than the name the stable lads came up with.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Merry said and restrained himself from asking what that nickname was. If Frodo didn’t wish to supply it, it must truly be in poor taste.

“What did you make him do?” Pippin asked.

“Well, it’s not funny really. Actually, it caused quite a huge row between Esmeralda and I. Once, when Merry was seven, he tried to follow me when I went out on one of my walks that inevitably lasted all day and night and into the next day. He didn’t like that I would always disappear and he got it in his head one day to tag along after me. I hate to admit it, but I knew he was following, so I walked quickly to lose him, thinking that he would just give up and turn back to the Hall. Well, he didn’t of course. He kept on walking even long after he lost sight of me, and wound up outside Cousin Milo’s house, crying at the top of his lungs. He had the Hall in quite an uproar looking for him, and of course I got an earful when I eventually got back. Esmeralda was furious and Saradoc was nearly beside himself with what might have happened to you because of my carelessness.”

“I remember that,” Merry said. “You wouldn’t talk to me for a week after. It was horrible.”

“I didn’t talk to anyone after that,” Frodo said. “And I was afraid to leave the Hall again for quite awhile. That’s when I got in the habit of sneaking out after you had gone to sleep.”

They grew silent and forlorn. Sam held his breath, not wanting to move or make any sound that would disrupt their contemplation, but Pippin had no such holdbacks. “So, did you ever make him do anything funny?” he asked.

Frodo and Merry laughed, relieved to have the tension broken. Frodo searched his memories, knowing there had to be something he could relate. Finally, he grinned and said, “I did actually. We were digging through one of the mathom rooms and we found some old clothes that were his size. He must have been four or five at the time. I told him they were lad’s clothes from hundreds of years ago and convinced him to change into them. Then I told him to go show his mother. So he went running up and down the tunnels looking for her, not understanding why everyone was laughing and gawking at the sight of him.”

“What was he wearing?” Pippin asked.

“Some lass’s underclothes. And a bonnet. He cried when Esmeralda took them away.”

“Is that why Uncle Dino used to call me Wee Bonny Merry?” Merry asked huffily.

Frodo nodded. “It was.”

“I thought he was just being senile. When we get back to Bag End, I’m going to write down all the nicknames I’ve ever been called and you’re going to tell me which ones are because of you,” Merry said, his arms crossed. Then his eyes widened. “Hold on. When Uncle Dino would call me Merryless, did he really mean…?”

“Merry Lass,” Frodo snickered shamelessly. Pippin was laughing uncontrollably again.

“Now this is hardly fair,” Merry complained crossly. “There must be some embarrassing stories about you Frodo. There has to be, but the only ones who know about those are you, Bilbo and my parents.”

Frodo only smiled innocently and Sam wisely refrained from making eye contact with any of the cousins. He did have a few stories about his master that he was positive Merry and Pippin would pay dearly to hear – if either of them had any money – but Sam would never divulge them. If Frodo wanted his cousins to know, he would tell them himself. For the time being, Sam enjoyed simply observing the cousins’ easy bantering and reminiscing, and they seemed for the most part to forget he was even there.

The cousins next began recalling various pranks and jokes they had pulled over the years on unsuspecting relatives. Frodo recalled the Yule prank on Merry and Pippin that he had helped Pippin’s sisters with. Merry and Pippin told of a prank they had played on Estella one day when they were visiting Fatty. Pippin and Fatty had distracted her while Merry slipped into the bath and added some food coloring to her bathing soap, and that had made for quite an interesting evening. But ever since Estella had planted that kiss on Merry a few years back, Merry had been spending most of his time running away and hiding from her. Of course, that didn’t stop him from yanking down Gordibrand’s pants when he showed up at Pervinca’s last birthday party as Estella’s escort.

They continued on the topic of pranks and jokes long into the night, until Pippin’s eyes started to droop and Merry started to yawn every few seconds. Frodo snuffed out the fire embers with some dirt and they turned in then, slipping into the sleeping rolls and maneuvering themselves around until they found a relatively comfortable position. One by one, they drifted off to blissful slumber, smiles on their resting faces, wrapped in the warmth of their sleeping rolls and the crisp night air.
 
 
 

To be continued…