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Strength Found  by Antane

A/N:  This makes mention of things in the movies as opposed to being strictly canon. 

They are all waiting for me to begin, but I am waiting for you. You come then and sit down on the grass beside me and take my hand. I feel your fingers gently wrap around mine, being careful of my injury, knowing but not completely understanding my need to keep it hidden from view, supporting me as you have for months, for years. I look up at you and smile and see in your return smile all the love that has always been there for me, that greeted me in the tower and when I woke just a few days ago, that has shone for me every moment of every day during this entire Quest, truly since we first met. I am humbled that your eyes shine ever brighter with that, that you have so easily forgiven all the terrible things I did to you: when I shouted at you and didn’t trust you, when I drew Sting on you, when I left you on the Stairs, when I claimed the Ring, when my eyes begged you for permission to let go of that ledge. I hope you will also forgive me for what I will say tonight: that you are the only reason I survived the Quest, that it was completed at all. I would have and it would have failed without you. You will want to leave long before I’m done, but I’m not going to let you go, my dearest, most beloved friend.

I look out at the others, not yet ready to speak, still trying to figure if I will ever be ready. Your fingers tighten slightly around mine. You know my thoughts. I feel your eyes on me, that soft smile still there. With all that love surrounding me, I know I will be able to go on. The others are looking at me too. Pippin keeps staring at my maimed hand. His mouth and eyes are wide in silent horror. I don’t think they’ve closed since he first saw part of my finger missing. I can see the pain in those sweet eyes that before only shone with mischief and cheer. I can see the questions he hasn’t asked and I don’t know if I can even answer, but I can also feel his fiercely protective love, as strong as yours, and his shame, the same as yours, that he could not protect me from losing a piece of my hand. I felt him hold my hand while I slept, felt his trace of the stump, felt his tears. I wish I could just hold him until we are both cried out and healed. I think I will still do that once we’re done here for I feel much the same shame that I couldn’t protect him.

Or Merry. He needs to be held too and I need to be held by him. His gaze is a bit more uncomfortable and circumspect than Pippin’s open one, but he, too, is drawn to my hand. I had heard his voice calling to me while I slept, same as I heard Pip’s, telling me how much he loved me and begging me not to leave him and Pippin behind, not again. I felt him stroke my head and felt his tears drop to my cheek. I know he feels the same shame that he couldn’t protect either of his cousins as much as he wanted to. I reaffirm my resolution that after this is over we are going to go off together, the three of us, and heal that wound at least.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, almost ready, looking at the others gazing at me so patiently and lovingly supportive. I am surrounded by my dearest friends, by your unstinting support and unfailing love, by the peaceful joy radiating out from the gentle spirit and smile of Legolas, by the friendship glowing in Gimli’s, the pride in Gandalf’s and Aragorn’s. I feel as though I am held up above the ground in the gentle arms of love, the arms of a king, a wizard, an Elf, a Dwarf and three hobbits dearer to me than my own life.

I am ready to begin.





        

        

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