Chapter 50 – “Que Sera Sera”

As they walked back the way they had come, Penny’s levels of anxiety did not lessen despite Halladan having said he would (for the moment at least) keep her secret quiet. He could see from the expression on her face and the tension about her that she was worried. As they neared the crowd of travellers, it became clear, even from some distance, that preparations for leaving were well underway albeit, at a relatively leisurely pace. Halladan also noted that with every step closer to rejoining them, the slower Penny became, as if she were truly fearful of what might be waiting for her.

“Ride with me once more this afternoon, Pen-ii,” he said quietly. “If there is any talk to be had best it is done long into the night when there is both the time to do so and after there has been an opportunity for those concerned to have reflected on matters somewhat.” He saw her look sharply at him, alarmed. “Not that we should assume the worst,” he added hurriedly.

They were met by Arvain, riding forward some way to greet them the moment he caught sight of them.

“Ah, there you are!” He was grinning. “I was wondering if I should have to wait here for you or perhaps go out looking for you while the company went on its way.”

“They are not ready to leave just yet,” Halladan replied somewhat tersely. He did not seem to find the funny side, and Penny knew, for all he his kind words to her, that he was still much affected by what she had told him.

“I know, brother, I know. A jest, is all.” Arvain gave him a strange look, wary, perhaps worried his brother was in one of his ‘moods’ again. “You had a pleasant walk, I trust, Pen-ii? Feeling a little better, perhaps?”

“Can you find Mireth and let her know Pen-ii’s mare is free if she wishes to use it, or else another elleth?”

Penny’s glance flicked sideways at Halladan before she replied to Arvain’s question.

“It was a most pleasant walk, yes, thank you, Arvain.”

Arvain nodded, smiled, and then, with a last look at Halladan who had already turned to make his way through the crowd, pulled at the reins to turn his horse and make his way round to where he had last seen Mireth and Celebdor.

Penny hurried after Halladan, who was striding forward past people helping to load up the horses once more or else standing in groups, brushing grass from their clothes as they made themselves ready. As they made their way to the furthest side of the gathering from Orthanc where most of the horses had been left to graze, Penny caught a glimpse through the crowd of Legolas and Gimli standing with Aragorn, Gandalf and several others, saying their final farewells.

She lost sight of them briefly amongst the various people standing in the way or walking here and there, and when she next caught sight of them, Gimli was saying something that had the others chuckling - rueful regrets about ever having agreed to enter Fangorn with Legolas, perhaps. Then, in that same instant as she glanced towards them once more, Gandalf suddenly turned his head sharply in her direction and looked at her.

It was as if he had known she was there, known she was looking at him. Penny gasped slightly and froze. He was staring straight at her, his eyes beady and clear underneath his huge hat and eyebrows. There was no mistaking it, and it was absolutely deliberate on his part. His gaze was piercing, direct, and possibly a little knowing, though it was hard for her to tell from this distance. His expression was unreadable, almost dispassionate. For that instant it was as if there was no one else there, as if the huddled groups of a few hundred people had melted away and there was only her and him.

What it meant, she had no idea. Whether it meant he knew all – either because he had known all along or had now guessed and put it all together – or whether it meant that he was still in the process of assessing quite why she might have kept that day’s events secret and what significance, if any, they might therefore have as a consequence, she could not say; but she knew it meant something.

And then, just as quickly as it had happened, the moment had passed. He had turned back to Legolas and Gimli and it was as if nothing at all untoward had happened.

Penny could not move. It was as if all the blood had drained from her body momentarily. She felt like she was in shock. Then she turned and fled as quickly as she could before he could turn back once more or even come over to her. She did not dare glance back in his direction once more in case it happened again. She could just make out Halladan now some way ahead of her, not aware that she had paused for what had only been a few seconds, though it had felt like minutes. She caught up with him, grabbing hold of him by the arm to walk alongside him, pressing herself against him to make space for others as they passed them by.

He glanced at her, could see she was pale, could feel her fingers digging into his arm.

“Pen-ii?”

She shook her head, but faintly as if the tension in her body would not allow her to move it too much. He gently pulled his arm away from her hold and brought it round behind her, resting his hand upon her shoulder and propelling her forwards, ushering her along with him till they reached the horses. He got into the saddle first after putting her book into his saddlebag, then reached down to help her up behind him just as he had before. They were amongst the last to get onto a horse, and the vanguard was already setting off when they did so.

Only then did Penny glance back at the great, black spike of rock. Treebeard had disappeared into the garden, having waved a last farewell to all. Now only Legolas and Gimli stood to one side, watching them all move past them as they smiled and nodded in farewell. Then at last they too turned and wandered off together towards the eastern hills.

Penny felt incredibly grateful to Halladan that afternoon. Despite how he must be feeling, processing what she had told him, he had not said a word to anyone and instead had gone out of his way to give her some protection, at least for the time being. She was not left alone to be with her own thoughts, and by travelling with him in such a manner it was far less likely she would be pounced on by Gandalf or anyone else (even if that had been likely to happen, and it was by no means certain, for all she was fearful of exactly that). It also limited any other social interaction to some extent, or at least limited what might be directed solely at her, thus allowing her to have the privacy she needed given the state she was in.

As they rode, Halladan slowly moved up the line till he was riding in amongst the Dunedain, and given they invariably rode in silence or with limited, quiet talking, that was ideal as far as Penny was concerned. Arvain rode beside them for much of the afternoon, and Faelon and Tadion were just up ahead of them.

Admittedly Aragorn spent much of the afternoon riding with the Dunedain also, and given he was due to leave them all, Gandalf and the hobbits rode with him, with Elrond, Celeborn and Galadriel just behind them. However, Halladan had positioned himself towards the rear of the Dunedain and Aragorn was leading them all, so Penny was not too concerned when she realised. That and the fact that no one seemed to be making any attempt to search for her or glance behind them towards her meant she was far less anxious with their proximity than she might otherwise have been. Even so, she kept herself as hidden behind Halladan and unobtrusive as possible. She still felt awkward about holding Halladan round the waist and once more held on by his shoulders, one hand at a time.

“It is a good thing we are not going at any speed, Pen-ii,” Arvain quipped at one point, “or you would soon tumble off with so scant a hold on my brother. Do you really find him so noisome?”

Penny could feel herself flushing a little and cursed herself for it. Arvain laughed till he caught Halladan’s glare, coughed and bowed his head slightly at them both by way of apology, though Penny could see he was still smirking his head off. Indeed, as he moved forwards to ride beside Tadion for a little while, there was a definite loud snigger.

Halladan turned back to face forwards and Penny felt his shoulders rise and fall as he sighed slowly and heavily as if supremely irritated. Of course, Penny now felt even more awkward about how and where to touch Halladan and removed her hands from his shoulders completely.

“Pay him no heed, Pen-ii. My brother likes to make fun.”

“I am quite comfortable, I assure you,” she replied, placing her hands on her knees.

Halladan glanced towards her, and though he did not turn enough that she could catch his eye, she saw the faint hint of a smile on his face.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“What?”

“I am tempted to take a sudden gallop up to the vanguard is all.”

Penny narrowed her eyes at his back, though she could not help but smile at the same time.

“You would not dare.”

“Would I not?” Again that glance and a smile.

There was a beat. Then Penny placed both hands on his waist. Halladan laughed. She could swear she knew he was still grinning even some minutes after, and she was smiling too, even if it was out to the rolling green beside them.

Or at least she was until she remembered the look Gandalf had given her back at Orthanc.

The journey south seemed to go much more quickly than when they had travelled in the morning. All too soon it seemed they were stopping, the train pooling into a huge mass once more. Penny and Halladan dismounted, like many of those around them, as much to get the blood circulating in the legs even if only for ten minutes or so, Halladan rubbing at his injured thigh for some moments before he felt it could properly bear his weight. However, they still stayed with the rest of the Dunedain, near to Aragorn as he took his final leave of hobbits, elves and his kinsmen. Penny hung back a little behind Halladan and, whether fortuitously or by design, he kept them at the furthest edge of the group from Gandalf and Galadriel.

The farewells were made. The hobbits, Pippin in particular, seemed close to tears. Aragorn got down on one knee to take each one by the hand and speak to them one to one. Pippin threw all decorum to the wind and hugged him tightly round the neck, and neither Aragorn nor anyone else made to stop him. Then he recovered himself, stepped back and bowed low and formally and would not come back upright till ‘his King’ had bade him rise. Frodo hung back a little till the last, and when Aragorn took his hand neither said a word, both too moved to say anything. Elrond embraced his son-in-law and held him for several moments, clasping him by the shoulders as he had pulled away from him and holding his gaze for a while. Elrohir and Elladan also embraced him and clapped him on the back, saying they would see him soon enough they did not doubt. Celeborn grasped him by the forearm and spoke quietly to him, while Galadriel smiled and kissed his brow as if she were his mother.

Gandalf was amongst the last to say his farewells, perhaps understandably enough given the relationship the pair had had. They had travelled far and wide together, indeed Gandalf was very much Aragorn’s mentor and guide in all that he had achieved, in all that had finally come to pass. Gandalf laid one hand upon Aragorn’s shoulder, looking him intently in the eye and smiling softly. Then he nodded, his smile broadening, as Aragorn murmured his farewell.

Then, as Aragorn climbed back into the saddle, the vanguard began to move off once more, this time turning towards the west and the Gap of Rohan.

The Dunedain had lingered, even as the rest of the party rode or walked past them. Every man amongst them was looking towards Aragorn with respect and affection in their eye. Aragorn moved his horse towards them a little, taking them in before wishing them well on their journey north, thanking them for the bravery they had shown, and assuring them that their names and in particular the names of the fallen would not be forgotten in Gondor for as long as it was in his power.

“You have been long away, and in such times who can say how far has been the shadow’s reach. We talked long about this last evening. May Elbereth go with you, my friends. Often my thoughts shall return to you and yours, and I shall come and visit you as soon as I might.”

“Have no fear, Aragorn,” Faelon replied. “You have much work to be done in the South dealing with whatever might be the legacy of Sauron’s influence on your borders. We shall tame whatever might have reared its head in the North. Rest assured anything that has traversed the mountains or come up the Greenway shall rue the day they entered the lands of the Dunedain.”

Aragorn laughed softly. “I do not doubt it, Faelon.”

He took them all in once more. Did Penny imagine it, or did his eye linger on her for a fraction of a second longer than anyone else?

“Farewell! Eru speed you! Elbereth protect you!”

They replied in turn and only then, at the last, did they turn to leave him, his Gondorian men-at-arms all horsed about him. As they filed past him or turned away, every Dunadan there nodded his head just once as he caught Aragorn’s eye. As Halladan turned his horse, nodding his head in his turn, Penny saw Aragorn smile in her direction when her turn came, a smile that, for all it was brief, spoke of reassurance – she would be fine given the company she was in – but there was also a certain intensity about his look that unnerved her a little. She nodded her head just once, copying the others, and then the horse was turned and he was behind her.

As they headed down the slight grassy slope to join the rest of the train Faelon started up a song, one that every man with him immediately took up and, glancing back, Penny could see that even though Aragorn was not joining in it moved him much to hear them sing it. It was one she recognised as being an old favourite, one she had heard sung more than once round the Dunedain fire: a song about the land of the North and the strong, brave men who roamed it, protecting it and waiting for the day when their chieftain would return south to claim his birthright.

After a little while she looked back once more to see that Aragorn was now holding the Elfstone and had lifted it high into the air. The late afternoon sun caught it so that it gleamed in his hand like a strange, green flame. It shone with a near dazzling brilliance, a green star in the slowly gathering dusk, until at the last it was lost from view amongst the trees and bushes.

Much as when they had been travelling south and had pitched camp late when they crossed the mountains so as to be able to cross them in the shortest possible time (given the risk of orcs), so now they travelled on until the sun had been set for some time and night was truly upon them. Better to get as far as possible tonight so they could enter (and ultimately exit) the land of the Dunlendings all the sooner.

All this was explained by Halladan as the sun disappeared below the mountains and even the faint orange glow in the sky visible between the last peaks of the White and Misty Mountains began to fade after Penny had wondered out loud if they would not be stopping to camp any time soon.

Apparently she had looked more alarmed than she had intended by his explanation, given Tadion, now riding on the other side of them from Arvain, glanced at her and chuckled.

“Oh, they will not try anything, Pen-ii,” he said with a friendly smile.

Halladan looked round as if trying to see her expression for himself.

“You are not worried, are you, Pen-ii?”

“No.”

And she was not, in truth. Not only was she surrounded by a couple of hundred warriors, but she was also fairly certain that, if memory served, it was said that the Dunlendings had shrunk away in fear from the travelling group and had left them well alone.

Arvain made a snorting noise to no one in particular and growled something about him almost hoping they did try something. Halladan and he exchanged a glance which Penny took to mean that Halladan could absolutely appreciate the sentiment behind Arvain’s words.

“Given the company they have kept till now, I would not put anything past them,” Tadion muttered darkly.

“Which is why we will be on full guard for as long as we travel through their land,” Halladan added with an air of finality.

The topic was dropped. Halladan as their elder as well as higher in rank (or the nearest equivalent given such things did not exactly exist amongst the Dunedain) had brought the matter to a close. There was no more to be said, or so his tone of voice made clear. Perhaps he was worried about alarming Penny unnecessarily with such talk. Indeed as he spoke, Tadion glanced almost guiltily in Penny’s direction and mumbled a ‘yes, of course’ and added that it would be more of a formality than a genuine necessity, he was sure.

It was another clear night, and there was a definite drop in temperature as night fell. Penny clutched Halladan’s tunic, tense with cold, and could feel goosebumps all over. She wondered where her horse might be in amongst the train and briefly looked round to see if she could spot it, thinking she might be able to get Halladan to stop while she hoiked out Mireth’s shawl from in amongst her bags. She shivered involuntarily as she turned back round, having not been able to make out anything much in the gathering dark.

“Reach behind you and get my cloak, Pen-ii,” Halladan said, glancing behind him once more as he spoke. It was draped over the top of his pack and bedroll, it having been too warm a day to wear it for the most part. He halted the horse, allowing her the freedom to reach round for it as she needed to without fear of falling off.

“Here.”

“No, I meant for you. The night air is getting chill.” He smiled as he said a word to the horse and it started off once more.

Penny thanked him gratefully and wrapped it round her shoulders, using both hands to draw it close under her chin while she bowed her head and leant forward a little into his back, waiting to warm up. She could hear his soft chuckle and grinned. She was dimly aware that the cloak smelt much like his tunic, of horse, pipe smoke and sweat, but not unpleasantly so, indeed there was something faintly comforting about it.

At last they stopped. Tonight they would be pitching tents by starlight. Fires were soon started but there was no cooked food this night. A simple meal of whatever dry stores were available sufficed.

Penny had found a great source of quiet comfort and support in Halladan’s presence that day, particularly now that he knew all, even if the possibility that he might yet not be able to hold his peace unnerved her a little. However, her nervousness was not nearly what it might have been. She trusted him and his judgement absolutely. Whatever happened now, it would be a joint decision; no more flailing in the dark without a clue as to whether she was doing the right thing or not.

“How are you feeling? A little better?”

“Much warmer, thanks,” Penny replied, as she laid Halladan’s cloak on top of his pack. She came to stand next to him as he undid the large strap holding on the horse’s saddle. He glanced at her.

“Actually, I mean about… what we discussed at Orthanc.”

In the melee of unburdening the horses and the camp being set up, they could talk a little more freely than when on horseback, albeit momentarily.

“Oh. I… Yes, thank you, it did help to be…”

She could not quite think how to put it. Halladan smiled.

“Good. I am glad.”

There was a pause during which time Halladan hefted the saddle off the horse. Penny waited till he had put it on the ground and he had turned back for the saddle blanket that she had taken off and folded.

“Gandalf knows.”

He stopped and looked at her, brows furrowed in surprise.

“He… looked at me. Before we left. When we were making our way to the horses. I… cannot explain it, but he looked straight at me and I just knew he knew.”

She quickly and briefly explained what had happened, murmuring low, both of them working on the bridle so as not to draw attention to themselves.

“It is no surprise,” Halladan said quietly after a brief silence.

“Well, no, but…”

“Ah, there you are!”

It was Lindir. He had her saddlebags, having already settled Penny’s mare for the night. Mireth was with him, ready to lead her off to find their tent. Arvain and Tadion were also ambling towards them from the opposite direction, urging Halladan to get a move on since Faelon had already disappeared off into the gloom with their tent and would need their help.

All opportunity to discuss things further was lost for the time being.

Penny said she would see them all later, thanked Lindir for bringing her stuff and let Mireth put her arm through hers and drag her off in the direction of where the first few tents could already be seen: dark shadows against the dark sky. As they walked Mireth was all friendly smiles but also had an air of motherly concern about her. Was Penny feeling well? She was quite sure? Only, for her to have ridden a good part of the day with Halladan…

Penny felt a little worried suddenly.

“Why, should I not have done?”

“No, no!”

Mireth sounded a little too breezy as she said it. Penny looked at her, but not in time to catch the glance and faintly discernable smile Mireth had thrown in her direction.

“He is your guardian and a friend, Pen-ii. Both Estel and the King of Rohan were most generous with their gifts and supplies, so many of the horses are laden as we travel even after these few weeks since we left Gondor. It is not so easy, perhaps, to find a free horse to ride and…,” - she laughed softly - “I know you, Pen-ii: you would not ask for a horse even if you needed it. I am glad Halladan is doing his duty by you and keeping an eye on you. Besides, being at the Deep was difficult for you, was it not?” She spoke quietly and gently, patting Penny’s forearm lightly. “With all that you have been carrying of late, it will take time to recover from it.”

“With all that I have…?” Penny hoped she sounded more confused than alarmed.

“You have been missing your family; that much has been clear to me. I know you have also been worrying about Halladan and how he fares.” She looked at her once more. “It might comfort you to know Lord Elrond feels he will make a full recovery in time.”

Penny could not help the warm smile that spread across her face.

“Good. I am glad.”

It seemed clear Mireth was determined to look after Penny for the evening. She was no fool and could see Penny had been very much out of sorts of late, and for Halladan to have taken charge of her as he had that day only seemed to spur Mireth on to making sure Penny was distracted and comforted by the presence of friends. Lindir was her partner in crime, and Penny did wonder if he had had a hand in it, not that Mireth would need much encouraging, it was true, and could just have likely come to the same conclusions and acted in the same entirely independently of him. Either way he was waiting for them when they came out of their tent, Celebdor with him, and they all headed off to the main elvish fire together, the three elves chattering away.

Of course, it was the last place Penny wanted to go to since she assumed it would be exactly the spot that she would find Elrond, Gandalf, Celeborn and whoever else might know of her story and have enough nouse to put two and two together. If it were not that she knew it would seem churlish and rude, she would have done anything to avoid it. Her nerves were calmed somewhat, however, when on scanning the throng on arrival she could see no sign of any of them. Then it occurred to her that they might well be ‘in private conference,’ discussing Saruman’s disappearance and its possible significance, and the nerves flared back to their full height once more.

She ate what she could under Mireth’s gentle, persistent persuasion, but it was clear to all it was something of an effort. She fought against her instinct to keep looking round to see if Gandalf or anyone else had arrived, knowing it would just draw attention to her nerves, but when she felt she could she surreptitiously would glance here and there as if in mere idle curiosity.

Still no sign. Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

Most had finished eating and a low song had started up at some distance to them when Celebdor spotted Halladan on his way towards them and hailed him. Arvain and Tadion were with him, though were somewhat distracted and dawdling as they looked this way and that for Naurdir in amongst the elves. As Halladan reached them he held out a book – Erestor’s poetry.

“Here, Pen-ii, I forgot to give this to you earlier.”

She took it, thanking him, as he came to sit down next to her. He did so heavily and blew out a long, heavy sigh. He caught Lindir raising a curious eyebrow at him.

“Do not ask, Lindir. Suffice it to say that Tadion is even more of a hindrance when putting up a tent by starlight than he is when we stop before sundown.”

“Are you defaming me, cousin?” Tadion’s cheeky grin met their laughter.

“All it needs is for him to start talking at the worst possible moment and forget what he should be doing,” Halladan started to explain.

“Or worse yet, laugh at his own jokes, bend double and lose his grip on a rope,” Arvain added as he joined them.

Tadion sniggered.

“It was not funny, Tadion.”

Halladan sounded stern but even Penny could see the hint of a smile playing round his lips.

“Actually, brother, even you have to admit that you were laughing too hard to help Faelon extricate himself from underneath the canvas at first.”

Lindir and Celebdor chuckled heartily at this.

“I did when it became clear he was having difficulties…”

“When the oaths became a little too loud and too raw for the sensitivities of any passing elf, you mean,” retorted Arvain.

“Well, yes, that also.” Halladan matched his grin.

“Ah, it was worth the invective he heaped on my head, though,” Tadion said in a wistful tone, “even if it was entirely accidental on my part.”

Arvain laughed and slapped his cousin on the back. “Come, Tadion, let us see if we can find Naurdir and plead for a spare keg of ale to take back to the others.”

Halladan shook his head as he watched them wander off, laughing quietly to himself.

“Was Faelon very angry?” Penny asked.

“Yes. But he soon saw the funny side. That said, it all meant it took us twice as long as it needed to. Are you not going to eat that apple?”

“I do not think I can manage it, no. Please, have it.”

Halladan took it, tossed it gently into the air a few inches and caught it neatly before taking a bite, watching Penny thoughtfully all the while.

“She has hardly eaten a thing,” Mireth said.

“Oh?” Halladan raised an eyebrow.

“Do not fuss, Mireth.” Penny smiled at her friend. “I am just tired from a long day’s travel. That is all.”

She glanced at Halladan and found him looking sympathetically at her, though his eyes were knowing. He looked away quickly to Mireth.

“Pen-ii did seem tired today,” he said, backing up Penny as best he could.

“Ah,” Lindir interrupted, “it would seem your cousin and brother have tracked down what they were looking for.”

Halladan turned his head and laughed as he spotted them.

“That was quick!”

Arvain and Tadion were coming towards them, their wide grins visible in the firelight. Arvain had a medium-sized keg on one shoulder, and Tadion had two wine sacs. Halladan got to his feet.

“You are not staying?”

“I only came to bring you your book since I was not sure if you would be… HEY!”

Tadion had snatched his apple and taken a huge bite out of it. He now spoke while chewing noisily.

“Are you not going to join us this evening, Pen-ii? Faelon was wondering if he would see you. Halladan here was telling him Aragorn wants you to learn his mother’s recipe for rabbit and venison stew. I think he is ready to give you chapter and verse on Morfinniel’s cooking skills…”

“Give me that!” Halladan grabbed the apple back. Tadion made a noise of protest.

“Get on with you,” Arvain intervened, gently shoving his cousin in the direct of the Dunedain fire some little way off behind a line of elvish tents. “Stop teasing Pen-ii. She will have time enough to learn whatever recipes Morfinniel sees fit to teach her, and learn them well I have no doubt.”

“Oh, I never said she would not be capable, Arvain! Far from it, I say that when she feels ready, Pen-ii prepares a feast for us all with the very best of Dunedain fare and shows us what she has learned. We could invite everyone to it.”

Penny choked into her wine cup and Lindir laughed out loud.

“Oh stop it, Tadion!” But you could see Mireth was trying not to laugh in spite of her protestations.

“Actually, now that you mention it, Tadion...,” Arvain said slowly.

“…that is not a bad idea,” Halladan finished for him.

Penny turned to look at them in horror. Then she saw the wide grins on the three men’s faces. She laughed in spite of herself, and the others joined in.

Mireth and Lindir then took it on themselves to accept Tadion’s offer on Penny’s behalf, and they and Celebdor walked slowly with Halladan, Arvain and Tadion to where the Dunedain main fire was lit. Halladan had offered his hand to help Penny up and they ended up at the back of the party together.

“You need to eat, Pen-ii,” he said quietly after a minute or so. “Travelling can be an exhausting business. All the more so on an empty stomach.”

“I know. I do what I can, Halladan, but after today…”

“I understand. It needed to be said, though.”

He looked at her and smiled gently, though perhaps the reminder of the day’s events, or what he had learned as a consequence, meant it was a little forced. He turned away, his expression serious.

When they reached the fire several of the men were in full song, Faelon among them. It was a ballad filled with stories of derring-do perpetrated by ancient ancestors. The sort who apparently (if legend was to be believed) would happily throttle trolls bare-handed in their sleep and dive into orc-holds armed with nothing more than a small knife and emerge bloodied but victorious on a regular basis. Of course Aragorn had done something not too dissimilar when he had braved Moria alone so many years before, but then Aragorn more or less was a walking, living legend, and it was pretty clear that all this was in his honour (if ‘in absentia’).

“Ah, I am sorry to have said farewell to him,” Faelon said at one point, “but we shall see him again soon enough, and at least we can now face north, head for home.”

Penny studiously avoided Halladan’s gaze and said nothing.

“I have to admit I have missed home,” Arvain muttered. “And the further we travel, the nearer we get, the more keenly I feel it somehow.”

There were murmurs of assent all round him, and a heavy atmosphere seemed to settle round the fire briefly. Lindir, in an attempt to break the mood before it could take hold, started up yet another song about the North, this time about the generic ranger riding forth, sword on his hip, bow on his back, to protect kith, kin and all those within his domain. It was clearly a popular choice – there was much hearty joining in on the chorus, and Tadion cracked open the keg of ale Naurdir had given them.

There were many tales told of Aragorn that night, with men recounting anecdotes of shared battles or else more personal, private moments – when he had perhaps visited family or had shared a quiet evening round a fire in the wilds somewhere. It was little surprise, then, that several of the elves from Imladris who came to join them for a while then stayed to add their own stories to the whole: of a young Aragorn being rescued from tall trees by Elrohir or being taught to fire a bow while riding at speed by… well, it seemed several ellyn laid claim to having taught him various such skills.

Not too long after Penny and the others had arrived, Frodo and Merry appeared (much to Penny’s discomfort given she was constantly waiting for Gandalf’s hand to fall upon her shoulder at any second), and they too chipped in with moments from their travels with Aragorn. Everyone fell silent when Merry related the battle with the Nazgul on Amôn Sul. He stood up to do so and used great arm gestures and facial expressions (quite the actor, it seemed). He was going great guns until he got to the part when Frodo was stabbed, then faltered and glanced guiltily at him. But Frodo simply waved at him to finish his tale, smiling as best he could and trying to reassure his friend that no harm was done, that he was fine with it being told in full. There was a clear tension round his eyes, though, and he was a little quiet afterwards.

Nor was he the only one. Penny found the chatter and song distracting, yes, but it could not completely cover the tension within her which only seemed to get worse as time went on and there was no sign of Gandalf or anyone else. Halladan too, for all he was smiling and laughing gently with the other Dunedain, was more subdued than he had been the previous night. Nothing out of the ordinary, perhaps, especially given how he had been of late, but Penny could tell he was still brooding over what she had told him that afternoon. That he seemed to become that much more withdrawn and less inclined to laughter once the hobbits had arrived only seemed to confirm it. Nor could she blame him in the least.

Barely five minutes or so after the hobbits had arrived, Penny had felt she really could not cope with it and had to leave. She had barely made any movement, however, when she felt Halladan’s hand upon her arm. She glanced at him and he shook his head, only once and so slight a movement that no one else would have observed it. Better to stay in spite of how it made her feel, apparently, and, in a strange way, to know it was someone else’s decision, that her instinctive reaction had been corrected by someone who fully understood her position, someone who more than likely felt much the same as she did, helped her to deal with it, to grit her teeth and bear it.

In that brief moment when he had hold of her arm and she had looked at him, some silent understanding had passed between them: he acknowledging her nervous anxiety and she recognising his troubled brooding. Together they would stick it out but now was not the time to leave.

“Wait a while,” he murmured softly enough that only she could hear it. She nodded once, staring straight ahead into the fire.

Of course, no sooner had Merry finished his tale, than Gandalf appeared with Pippin, Sam, Elrohir and Glorfindel. Penny did not need Halladan’s hand on her arm this time – for all she wanted to run screaming she knew it would be exactly the wrong thing to do. She glanced at Halladan to find he had glanced at her. He forced a smile at her and then, spotting Tadion getting to his feet, wondered out loud if Penny would like some more wine. She, glad for the momentary distraction, said that would be most kind and Halladan handed Tadion her cup, giving her another reassuring sort of smile (which had nothing whatsoever to do with the wine) as he did so.

Gandalf, of course, had plenty of stories to tell about Aragorn from the times when they had travelled together: times when they had run into ‘a few orcs’ in a mountain pass here or a troll or three on a mountain pass there. He spoke of Aragorn’s adventures in the south as well as of various feats of skill, diplomacy or fighting prowess he had displayed as a young man in Gondor and Rohan – all things that Aragorn himself would rarely have spoken of out of modesty, but Gandalf felt he could relate with impunity as an old friend amongst friends who loved Aragorn as much as he did.

Looking back, Penny was never quite sure how the conversation had turned as it had. She had been lost in her thoughts for some minutes, gazing into the flickering flames, and then Faelon’s question had filtered through to her and it had taken all her strength of will not to gasp out loud.

“So, then, Gandalf, what do you make of it?”

“Hmm?”

“This snake in the grass leaving so suddenly and discourteously without waiting to speak to The King Returned?”

There were a few quiet snickers and chuckles at that.

“What do I make of it? Why nothing much more than he could not bear to look us in the eye, would rather flee the company of the great and good than have to face the weight of his own downfall.”

Penny, glancing as unobtrusively as she could towards Halladan (which involved not lifting her head and thus she could not see his face), could see he was nearly as tense as she was.

“Where do you think he has gone?”

Sam asked in Westron but Penny could get the gist of it. The wave of guilt that hit her made her stomach ache.

“Who can say, Ban? He could be anywhere.”

“Still, it is a pity he was not there to meet us,” Faelon repeated.

“It is indeed. It is to be regretted, Faelon, old friend, but what is done is done. Besides, we shall meet again ere long.”

“You think so?”

“I do indeed, Maura. I know so. I can feel it deep within me, and I knew it to be so even when I left him last. Of course, then I assumed it would be when I next travelled to Orthanc. Now I know it will be elsewhere, though it will not be long coming.”

Penny wondered if Halladan was trying as hard not to look at her as she was to not look at him.

“You did not really mean what you said, did you, though? About the snake still having one tooth?”

“Kali, Mithrandir never speaks lightly and always with insight and great wisdom. You know that.”

“Now, now, Elrohir, it was a fair question.”

Penny looked up to find Gandalf turning to Merry with a smile, though his eyes were serious.

“Yes, Kali, I did indeed mean what I said. You must remember that Saruman was a great and powerful wizard once. His power, while diminished, is not wholly depleted. Some part of it, however small, will remain forever for as long as he walks this earth.”

“But he is but a shadow of his former self. You said so yourself…”

“That is true, but…” Gandalf sighed heavily for a moment and it seemed that everyone round the fire had fallen still and silent, waiting on the wisest of the wise to say his piece. “I have a clearer memory these days, now that I am ‘The White.’ It is hard for me to say these words and yet I can see things that much clearly now, comparing what he was to what he became. He was always arrogant and always jealous. These are things that, if allowed to fester, make for a truly bitter, spiteful heart.”

Did those huge eyebrows just flicker in her direction?

“Everyone has choices in their life. One can choose to act, or not to act, and if one chooses to act then the manner of one’s action is also of one’s own choice. One can only look ahead, as best one can, down the path that lies ahead of one action or another and see where, if you so choose, your life might lead you. Some have not the vision to be able to do so. They are bereft of wisdom or insight. Others have foresight or can at least make balanced assumptions and near guesses on what results an action might bring. However, the greater the person, in and of themselves, and the greater their very being, then the better able they should be to see ahead. Thus their mistakes or wrong turns are that much less forgivable.”

“Then Treebeard was wrong to let him go.”

Penny was amazed at how calm and matter-of-fact Halladan sounded. Gandalf just looked at him levelly for a moment as if assessing his statement. To anyone else it might seem a completely innocent action, but Penny wondered if he knew or had guessed that she had spoken to Halladan. It would not surprise her in the least if he did, she realised.

“No, I would not say that. It was unfortunate, perhaps, and I stand by my assertion that it shows even Treebeard himself was perhaps persuaded by Saruman’s voice in the end, but as I said just now, what is done is done and perhaps that is as it should be. We are destined to meet. It may be he knows it also and that is why he was so desperate to flee before we could face each other once more. However, he must be given every chance to make his own path. He has his choices ahead of him, just as we all do, and he has the capability to see far ahead as to what the consequences would be of whatever choices he makes… if his spite has not blinded him utterly. No, even when we meet I shall allow him to go on his way if that is what he chooses to do.”

“If it were up to me…,” growled Sam.

“No, Ban, Gandalf is right. There is always that possibility that he might repent. True strength in victory is in showing mercy and compassion to those you have defeated.”

“Only if they deserve it, Maura,” Faelon added quietly.

“But who are we to judge?” Frodo replied. “I know if I were to meet him tomorrow, I would let him go on his way. To grind him underfoot when he has been brought so low? Why, it would be to put ourselves on the same level as he, to act just as he would have done!”

“Well said, Maura,” Gandalf murmured. “Well said indeed. And that gentleness of spirit will hurt him more than any harsh word. It will burn into his conscience in spite of his stopping his ears to it. That is why he fears meeting me again. He fears my mercy.”

“But if he is truly capable of mischief or worse, Gandalf…,” Faelon began.

“Then he shall find what lies at the end of that path, Faelon. I will not do anything other than allow him to choose the way he wishes to take. I will give him all the rope he chooses to take from me, even if he hangs himself in the process.”

There was no mistaking it then. Even as he smiled thinly at Faelon and turned his head to take a sip of wine, those bright, wise eyes met with hers. It was only for an instant, but it was enough. His gaze said, ‘I know we understand one another. What will be will be. So be it.,’ She was still staring at him even after he had turned away, almost feeling as if she was on the verge of tears as something swelled within her. Not relief. No, it was not as clear as that. It was nearer to what she had felt after she had spoken of it all to Halladan: the comfort of a burden shared and that her position was understood. It did not make the pain go away, but it deadened it a little and gave her strength enough to bear it.

Her thoughts were in turmoil for some time even as the conversation back onto ‘Tales of Aragorn That We Know And Love’ and Arvain had to ask her twice if she wanted more wine. In the end it was Halladan once more laying a hand on her arm and saying her name that broke through her reverie. The look he gave her, intense and knowing, told her he was as thrown by it all as she was: understanding the significance of Gandalf’s words but without yet having had time to process them properly.

Arvain asked a third time if she would like a drink and she accepted but insisted she be the one to get it.

“I could do with stretching my legs a little.”

Halladan said it was a good idea and he would help, turning to collect cups and tankards from any nearby who wanted a refill, including Arvain himself.

They wandered away from the fire into the gloom and crouched down together beside the ale butt and wine skins. Only then did they finally look at each other. Penny opened her mouth to speak by Halladan cut across her.

“Gandalf is wise beyond reckoning, Pen-ii. As hard as this is for me to accept, I will abide by his reasoning… for the time being. I think you should also.”

She nodded, though a little worried by what ‘for the time being’ might suggest.

“Any more ale left?”

It was Tadion.

“Yes, cousin, have no fear.”

Halladan rolled his eyes and shook his head at Penny, making her smile.

“I have persuaded Faelon to sing once more,” Tadion replied, bending to fill his tankard. “All this talk of Saruman has soured the evening somewhat. We will have time enough to wonder about his fate on horseback tomorrow. Tonight I say we toast our King and drink to our heading for home at last!” Tadion had stood up once more and turned back to the fire to throw this last exclamation loudly back at the assembled group. “Am I not right?!” he roared, lifting up his tankard. He was met with loud shouts of approval and laughter.

And so Penny allowed herself to be swayed by Halladan’s judgement. Or rather, allowed herself to relax as a consequence of his being swayed by Gandalf’s argument. That Gandalf did not stay too long at the fire after that probably helped a little, it was true. That he quite deliberately came over to Penny before he left to bid her goodnight and to ask after her health, all smiling, grandfatherly concern and no hint of anything else, helped all the more. When she said she was quite well, thank you, if tired after the day’s travelling, he nodded.

“Yes, well, let Halladan here look after you for a little while. You have looked after him these past few weeks, so it is his turn to return the favour, I suspect.”

“Do not worry, Gandalf, I intend to,” Halladan cut in with a grin.

“Good lad, good lad.”

And with that he was off.

The mood round the fire, fuelled by yet another barrel of ale that appeared from somewhere, was infectious and the laughter and song grew louder and more boisterous with every moment. Even the hobbits, clearly at home in this sort of atmosphere, joined in, with all four singing a rather jolly song that was also a dance tune back in the Shire. Merry and Sam showed Glorfindel and Lindir the steps. The image of two tall, willowy ellyn, skipping and do-si-do-ing in the moonlight with two small hobbits even gave Penny a fit of the giggles. Especially because the serious look of concentration on Glorfindel’s face as he stared at Sam’s feet and attempted to copy him at the same time was priceless.

It was fairly obvious Tadion was drinking far too deeply into his cups (though, in fairness, he was not the only one). Halladan muttered something about his missing the pipeweed more than most. Penny was mid-snigger in response to this when Tadion suddenly turned to her and asked her for a song.

“You are a quiet one, Pen-ii, and I feel there must be more to you hidden away if you would only share it with us.”

His smile was beaming (if a little wobbly) and his gaze warm (if a little unfocused) and his request was quickly taken up by the others near him, Arvain crying it was a fine idea and Faelon gently smiling and saying it would indeed make a pleasant change to hear something from her people. Penny found even Halladan was grinning at her in an encouraging sort of way.

“Et tu, Brute?” she muttered.

“What was that?”

“Nothing… um… I am not sure I can think of anything that would be appropriate for…”

“Nonsense!” Tadion roared, waving his tankard at her so violently that half its contents spilt all over Celebdor’s leggings.

“Argh! Mind out, would you?!” Celebdor was on his feet and wiping at his britches within seconds. Tadion ignored him, or perhaps had not even noticed.

“If you can sing for the Rohirrim then, by Morgoth’s backside, you can damn well sing for us!” He laughed heartily as he said this.

“Tadion!” Faelon said in a warning voice and Halladan glared hard at his cousin. Arvain was trying to smother his sniggering by coughing into his hand and looking off to his left somewhere, though he caught Lindir’s eye as he did so which evidently did not help matters.

“Eh?” Tadion clearly had not even realised the drink had loosened up his tongue. “Oh. Ah. My apologies, Pen-ii.” He glanced at her and coughed. “I was jus’ sayin’… Too long amongst the company of warriors…”

He carried on muttering vague explanations into his tankard, looked suitably chastened and had another sip of ale to console himself.

With well over half the fire, including the hobbits, smiling at her and making ‘Yes, why not? Go on!’ noises, Penny realised she had little choice and thus fell back on one from the shortlist she had been forming over the past couple of months. It was an old folksong her grandfather had sung quite a bit. He had been into that sort of music and had often played some in the house when she and her brother had stayed with her grandparents after school, and this particular song was one he had often hummed snatches of to himself as he had bustled about the house making them toast or helping them with homework. She had had to make up the odd line here or there to get it complete in her head, but otherwise she was fairly certain of about four verses of it, and it had the right sort of tune. Certainly it went down very well and she could breathe easy once more.

It was really very late when at last she felt tiredness crashing in on her and decided to call it a night. Halladan offered to walk her to her tent, and the two ambled off together into the darkness. At least they finally had the opportunity to talk for a little while, even if only in low murmurs.

“I still worry I have burdened you with what I told you today.”

“It was my choice, Pen-ii. I insisted you tell me. I will not pretend it has not occupied my thoughts since then.” He sighed. “Foreknowledge can be a heavy burden to bear. I have told you that before. I will admit that Gandalf’s words this evening eased my heart somewhat. I am still not sure he should not be told, but,” he held up his hand to stop her interrupting as he continued, “but far less convinced of it than I was. It would not surprise me in the least if he can guess at the truth or even has some foreknowledge. Would he think differently if he knew for certain? Who can say, but if he did, it would only be because of the place Suza has in his heart.”

“Exactly.”

Penny sighed heavily. Suddenly she was feeling upset once more, and this evening had been such a wonderful diversion that she had genuinely escaped her emotions for a little while.

“Now see here.” Halladan suddenly stopped and placed both hands on her shoulders as he brought her to face him. “With what you argued this afternoon and what Gandalf has said this evening, then I think it best that we allow things to continue on their course at least for the time being. After all, even after we meet Saruman on the road it will not be too late for us to ride after him and stop him ever reaching Suza if Gandalf so decides. Both you and I have enough to deal with at the moment without worrying about such things at least for a few days.”

“But…”

“Pen-ii,” he said firmly, “there comes a time when you have to accept your limitations. You allowed me to take responsibility for this this afternoon, and I have allowed myself to rely on Gandalf’s reasoning. Let that be enough for you if you can.” He paused. “Allow yourself the time you need to grieve. Do not get distracted and bottle it all up inside you once more. I am one to talk, perhaps, but you know I am right. Do not feel obliged to be sociable. Take advantage of the understanding of friends around you and sit in solitude if you need to, or talk to whoever might distract you or help you… Do whatever it might take.” He smiled. “I would have you back to your old self, Pen-ii, if you are willing.”

She smiled in return.

“Only if you promise the same for me, Halladan.”

He nodded, his smile broadening slowly.

“Gladly.”

Author’s Notes:

Do not ask me to name the song she sang. If I name any one of the various possibilities in my head it would only serve to baffle those who’d never heard of it. Which song it was is not important, really, suffice it to say it was the sort of thing that any folk band might sing, such as The Corries for example. You can look them up online if you want – and there are clips of their stuff on YouTube. Look out for Come O’er The Stream, Charlie and The Massacre of Glencoe in particular which I know are up on there – they’ll both give you an idea of the sort of thing I was thinking of.

After the last chapter someone asked me to explain what the Elendilmir was. I might as well explain the Elfstone as well while I’m here too, since they are both sort of linked in that they were both emblems of Aragorn’s kingship, but neither appear in the films so if you don’t know the books this is for you. The Elendelmir was, basically, a gemstone worn on the forehead. It was Numenorean and worn by the Kings of Gondor and Arnor. Thus it was, of course, being worn by Isildur when he was killed by the orcs while wearing the ring (he had to wear his hood up since the power of invisibility that the ring conferred on the one wearing it did not work on the gemstone, which still shone out bright like a star – see Unfinished Tales). Hence the significance of Penny saying Saruman had the original (i.e. thus meaning he had found the remains of Isildur as well as the implication that he had been looking for the Ring with the remains). When the original was lost, a copy was made that was then handed down, along with the remains of the shattered blade of Narsil, to every heir and Chieftain of the Dunedain as a symbol of Kingship.

The Elfstone has a strange history. It was given to Aragorn by Galadriel when he’s in Lothlorien with the Fellowship – it’s his gift when the others receive theirs from her – and there are two versions of its history and JRRT never decided which was the one he wanted. The first is that it is the same stone made by craftsmen in the ancient elven city/realm of Gondolin, taken to the West by those who had sailed, but brought back by Gandalf who gave it to Galadriel so that she might one day give it to the King-to-be. The second is that it is a copy of a stone made in Gondolin, made by Celebrimbor (the same elf who made the rings of power under Sauron’s tutelage) as a token of his (unrequited) love for Galadriel. She then gives it to Aragorn as part of the ritual regarding betrothal/marriage – a gift is given to each party by the other’s parent. She was standing in Celebrian’s stead, basically.

If you’re ever unsure on details like this a good online source of information is Encylopedia of Arda. :)

I can’t apologise enough for the length of time this chapter has taken. RL means writing time has been severely limited for a while and added to which the muses were being particularly difficult about this chapter – about the most difficult they’ve yet been in some ways for this fic (and I thought writing Galadriel had been bad!).

My sincere thanks and appreciation to everyone still reading this fic, still waiting for new chapters, and to those who leave reviews, comments and get in touch. I do try and get chapters done as fast as constraints allow, but such is life. If ever anything meant there was a really long delay – an indefinite hiatus – then I would say so: on my profile and on my LJ. If you ever want to know ‘where I’m at’ with a chapter, then swing by my LiveJournal as I do say what’s what on there from time to time. The way things stand, don’t expect more than a chapter a month, and possibly longer than that. Sorry!