Chapter Sixty-Four: A Glad Reunion

I don’t know when the longing to leave, to have some relief from the pain and evil lust that still holds me bound began. I know it was before Rivendell and the joyous reunion with Bilbo. It was there that I learned that he too had not been released from the longing. I know I felt the call of the Sea, when you said that fair land had everything and I had agreed and said except the Sea. Except the Sea. The gift had been given, far more than I deserved, and it was entirely my choice to take it or not. It would not be forced upon me, it would be my decision. Gandalf and Aragorn both counseled me on this and I know they could see, especially Gandalf, the tears in my heart that I hoped the Shire could heal. I did not want to leave my home again. I begged that no one else be told of what had been given, but Bilbo, who had the same gift and decision before him. I think Gandalf and Aragorn wanted me to go and I know Bilbo did because he had already decided to, and could see me more clearly than anyone, except perhap you, my dearest Sam, but I didn’t want to go, not yet, not then. Bilbo and I talked long into the night about it, but the pain wasn’t bad yet and though I would miss him sorely, I didn’t want to lose any of you either. It was then that I was told that you would be extended the same gift and the same choice and I think that helped my own decision. As time has passed, I knew increasingly that I would need to leave. I knew it from Bilbo who had been without the Ring for twenty years, but still longed for it. I knew it from my own heart. And I knew also that I didn’t want to part with Bilbo, not again. If I had the hope that one day you would follow, then mayhap that would give me the strength to leave, to live, to seek my own healing and to see that Bilbo received his. He would whether I was there or not, but I wanted to see it for myself and I wanted him to see mine. I have sought it in mortal lands and have found it not. It was in Elven lands, untouched or differently touched by time, that we found healing for the wounds of our body and heart. I will make certain that you also will see me healed, my brother, my own, you will see it too.

* * *

It was wonderful to see Mr. Bilbo again. I’m glad we did and you had that time with him. It was a sore thing to have to leave that fair home, but our home was still ahead of us, and my heart tells me that our last home, even further. Strider was right that a tree blooms best in the land of its fathers. I think you must have had two homes, my Elven hobbit. The Shire gave you the roots you needed to leave the first time and now this Elven land is allowing you to put those roots back down into new, even richer soil and you bloom anew, even brighter than before. I am just that glad you are happy again. Even when I miss you still sometimes so fierce my heart seizes, I think of that, of the smiles I see when I watch you sleep and I can be happy again. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank the Lady for her magical gift. The wind brushes my tears away, but I think it’s actually your hand doing so and I hear your loving voice in my heart, joyfully teasing me with some of Mr. Bilbo’s words and your own, "Don’t be too sad, Sam. The fire’s very cozy here and the food’s very good and there are Elves when you want them."