Disclaimer: No profit will be made from these stories. All quotes from the works of J.R.R.Tolkien are reproduced here without the permission of The Tolkien Estate or New Line Cinema. No copyright infringement is intended.

To Cairistiona and Estelcontar: my most grateful thanks for their ongoing encouragement and support.

And thanks to Cairistiona for the beta.

Chapter 30: Eowyn

      “….Few other griefs amid the ill chances of this world have more shame and bitterness for a man’s heart than to behold the love of a lady so fair and brave that cannot be returned….”  Aragorn

The Houses of Healing                                                                     The Return of the King

   In the early morning you came unlooked for to the gate of our city. With you rode Gandalf Greyhame, an Elf and a Dwarf; strange company it is that you keep. I noticed you not when first you arrived at our door; hidden as you were in the dim light of the hall, and all our eyes were for Gandalf alone.

    You could not know of the despair in this household into which you walked. My uncle had long ago ceased to rule as he should, listening to and believing the twisted words of Wormtongue. For days beyond number I had endured this ‘counsellor’s’ presence. My skin crawled when he entered a room and ever were his eyes upon me as I tended my failing king. There seemed no escape from this torment. But then Gandalf broke the spell, and a tiny flicker of light entered the darkness of my world.

  And so it was that I saw you at last; really saw you. I have never before laid eyes upon the like of such a man. Very tall and commanding you were; a man of Mundburg I would guess; for sure you are a noble lord from some far land. There is strength within you and in your sharp eyes I see a depth of wisdom earned by long and hard ways.  I deem you are a valiant warrior, but I feel there is much more besides. What hidden depths are there to you; what power do you conceal beneath your grey cloak? Such a man could do much for my people.

   But secretly, and to my shame, I find myself wanting more than that. What could you not do for me, I ask? My heart skips as it has never done before; I could come to love a man such as you. And as a lord of high birth, you are a sound match for the grand daughter of a king. The first flush of youth may have long since passed you by, but your face is still fair to behold. And from your body would come worthy sons for the line of Eorl.

   I greatly desired to learn more, but there was no time. With my uncle healed and Wormtongue driven back to his true master, much else occurred that day to give us hope. Just hours after you arrived, you rode away to defend our realm; you and all the warriors of Edoras. And I waited behind as I always do; as I always must; for I am a woman and it is my duty.

~oo0oo~

   Last night you returned and brought news of a great victory at the Hornburg. With you came many men like to yourself; strong fighting men, a gift in our time of need.  My heart rejoiced, for it seemed you brought us new hope.

   But it was not so. My joy proved short-lived. Now I am in despair once again and this time it is more bitter than before.

   You said you are leaving at dawn to take the Paths of the Dead. What madness has driven you to this?  This is complete folly; none can walk that path and live. Do you seek death? You assured me that is not so and only through great need do you venture upon this road. The waste of such a good man is unbearable to me.  I tried to reason with you further. If you care not for yourself, then what of the senseless loss of the men who, I know, will follow you. I would follow you too, if you would but permit it, though I fear you see me as feckless, for you talked to me of duty. But am I not now free of my duties as a nursemaid? It matters not; I failed to turn you from your path. As you went to your rest, my only hope was that my words might sear your sleep. Would that you might heed them in the morning.

~oo0oo~

     It is first light and I see now I have left you unmoved. You are preparing to leave and ride towards that dreadful mountain. I feel desperate; I have to stop you somehow. My heart is screaming: no! You go to your death! I try one last time to bring you to your senses. You heed me not. Seeing I have failed, I beg you to take me with you. I would rather die at your side than stay here alone, even at the charge of abandoning my people. You will not relent. Some fey mood is upon you; what must I do to reach you? Do you not care for me at all? In despair, I throw myself at your feet. Gently, you raise me and kiss my hand, but then you are gone, riding away to face what horror I do not know.

   Stricken, I watch you go; you do not even look back. My tears flow wildly as my grief undoes me. All hope is lost. I would sooner you had never ridden to my door than bring me to this. ‘Heir of Kings’ was the title the door warden brought to us that bright morning in Meduseld when first you came. I wondered then how such a man would be; one that had seemingly stepped out of some distant legend. Would he be true and bring us real hope or would he be but a ghost, a shadow of a man to tease and then wither and fade at the test. With all my heart I wanted you to save my people; to save me. Now it seems you were no better than a phantom after all. But to my shame, you torment me still, for with you on your evil path, you have taken my heart.

    What am I to do now? I have no wish to live the life that must surely follow our defeat. Yet I am a shieldmaiden of Rohan. I shall not wait here, helpless and afraid. I am of the House of Eorl. I can ride a horse as well as any man; I can wield a sword; I can fight.

 And so may I find death and a release from the intolerable pain of loving thee.

  Then he kissed her hand, and sprang into the saddle, and rode away, and did not look back; and only those who knew him well and were near to him saw the pain that he bore.

The Passing of the Grey Company                                                  The Return of the King