The fire was burning low and the soft lamplight cast a soft glow. Rosie rested on the couch with her feet raised on a stool. She was exhausted but far too comfortable to want to move. She let her gaze wander slowly around the room, taking in the mixed company that relaxed in the warm afterglow of a fine Hobbit feast washed down with some of Sam’s excellent rose-petal wine.

She was fascinated by Gimli, the first Dwarf she had ever encountered. He was sprawled out in an easy chair, his feet thrust out in front and his hand resting protectively on the child curled up on his chest. His soft snores had lulled the child to sleep, her head resting on his chest, her hands tangled in the silky softness of his thick ginger beard. From the moment he had entered the burrow Elanor had fastened herself to him, ignoring even her favourite uncles. His gentle handling of the tiny Hobbit had caused much merriment, but he took the teasing in good heart and declined to abandon this new and unexpected role.

Rosie’s gaze turned to the Elf, Legolas, who had moved his chair close to the open window. His nose wrinkled occasionally as the fog of pipe smoke filled the air. He was as fair as she had expected an Elf to be. She lowered her eyes as the Elf caught her gaze. In truth, she felt rather intimidated by him--not that he had given her any cause to be. He was polite and courteous and his affection for the Hobbits was plain to see, but there was stillness and an air of serenity about him that she found hard to fathom.

Sam, Merry and Pippin were sitting propped up at the table, picking at the remnants of the feast and blowing smoke rings across the table. It had been an evening of laughter, despite Sam’s initial discomfort. With so much news and gossip to catch up on time passed quickly. Sam listened more than he spoke, but eventually even he was drawn into the conversation when it turned to the happenings in Minas Tirith and Osgiliath and news of the Royal Court and the Steward and his family.

When they turned the conversation to the happenings in the Shire, Sam wasn’t given the opportunity to sink back into his shell.  When Merry and Pippin began reminiscing about their escapades of the past Frodo’s name inevitably came up. Rosie held on to Sam’s hand and before long he too was smiling. When tears dampened his cheeks no one was sure if they were tears of sadness or laughter or a mixture of both.

A murmur from Elanor broke her reverie, and she pushed herself up with a sigh. Gently untangling the curled fingers from Gimli’s beard, she lifted the sleeping child onto her shoulder and bid the company a quiet goodnight. Within minutes the sleeping child was tucked up beneath her quilt.

****

Legolas stood in the kitchen doorway and watched as Rosie tidied up. She picked up a large pile of crockery to put in the pantry then sighed when she realised that the door was closed and she hadn’t a free hand to open it.

“Allow me, Mistress Rose.” Legolas unlatched the cupboard and relieved her of the plates. “It is too late for heavy work and you look tired!” He picked up a shawl and placed it around her shoulders.  “I could do with some fresh air, would you join me for a moment?”

They went out into the Garden and sat down on a bench. The lights of Hobbiton twinkled below them and moonlight frosted the trees with silver. They sat in silence drinking in the beauty and tranquillity of the night.

Rosie sighed. “It’s been a long day.”

“From what I hear, it has been a long year!” said Legolas quietly.

“It‘s not been the best of years,” she conceded. The understatement of her words spoke more eloquently than the words themselves.

“Merry wrote and told us about Sam. He was very worried by how badly Frodo’s departure had affected him. I can still see the grief written in his eyes.” Rosie turned her eyes to the stars, the painful memories still too close and raw for comfort.

“It was Merry who brought him back to me…He had gone so far into himself…I didn’t think he would ever find his way back.” Her voice was tight with strain. “It was all such a shock to Sam; he couldn’t or wouldn’t see what was happening in front of him. Frodo was so frail and ill…I tried to prepare him...He just wouldn’t see!” She shook her head to dispel the thoughts clamouring for her attention.

“And now?”

“Oh, he’s much improved, he even whistles sometimes when he’s working!” she said with a wistful smile.

They sat in quiet companionship for a while. Rosie broke the silence. “He never talks about the journey, about what he saw and did…I know it must have been terrible…” she clasped her hands together. “I think he is trying to protect me…he has some terrible dreams…” She shot a glance at Legolas and caught his gaze upon her, compassion and understanding in his night-sparkled eyes.

“Perhaps he seeks to protect you from that knowledge, to keep it out of your home…”

“But it’s not out, is it?” her cry full of anger and hurt. “It is right here in front of me. I am sure the imagining is nearly as bad as the reality… I can see and feel the fear…I’ve seen and heard him cry and scream in his sleep…It hurts me to see him in such pain but…he shuts me out!”

 Legolas put a comforting hand on her arm. He stilled for a moment and closed his eyes, a slow smile spreading across his features.

“And what about you, Mistress Rose, have you no secrets?” Rosie started in surprise, a warm heat flooded through her, lighting her face in a blush.

“I don’t…” she stammered. Legolas just smiled.

“How did you know?”

“It is hard to hide some things from Elven senses,” he said gently. “I take it Sam doesn’t yet know?”

“I was going to tell him soon…I can’t keep it a secret much longer!” she confirmed with a nervous smile, embarrassment flooding over her.

“Why the secrecy?  Do you think he will be unhappy with the news?”

“Oh, no. I’m sure he’ll be pleased. But I couldn’t tell him till now…he’s had too much to cope with. He has tried so hard these last few weeks to make things right between us; I couldn’t risk anything that might upset his recovery.” After a pause, Rose chuckled at a memory. “When I was expecting Elanor he nearly drove me mad with his worrying and fussing. In the end I had to get my Mamma to have a word with him; he would have had me resting in bed the whole time!”

“And was that the only reason for your silence?”

“Do you read minds.” she asked more sharply than she had intended.

“No, but I do sense that that is not the whole story, Mistress Rose.”

“I didn’t tell anyone…not even my Mamma, although I think she may have guessed. I’m sure you’ll think me silly but…well, while it was my secret I felt safe…that by keeping it to myself I could stop anything going wrong.” She placed her hands protectively over the swell of her abdomen. “…I couldn’t bear the thought of it going wrong…it would have been the final straw…!”

“And now?”

“I will tell him, he is recovered enough now to enjoy the prospect.” Legolas reached over and placed a hand gently on her stomach, his eyes lost their focus as he directed his senses on the sensations in his fingertips. He smiled.

“Do you wish to know if it is a girl or a boy?” he asked.

“Oh no, that would spoil the fun of waiting. I will wait until the child is in my arms.”

“Then I will tell you only that you shelter a happy, healthy child; a child with a gentle spirit who will bring you great joy.” Rose slumped down into the seat, releasing the tension that she hadn’t recognised was there.

“Thank you,” she whispered, leaning over and placing a light kiss on his cheek. “I am so glad that you are here and that we can count you as our friend.”

“It is a pleasure and an honour to have you all as friends and I believe that between us we can help put the light back in Sam’s eyes.”

Sam stood at the window, himself unseen, watching as Rosie went from tension to ease, though he couldn’t hear what was said. He smiled when he saw Rosie lean over and kiss Legolas. “Well, Lad,” he muttered to himself. “There’s a thing; an hour ago she could barely talk to him and now it’s like they’ve been friends for ever. I wonder what new conspiracy they’re planning.”

***

Lunchtime found the friends out beneath the party tree. It had taken a large wheelbarrow to transport the ample picnic from Bag End, Legolas and Gimli no longer surprised by the quantity of food provided, or by how quickly it was consumed. Legolas stirred from his post meal stupor, and pulled a bulging sack from beneath the barrow.

“I believe it is a Shire custom to exchange gifts when celebrating a birthday. I was entrusted to bring some with me…may I distribute them now?” He delved within the bag and drew out two rolls of parchment, each secured with a royal seal. He handed one to Merry and one to Pippin.

“A letter from Aragorn!” exclaimed Pippin excitedly.

“Mine is from Faramir and Eowyn,”

“Aren’t you going to read them then?” asked Sam.

“Oh, let’s see what else Legolas is hiding first,”  said Pippin, eager to see what other delights lurked in the bag.

The next package was for Elanor. Legolas placed the bag into her lap and they all watched in silence as she examined the blue velvet bag, held closed with gold braid. The bag was heavy and the contents knocked together with a dull rattle. Rosie released the ties and pulled open the bag. Elanor upended the contents into her skirts, and three lumps of smooth grey stone fell out. She picked up the largest stone and examined it closely, with a puzzled expression, before handing it to her Father. The stone fitted comfortably within his palm. It was fashioned from a soft grey rock, carved and smoothed and highly polished.

“Why, it’s an Oliphaunt,” he exclaimed in wonder. The shape had been carved and smoothed into rounded contours. The eyes were set with semi-precious stones that sparkled in the afternoon sun. Sam handed the stone to Rosie and looked at the other two. They were all identical, except in size; the smallest nested within Elanor’s small fist. “Why Ellie, you have a family of Oliphaunts… look there is a Dadda, a Mamma and a baby.”

“Why, but they’re odd-looking creatures, and no mistake,” exclaimed Rosie. “They’re not a bit how I imagined them!” She turned the toy and examined it from every angle. “They look quite harmless.”

“Not when they are bigger than a tree and bellowing in anger.” Sam shuddered at the memory. “This is just a child’s toy”. Elanor retrieved the three animals and set about playing with them in the grass.

The next parcel was for Rosie. Hers too was wrapped in a covering of blue velvet. She slipped the cover off and held a large book bound in soft, brown leather, the binding embossed and gilded with a decoration of rambling roses. She was too stunned to speak. Reverently, she opened the book and gasped as she beheld its contents. Each page contained an exquisite and detailed illustration of a plant or flower, for each picture there were instructions for cultivation and use, and tucked within a flap a small paper packet containing seeds.

“This can’t be for me” she whispered, “It’s far too fine….I can’t even read all the words.”

“Nothing’s too fine for you, Mistress Rose, and I’m sure Sam or Merry will help you, if you need help with the instructions.” Legolas reassured her with a smile.

This appeared to be the end of the gift giving. Merry and Pippin read out their letters and Rosie and Sam sat together looking at the flower book. After a while Gimli and Pippin wandered off on a little adventure with Elanor, and those remaining relaxed in the shade of the Party tree. Sam lay down next to Rosie and rested his arm across his face, teetering on the edge of sleep. He was aware of Merry and Legolas talking quietly to each other but he tuned out their words, lost in his own thoughts. Elanor’s toy had jolted his memory back to the encounter with the Rangers and Lord Faramir in Ithilien. He fought to suppress the sudden tightness in his chest as unwanted feelings and fears crowded in on him. He barely noticed that Merry had moved closer or that Rosie had slipped her hand into his.

“Tell us, Sam!”

Sam wanted desperately to feign sleep and to avoid what could only be a painful discussion. He tried to relax his breathing but his attempts did not convince his watching friends. He kept his face hidden beneath his arm.

“There is nothing to tell, the past is past and talking will not change it…leave it where it belongs,” he pleaded.

“And is that working, Sam?” Merry’s voice was quiet, but insistent.

“It’s the best I can manage.”

“No, Sam, it’s not! Why will you not talk to us and share this burden? It does you no good to keep it locked inside. Fear and pain are like a wild animal, the closer you cage them the wilder and more dangerous they become…. You don’t have to face this on your own.”

“Maybe I do! Maybe it’s a lesson I learned too well on the road!” There was a shocked silence as they absorbed the implication of his words. “I was on my own…I didn’t have anyone to turn to, did I?” There was no accusation in his tone, just defeat and regret. “You and Pippin had each other and Mr Frodo had me…I had to be strong…I had to keep him going…that was what I was there for.” He drew a shuddering breath and sat up with a jolt.

“I promised the Elves and Gandalf that I would look after him… they trusted me! But it wasn’t enough, was it!...Do you  really want to know what it was like, what I felt? Well, I was scared; every minute of every day I was scared, so scared that some days I could scarcely put one foot in front of the other,  too scared to move, too scared to sleep and then too scared to open my eyes in the morning and have to face another day of pretending that I was alright. And every day he went further and further away from me till he scarcely knew or cared that I was there. I wasn’t brought up to do brave deeds, to be a hero or be a mighty warrior…I’m just a gardener, a plain and simple gardener…” his voice trailed off and he buried his face in his hands. Rosie broke the stunned and awkward silence. She knelt in front of Sam and taking his face in her hands she pulled his face up to hers.

“You are a hero to me, Sam Gamgee,” she said holding his gaze and looking deep into his eyes. She brushed away the tears on his cheek and smiled at him sadly. “Courage isn’t about not being scared, or  about wielding a  mighty sword, it’s about recognising your fear and going on regardless…you did what had to be done and you did it willingly, out of love and devotion…I know you would have laid down your life for Frodo without a second thought. I love you, Sam, not for what you’ve done but for who you are…and don’t you ever forget it!”

“Can you forgive us, Sam?” Legolas’ voice quivered as he spoke. “We failed you… we didn’t recognise your distress…we should have offered you our support… we took you for granted… You seemed so strong…I’m so sorry.” Sam reached out a hand and squeezed his arm, a nod of understanding passing between them.  Merry was not so restrained; he reached over and embraced husband and wife together.

“It’s partly your own fault,” he said shakily a few moments later. Before anyone could remonstrate with him, he went on. “Sam, you can’t spend all your life giving yourself body and soul to others and not looking out for your own needs! If you don’t tell people you’re hurting or that you need something from them, how are they to know? We are not mind readers, you know!”

Sam smiled, sheepishly. “I’ll try to remember that, but you may need to keep reminding me.”

 Legolas looked on quietly and then reached once more for his bag; he pulled out another velvet wrapped parcel and handed it to Sam.

“Queen Arwen sent this for you, Sam.” It was a book, almost identical in appearance to the flower book except that the binding of leather was black. Sam opened it: the pages were all of blank white parchment. He looked up in confusion.

“It is for you to fill, Sam. It can be a journal, a memoir, a note book, whatever you want. Sometimes it is easier to write down what you feel or fear than to voice it out loud…keep it private or share it; your thoughts are just as important as anything in Bilbo and Frodo’s book!” Sam clasped the book to his chest then and his tears flowed without restraint.

“How…how did she know?” he gasped through his tears.

“She has had her own burdens to carry, Sam. You are not the only one to grieve for those who journeyed over the Sea!” 

****

Later in the afternoon as the autumn sun slipped behind the hill the party slowly made their way back up to Bag End. Rosie and Sam lingered behind and savoured a few moments of companionable peace. As they watched the sunset fading into evening, Sam took Rosie by the hand and turned her to face him.

“Rosie, can I ask you something?” She nodded. “Were you ever going to tell me? Or were you intending to surprise me when the Midwife knocked on the door!” She looked at him and grinned.

“How long have you known?”

“A fair while.  I can count well enough and I have eyes in my head…When is it to be?”

She kissed him deeply. “I recon early in the New Year… are you pleased?”  she asked a little uncertainly. His answering kiss left her breathless.

“Come on, Love. Let’s go home”

*****

TBC

 A/N  Many thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed.

A special thanks also to Shirebound for her help and input with this chapter.