Belen Menel
Chapter 6: Anticipation and Regret

Faramir was peering over the crowd in front of him, searching for the visitors. His excitement was barely contained as he stood on his toes in order to get a better view of the envoy that wound its way up the paths of the White City. He stood near King Elessar and Arwen, Queen of the Reunited Kingdom, as they waited in the Court of the Fountain. Faramir had insisted upon meeting the Drúedain envoy at the Great Gates, but upon hearing the requests of the delegation he acquiesced and waited, albeit impatiently.

Éowyn squeezed her husband’s hand reassuringly. Both Faramir and Éowyn anticipated the Drúedains’ arrival with child-like excitement. She could feel Faramir’s body doing its best to stretch taller for a better perspective. It was strange in those days after the fall of Sauron, how events such as the coming of the Drúedain could cause such a stir. Éowyn at times chided herself for feeling the way she did. Maybe it was due in part to a lifetime of living under Shadow but at times she felt there was a void in her life, a void beyond feeling the loss of loved ones. It was as if the void was for a loss of a familiar life—all that she had known. She had confided to Faramir about her feelings, and he surprised her by admitting the same.

~*~*~*~*~*~

They had been laying together in a field near the White House, staring up into the wide expanse of the night sky and the stars of Elbereth, Star Kindler. She had been riddled by guilt, a guilt she could not shake nor admit to, but on that night as she lay there next to her husband, she felt her breath become shallow and her chest tighten.

Faramir felt his wife’s body tense, heard her breath grow shallow. He turned his face towards hers, “Éowyn?”

Éowyn could see the concern on her husband’s face, but she did not want to reveal her secret. How could she? She did not want Faramir to think that she was not blissfully happy and that she did not love him. How could she explain the loss, the emptiness she felt?

But Faramir insisted. “Éowyn,” he asked, worry coloring his voice, “your body is chilled on a warm summer’s night.”

“Do not worry,” Éowyn responded, “I am just being silly.” She tried to cover her anxiety with laughter, but Faramir was not fooled by her nervous laughs.

“Éowyn,” Faramir soothed, clasping his hands lovingly around her face, “Éowyn, I know your heart as if it were mine.” He looked deeply into her eyes, his own face taught revealing his concern.

She sighed. Faramir had such an ability to soothe her as she felt his warm hands caress her checks. As she looked up at him, his dark hair seemed to blend into the night sky and his eyes luminous like the stars. With him she felt safe. She felt she could lay herself bare. She bit her lower lip, as if trying to keep words from spilling forth.

Faramir’s lips turned up slightly in a smile. He knew his wife’s habits, and this biting of her lip indicated to him that she was trying very hard to say something delicately. He laid a light kiss on Éowyn’s lips, letting his lips linger lightly upon hers. He breathed in her breath and he could feel Éowyn’s lips part in a smile of her own.

“Sorcerer,” Éowyn murmured, “you are trying to enchant me to reveal my deepest thoughts.”

“I am,” Faramir thoughtfully replied. He continued, more determined, “If sharing these deepest thoughts with me will unburden you and I could enchant you to do so I would. But I prefer it if you share them with me wholly on your own. Éowyn I have never judged you. I only love you.”

Éowyn sat up. She looked up at the stars as if seeking reassurance. Sighing deeply, she looked back down to Faramir, who was gently holding her hand. “It is so hard to express,” she began, “it is so hard to express this strange emptiness that seems to overwhelm me at times.” Éowyn spoke without interruption from Faramir. As she finished relating her feelings, her guilt, she paused, waiting for her husband’s response of shock. Instead, Faramir’s reply took her by surprise.

He told Éowyn that he was subject to the same emotions. “I spoke to Aragorn of this disquiet, knowing if he did not share my emotions, he would nonetheless understand them.” Faramir paused, trying to gage Éowyn’s response to his revelation. There was no misgivings in her countenance, no reproach for speaking to Aragorn instead of her. He resumed, “But he did share them. You see Éowyn it seems that many a folk find themselves faced with such conflict.”

“But why,” Éowyn asked.

“I think deep down you understand these emotions,” Faramir replied, touching his hand to her heart.

Éowyn felt his hand on her chest and she grasped it tighter to her. “Oh Faramir, but it should be so simple to grow accustomed to the peace we now have. It seems almost criminal that I cannot outgrow the life I had known in dark times.”

“But it is what we knew,” Faramir countered, “it is all we knew, and we must be patient with ourselves.” Faramir laughed at the irony, “To think that we were so accustomed to Shadow and Fear and now that the dark veil is lifted, letting that aspect of ourselves be put to rest is not so simple, and the guilt, the guilt that we survived…” Faramir’s voice trailed off, his eyes becoming distant.

Éowyn felt Faramir’s hand slip from hers, and so she grabbed his hands and with all her strength pulled him up towards her, embracing him and pressing her lips to his.

Faramir felt the life in her lips, the strength of Éowyn as she pulled his weight towards her. He responded in kind, pressing his lips firmly against hers, tasting her, his love, his LIFE!

It was not easy for anyone who had survived the War of the Ring to remake new lives, remembering those that did not survive and leaving behind a life largely shaped by darkness. These were new times, times to be reborn, times to live more fully and remember.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Éowyn felt Faramir’s hand tighten around hers. They shared a knowing glance as they heard the sounds of cheers and the sounds of drums announcing the arrival of the Drúedain. Both were now standing on the tips of their toes, smiles wide, caught up in the excitement of the moment!