Chapter Thirty-Seven: A Little Fishing Expedition

I took Frodo-lad and Merry-lad fishing today, my dear. Frodo is nine today, the same age I was when you took me for the first time. I can still remember that day, how excited I was that couldn’t even sleep the night before. When I told my mother that when she came in to check on me, she laughed softly, tucked me in a little firmer, kissed my head and told me to try to sleep anyway. Frodo and Merry were the same way before we started out today, even wee Pippin was and he wasn’t even coming since he’s only three and I didn’t want to fret about his safety while already having to watch two other active lads. I do wonder sometimes why I named my youngest lad after such a Took, since he is just about a mirror copy of his namesake in curiosity, energy and hunger. Mr. Pippin adores him and, of course, so does everyone else.

Frodo and Merry are completely inseparable and often keep each other up for hours with the games and stories they devise, mostly of our own adventures. Frodo has the Red Book practically learned by heart and he is enthralled and in awe that you and I went through so much. It doesn’t seem quite real to him and even less real to Merry who is equally thrilled by them, just like we had always been thrilled by Mr. Bilbo’s tales of the Elves and his own adventures. When they finally fall asleep exhausted by their taking up of the Quest, their heads are touching and they often are holding hands. Or at least they were doing that before their youngest brother decided to climb out of his crib and join his siblings in their bed instead. Gave Rosie and me that much of a fright the first time he did that, when we came to his crib in the morning to find it empty. We found him sleeping happily between his brothers and have often found them such, the three of them tangled together in a one contented, peaceful heap. I love just standing there watching them like that. Another reason to be thankful for all you did that they can do that and have no fear or shadow hanging over them besides the dreams they sometimes get from their over-active imaginations, just like we used to, before reality became worse than the most frightening nightmare. I worried at first that Pip-lad would fall out of bed, he’s still such a wee one, but I soon realized there was no reason to fret as Frodo and Merry are very protective of their little brother and they always make sure Pip is tucked in securely between them and they sleep, each with one arm around their littlest brother. Those times, I know we named him right because Frodo, Merry and Pippin are back together as it should be and Frodo and Sam are back together. Oh, dear, how I wish to have you here to watch them all, but I know you are, somehow you are.

Frodo is also very protective of his Merry and Merry is just as much for his Frodo, not to mention that Mr. Merry is right fond of his namesake as well so that one has many guardians. They are so dear to watch and Elanor is protective of them all and her Rosie-lass. I’m glad some things never change.

Bright and early we started out today just like you and I had and the day was just as warm and beautiful as it was then. I remember when you came to the door of Number 3, two fishing poles in hand and Mr. Bilbo carrying a large picnic basket. I was nearly out the door before you even got the words out to my mum inquiring whether I was ready or not. You laughed and hugged me, then gave me one of the poles and between us, we carried the basket and we left with wide smiles for Mum and Mr. Bilbo who waved and smiled. I remember my pole being longer than I was tall, but that didn’t matter to me. I was just so thrilled that I’d be spending the day with you. We took a leisurely walk down to the water and I made sure that Frodo, Merry and I took the same route. Their eyes were shining as brightly as yours always did, as my mum said, I always did whenever I was with you or even only talking about you. I don’t remember one moment in my life that I haven’t loved you since even before we met, since Mr. Bilbo had already told me all about you. Not one moment, dear.

We made it down to the river and Frodo-lad’s pole was longer than he was and nearly twice as long as Merry who is just shy of five. I had made a smaller pole for that little lad, but it was still nearly as long as he was tall. We pushed our boat out in the water with Merry abroad, then climbed in. I helped them thread their lines, then did mine and was cast out to try our luck. I didn’t care if I caught anything myself, but I was hoping they would. I remember how thrilled you were when I caught my first and how excited I was. When Frodo caught his after only an hour, he could barely sit still and Merry was just as excited. I laughed with joy, just as you had laughed with me. Indeed, dear, how little has changed. I didn’t catch anything at all, but Frodo caught two more and he was so proud of Merry when his little brother caught one himself. When in his excitement, he cut himself on the hook and looked about to burst into tears at the blood and pain, Frodo grasped his hand, wiped at the blood and wrapped it in a clean bandage and then kissed it and hugged his brother, before I could do anything. Merry was soon smiling and laughing again. I was so proud of Frodo then. He is so much like you. It’s almost like having a small you beside me, but he is also very much his own lad. I love him, I love all the children Rose and I have been blessed with so very much. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank you for doing all you did to make this possible.

We then took a break to eat and then we napped some. I remembered to bring the hat I had worn went I went with you and gave that to Frodo. Merry had one he had picked out at the last Free Fair and I had the one that Rose had given me on her last birthday. We just lay out there, three hobbits napping on a lazy summer afternoon. Later, Frodo read to me out of the Red Book and Merry looked over his shoulder and sounded out the words himself. They still marvel at the drawings you made. They are most impressed by the oliphaunt which they never fail to hold up to me to view also whenever they get to the point. It doesn’t hurt much anymore to hear the tales read. The distance of time is blunting the sharpness of the memories, but today, listening to them read and doing with them when we used to do brought tears to my eyes.

Frodo’s face fell when he noticed that and Merry’s lip quivered at seeing the sadness he wasn’t quite sure what to make of. Frodo knew, though. He hugged me and leaned his head against my chest. “I miss him, too, Da,” he said. “I wish I had known him.”

I smiled at that, hugged him back and kissed his head and told him that I wished he had known you too. I also said how much he reminds me of you and he looked up and smiled widely at that and we were back to being happy again. Merry snuggled up to us both. His Frodo is the only Frodo he really knows, but he talks about his ‘Uncle Frodo’ just as fondly as he would if he had actually met you and it’s quite endearing. All the children love you, dear, just as I know you love them.

I remember how when you and I went out, you had brought along a story you were working on that had written yourself. You read me one part you were stuck at and asked how I thought it should go and when I told you, you just lit up even brighter and said, “Oh, thank you, my Sam! That’s perfect!” and gave me a hug. I didn’t think you could get any lovelier, but there you were, beaming brighter than the sun. I was so thrilled. I never shared my ideas with anyone else, but with you, it was so easy and natural.

We didn’t catch anything anymore that day, but I was just as thrilled to be out there with my lads as I had been with you. It never seemed to bother you that you usually never caught anything, but was always so excited when I did. I understand that now. I also never understood how you could be so comfortable on the water when it had been so terribly cruel to you by killing your parents, but I know that now too. I still love much more to be on land, but I loved today and it was because, just like before, I was with someone, two someones, I love more than life. You had forgiven the water what it done to your heart, just as you so much later forgave Stinker and Slinker. I hope, dear, you have learned to forgive yourself.  I know you must have because I have felt peace and joy in my heart in the place you have always lived.

Goodnight, dear.  I hope you sleep well. I love you so much.