Questions of Loss

By: Elemmírë

Summary: Frodo compares Bilbo’s leaving with Drogo & Primula’s

Disclaimer: The Lord of the Rings does not belong to me, nor am I making any profit off either its story or characters.

I never realized that it would hurt this much … Bilbo’s leaving that is. I mean I knew he was old by hobbit standards, though in good health and spirits. I knew that he would eventually pass on from this life one day; that he now had more birthdays behind him than ahead. I knew with his passing I would once again be alone, with no more immediate family, save my parents' siblings and my first cousins.

But what surprises me is that Bilbo’s leaving does not hurt the same as when my parents passed on. For their deaths were untimely and most tragic. Their parting was more of a shock, I guess, for Bilbo had mentioned leaving the Shire for good several times in the past. I just never thought he’d actually go and do it … at least not without telling me first. I guess he simply didn’t know how to tell me; although during his final “goodbye” at our birthday party, his eyes had only been focused me before he put his magic ring on and disappeared forever.

There was a finality to my parents’ deaths; I knew, without a doubt, that they could never return … although I desperately did not want to believe that for a very, very long time as a child.

There is no finality here, for I know that Bilbo has not passed on from this world, from this life. No, instead he is walking about with the Elves, somewhere in Middle-earth. But I will never again know where he is. I realize that I will never even know when he does pass on unless I see it in some odd dream of mine. Will anyone be with him when he dies? Will he have a proper hobbit burial as he ought, or will he pass on unbeknownst in the middle of a dark forest somewhere? Will Gandalf know?

My only hope is that my friend the wizard will know and that he will be able to one day tell me whatever becomes of my beloved uncle, who is so much more to me. Bilbo is my father, mother, uncle, cousin, teacher, and best friend all in one hobbit. I hope that one day Gandalf will tell me exactly where Bilbo is so that I may go and see him again during an adventure of my own.