I'm (pleasantly) surprised at how many hits this story is getting... since the last chapter got about twelve hits, I'm guessing I've got a lurker or two out there.  If that's the case, I want to take the opportunity to thank those people for reading.  I hope my modest little stories have provided some entertainment for you all. :-)

Okay folks, time to play - Spot the Star Wars Reference! ;-) Also, this chapter title is actually a reference to one of my favorite Disney songs, "I Won't Say I'm in Love" from the movie Hercules.  The last line of that song is: "At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love..."  I got a lot of inspiration for this story from that wonderful song (what can I say, I'm a big Disney buff - and a big geek!).

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Chapter 9 - At Least Out Loud . . .

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"Begging your pardon, Miss Estella, but I don't think you're holding those knitting needles right."

Estella looked up from the knitting job she had been struggling with for the past hour or so.  "Don't you try to tell me how to knit, Samwise Gamgee!" she said, shaking a finger at him.  "I know exactly what I'm doing."  What sounded like a supressed giggle came from Rosie's direction, and Estella shot her friend a defensive look.  "Well, I do!  It's just... harder than it looks!"

"Of course, dear," Rosie replied, smiling slightly.

Estella attempted a scowl.  "If I wasn't afraid of hitting that oversized belly of yours, I'd throw these needles at you."

"Well, if this oversized belly protects me so nicely, I should be pregnant more often."  It was a sign that Sam had become much more comfortable with such talk that he didn't blush at his wife's comment.  In fact, he gave a slight chuckle and responded,

"As long as we have a few years of rest in between, I'd be happy to oblige."

Estella smiled at this, a smile that immediately dissipated when she heard the tell-tale singing approaching Bagshot Row.  She turned to Sam, sighing in frustration.

"Didn't they just leave?" she asked.

Sam merely shrugged, giving her a pitying smile.

Estella stood, setting down her knitting materials.  "I'm going to take a walk.  If you'll excuse me..."

When Estella was outside, she saw Merry and Pippin's ponies walking at a leasurely pace up Bagshot Row.  She ran in the opposite direction around the hill until she came to a small paddock behind Bag End.  Breathing a sigh of relief, she sank down against one of the wooden posts and hugged her knees to her chest.  Only then did she begin to wonder why she had run away.

Because I don't want to deal with Merry right now, she concluded.  But deep down, Estella couldn't help but feel uncomfortable at the thought that she had resorted to running away from someone, especially someone as kind as Merry, who was making more and more of an effort to be on friendly terms with her.

She didn't hate him, not really, try as she might to convince herself otherwise. Nor did she fear him; what she was afraid of was how her heartbeat quickened whenever he was near, how her gaze was always drawn to him, how it took all her willpower to avoid his eyes and the warmth she found there.

Estella sighed deeply and spoke outloud to no one in particular.  "When did everything become so complicated?"

Just then she felt a gentle nudge against her shoulder.  She turned to find Sam's loyal pony, Bill, standing behind her.

"Hello, Bill."  Estella smiled and reached up to stroke the pony's nose.  "I don't suppose you would know what I should do about this whole situation?"

As though in response, Bill nudged her shoulder again, whinnying softly.  Estella turned to look in the direction of his prodding and there saw Merry walking towards her.

Turning back to look at Bill, she muttered, "I appreciate the warning."  Bill tossed his head about in some semblence of a nod.

When he was nearly at the paddock, Estella said to Merry, "I'm beginning to think you don't like Buckland very much.  You spend more time here than you do at home."

Merry smiled.  "I could say the same thing about you."

Estella stood and folded her arms across her chest.  "I happen to be here to help my friend through her first pregnancy."

"And I happen to be here to help my friend through his first pregnancy."

Estella shook her head and sighed.  "You are unbelievable."

"Why, thank you!"

She rolled her eyes, but couldn't hold in her laugh.  "So what are you really doing out here?  I know you didn't come to look for me."

"No, but that was a pleasant surprise nonetheless."  Estella felt her cheeks grow warm at this.  "I'm actually here to visit an old friend."  He reached out to Bill, who was standing nearby, and the pony walked up to him and nuzzled his hand fondly.

"I didn't know you liked ponies so much," Estella remarked.

"Well, I am a knight of Rohan, you know."

Estella furrowed her brows.  "Rohan... are they fond of ponies there?"

"Not necessarily ponies, but they do love their horses.  Ah, and what fine horses they are!  You should see Gandalf's horse, Shadowfax.  He's the most amazing creature on four legs."  Bill gave a defensive snort at this, and Merry laughed.  "Except our Bill here, of course."

"Who lives in Rohan?" Estella asked.  "Elves?"

"No, no Elves, though I'm sure Legolas - an elf friend of mine - has visited there on more than one occasion.  It's Men who live in Rohan."

"What are they like?"

Merry leaned against one of the posts and thought for a moment.  "Most of them have fair hair and skin, and are very tall.  And those that I've met are very brave.  King Éomer and the lady Éowyn are two of the bravest people I've ever known.  And King Théoden..."  He trailed off, a sad, faraway look coming to his face.  Estella suspected that this was not a subject he wished to linger on.

"I'd like to see Rohan some day," Estella said, mostly to herself.

Merry looked at her for a moment before responding.  "I think you will.  In fact, I'd like to take you there some day."

She smirked.  "You really think you could stand such a journey with me?"

"Of course," he said, stepping a bit closer to her.  "I think I'd enjoy it, too."

"Don't be so sure," she replied with a nervous grin as he came even nearer to her.  Please don't let him come any closer...

When he spoke next, his voice was low and gentle.  "Why are you so afraid of me, Estella?"

"Afraid?" she exclaimed defensively.  She wished she could either take a step back and away from him or forward and closer to him.  But her feet were frozen in place, and she could do neither.

"Well, you're trembling."  Merry pointed to her hand that rested atop one of the posts; it was shaking rather violently.  Estella pulled the hand away and brought it behind her back, where she clenched it tightly.

Merry sighed.  "Give me your hand, Estella."

"What?" she breathed.  "No!"

"Please?" he prodded with a small smile.

For reasons beyond her comprehension, Estella could not resist that smile.  She held out her hand to him, and he took it into his own.

His smile widened.  "Now, was that so terrible?"

"I suppose not," Estella mumbled, suddenly feeling a bit foolish.

"Then why are you still trembling?"

After a pause, Estella answered softly, "I don't know."

A surprisingly comfortable silence followed.  Estella allowed herself to relax and simply enjoy the feeling she received when she was in Merry's presence, when she felt his thumb gently stroking her skin, when she could faintly feel his heartbeat through his fingers.  She found herself wishing that moment of peace and contentment would last forever.  But it was inevitably broken when Merry decided to speak.

"You shouldn't keep things bottled up like you do.  I wish you would just tell me what's bothering you."

Estella jerked slightly as reality came rushing back.  She immediately released Merry's hand and stepped back.  "I... I should be going."  With that, she turned and ran back towards Bag End and out of sight.

"Another time, perhaps," Merry muttered under his breath as he watched her go, suddenly overcome with a strong desire to smack himself.

Behind him, Bill gave a soft huff of sympathy.

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When Estella was certain she was out of Merry's sight, she sat down on the grass and took a deep breath, scolding herself for letting her guard down around him.  Merry was seeing a side of Estella that she hated showing to anyone.  He had even seen her crying, something she never did in front of others.  And now Estella was uncertain as to how long she would be able to fight the yearning that was beginning to make itself known, to suppress the feelings that were steadily growing within her.

"No," she said firmly.  "I won't say it.  I will not say I'm in love with him."

Not outloud, anyway.

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