Chapter Five: Questions That Need Answering

Frodo and Gandalf sat on a white bench made from stone that Faramir and Gimli had rescued from the ruins of the city. The hobbit sat slump-shouldered next to his friend, his trowel still in his hand as he rested a bit from his labors. His hands and breeches were covered with dirt and grass stains and a cheek was smudged as well. The wizard’s long legs were stretched out before him on the hobbit-sized bench.

It had become a habit for the troubled hobbit to sit with someone each day in the afternoon after lunch with his cousins. There was so much roiling around inside him that Aragorn and Gandalf had both advised him that he should not try to keep it all inside. Frodo wished to do just that, but after some gentle (and some not so gentle) prodding from Sam, he started to open up. He couldn’t to Merry and Pippin, but he found he could with a soon-to-be crowned king, wizard and even Ranger captain, so one of them always was with him between the times the other hobbits came to share meals with their cousin.

Frodo sat, staring down at the ground. His friends had all learned to respect his silences, to patiently wait for him to speak first whatever was troubling him the most that day.

"Why were you able to come back and Sam can’t?" came the quiet inquiry from a voice still missing its life and light.

Gandalf had been waiting for that question since he had first re-appeared to his small friend. Frodo’s eyes had widened in surprise then and sparked for a moment with joy, then he had hidden his face in the wizard’s robes that smelled strongly of pipeweed and cried hard.

"Sam is mortal, just as you are," Gandalf began as gently as he could. "He had only a set amount of time in this world and that is now over. It cannot be changed or reversed any more than any action already done can be undone."

Frodo looked up at his friend. "But it was undone with you. Aren’t wizards mortal also?"

Gandalf smiled and a little more of his Light than he normally showed came through. Frodo’s eyes widened slightly. "You aren’t, are you? Is that why?"

The hidden Maia’s smile widened as he drew his friend into a side embrace and began to slowly stroke his curls. Frodo snuggled close. "My parents used to do that. I’ve lost so much, Gandalf, so much. And this last is my fault. I couldn’t stop. Why couldn’t I stop?"

"There is a part of you that is immortal also, my dear hobbit. You stand now in the midst of a battlefield, for war is being waged for that part. The Ring sought dominion over it and sometimes gained it, but there’s another Power that seeks it as well, that created it and wishes to draw it to Himself. It is your decisions, step by step, day by day that determine the outcome of this war. You have lost a few battles as all do, but you have not lost everything, not yet. The essential thing is that you keep fighting. You cannot lose this war or you truly will lose everything. Sam cannot join you in the Abyss."

"Then I must keep going, but I am weary of fighting, so very weary. Each step, each breath seems more of a labor than the last. Would that I could rest like Sam."

Gandalf continued his soft stroking and gentle tone. "All soldiers in this war grow so, but though you cannot stop the struggle, you can rest and be refreshed. Only those under the dominion of the dark slew themselves. No, Frodo, you were created in the Light, for the Light, to be with the Light."

"I walk in darkness now."

"But there still is light around you, dim perhaps to your eyes, but still it’s there, coming from a Source you cannot see. You have seen reflections of it all your life."

"I saw it most in Sam and I snuffed out that light."

Gandalf gently raised Frodo’s chin until the troubled hobbit raised his eyes to him. "No, my dear hobbit, it shines now brighter than ever. All things work toward the greater glory of the One Who is above all things. The power of evil has no power over Him. He will always draw good out of it, in spite of it.

"Did you ever stop to think of how many guardians you have watching over you, Frodo? You have always been surrounded by love and light, even in your darkest moments. Your parents didn’t stop loving you when they died anymore than Sam did. Love is stronger than death. They are still with you. You cannot see them, but they remain with you as long as you remain striving for the Light. Lost as you feel now, groping alone in the darkness, they remain at your side to help you."

Frodo lowered his head against the wizard’s chest. He was silent for a long time. "I wish they were still here where I could see them. I wish they were all still alive."

We are still here, dearest, came a new voice and it sounded like his mother’s.

That night, Frodo wept and slept in the arms of three of those who loved him best. When Merry and Pippin came in later, they found his tears had already been wiped away.