8. One Too Quick, the Other Too Slow

Much to Legolas’ and Faramir’s delight, the trout were indeed ravenous for dough-clad beetles; and when Kaimelas and Argond, Faramir’s valet, discovered their truant lords together, mud-girt and grinning, and presenting two strings of good fat trout to the kitchens, they but exchanged tolerant glances, and haled each of their respective charges to the baths. Kaimelas was, so Faramir had suggested, at ease in his mind concerning his lord’s visit to Osgiliath then, and appeared to relent his scrutiny, remarking only to the Green Knight that if his lord had wanted river-trout he had but to say he wanted river-trout; there was no need to creep in such secrecy for the sake of a mouthful of fish. Legolas meekly conceded, relieved; he loved Kaimelas well, and had been uneasy deceiving him; though to deceive Galás, he concluded smugly to himself, was a far more enjoyable prospect indeed. He splashed agreeably in the copper tub, scrubbing the detritus of mud from beneath his fingernails, and singing comfortably a particularly rude little ode he had overheard from some rough neighboring fishermen that afternoon; when Kaimelas turned from his lord’s trunk to protest Legolas but smiled and sang the refrain again, grinning when Kaimelas clucked his tongue in disgust.

“You ought to be ashamed, my lord, to sing such vile tripe,” he chided Legolas, shaking out the fine blue doublet he had chosen.

“I think it is catchy,” said Legolas.

When the smith rose to go, quoth the dame full of sorrow:
"Oh, what would I give could my husband do so.
Good lad with your hammer come hither tomorrow,
But pray could you use it once more ere you go!"

Rum, rum, rum, in and out, in and out, ho ho!

“Your Lady Mother would wash your mouth with lye and pig fat,” said Kaimelas. “Do not, I pray you, sing it again; you will get it lodged in my head, and I will be humming it for the rest of the evening.”

“There is naught to be found offensive in the tune,” said Legolas, picking up the soap.

“No; but what if Lady Éowyn has heard it before? She will know what I am humming as I serve the soup, and be offended.”

Legolas paused, thinking. “Well,” he said thoughtfully. “I suppose it is an offense either way; whether we assume Lady Éowyn has heard it and will recognize it for what it is, or that she is so mealy that she has no familiarity with ribald ballads.”

“Since she cannot help but be offended, moreover we are in disgrace,” said Kaimelas. “Is it my lord’s good pleasure to be done with his bath? Or has he yet more bawdy songs with which to corrupt his valet’s innocent mind?”

Legolas laughed. “I pity your wife then,” he said, rising and taking the towel from Kaimelas. “Innocent mind indeed! Do you forget, good Kaimelas, that ‘twas from you and Galás I learned my first bad word?”

“Was it truly, my lord?” asked Kaimelas with a smile. “And here all this time I bethought ‘twas from your Lord Father.”

“Speaking of washing one’s mouth with lye and pig fat,” grinned Legolas; “can you imagine my Lady Mother’s response to such a happenstance?” He ruffled his flossy hair with the towel, then espied the blue doublet laid out for him on the end of the bed. He froze, a look of horror on his face. “O Kaimelas!” he said in dismay; “you are not going to make me wear that!”

“And speaking also of your Lady Mother,” said Kaimelas firmly, “you know she did send this to you in full confidence your valet would prise you into it at the first opportunity. Yes, my lord; I am going to make you wear this. And you will wear it with the silk undershirt, and the jeweled belt, and the tucked collar.”

Legolas wrapped the towel round his waist and looked down upon the shimmery blue doublet with a sad sigh. “How I wish I had a sister, upon which my Lady Mother might foist her offerings,” he said glumly, fingering the bias sleeves. “Or barring a sacrificial sister, at least a valet with lower standards.” He picked up one of the sleeves gingerly in his forefinger and thumb, holding it up to the light and scrutinizing it carefully. “Are those bees embroidered in the slashing?”

“Sit down,” said Kaimelas. “I need to brush your hair.”

“Of course,” said Legolas, casting the offending sleeve aside and sitting in a comfortable chair. “It would never do for me to brush mine own hair after all.”

“You never get out all the tangles.”

“It hurts to tug on it.”

“Sit you still, my lord, or it will hurt the worse.”

“Tyrant!” But Legolas sat submissively enough, thankful Kaimelas was in a good and unsuspicious humor. He felt better, having relieved his mind to Faramir, and had confidence in the Lord of Emyn Arnen that he would provide for Legolas a solution both efficacious and gratifying. “But I think I shall go to Eryn Lasgalen in any case,” he thought, while Kaimelas struggled to pull the brush through his stubborn snarls. “I can say simply that I wish to visit my Lord Father, and to have a little joust at Dale … O how I wish I knew whether to bring any more knights! And I truly do not want to fuss Galás; he is so unsympathetic, and will insist I wait. And I do not want to wait – I want to go now, and find out what the trouble might be.”

There was a knock at the door then, and Kaimelas went to see to it; Legolas picked up the brush absently, and began to brush his hair, wincing when he hit a knot, and giving it up as a bad job. But then he heard Tamin’s voice, though subdued and quiet; turning to look, he saw his little esquire, fulgent face dimmed, hanging his golden head and looking quite unhappy. “My dear Little One!” he exclaimed, throwing the brush on the bed and holding out his arms. “Whatever has befallen you? Did you not enjoy the hunt with Fastred today?”

“I – I did not go, Master,” said Tamin miserably. “His friends did not seem to want me, and so I stayed behind.”

“I see,” said Legolas. He put his arm round Tamin’s shoulder, and kissed the crown of the boy’s head; he exchanged glances with Kaimelas and said, “Well, I am glad you are here, my Tamin; brush my hair for me, will you please? I have a great knot, and you do not tug as hard as Kaimelas does.”

“Yes, Master,” said Tamin, still sounding quite disconsolate; but he brushed Legolas’ hair very carefully, until it lay smooth and golden across his Master’s shoulders. “So what have you done with yourself today, then, Little One?” asked Legolas carefully. “I went fishing with Lord Faramir, and did not see you on the north banks.”

“I was at the stables for a while, Master,” said Tamin. He fetched a sigh. “Halgond was there. He – he made fun of my little white horse, Master; he and his friends said Isilmë was short and ugly and had a funny walk.”

“Well he is one to talk,” said Kaimelas indignantly. “Have you seen his steed? Cow-hocked and ewe-necked, and a sway back in the bargain! Likely it is he was jealous, little Tamin; I would not take his opinion very seriously.”

“Léodwyn did say, ere she left to the hunt, that Isilmë had a pretty canter,” Tamin conceded, looking a little less sad.

“And she would know, would she not, Little One?” said Legolas comfortably, embracing him. “Isilmë has got a pretty canter; it is the prettiest canter I have seen, and even Tyarmayél approves of his canter. Do you not let Halgond’s poor graces cause you suffering, my Tamin; he is not worth the tears, and has no practical knowledge of horses; the last I saw of his steed’s canter it was quite ugly, and had no cadence whatsoever. And you will see Fastred tonight anyway at dinner, and I am certain he will tell you about the hunt then; he will not disparage your little white horse.”

“Fastred said, Master, that he wanted me to hunt with him,” said Tamin sorrowfully, sitting upon the doublet until Kaimelas shooed him off. “But he said he would rather hunt with me alone, and not with his friends, because they did not understand. What did he mean, Master? I admit I did not wish to hunt with his friends, not after they said such things to me; but why would Fastred choose to hunt with them, and not with me? And why did he let them say such things?”

Legolas saw that Kaimelas, though making to fuss with the doublet, was attending very closely, and his eyes were dark and angry; Legolas said carefully: “What did they say to you, Little One?”

“O, strange things, Master,” said Tamin with a sigh. “The girls said I was pretty, and the boys would make fun of them, and – O it is hard to explain, Master; but they made me feel so strange and uneasy, and Fastred – he looked near angry, Master, but if he were angry with them, he said nothing of it; rather I felt he was angry with me. And he is growing a beard,” Tamin added, a little huffily; “it is so shoddy-looking, Master, and makes him look so peculiar and different! And did you know, he is not in the nursery with Théodred and Hísimë anymore? He even took offense at me for that, Master, though I do not know why! O it was so puzzling and embarrassing, Master; and then I went to the Citadel, and you were already at luncheon; so I went to the stables, and Halgond was there; and I looked for you later, but you were gone; and I looked for you, Kaimelas, but you were gone too, and I could not find Lord Gimli or Bandobras and – “ Tamin swallowed, his big gray eyes glazed with tears. “I am sorry, Master,” he gulped, his lip trembling. “I so looked forward to seeing Fastred – but – “

“My dear Little One,” said Legolas gently, drawing Tamin into his arms and holding him tight. “It is easy to be disappointed, when one sets one’s sights so high. And you have eaten naught since dinner last night; you had nothing for breakfast, and have just admitted to me you skipped luncheon – why did you not inquire at the butteries, my Tamin? The cooks would have taken care of you – you are hungered, poor thing, and when one is hungered the world is a bleak and unfriendly place, especially when one is a strapping boy used to eating whenever his heart desires. Why, without Kaimelas and Bandobras fussing me to eat, I would sulk round all the time, declaiming the dimness of the sun and my dearth of friends! Go see Bandobras, my Tamin; he and Gimli are in his chambers, and they have between them a platter of cheeses and dried meats, and a quantity of fruit – ale too, but I do not recommend that to you in your state! Eat a bite, and sit with them ‘til I come to fetch you; I would bring you myself, but it is not seemly for an Elf lord to wander round his friend’s halls in naught but a towel. Do you understand, Little One?”

“I do, Master,” sniffed Tamin, and throwing his arms round his lord’s neck he kissed and embraced him and said: “How comfortable you make me feel! You are so wise, Master; you explain everything to me so well, and I cannot be sad when you are near me! Thank you, Master, and I will be sure to eat, so that I will no longer be hungered; for I perceive that in neglecting this I have made myself unusable to you, which is unacceptable, Master, and I apologize, and I promise, Master, I will not let myself get into this state again, so that I will be strong and ready to serve you, Master!”

“Dear Tamin,” said Legolas, kissing him. “You quite turn my head with your accolades! Get you to Bandobras’ rooms then, and be you sure, my Tamin, to remind those two not to drink too much ere supper is laid.”

“I will, Master!” said Tamin, looking slightly less unhappy; he quit his Master then, and Legolas and Kaimelas heard his feet patter down the stone hall away from them. Kaimelas pursed his lips and shook his head, and Legolas sighed.

“I feared this would happen,” he said, rising and shedding his towel. “Men’s lives are so fleeting, so swift to change and pass; Tamin does not know this, for he has yet to see how speedily a babe ages and dies. I had hoped Tamin would age the swifter, or Fastred perhaps the slower; it grieves me to think Tamin’s first mortal friend will be impatient with the leisureliness of his maturing.”

“I know Fastred is a favorite of yours,” said Kaimelas helping his lord dress. “But you will forgive me saying, my lord, that for the past six months he has acted a complete wart.”

“Not a complete wart,” said Legolas indignantly. “He is changing; his body is changing, and his duties, and his friends; it is understandable he is confused right now.”

“An incomplete wart then,” said Kaimelas. “I have always envied the patience you bring to bear upon your mortal friends, my lord; it has seemed to me over the years you understand them, and their place in the annals of Elvish history, better than they do themselves.”

“I would not say that,” smiled Legolas. “A little tolerance travels far, is all. But I do not like this talk of Fastred’s friends making fun of my Tamin,” he said, his eyes hardening. “And unlike Tamin, I do not fear losing Fastred’s friendship; I will take little Lord Fastred to task if I feel it necessary.”

“Will you let me whip him this time?” asked Kaimelas hopefully, holding open the silk shirt.

“Do not tempt me!” said Legolas, but his smile was grim, and Kaimelas did not envy the eldest son of Faramir.

O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O

Legolas watched Fastred and Tamin closely during dinner, but to his relief he did not see displayed upon Fastred’s countenance any of the disdain or awkwardness he had feared; Tamin also appeared to be more relaxed, and chatted quite cheerfully with his friend as he bustled about with Kaimelas and the butler, Bregar, laughing at the stories Fastred related concerning the hunt, and how ridiculous the girls in pink and blue had made themselves; and commiserating with Fastred over the smallness of the quail and grouse brought in. Tamin even contrived to get Fastred and Léodwyn speaking civilly to each other; some mishap had occurred during the hunt, the mention of which drove them both into stony silence; but Tamin’s bright and winsome face, and artless banter, chipped away at the barriers erected, and conversation grew easier; Lady Éowyn regarded Tamin with clement approval, and Hísimë beamed. Gimli and Faramir comfortably discussed the allure walls, and Legolas, relieved in his mind, let it wander, enjoying only the company of his friends; Bandobras, however, watched Tamin and Fastred thoughtfully, as though he mistrusted the tenuous détente.

When dinner wound up, Fastred invited Tamin to his rooms, and Tamin in a flurry of delight complied; the two went off together, Fastred tall and dark and dignified, Tamin skipping and laughing in his wake. Léodwyn and Hísimë excused themselves, and Théodred sulkily allowed the nurse to lead him away; this left the grown-ups to themselves, sitting round the family table talking and drinking, while Kaimelas, Bregar, and the scully cleared. After some moments of inconsequential talk, during which Legolas did not involve himself but sat instead humming into his goblet, Éowyn turned to him, and said archly:

“So, Lord Legolas! You have accomplished your aim then here in Osgiliath, to draw my lord husband away from his duties, and track mud over our rooms? I hope you are pleased; he will have several hours’ work ahead of him tomorrow, to make up for the indolence you have persuaded upon him. What a detrimental influence you are to be sure!”

Legolas looked up at her, eyes sparkling. “Thank you!” he said. “Praise from Éomund’s daughter is high praise indeed. And how fortunate Faramir is to have you, O Éowyn, White Lady of Rohan, to take up this slack; for do you not hold court when he is truant? Indeed I am certain your adamance and beauty do elevate the climate of the Hall when you take your seat there, especially in that yellow gown; it is very striking.”

Faramir laughed, and Éowyn could not help but smile. “And I thank you in turn,” she said dryly. “And say unto you what I am certain you know full well: that your doublet is very pretty, especially the sleeves, and you must overwhelm any courtier, man or woman, who comes before you when you are wearing it.”

“My thanks again to you,” said Legolas with a wry smile. “Would you like to borrow it? There is no need to give it back straight way.”

“Now, that’d be a fair treat, to see the lady in a doublet,” chuckled Bandobras, swinging his legs off the end of the heavily cushioned chair. “Not but that she’s dressed herself in men’s clothes before, and I’m sure you were a rare sight, my lady, and the prettiest boy in Théoden’s army!”

“Of that I have no doubt,” said Faramir, saluting his wife with his wine goblet. “What a pity we did not see it!”

“A pity indeed,” said Legolas a little absently, humming again and taking another sip of wine. He choked a little when Kaimelas kicked the leg of his chair, and looked up at his valet in surprise; Kaimelas’ eyes were warning and he hissed: “Shhh!” “What?” mouthed Legolas, and was puzzled when his valet merely glared and moved on.

“So about this here leech,” said Bandobras to Faramir. “Can’t have a man like that a-thieving from your poor folk, now, can you, my lord? And it must be mighty important, you know, to have Lord Legolas here drag me and Gimli all the way to Osgiliath for the seeing of it.”

Gimli and Legolas exchanged looks, and Éowyn raised her eyebrow at her husband. “A mere ruse to disguise my true intentions,” said Legolas carefully, avoiding Kaimelas’ eye. “The trout was very good.”

“It was,” agreed Faramir politely. “I shall send my commendations to the buttery.”

“Have your secrets then,” said Éowyn, rising and shaking out her yellow skirts; the men rose with her, and Kaimelas helped her untangle her train from the chair. “I am slightly fatigued, my lords all; I shall take me to my chambers ‘til sleep o’er takes me. Do you not, O Green Knight my champion, keep my poor husband up too late in his cups; the last time he sat round drinking with you he suffered ‘til dinner time the next day.”

“My humblest apologies, O Lady of Emyn Arnen!” said Legolas with a deep bow. “I do swear before you now, and before these lords about me, that he shall only drink so much that he shall be constrained to lay abed ‘til noon.”

“A reasonable compromise,” smiled Éowyn. “I bid you good night then.”

She swept from the room, and Kaimelas followed, casting a suspicious glance at his lord as he went; when the door shut behind them Faramir said to Legolas: “I ought not to drink overmuch tonight anyway, Legolas, if I am to give you good counsel in the morning.”

“My thoughts as well,” said Legolas. He sat heavily down again and picked up his goblet. “I am very tired,” he said to the goblet, turning it round in his hands. “I hope your beds confer rest upon me tonight.”

“You do look a tad off and that’s the truth,” said Bandobras seriously. “Now, tell me, my lord, what ails you? You’ve looked strange for days now. Well, stranger than usual; I love you, you know, but I’m an honest enough Hobbit to admit you’re mighty strange at times.”

“It is nothing I hope,” said Legolas, watching Faramir refill his goblet. “I have disclosed my mind to Lord Faramir, and he has promised advice when the sun rises. I have attempted to keep Kaimelas in the dark, though I do fear me he confers his suspicions with Lady Éowyn – “

“Or perhaps is apologizing for his lord’s appalling choice of tunes to hum during dinner,” interrupted Faramir, eyes twinkling.

“O, was that it?” said Legolas. “I wondered why he kicked me … Hm, the tune is more captivating than I thought. Rum rum rum, in and out, ho ho … my dear Bandobras, do you not look at me like that; you are a Hobbit full-grown and ought not be offended if I hum a ribald tune.”

“Not before me, but Tamin, I’m thinking, my lord,” grinned Bandobras. “Better sing something else to drive it out of your head, or you’ll have us humming it too. So I take it we’re not stopping off in Osgiliath or going on to Rohan, but heading someplace else?”

“No use hiding it from him, Legolas,” said Gimli. “You raised him far too well; he is intelligent enough to ascertain your motives.”

“Well, you were so cagy suggesting we bring our armor,” said Bandobras, refilling his ale cup. “There are no tourneys in Minas Tirith or Lossarnach or Amon Din, and Théodred’s already seen my stuff. Are we off to Rohan, or perhaps Langstrand to see Cirien? He was looking mighty ill when he left, and I’m thinking he won’t make it back for the winter.”

Bregar entered again with the scully to take up the rest of the platters, and they all fell silent; Gimli said with forced interest: “So Lord Faramir, I hear the trade agreements with Errakh-Hem went well.”

Faramir shot him an amused look. “They did,” he said. “Were you thinking of striking a bargain with the Dunlendings yourself?”

“Well,” said Gimli; Bregar left the room, and he shook his head. “All this sneaking round is too confusing,” he said gruffly, rising and draining his cup. “I am for bed, Legolas, and if you are crept over by night-time shades and specters, do you go to Faramir and not me; you have woken me once already, and I have a feeling I will need all the rest I can get ere we depart Osgiliath.”

“Good heavens!” said Bandobras in surprise. “Well, I’m off with you then, Gimli, and you had best tell me all about it as we go. Besides which I’ve got a little tin of biscuits in my room with sugar on them, which are good for aiding the digestion, you know, Gimli.”

Gimli glanced at Legolas, who smiled; he said: “Very well Bandy, come with me then, and we shall digest together.” Dwarf and Hobbit went out, leaving Faramir and Legolas alone in the dining room. They were silent a moment, ruminating upon their own thoughts; Faramir watched Legolas carefully. The Elf seemed pensive, his gleaming eyes downcast, yet to his friend’s amusement Faramir could faintly descry Legolas humming:

Rum rum rum, in and out, in and out, ho ho!

“Bandobras is right, my friend,” said Faramir. “If you do not replace that ode with another of more gravity and propriety, Tamin will start asking questions about the smith and his hammer.”

“O dear,” sighed Legolas. “That is his father’s job, not mine!”

“Not anymore,” chuckled Faramir, rising. “You have signed on for a good bit more with Tamin than you did with Bandobras, O Green Knight. He is so innocent! Your perian at least was worldly enough when he came to you; Tamin is an empty book.”

“How did you explain these things to Fastred?” asked Legolas, getting to his feet and stretching. “It has been so long, I can scarce remember what my father said to me … perhaps he used the bee analogy … speaking of bees and women, would you like this doublet? I think it would look well on you. The sleeves are quite fine, you know.”

“No, thank you!” said Faramir, eyeing the blue concoction with a grimace. “Your Lady Mother, I deem?”

“Indeed,” sighed Legolas. He emptied his goblet and set it on the table. “May I bring Éowyn with me to Eryn Lasgalen, Faramir? My Lady Mother has need of a more suitable object. I will bring her back before spring, and take good care of her, though I am surprised at you, Faramir; I had thought you both agreed to stop at three.”

Faramir stared at Legolas in amazement. “How did you know?” he demanded with a laugh. “We have not even told the children yet!”

Legolas shrugged. “Something in the face, the eyes,” he said dismissively. “Or perhaps it is the scent; her scent is different. May I presume you wish me to attend her at her time once more?”

“If my lord can spare a few moments, yes, please,” said Faramir. “I am hoping for a sister for Hísimë. She was so disappointed that she could not dress Théodred as she wanted.”

“Hm!” said Legolas. “Perhaps I shall bring Hísimë up to my Lady Mother instead!”

“What a thought!” said Faramir. “They will sit in the tucking-mill and dress each other like dolls!”

“’Twill serve the both of them then!” laughed Legolas, and taking his leave of Faramir he wandered down the darkened halls to his rooms. He rubbed his eyes and stifled a yawn. He was very weary, and longed for his bed; yet he dreaded it too. He had hoped leaving Dol Galenehtar would mean he had left the visions behind; but hearing that ghostly serpentine voice in Faramir’s offices had shaken him. “When will it end?” he thought. “When the plot is wound up, or when it is too late for me to make any difference at all? Either prospect daunts me; O that my mind would give unto me more than hints and provocations! What useless things visions are anyway, serving to frighten and not instruct. No wonder Faramir does not like to discuss them.”

He entered his rooms, noting that Kaimelas had already turned down his bed sheets and lit the candles, and he sighed and smiled when he saw the full decanter and goblet by the fire, which merrily crackled and snapped in the hearth; also thereon was a copper kettle steaming, and a basin with fragrant soap. “Dear Kaimelas!” he thought. “And how shall I convince him to return to Dol Galenehtar without me when I leave? I dare not trick him, nor wish to be harsh with him; yet to take him on this journey before me, into dangers unknown, may be too much for him. That damned arrow!” he thought darkly; “and that damned Man who shot him! O that I had taken the arrow in his stead, and left him hale and strong and spoiling for war! But then,” he mused thoughtfully, “if he had been confined to the gate house, he and Seimiel would not have met in my offices so often, and perchance not fell in love … Well, that has made my mind up for me; I will not take him from his wife into such peril; the risk is too great. How fortunate for me I have no lady to leave behind!” He pondered whether he should rather undress first, or enjoy a glass of wine before the fire; he wanted desperately to shed the blue doublet, but the fire was perfect and his feet were cold. He was wavering between the two comforts, bemused and incurious, when there was the flurry of feet on the pavers outside his rooms, and anxious voices; then he heard a spate of quick knocks on his door.

“Now what?” he thought wearily, and dropping into the hearth chair, he picked up the goblet and decanter. “Enter!” he said.

The door opened, revealing Faramir’s valet, Argond; he stepped quickly into the room and shut the door behind him. “My Lord Legolas,” said Argond, “my apologies for disturbing you – your valet sent me hence, seeing his assistance was required elsewhere. I do beg your pardon, my lord, but there has been an Incident.”

Legolas noted the valet, of habit so imperturbable, looked distinctly and definitely perturbed, and a trifle mussed about the head; also there was a goodly spattering of blood across his brown tunic. Recognizing the man’s rather strained demeanor, and the subtle capitalization of the word “Incident” in his tone, Legolas set the decanter upon the table, regretfully determining he would not be relaxing before the fire after all. “Is it absolutely necessary I see to it myself, Argond?” he asked, a little plaintively. “Kaimelas is so efficient; it would seem unproductive to go when he is there already.”

“It is – ahem! – your esquire, my lord,” said Argond; his mouth twitched, and Legolas raised his eyebrows at him. “He has, erm, not comported himself in a manner expected of an esquire of the Green Knight.”

“Has he not!” exclaimed Legolas astonished, feeling within himself the first stirrings of misgiving. “I find that hard to believe, Argond.”

“Believe it, my lord,” said Argond, running his fingers through his disarranged hair. “Though he has come out the victor in the fray, there is a little blood – “

“Good heavens; what has he done?” said Legolas in surprise. “Did he try to ride that big stallion that the Lady Éowyn is working to train up? She told him not to mount him but – “

“It is not a horse, O Green Knight of Dol Galenehtar,” said Argond looking amused. “At least, not the entire horse … the back end, I would guess. My lord, Lord Faramir and Lady Éowyn and sundry others are awaiting your judgment in the western solar.”

“Oh, dear,” muttered Legolas under his breath, his misgiving blossoming. “Well, I am coming then, Argond; just let me – “ he struggled with the points on his shoulders and grumbled a little under his breath. “Damn these sleeves,” he muttered. “Help me out of them, will you, Argond?”

Argond hesitated and looked down at his hands. “I, er, am rather bloody, my lord – “

“Is it your blood?”

“No, my lord, but – “

“Well, untie this, will you? And take that button off there – Ah! That is better; I aver the least comfortable part of this doublet is the sleeve. And the other one – Yes! Thank you, Argond; I think I can manage anything now. The western solar, you said? I know well where that is; it is by the Lord and Lady’s private apartments, and the family sitting area. Go change your tunic, Argond; I can find my way.”

“As my lord wishes,” said Argond, openly smiling now; he gave to Legolas a brief bow and disappeared through the doorway and down the corridor. Sparing a moment to collect his thoughts, and tamp down the tempting desire to lock his chamber door and reacquaint himself with the decanter, Legolas straightened the doublet, and on afterthought unbuttoned the top two collar buttons; then he took a deep breath, and went to find Tamin.

Faramir answered his knock with sober face and clenched jaw, which Legolas found inauspicious, and Legolas entered the comfortable rooms where he had spent so many happy hours, dandling the children upon his knee, and watching Éowyn nurse her infants. It was very quiet now; no one spoke, but all looked up when Legolas entered the room. Éowyn was there, calmly embroidering, and Fastred and Léodwyn also; Fastred looked angry and bewildered, and Léodwyn frightened. Legolas could not read Éowyn’s face; she held it a cool indifferent mask, which, Legolas knew, could mean she was either angry enough to kill someone, or about to laugh. Hísimë and Théodred were there too; Théodred seemed very interested in the goings-on, and watched everyone with brisk notice; Hísimë stood aloof from her friend Léodwyn and cast admiring looks at Tamin.

Tamin, Legolas thought, did certainly not resemble at all his well-dressed and well-behaved esquire. His hair was pulled out of its restricting plait, and a quantity of blood had spilt from his nose and dried all over his face and neck; his tunic was torn at the throat and twisted round his torso, and he had a large rip in the knee of his hose. More alarming to the Green Knight however was the split and swollen lip, and brilliant redness about one temple, presaging what was promising to be a very impressive black eye. But what moved Legolas the most was the expression of grief and dismay and shame on his little esquire’s face, and how, when the boy saw that his Master had come into the room, his grey eyes filled with tears, and he hung his head in abject humility. Legolas wished to fall upon his knees then, and draw the boy to him to comfort him; however he did not yet know how Tamin had come to be in this disgraceful state, and knew he must needs withhold judgment ere he had heard the tale. He turned to Faramir, who was standing with arms crossed, his pale eyes questioning.

“Well, my friend,” he said, “this seems a sorry state of affairs! How has got mine esquire into this state? And where is Kaimelas?”

“He is in the apothecary,” said Faramir, and noting the look of alarm on Legolas’ face he added, “Not on his own account but another’s. I was called here too, O Legolas, only moments ago, and do not know for myself the whole tale, hearing only that some altercation occurred outside the family rooms.” He glanced at Tamin, his lips twitching. “Though now that I see the state of your esquire I do think me I shall release this privilege to you, for I do not see a mark upon my son.”

“M-my lord, I would n-not hurt Fastred,” stammered Tamin, his lower lip, grossly swollen, trembling and smeared with blood. Fastred glanced at Tamin; his eyes snapped with anger, but he said:

“It is true, O my father; Tamin did not fight me.”

“Ah, then.” Faramir’s eyes softened and he said: “Well, O esquire of the Green Knight, I shall let your Master deal with you as he wills, subject to the laws of my demesne.” He glanced at his wife, who regarded him through hooded eyes. “If my Lady Wife does not object?”

“Begin your enquiry, O Green Knight,” said Éowyn; her voice was low and expressionless, and Tamin went very pale. Fighting back the urge to take Tamin to the apothecary to be tended, or perhaps shake him in frustration, or both, Legolas turned instead to his charge, and folded his arms across his chest.

“Well, Tamin,” he said. “What have you done? Has someone in the household molested you in some way?”

Tamin gulped and he began to tremble. “N-n-no, Master,” he whispered; his voice was hoarse and low, and he could not raise his eyes.

“Tamin said a bad word, Lassah,” said Théodred cheerfully from where he stood by his brother and sister. “He called Halgond a – “

“Théodred!” said Faramir, and the boy fell silent; though Legolas was amused to note Théodred’s eyes sparkled with mirth; he appeared to be the only person in the room thoroughly enjoying himself.

Legolas glanced back at Tamin, who had started to cry, great fat teardrops rolling down his bruised cheeks, falling upon the floor with little splashes. “I am ignorant, O Tamin, esquire of Dol Galenehtar; please, do tell me what it is that you are supposed to have done, for I have heard nothing save some minor skirmish occurred.”

“He has without provocation or proper warning assaulted a guest in my house,” said Fastred angrily. “A friend too, and under my care, who had thought himself safe and among allies.”

Legolas looked at Fastred, surprised at the boy’s wrath. “Halgond?” he asked.

“Yes, Lassah,” said Fastred stiffly.

“Hm!” said Legolas. “Did anyone see the incident?”

“Argond did,” said Théodred eagerly. “He did relate it me when we came upon the fray in the hall. He says he saw Halgond walk Léodwyn back to her chambers, going round the corner from his sight, and after a moment Halgond returned down the hall whistling, and looking quite happy; and seeing Tamin walking toward him he said, ‘What ho, Tamin?’ And then, Argond said, Tamin up and hit Halgond in the face with his fist.”

Legolas gave a snort of laughter, then clapped his hand over his mouth and stared, wide-eyed, at Faramir, who bit his lip and clenched his jaw the firmer. Éowyn cleared her throat and gazed with unwonted interest at her embroidery hoop. Fastred stared at the Elf lord in consternation, and poor Tamin kept his gaze upon the bit of carpet between his feet upon which his teardrops fell. Legolas composed his features, wiped his mouth carefully with his hand to make sure he did not smile, and struggling to keep his voice calm he said:

“And then?”

“And then Tamin thrashed him,” supplied Théodred eagerly. “He pounded Halgond’s head into the – “

“Théodred!”

“Well, he did,” muttered Théodred retiring, though Legolas noted he gave to Tamin an approving look. Fastred glared at Théodred, then turned to Legolas and said:

“When my Lady Mother and I arrived, your esquire had struck Halgond several times in the face, and they were throwing punches at each other, though Halgond got the worst of it, and then Tamin threw him to the floor, and taking his hair in his fist began to drum Halgond’s forehead into the pavers, cursing at him.”

“I bet his nose is broken,” said Théodred cheerfully. “There was an awful lot of blood. Wasn’t there, Hísimë?”

“Mostly Halgond’s, I noticed,” said Hísimë coolly, smoothing her skirt and throwing Léodwyn a sharp look.

“Halgond is my friend,” said Fastred angrily. “He did not – “

“I am your friend too!” cried Tamin suddenly, turning his aggrieved eyes to Fastred. “I sought only to – “

“I did not ask for your help!” said Fastred leaping to his feet, very red. “If you think I care in the slightest – “

“He kissed her!” protested Tamin, his eyes full of tears. “They betrayed you! I thought – “

“Léodwyn!” exclaimed Fastred, turning with horror upon the girl. “You could not – “

“Oh – “ Léodwyn shrank back, looking very frightened; then seeing the cold wrath in her lady’s face, and the amazement and indignation upon Hísimë’s, bolted from the room, her blue skirts swirling. Fastred stood rooted to the spot, his face pale as death, and stared after her.

“Are you not going to follow her?” asked Éowyn, returning to her embroidery. Fastred swung around, his hands fisted by his side.

“Why should I?” he cried. “If she is going to act in this fashion – “

“Go after her, Fastred!” said Tamin desperately. “Go after her, and quickly! Otherwise she will return to Halgond, and you shall lose her forever!”

“I will not go after her!” shouted Fastred, his face mottled in fury. “What do you think you are doing, telling me how to conduct mine own affairs? What do you know about it anyway? How dare you! And how dare you take others’ sides over mine! If you had any sense about you, you would know I was right and she is wrong!”

“But – but why are you so angry with me, Fastred?” asked Tamin, his eyes bewildered. “For months and months you and Léodwyn have been at odds, and you have done nothing – “

“What would you have me do?” demanded Fastred angrily. “I had naught for which to apologize; ‘twas her offense not mine! She ought to have come to me!”

“But you were so cold!” protested Tamin. “Did you not see how your indifference hurt her?”

“Whose side are you on?” cried Fastred. “I thought you were my friend! Apparently I was wrong.”

Tamin’s face fell, and his mouth worked silently a moment, then he said hoarsely: “Well you thought Halgond was your friend too, did you not? I suppose you were wrong on both counts, though he sought to harm you, and I to help.” And turning his face from Fastred, he stared resolutely at the far wall, trembling from head to foot. Fastred gazed at him in a sort of horror, then said, his voice unsteady:

“Why must you always poke your nose into things you cannot understand? Do you not see how foolish you have made me look?”

“You make yourself look foolish, with no help from me!” cried Tamin, glaring at him and stamping his foot. “Your fine clothes and your silly friends and your ridiculous beard – “

“Enough!” cried Fastred angrily. “Do you not speak of my friends in that fashion; you do not understand – “

“I understand they are silly and vain and so are you,” said Tamin, stammering and breathless in his anger. “Strutting round like a peacock and treating your friends like children! O I should have hit you instead, you – you – “

“Careful, Tamin,” said Faramir mildly. “No more bad language; there are ladies present.”

“Lord Father,” said Fastred, looking very flushed and disagreeable, “surely there is little more to be said on this issue.” He drew himself up to his full height and leveled an imperious finger at Tamin. “This esquire has without provocation attacked a member of this household – “

“’This esquire,’ Fastred?” interrupted Legolas; his voice was very cold, and Fastred seeing the cold light of anger in those grey eyes went silent and pale. “’This esquire’? When did you reduce your dearest friend to such derisory state?”

“Lassah,” said Fastred, his anger fading, though he yet looked very distraught. “I do not – I cannot – “

“I think you ought to let Tamin fight him, Lassah,” said Théodred. “Fastred’s not hurt yet but Tamin is awfully fast.”

“Théodred,” chided Faramir.

“On the contrary,” said Legolas, going to his esquire and laying a long white hand on the boy’s shoulder. “There has been enough fighting for one evening. I will not expose my charge to such violent language, when it seems apparent to me he did naught for which he deserves disapprobation. Your Lord Father may disagree, O Fastred, but in mine eyes, Tamin acted foolishly but with your best interests at heart. The same could not be said of you, save the ‘foolish’ aspect. If you have any more to say to Tamin Rúmilion, you will direct such information to me or to my valet Kaimelas. Though I caution you, O Fastred, Kaimelas has yet a switch chosen for you that he has not had opportunity to use; I would avoid turning my back to him, were I you.”

“I, I – “ stammered Fastred, turning from Legolas to his father desperately. “I, I do not know what to do.”

“Go see Léodwyn, Fastred,” said his mother calmly from where she sat. “Go apologize to her.”

“For what, Lady Mother?” asked Fastred a little sulkily. “What did I for which I must apologize?”

“I am sure if you think hard enough you will come up with something,” said Éowyn dryly. “And when you are done there, if you think hard again, you will realize there is someone else who deserves an act of contrition.”

Fastred looked at Tamin then, at the bloodied face turned from him, obdurate and resolute, and the head held high; he bit his lip, and glancing guiltily at Legolas, he quit the room. When the door had closed, Legolas knelt by his esquire, and taking him by the shoulder, turned him to face him; Tamin’s eyes overflowed with tears, and Legolas’ heart turned over.

“My dear Little One,” he said gently.

“O Master,” sobbed Tamin, throwing himself upon his Master’s breast. “Please forgive me. You must be so angry with me.”

“I like how he begs your forgiveness first,” said Éowyn to her embroidery hoop. “Does Elvish convention require he eventually apologize to Halgond?”

“Under these circumstances, no,” smiled Legolas. “But we are in Osgiliath and shall bow to your customs.”

Tamin twisted in Legolas’ arms, and breaking away he knelt at Éowyn’s feet, his little face full of grief. “O Lady Éowyn – and Lord Faramir – O I am so sorry! I, I do not know what came over me – when he came round the corner from Léodwyn’s door – he had kissed her – and he looked so – “ Tamin’s face changed, went dark and angry, and his battered hands went into fists. “So smug – so smug and self-satisfied! O I wanted nothing more than to – to hold him by his ankles out the window and drop him into the river! I know it was wrong to strike him – I knew it was wrong when I did it – but O, Master – “ he looked up at Legolas, his eyes bright. “It felt so good when I hit him.” Faramir made a little noise then, in truth a snort of laughter swiftly suppressed; but Tamin, mistaking it for disapproval, said in dismay: “I am so sorry, Lord Faramir! To have done such a thing and in your house – “

“Do you not apologize to me, Tamin Rúmilion,” said Faramir with a small smile. “I have wanted to box the brat’s ears for weeks, but principle forbad me.”

Tamin stared at him in amazement. “Did you really?” he said wonderingly. “You were angry with him too? You saw what he was doing? I do not understand at all what has been occurring – Fastred and Léodwyn fought – and Halgond, he – O I am so confused! And O, I am so angry with Léodwyn and Fastred!”

Hísimë stepped forward then, and laid her small hand upon his shoulder; she smiled down at him, her eyes tender.

“So are we all, dear Tamin!” she said. “Do you not worry so about Fastred – he is being stupid, and does not deserve so fine and courageous a friend as you. And Léodwyn, well – I will not speak of her for it would be unladylike, and enough propriety has been broken on my elder brother’s account; it is very upsetting, is it not, dear Tamin? Lord Legolas,” she said, turning to the Elf Lord with her little chin held high. “May I beg the privilege of tending to Tamin Rúmilion’s wounds? They were justly got, and it is the duty of every high-born lady to see to the well-being of warriors on honorable undertaking so injured.”

“So it is,” said Legolas, his lips twitching; he exchanged a glance with Éowyn, who seemed to have something wrong with her tongue; she was biting it so. “By your Lady Mother’s leave, O Lady Hísimë, I grant unto you permission to succor mine esquire in his time of need, and soothe not only the injured brow but wounded heart.”

Tamin looked up at Hísimë in amazement. “Will you do that then for me, Hísimë?” he asked a little wistfully. “I had thought – since Fastred is your brother and Halgond your friend too – that you would be angry with me as is Fastred – “ His bright eyes filled with tears again, and he looked very mournful. Hísimë gave an incoherent little cry of sympathy, and bending down she kissed his forehead and stroked his golden hair.

“Dear Tamin!” she said warmly. “It is my privilege to comfort you; do you come now to the nursery, and I shall wash your wounds, and apply those unguents fashioned to soothe your aches; and I shall have Argond to bring unto us sweetmeats and hot mead.” She took his battered and bloodied hands in her own and drew him to his feet; he looked gratefully down upon her, and she smiled up at him, her grey eyes tender. “And I shall play for you upon the harp if you like, O dear Tamin, and you may lay upon the couch and cushion your aching head, and let all indignity and mortification which embroils in your breast fall away, and all shall be well – I promise you, dear Tamin.” Tamin stared at her in gratified amazement, and she smiled sweetly upon him. Legolas opened his mouth to speak, thought better of it, and closed it with a snap. But he need not have bothered; at that moment Théodred piped up:

“Sweetmeats! O good! I am still hungry from dinner. Come then, Tamin; we shall let Hísimë wrap you up well, and eat all we like, and while she’s playing her harp I will show you my new toy trebuchet. It is a great big one, and I wager I could knock Halgond down from one hundred feet away.”

Hísimë looked displeased, and flushed a little; but Legolas said: “My Tamin, go then with the children of the Lord and Lady of Emyn Arnen and seek your peace there. Come to me ere you seek your couch and speak to me though; we have much to discuss.”

“Yes, Master,” said Tamin, and turned a thankful smile upon his lord; then he let Hísimë lead him out by the hand, with Théodred clattering along behind them. The door closed, but he could yet hear Hísimë’s dulcet tones, and Théodred’s happy chatter; and over all the subdued chiming voice of his little esquire, polite, friendly, and still, to Legolas’ relief, oblivious. He took a deep breath and turned to apologize to his friends, but to his surprise, Éowyn was doubled over in mirth.

“Oh, oh, oh!” she laughed, setting her hoop aside and clutching at her stomach as though it pained her. “How I wish I had seen it! Pounded Halgond’s face into the pavers – Oh!”

“Laugh if you will,” said Faramir, shaking his head; “but Hallas will have aught to say of this, my friend.”

“Let him talk!” said Legolas tiredly. “He remembers well how it felt to have his lady taken from him. I do not blame my Tamin in the slightest – though I think I shall have to instruct him further on the proper etiquette when issuing a challenge to a friend’s rival. And what shall we do with Fastred?”

Faramir sighed. “He grows more like my brother every day,” he said discontentedly. “Whence got he such hubris? I will speak to him, Legolas, on little Tamin’s behalf; but I do not promise I shall make much headway; he is very stubborn, and these new fine friends of his give him such insufferable advice.”

“Let Kaimelas do it,” said Éowyn, still laughing. “A switch! Only he must needs take it to Léodwyn too.”

“I will tell him that when I find him,” said Legolas, and bowing to them both, bid them good-night; then quitting the chamber, he went back down the corridor, wanting more than ever to locate the decanter by his fire side. “But first I need to speak with Gimli and Bandobras,” he thought; “my thoughts are in such disarray! O this – this is why I shall never let myself fall in love!” And walking along he caught himself humming, Rum rum rum, in and out, in and out, ho ho!

(A/N: “The Lusty Young Smith” is a 17th century English song first appearing in Thomas D'Urfey's 'Wit and Mirth: Pills to Purge Melancholy' in 1698. No, I did not write it. I cannot write poetry. Those of you who have read my Green Knight series may have wondered why I don’t have the characters spontaneously burst into song or verse. The results would be too horrible to contemplate. Let’s leave verse-making to Tolkien and other such masters.

No one guessed the celebrity quote in Chapter 7! Here’s the original and the originator:

“Yes, I'm a lot prettier than you and you're a girl. I noticed. Pfft, do you believe this? This girl is mad at me ‘cause I'm prettier than her and she's a girl. Don't worry, honey, nobody noticed.” – Davey Havok

Many thanks again to my marvelous beta, Nieriel Raina! I’d hire her full-time if I got paid for this.