Chapter 6. I'll See You in My Dreams

Ferdi held his last breath until stars began to dance before his darkened eyes. He was beyond chilled, numb, scarcely feeling the cool rush of water past him tugging at him. At least the embrace of the broken bridge would make his body easy to recover. Better for Nell to lay him to his rest than if he’d been swept away, leaving her to wonder for days while the search went on downriver, and if a body were caught under a snag it might not come to light until the dry season caused the water levels to go down.

At least he had the comfort that she wouldn’t follow him into the darkness, not right away at any rate. The babe growing within would tie her to the world for awhile yet, and perhaps by the time it was born they’d have brought her through the worst of her sorrow, and she’d choose to live on for the sake of the children and not waste away in sorrow.

He grieved for Pippin, undoubtedly carried off by the current when he’d reached the end of his strength. Ferdi had come to his resolution too late to save his cousin. Pippin had exhausted himself, keeping Ferdi going as long as he had. What a waste! What a waste...

There was an illusion of movement around him. Several times he felt something brush against him, likely debris carried by the current. The bridge, too, had vibrated under the assault of the stream, as Ferdi had noticed during the last score or so of breaths that Pippin had managed. Or so he’d thought.

Now as he caressed his last thoughts of Nell and home he felt himself seized from all sides and then came an upward tug. He stiffened in anticipation of the stabbing boards but the jagged ends fell away as he was lifted. His convulsive gasp brought him air, not water, and he realised his head had broken the surface, that he was hearing hobbit voices surrounding him.

Weakly he flailed, his right hand grasping sodden wool, while the supporting hands fell away on his other side. He heard frightened gasps, ‘Unnatural!’ ‘He’s moving!’ ‘He ought to be dead!’ and even a mutter of ‘Sorcery!’

 ‘Not at all,’ Haldi’s voice sounded from his right, and he could feel Haldi’s steadying grip. ‘The Thain shared his breath with him. Something he learned in the outlands.’ Haldi’s voice sharpened. ‘Come now, let’s get him out of the water!’

He sucked at the air greedily. He thought he might never get enough. The hands took hold of Ferdi once more and he felt himself lifted, heard the swish of the waters, robbed of their prey, a curse or two from his rescuers as they eased themselves over the broken bridge to shore, and then the welcome feel of solid earth beneath his back as they laid him down, just before he swooned.

He wakened, hearing Pippin calling him, or so he thought. ‘Ferdi!’

 ‘That’s right,’ Haldi said. ‘All’s well.’

 ‘Pippin?’ Ferdi said, opening his eyes and struggling to sit up. Somehow he’d been swaddled in blankets without his knowing it, and being unable to move as well as unable to see was enough to stir him to panic.

 ‘Steady,’ came an unfamiliar voice. Someone was helping him sit up, then, and a mug was being held to his lips. ‘Drink this; sip at it. It’s hot.’ The last was a warning.

 ‘Pippin?’ Ferdi said again, turning blindly towards where he’d heard his cousins’ voices. ‘Pippin, you’re not drowned?’

He heard his cousin’s relieved laughter. ‘No more than you, evidently,’ Pippin said. Ferdi closed his eyes in relief. Pippin had not been swept away, too exhausted to save himself.

Eyes closed or open, it made no difference. All was darkness.

 ‘Drink up, cousin,’ Haldi said then, and the stranger’s voice echoed the order. Ferdi felt the mug seated against his lips and he sipped obediently. The drink was hot and sweet.

 ‘I know there’s honey in it, but drink it anyhow,’ Haldi said. Evidently Pippin was giving some trouble.

Ferdi finished his draught and added his voice to Haldi’s. ‘It’s not as bad as it might be, Pippin,’ he said. ‘Drink up now.’

 ‘I thought you couldn’t see,’ Pippin said sourly. Ferdi heard him slurp and then gag. ‘Augh, did you have to put so very much honey in it?’

 ‘You cannot see, lad? How many fingers am I holding before you?’ the strange voice said.

Ferdi shook his head. ‘Fingers?’ he said. ‘Were you to poke them in my eyes I might be able to tell, but just holding them before me...’

 ‘What do you see?’ the stranger persisted.

Ferdi shook his head. ‘Black,’ he said. ‘Just black. As if it were the middle night and clouds covered the stars. Or a tunnel in the Smials with the candle gone out.’ To be blind for the rest of his days, ah what a grievous thought. But at least he still had the use of his arms and legs. He wasn't helpless; the candle had gone out, that was all.

He felt gentle fingers going over his head and winced away when they touched his forehead. ‘Bit of a lump here,’ the stranger said softly.

 ‘Yes I was aware of that,’ Ferdi said, feeling strangely detached. From the feel of it they were unwrapping the blankets around him and he felt the unseen hands moving down his body.

 ‘Does that hurt?’ the stranger said, pressing Ferdi’s middle where the boards had prisoned him. Ferdi managed to pull his hands free of the wrappings and pushed the questing hands away.

 ‘Of course it hurts!’ he snapped. ‘You healers are all the same, you press where you see injury, knowing that it’ll hurt, and you ask anyway!’

The stranger chuckled and the examination continued. Ferdi endured the discomfort of having several long slivers removed from his legs and feet, driven in as the bridge collapsed around him, no doubt. He listened closely to the mutters of the healer as he worked, but gained no understanding or reassurance as to his injuries.

At last he felt himself lifted and settled and lifted again, and realised he was being borne along on a litter, the healer still beside him murmuring reassurance. He reached out, connecting with a sleeve. ‘Please,’ he said.

 ‘Yes, lad?’

 ‘Why can I not see?’ Ferdi said. ‘When will it clear?’

 ‘As to the former,’ the healer said, ‘I think it has something to do with the blow you took to your head. As to the latter... well, let’s just sleep on it and see how things look in the morning.’

 ‘Will they “look” in the morning?’ Ferdi persisted.

The healer only chuckled reassuringly. ‘Steady, lad,’ he said. ‘I need to see to the Thain now.’

Reluctantly Ferdi released him. The motion of the litter was lulling, and he was wakened from a doze when he heard a hearty female voice raised in greeting.

 ‘You got him out then?’

 ‘Aye, alive too for all his head was under the water when we got there.’

Sounds of astonishment. ‘Under the water! You must have cut him out quick!’

 ‘Not that quick, for all Grandfather’s cleverness! No, but the Thain had some sort of outlandish trick for getting breaths into him, even under the water as he was!’

 ‘Clever sort, our Thain!’

Hiss of warning, and a piercing whisper, ‘Ware now, Viola! That-there’s the Thain on the second litter!’

 ‘I never said naught that might be took amiss,’ the female said, undaunted. ‘Ye just bring ‘em in here, lads, and put ‘em in the big bed! It’s warmed and ready... and then stay for supper, if you will, and we’ll have a bit o’ singing afore ye go.’

Ferdi was tucked up in a bed, and from the sound and motion it seemed they put Pippin next to him, propping him half-upright while the healer fussed quietly.

 ‘Your breathing is not all it ought to be, Sir. Half-drowned, in my opinion, and likely to be ill...’

 ‘I am well!’ Pippin protested, but he could not hide the fatigue that slurred the words.

 ‘Rest now, cousin,’ Haldi said. ‘I’ve sent word to the Smials...’

Ferdi was distracted by another female voice beside him, softer than the first he’d heard. ‘Supper, sir?’

Hands were sitting him up, propping pillows behind him. He reached in the darkness, only to have his hands caught and laid firmly in his lap. ‘Never you mind,’ another voice told him. ‘Lily-here will spoon the stew into you. All you have to do is open your mouth when she tells you.’

 ‘I can feed myself,’ Ferdi protested, but in the end he gave in. He was tired as it was, his arms like lead, and the stew was hearty, tasty and warming, and in the next room he could hear hobbit talk and laughter, the clinking of utensils, and at last voices raised in harmony.

 ‘All done, Lily?’ the hearty female voice said suddenly, though Ferdi had heard her in the thick of the singing only a moment earlier. ‘Efram wants to take another look, now that he’s got some good food into him.’

 ‘Hard work, chopping away at that bridge,’ the healer’s voice said, coming closer. ‘Cold, too! Don’t know the last time I let a river get that close to my skin!’

 ‘Right agin it, as I heard,’ Viola said with a chuckle. ‘Like as not you’d all’ve caught your deaths, did you not change into dry clothing and eat hearty when you got here!’

 ‘Steady now,’ the healer said beside Ferdi. ‘I just want to shine a lamp in those eyes o’ yourn. Tell me what you see.’

Ferdi stiffened with dread, but to his wonder the darkness was broken as he perceived a dull grey before his eyes.

 ‘What is it?’ Efram said, his voice pleasant and calming.

The dull grey faded to black.

 ‘Did you see aught?’ the healer persisted.

 ‘Something,’ Ferdi fumbled. ‘Not all black, for a moment.’ The dull grey returned. ‘There!’ he said. And then all was black once more.

 ‘What do you see?’ Efram said. ‘I’m bringing the lamp close and then pulling it away.’

 ‘Grey,’ Ferdi said. ‘As if I’m in a thick fog, and darkness is falling.’ He swallowed down hope. ‘But it’s more than I saw before.’

 ‘Aye, ‘tis a good sign,’ Efram said. ‘The blow stunned something inside there, and now it’s starting to wake up, ‘tis. We’ll know better by morning.’

 ‘Are ye staying, then, Efram?’ Viola said.

 ‘O’ course!’ the healer said stoutly. ‘With your cooking? A chance at breakfast? I’ll just roll up in a blanket by the hearth and keep an eye on these hobbits as was half-drowned this day.’

 ‘And yourself, sir?’ Viola said. ‘We’ve an extry bed...’

 ‘I’ll just lie me down here,’ Haldi countered, and Ferdi felt the bed sag slightly at the foot as the escort stretched out at the bottom of the bed. ‘You just let me know if there’s aught you want or need, cousin.’ Haldi, after the events of the day, was not about to let the Thain out of his sight, even if it meant sleeping like a dog or younger cousin across the foot of the bed. He was a hobbit of the Thain's escort, after all, and very conscientious.

 ‘I’ll do that,’ Pippin said, and Ferdi heard him yawn immediately after. ‘I don’t suppose you could scare up a pony or two, that we might ride to the Smials...’

 ‘Now, then, Sir,’ Efram was heard to say, ‘morning light will be soon enough for that. You rest here, and we’ll see if we can do aught about that rattle in your breathing... I have a draught...’

Ferdi sat bolt upright. ‘Haldi,’ he said. ‘My clothes... the balm.’ When Pippin travelled, Diamond saw to it that at least one of his companions carried a jar of the balm that eased his breathing when he was troubled by shortness of breath. They had dressed Ferdi in dry clothes, however, after they’d carried him out of the stream. He hoped the jar of balm had not been lost.

 ‘Aye,’ Haldi said, and Ferdi felt him get up from the bed. ‘Healer Efram, if you’ll just come with me a moment...’

 ‘O now, Ferdi,’ Pippin said bad-temperedly. ‘No need for that smelly stuff. I’m well enough.’

 ‘You spent the better part of the day in a cold rushing river on my account,’ Ferdi said, ‘and on my account you had better suffer the balm.’

 ‘On your account?’ Pippin said, frankly astonished.

 ‘Aye,’ Ferdi said. ‘For I won’t sleep a wink for worry, should you refuse the stuff.’

 ‘O very well,’ Pippin said. ‘Otherwise they’ll likely pop me into a bed for a week, and I must be in Buckland in only a few days’ time!’

 ‘And I was to drive you there,’ Ferdi said. ‘But it looks as if I won’t be driving anyone anywhere...’

 ‘You’re already seeing light where you saw none earlier, Ferdi,’ Pippin said, his voice reassuring. ‘You’ll drive me to Buckland, or at least, you’ll drive me part way.’

 ‘Part way?’ Ferdi said.

 ‘Aye,’ Pippin said. ‘I don’t need an escort to cross the Brandywine on the Ferry.’

Ferdi shivered at the mention of the Ferry, and he felt Pippin’s hand close around his arm.

 ‘You’ll drive us nearly to Stock,’ Pippin said, ‘and you’ll go to visit your sister. It has been too long since you’ve made her a visit, and you’ve news to bring her of Nell’s latest!’

There was more news that Ferdi had to bring his sister as well... news of Pippin’s determination to stick with Ferdibrand to his last breath, news of Ferdibrand’s debt to his cousin, and his new-grown confidence and even... trust.

 ‘Nearly to Stock?’ he said.

 ‘That’s right,’ Pippin said. ‘We’ll leave the coach and ponies at the livery near the Ferry landing and take the Ferry across. No need for you to cool your heels for two weeks whilst we’re visiting Buckland! You spend that time with your sister and her family, or go back to the Smials and come fetch us when our visit’s done, or the like. I need an escort in Buckland as badly as Buckland needs water!’

 ‘Buckland doesn’t need water with that great menace of a River flowing by,’ Ferdi muttered.

 ‘Exactly,’ Pippin said.

 ‘I’ll strike a bargain with you,’ Ferdi said.

 ‘Oh?’

 ‘You take the draught, you let them smear the balm, you follow whatever healer’s orders that Efram might care to issue, and Woodruff when we get back to the Smials, and I’ll give you your freedom.’

 ‘What do you mean?’ Pippin said.

Of course if he continued blind all this would be moot; nevertheless Ferdi took a deep breath and boldly set aside years of Tradition. ‘I'll drive the coach myself, no servants and no other hobbits of escort to plague you... and I’ll take myself to Rosemary’s for a visit whilst you’re in Buckland, and drive you and Diamond home again when you’re done, and no one the wiser.’

 ‘Done,’ Pippin said. ‘To drive for an hour, a whole hour, without an escort!’

 ‘Two weeks,’ Ferdi corrected.

 ‘Hah,’ Pippin said. ‘You forget I’ll have Merry worrying at me when I get to Buckland!’

Ferdi snorted. It was true that the older cousin still looked after the younger cousin, out of force of long years of habit, or perhaps because of their experiences in the Outlands. In any event, Pippin needed no escort to look after him with both Diamond and Merry on task.

And so when Haldi and healer returned the balm was applied, and the draught was coaxed into Pippin for good measure, and they were ready to give Ferdi a draught as well but for the fact he feigned sleep.

It wasn’t long before he slept for real, with vivid dreams of hearth and home and Pimpernel. When nightmare tried to intrude, she held him close and soothed him.

And when he awakened in the early morning, Nell was there sitting beside him, and though his vision was blurred he saw enough by the light of the turned-down lamp.

 ‘Nell, my own, what are you doing here?’ he cried, sitting up in the bed. From the quiet that reigned it appeared to be early hours yet, with no signs of breakfast on the horizon. Haldi snored quietly, still stretched across the foot of the bed, and someone had laid a blanket over him.

From the other side of the bed, Diamond shushed him. ‘We rode out just after Haldi’s message reached the Smials,’ she whispered. ‘Now do be quiet and let my husband sleep!’

Ferdi fell quiet, and though it was a wonder to blink and rejoice in the light, blurred or otherwise, it wasn’t long before he fell asleep once more as well.

Shortly after noontide they set out for the Great Smials, arriving just in time for tea. Farry was glad to see his father, of course, and Nell and Ferdi’s brood welcomed them with cheers, and all settled down as if nothing had changed.

But of course it had.

Though Ferdi’s vision continued blurry for a few days more, by the time he took his place atop the box of the Thain's coach to drive Pippin, Diamond, and Farry to Buckland, he was seeing the world through new eyes.

He was seeing the world through new eyes... and Pippin as well, the trickster he’d grown up with, the Thain he now served, and the cousin closer than a brother that he had, at last, learned to trust.