To Lose Hope, is To Give Up

A/N: As always many thanks to my beta Erulisse.

Chapter 8: Regret

Erestor was leaning back, relaxing in the comfortable chair on the main entrance terrace, enjoying the last rays of the descending sun. Or at least he was trying to do so. After a rather loud debate with Centhar he was allowed to sit outside, but with strict orders not to move around and to rest. By agreeing that he would obey the healer’s commands, he could at least flee the dreadful atmosphere of the healing ward for a few hours. Most of the patients could leave the infirmary soon, but not so Lord Elrond. His injuries were severe and he had shown no real improvement yet.

Erestor was worried. What would become of this community if the worst came to pass and the Elf-Lord would no longer be able to lead them? Due to the still lasting shock and the hectic activity all around, nobody seemed to have considered what would become of the sheltered valley. He sighed and shuddered because the rays of the sun did not really warm him, yet his dark thoughts were interrupted, when he heard a commotion at the main gate.

He looked closer and saw Lady Galadriel and Lord Glorfindel standing at the gate debating with a group of men. The stiff posture of the golden haired warrior told him instantly that something was amiss with the newly arrived royal party.

Erestor struggled to his feet, stubbornly ignoring the protest of his injured body, when he saw Baradon, the chief councillor of King Valandil, rush past Glorfindel clutching a sobbing Arahel to his chest. With a frown on his face, Erestor stood at the entrance, awaiting the grimly looking man stomping through the garden. He had no difficulty guessing what the conversation had been about.

Suppressing a violent cough Erestor stepped casually into the man´s path. “Mae govannen, Baradon,” he greeted; ignoring the anger that rolled in waves from the man. He did not move an inch to let the man pass.

Surprised and unaware of his rude behaviour, due to his worry for Arahel, the councillor stopped and looked unwilling at the dark haired elf. “Mae govannen Lord Erestor,” he grumbled. “Where is Lord Elrond? I want to speak with him!”

Before Erestor could answer, the boy squirmed to gain his caretaker´s attention. “Bara, you….” When he looked angrily at his charge, the boy swallowed and his voice trailed off.

“Arahel you must not interrupt your elders,” the man chided, looking sternly at the boy.

“But, Baradon…,” the boy began again but closed his mouth quickly, when he saw the dangerous gleam in Baradon´s eyes.

Erestor coughed, this time deliberately, to get the man´s attention back. “I´m sorry, but you cannot see Lord Elrond, he´s… unable to meet you right now,” Erestor finished quickly.

Shifting the squirming boy in his arms Baradon took a deep breath. “Well, that I cannot accept. I insist on seeing him right now!” As the man attempted to rush past Erestor the dark haired elf grabbed the man´s arm firmly, stopping him effectively.

“Consider your words and actions, man,” Erestor said in a low tone.

For a short time the man and the elf glared at one another until Baradon was unable to bear the elf´s angry gaze any longer. Baradon´s followers shifted nervously from one foot to the other, clearly feeling the tension between their superior and Lord Elrond´s chief councillor. Wrenching his arm free Baradon clutched the child tighter and continued into the House followed by his men.

Seeing the shocked expression on the little boy´s face, Erestor shook his head. “Men!” he thought. “They are unfriendly and insensible.”

Erestor was not very fond of men. Every elf could have easily read the worry in his eyes, but men were simply ignorant. Knowing that the healers would be able to handle Baradon, he sat back down, forced by his slightly shaking legs.

………………………………………………….

Wearily Centhar closed the door to Lord Elrond´s sickroom. He looked up surprised when he heard someone stomping down the corridor. This could only be a man; elves would never make such a noise. He forced a smile onto his face, when he recognized Baradon with little Arahel in his arms. His smile froze when he saw the anguish in the boy’s eyes and the grim expression on Baradon´s face.

Before he could say anything the man stood before him, his eyes gleaming angrily. “Don’t tell me that Lord Elrond is busy and not able to speak with me. That I have heard before!” the man grumbled.

Not knowing what had happened, Centhar stiffened despite his weariness, not liking the tone of the man at all. “I think you should reduce your voice and calm down”, he said in a controlled tone and stepped forward to block the man’s path.

Re-shifting the again sobbing child in his arms, the King´s councillor threw all caution to the wind and quickly stepped around the healer, entering the room Centhar had just left. Angrily Centhar turned and followed the man. One of the healer’s apprentices looked bewildered at the commotion and glared unwilling at the man standing in the open doorway.

With his mouth open to demand his request, Baradon stopped short and looked startled at the still figure on the bed. What was going on here? He had expected Lord Elrond to be tending to some injured patient; but actually seeing the Elf-Lord lying on the bed himself came as a shock. Suddenly his rude behaviour struck him like a blow. What had gotten in him? Even if Lord Elrond had been tending a patient, he had no right to enter here. He had surely been taught better manners, but seeing his beloved boy injured and the chaos all around had snapped some barrier.

Suddenly very unsure about how to master the situation and fumbling for the right words, he swallowed looking into the angry faces all around him until a few seconds later Glorfindel appeared in the room and grabbed his elbow.

“I think you should go now,” he said with a calm voice, yet every-one who knew him winced at the underlying threat. “But what …?” Baradon stammered confused, grimacing as Glorfindel grabbed his arm painfully and dragged him out. Nodding reassuringly at the other healers, Centhar quickly closed the door and took a deep breath.

When they had gained enough distance to not disturb the injured patients Glorfindel released the man and turned to glare at him. “What do you think you are doing?” he snapped steering the man further down the corridor. Baradon, slowly recovering from his shock, looked unwillingly at the golden haired warrior. Knowing that he had done something wrong, through not willing to suffer the warrior´s tone he growled: “Release my arm. I didn’t know that Lord Elrond was ill!”

Glorfindel glared back unimpressed. “If you had allowed one of us to speak, then we could have told you that. Besides, he’s not ill, he was injured during the fire.”

Baradon´s confusion mounted. Why was the elf so angry at him? He was not responsible for the Elf-Lord’s injury. Suddenly Arahel burst into tears looking fearfully at his mentor. “Bara, it was all my fault. I got lost during the fire and Lord Elrond went in search of me. Now he will die because of me.”

Gasping at the words of his charge the councillor stumbled back. With horror in his eyes he looked at Glorfindel. “I did not know,” he whispered. “Please forgive me, I had no idea.”

The expression on Glorfindel´s face did not change. He was weary, angry, in pain and not able to respond properly to the man’s apology. Therefore he turned away quickly, before he would say anything he would regret later.

Lost, Baradon stood in the corridor soothing the weeping boy. How could he have been so blind? The death of his wife and their unborn child had left him short-tempered and now he had managed to not only upset the child, but also anger the elves.

With a pleading look, Baradon gazed at Centhar. The young healer sighed and took the still crying child into his arms, as the man turned and headed after Glorfindel. “Shht,” Centhar soothed, rubbing the boy’s back until the sobs subsided. “Don’t cry anymore. It wasn’t your fault of course. Do you hear me?” Reluctantly the boy nodded snuggling closer to the elf.

Centhar smiled and sat down with the boy on his knees. “Why is Bara so angry with me?” the boy whispered finally. Centhar tilted up the boy’s tear streaked face.

“He’s not angry with you, he’s rather angry with himself. Don’t worry. All will be well. Come, let’s go and try to fetch some milk and honey cakes, shall we?” Nodding, the boy’s face lit up. Centhar smiled. Children! They were all the same.

…………………………………………………………..

Baradon stepped outside and searched for the golden haired warrior, but stopped when he saw Erestor speaking softly to Glorfindel. The King´s councillor shivered as for the first time he took in the weary and pale look of the two elves in front of him, and only now realized that numerous bandages covered the visible parts of the two elven bodies. Oh, he was such a fool. Something terrible must have happened two nights ago and he had nothing better to do, than to poke in open wounds. Lord Elrond was probably mortally wounded. No, he would not even think further on this possibility.

He stood in the entryway, hesitating. He wished that the earth would open and swallow him, yet he wanted nothing more than to apologize for his rude behaviour. He did not know how to approach the elves. How should he start? What should he say? Not able to reach a suitable solution, he turned away to leave so that he would not cause any more distress.

After one step however, he heard a soft call behind him.  Although he was unsure, he turned and looked at the two elves. If he had expected anger, there was only sadness.

“Glorfindel, Erestor,” he whispered with a quavering voice. “I’m sorry. I had no idea. When I saw the boy injured all my self control snapped. Please forgive me?”

Glorfindel stepped forward and laid a hand on the unhappy man’s shoulder. “There is nothing to forgive, Baradon. I think we all overreacted a bit. Come let us fetch some food and look after the boy and then I will tell you what happened”. Not trusting his voice, Baradon nodded gratefully and followed the two elves.

To be continued……………………..

A/N:

I will be unavailable for two to three weeks and will respond to reviews and post new chapters as soon as I can when I return. Thanks for your patience. Lai