Disclaimer: I don’t own them and I’ll put them back when I’m done!

Author’s Note: I regret to inform you that this is the end. It’s finished now, though an epilogue will follow. I hope this chapter makes you laugh like I did!

Chapter Sixteen: Resolving the War

“I’m going to kill them. Dead, I tell you!” howled Aragorn, unconsciously echoing Merry’s earlier statement. The Heir of Isildur strode furiously around the library, shaking uncontrollably. He was closer to tears than Elrond had ever seen him, and the Elf Lord shook his head. Meriadoc had struck admirably, if detrimentally, well.

“Peace, Estel,” he said, trying to sound soothing when his own nerves were fraught. “Gandalf wishes to speak with you and the hobbits, and I cannot allow you to pounce on our guests and slay them, even if your teeth are stained black as pitch.”

Aragorn glowered at him. He had tried unsuccessfully for the past half hour to scrub the ink from his teeth, to no avail. The fact that he’d had to listen to the hobbits’ screams of laughter from across the balcony while he had done so had not improved his mood. Nor was the fact that Arwen was semi-hysterical, and refused to kiss him. Aragorn’s good mood had vanished.

The doors opened and Gandalf strode in, holding several rolled scrolls and grinning diabolically. The two younger hobbits followed him, sticking close. Merry and Pippin were still grinning. Aragorn threw himself into a chair and glared at them all.

Gandalf set his scrolls down on a table and turned to face them all. “Now,” he began without preamble, “We are going to clear up a little misunderstanding.”

*****

Boromir had figured that he would retire after Aragorn had left the hall in a blind fury, thinking that there was nothing else this evening that could possibly top the Ranger’s black teeth for entertainment. The knock on his door as he was removing his boots, however, stopped him short. Quickly shoving his foot back into the supple leather, Boromir hurried to answer the knock.

It was Frodo.

“Gandalf wants to talk to Merry, Pippin and Aragorn in the library,” the Ringbearer said without preamble. “I figure that if we go now, we’ll be able to hide up in the gallery, to see what happens.”

Boromir stared at the hobbit. “You want to spy on Gandalf and the rest?” he said incredulously.

Frodo snorted and rolled his eyes. “No. I want to see what will happen when a black-toothed and furious Man of the West confronts my cousins. Legolas, Sam and Bilbo are joining us, too, if you want to come. It ought to be a fine show.”

Boromir shrugged and shut his door behind him. “We’ll have to hurry. This ought to be good.”

Grinning widely, they hurried through the twisting halls until they reached the door that led into the library’s upper gallery. Boromir opened it soundlessly, and he and Frodo slipped inside. Legolas, Sam and Bilbo were already there, and gestured sharply for them to be quiet.

“It’s begun,” mouthed Bilbo, and the small group crowded as close to the balcony as they dared.

Below them, Gandalf stood before two groups of chairs. One contained the still-beaming Merry and Pippin, the other Aragorn, who was glaring at them for all he was worth. The wizard held a rolled map, which he used to gesture.

“Meriadoc informs me that his grief with you, Aragorn, resides in the fact that you took he and his fellow hobbits through the Midgewater Marshes…” Gandalf paused for effect, “…unnecessarily. He has reason to believe that there was another path available. What say you?”

Aragorn had straightened and his mouth had dropped open as Gandalf spoke, and now he sputtered, utterly flummoxed, “I-I-what?”

(“Oh, dear,” said Bilbo, grinning. “I did wonder.”)

Merry spoke up, sounding peeved. “I saw the map, Strider! There was another path, a hidden Ranger path that you could have taken us on, that led around the Marshes, not through them.”

“What path?” howled Aragorn, sounding truly confused.

(“I think he’s sincere,” muttered Boromir, gazing keenly at Aragorn.)

“Don’t deny your knowledge!” roared Merry, leaping up and pointing at him. “You’re guilty and you know it!”

(“Good lad, that Merry,” Sam said appreciatively.)

“Silence, all of you!” Gandalf snapped. He looked terribly, utterly amused. “Hear me out. The reason that Aragorn did not use the so-called ‘secret Ranger path’, Merry, is that…” again he paused for effect, well aware that every eye in the room was upon him. “…it does not exist.”

(“Oh, snap,” said Legolas.)

There was a moment of utter, shocked silence as Merry and Pippin digested this bit of information. Then the room exploded.

“But the map said-” Merry began in horror as Aragorn clutched his head and bellowed, but broke off as Gandalf unfurled the very map that had started this mess before his eyes.

“This map,” the wizard said, holding it up for all to see. “This map is a plaything, made several centuries ago by Lord Glorfindel for young Arwen, when she was a child. The secret ranger path was an invention of his for a game they used to play.”

(“Oh, snap,” Frodo echoed, his mouth open in amazed chagrin.)

“What? We were had by a toy?” bellowed Merry, as Aragorn screeched, “You didn’t think to ask me about it?! I’ve gone through prank after prank because of a fake map?!”

Elrond blinked and rubbed is forehead. Oh, bother. He knew he should have burned that map decades ago, but Arwen insisted upon keeping it for sentimental reasons. The noise of the mortals’ argument was giving him a headache. Merry and Aragorn were standing ten feet apart, screaming at each other.

“You retaliated! You didn’t have to retaliate!” Merry screeched.

“You put a snake in my bath; what was I supposed to do, giggle?” Aragorn retorted.

“Well, it’s your own fault!”

“My fault? You were the one basing your information on a fake map! A fake map!”

“Peace!” bellowed Gandalf, and they fell silent, glaring furiously. The wizard stared around at them all with that infuriating amusement still keenly evident on is face.

Pippin, who had risen with Merry when the Brandybuck jumped up, sat down and looked as though he thoroughly hoped that they would not be turned into reptiles.

“Although I admit that I have enjoyed watching this whole debacle, it is time for it to end. Apologize to each other. Now,” Gandalf said.

Merry and Aragorn looked mutinous. “He started it,” the Ranger said petulantly.

“I don’t care,” Gandalf replied clearly. “Pippin needs to apologize, too. And then you’re all apologizing to Lord Elrond. He deserves some apologies after having his home turned upside down.”

(“I do hope that he doesn’t turn them into newts if they won’t do it,” Bilbo whispered. “I don’t like newts, even ones who are family.”)

Several tense moments passed, then Pippin stood up and made a tiny formal bow at Aragorn. “I’m sorry, Strider,” he said. “Next time we’ll ask you for the truth before we do horrible things to you.”

Aragorn sighed and seemed to deflate. He ran a hand over his face and turned weary grey eyes on the youngest hobbit. “I’m sorry, too. It was childish of me to retaliate. Believe me when I say that I would not go through the Marshes if there were another path.”

“I guess it’s all right,” said Merry reluctantly. That morning’s dog incident was clearly still fresh in his mind. “I’m sorry we put a frog in your bed, and a snake in your bath, and tied up your room, and everything else we did. But at least I got you last.”

Aragorn had to laugh at that. If anything, this prank war had proved to him Merry and Pippin’s ingenuity. “Is there any chance of this stuff coming off?”

“Well, no,” Merry admitted sheepishly. “I chose it for it’s lasting effect. It’ll be there for a month, at least.”

Aragorn whimpered. One could not have everything, it seemed.

*****

As soon as everyone had left the library, Boromir turned to the others.

“Well,” he said. “That was certainly a interesting resolution.”

The others blinked at him. Then, suddenly, Legolas began to laugh. After a moment, Frodo and Sam joined him, then Bilbo. Their laughter was infectious, and Boromir found himself wiping away tears of mirth, his stomach aching from laughing. What a way to end a prank war, he thought.

“And it was all a lie!” Bilbo chuckled. “Poor lads. They’re lucky that Aragorn didn’t spit them on the spot.”

“Brilliant!” crowed Legolas, wiping his eyes. “Sheer brilliance such as Rivendell has not seen in years. There really should be more hobbits in the world.”

Sam spoke up, grinning from ear to ear. “Yes, as once we arrive, people don’t know what they’d do without us.”

*****

Pippin lay on his stomach and watched Merry smoke his pipe. After the sudden revelation, there had not been much for them to do but go back to their room and try to wrap their heads around the fact that they had actually been wrong. But still, it had been such fun.

“Merry,” he said. “I think we need to have another adventure.”

Merry nodded at him. “My thoughts exactly, Pip. What shall we do?

Pippin shrugged. “Something that isn’t all that stressful. We really ought to make it up to poor old Strider. Maybe we can help him on Frodo’s quest, or something.”

“A splendid idea, cousin,” Merry grinned. “We’re good at manipulating events to go our way.”

Pippin laughed. That was a truth, if nothing else.

TBC