Chapter 10

“So, I would guess from the fact that we are all gathered up here to work on this that Damrod did not know what you were talking about?” Rúmil asked, gesturing around the talan that Haldir still shared with Gilwen’s family.

Haldir sighed. “That would be correct. However he did think that it was a fascinating concept and would like to see it when we finish. By the way, Ferevellon, we are grateful for this table you made.” He ran his fingers over the surface of the low table around which they were all seated on the floor.  “It is just the right height for preparing and eating meals and for all of the others things that I have so desperately missed having a table for.”

“Thank you,” Ferevellon replied, sitting up a bit straighter and looking quite pleased with himself. “The idea has caught on and my brother and I have orders for eight more already. I am just surprised that no one thought to make tables before now. They can build a talan, but they never thought of making tables or chairs even?”

“Consider the way they live,” Orophin pointed out. “They live in the trees and they move whenever something important becomes compromised. They have no pack animals, so everything has to be carried on their backs and everything has to be able to be carried up a ladder high in a tree. Would you not be horrified at the prospect of packing up everything you had in your talan in Caras Galadhon and carrying it on your back to a new settlement many leagues away?”

“Yes, that is a good point,” Ferevellon agreed quite readily with a vigorous nod of his head.

“Hence these Galadhrim’s passion for efficient and utilitarian items,” Angaril added smugly as he leaned to the side and ducked behind Rúmil to avoid the small object which immediately flew in his direction.

“So, Captain,” Fereveldir said loudly in attempt to bring the conversation back to the matter at hand. “Did the eldest among the new recruits we have been training from the other settlements know what a map was either or are they as ignorant as Damrod?”

Haldir shook his head. “One would think that making a map would be important to these people, but it would seem that without the concept of a written language, they do not think there is any point in trying to record anything in a permanent or semi-permanent fashion. Keep in mind that Daeron’s cirth and Feanor’s tengwar have not been invented yet or at least are unknown among these folk if they have been invented. They do carve things out of wood and engrave pictures and designs in wood, but…” he threw up his hands in a gesture of helplessness. “Apparently something as efficient and utilitarian,” He glared at Angaril for emphasis, “as a map never occurred to them. Everyone just remembers what is important and they tell tales to teach others, so why record it any other way?”

Orophin smiled in acknowledgement, shaking his head in mild disbelief as he pulled a rolled up piece of deer skin leather from under the table and began spreading it for all to see. “We have already begun work on the maps. Haldir and I have attempted one of all of Beleriand based on what we could remember from a map we saw in a book in Elrond’s library a few ennin ago.”

He pointed to a few realms on the map. “We know for certain that these places: Nargothrond, Gondolin, Vinyamar, Hithlum, Dorthonian, and so on do not yet exist or there are no realms there by these names. Doriath might exist, but we simply do not know for certain because we still do not know where or when we are other than not in Doriath.”

Sliding his finger across the map, he tapped it on a large forest south of the area labeled East Beleriand. “Haldir was told that we were found near the edge of the forest west of here, so it is possible that we are here near Thargelion. It is also possible that we are in Taur-im-Duinath here in this forest bordered by the rivers Gelion to the east and the river Sirion and the Bay of Balar to the west. Brethil told us that they crossed a river to get here as they migrated westward from the place where he was born. Of course Ossiriand was ‘the land of seven rivers’, so his memory does open up many more possibilities for us as well.” 

Angaril shook his head in disbelief. “That is a very large area for speculation. Is there any way we can narrow this down?”

“We could go scouting and see where we end up if we go far enough west and north,” Rúmil suggested.

Everyone sat in silence for a time, pondering the possibilities.

Sighing, Haldir finally said, “I would very much like to explore and try to determine where we are. However we have an obligation to complete the training of the new recruits from the other settlements. I think we should map out our surroundings first and create a map with only pictures to show Damrod and whoever else wishes to see it. We will create another one with cirth on it as well for ourselves to use as a reference. I would like to explore the other settlements and include them and their hunting grounds on a map as well.”

“How come we did not think of this or attempt this before now?” Fereveldir asked.

“Actually I did think of it before, but I was afraid of the consequences of leaving the settlement too soon,” Haldir confessed. “We needed their help, we needed to fully heal, and we needed to become established enough that we would have a home to return to once our wanderings were finished. We were too weak and too ignorant of too many things to survive in these lands without help.”

He paused and looked about with a wistful smile at the sounds of ellith chatting and laughing somewhere on the ground below the talan. “We know now that there are many dangers here and there is more safety in numbers. I want to talk to some of the older ones in the settlement about their memories of migrating here to this settlement. When we go, I want to take some of the hunters with us. We may be closer to Doriath than we realize or we may be so far from it that trying to get to the safety it represents once Morgoth unleashes the orcs may not be feasible.”

“We have just taught these people to try to stay and fight in the face of danger if possible rather than flee from it immediately. What if they will not leave when the orcs finally come? How will we explain our knowledge of orcs?” Angaril asked worriedly.

“I think we will have to deal with that when the time comes. Perhaps we can explain away our knowledge of orcs as something we learned from our travels. It would not be a lie.” Haldir smiled sadly. “We simply need not tell them that we acquired this knowledge thousands of years in the future.”

A sorrowful silence descended on the group as each seemed to recall some memory from his past, now a distant future. When Orophin spoke up again to begin a discussion of the settlement map, the somber mood never quite went away.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The waterfall fell in brilliant cascade of rushing and trembling in the starlit pool below. Haldir sat enchanted by Gilwen’s song about the pool of stars.  When her song ended, he expressed his appreciation with a long passionate kiss.  When he drew away, she leaned back against a tree on the bank, dangling her foot in the water and troubling the reflected shimmering stars. He could not help but smile as he picked up his harp and played her a tune of the waterfall.

Did he really have to go away, he wondered as he played. Was exploring truly that important? He could just stay here and be with her…His tune faltered briefly and she looked at him quizzically as he flushed with embarrassment and fumbled with a few notes before finding the melody again.

Much to his surprise he realized he really could just stay here with her at his side. Contentedness was not a luxury he had ever truly found for himself in Lórien. There were many things he missed from his old life, but he had gained so much in this simple new life here in Celos Galen.  Why was he so eager to leave it and go exploring?

In truth, he did not actually want to go. It was more of a duty to his family and friends from Lórien and to these simple folk of Celos Galen. They had no idea what dangers lay in store for them at some point in the future. Because he did know what was to come, he felt obliged to plan for their future. But it was a future he fully intended to share with them.

When the tune ended, Gilwen set aside his harp and expressed her own appreciation. When she finished with his lips, she pushed him back to lie in the grass, her silver hair spreading in a glory across his chest as her head rested on his shoulder.

“When will you tell me what troubles you, my love?”

He chuckled, but did not ask how she knew. She always seemed to know his mood and many times knew his heart as well without him telling her.

“Do you intend to go with the new warriors when they return to their settlements? I know you had invitations from their chieftains and you have kept the warriors far longer than their chieftains had imagined you would.”

He tightened his arms around her. “I needed to be certain that they not only had the skill of arms but also an understanding of strategy so they could plan how best to defend their settlements.”

“I know that daeradar is pleased with the suggestions you have made for protecting Celos Galen. He has implemented many of them already and intends to do more. He will not be pleased if you stay away for very long.”

Haldir looked over at her. “Saelon will not be pleased if I am gone for very long or you will not be pleased if I am gone for very long?”

Gilwen smiled. “Both. Unless I go with you in which case I at least will not care how long you are away from Celos Galen so long as we are together.”

The sigh escaped before he could stop himself.

“You do not wish for me to go with you?”

“It is not that exactly…” he squirmed uncertainly. He had not planned on having this conversation with her this soon.

She propped herself up on her elbow, looking down on him somewhat imperiously. “Exactly what is it then? Do you intend to never return? Will you try to find a way back to Lothlórien? Where will you go?”

Haldir sat up, struggling to regain some control of the discussion. “I…I…”

“Have I done something to offend you, Haldir?” She sat up as well. “Do you not love me enough to stay?” She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, whispering, “What happened, Haldir? What happened?”

He looked at her dumbfounded. What had happened? One moment they lay together in bliss and the next…this!

“Gilwen…” he put his hands on her shoulders and sighed again, trying to figure out where to begin. Placing two fingers under her chin, he lifted it to look into her sad eyes.

“Gilwen, I still love you and I will always love you. Never doubt that and never forget it. Do you understand?” She nodded and he lowered his hand back to her shoulder. “I am going to go to the other settlements. In addition to the reasons I have already given you, I will also be making maps of those areas. The more informed we are about the lay of the land around each settlement the better we can defend the settlements and the longer each may be able to stay where they are now. Do you understand?”

She nodded again, placing her hands on his. “Why can I not go with you? What else are you not telling me?”

“I do not intend to return to Celos Galen immediately. We…my brethren of Lothlórien and I…are going to explore beyond the edge of the forest. It would not be proper for you to be with us.”

Gilwen looked at him confused. “How would it not be proper? You love me, do you not?”

“Yes,” he replied exasperated. “I told you that I love you.”

“Then I do not understand why it is improper for the elleth that you love to be with you when she loves you so very much as well.”

He drew her hands down in front of them both. “We may be gone for a long time exploring. I do not think that your parents would approve of you being with me so far away from them.”

“They know I love you and they know that you love me. Why should they not trust you to protect me?”

“It is not that I would not protect you,” he clarified. “I would give my life to protect you and keep you from harm.”

“Haldir, you are the one with whom I wish to join myself. I love you and will gladly bear you many children when the time comes. I have chosen you and my parents know this. Perhaps I have not made this clear to you?”

His heart sang for joy, but he did his best to silence it. It still took him a few moments to regain the ability to speak. “I…I wish that as well…”

He startled himself with the realization that this was indeed true. He had known for some time now that she was the one for him, but he had no intention of telling her until a respectable amount of time had passed for him to be able to approach her parents and ask for their permission to wed her. Of course he had no idea as to how many years that would be by their reckoning, so he resigned himself to simply wait and enjoy what was allowed him. However, being away exploring would make the time pass more quickly and perhaps when he returned, her parents would be more amenable to his suit. By then he could prove his worth in several settlements, he would have his maps, greater knowledge of the world around him, and he had already proven his wisdom, strength, and courage. What reason could they possibly give for not giving their blessing then?

Gilwen regarded him curiously. “My love, if you share my feelings as well, then what problem is there with my accompanying you? I truly do not understand. I have been to the edge of the forest before and I have been to all of the settlements numerous times. I am a healer and I know all of the folk of each settlement. I was good with a bow before, but am even better now that I have been guided by your hand. Why would my parents frown upon my going with you?”

Haldir was dumbfounded! “Have you no sense of propriety?”

She smiled at him strangely. “I have done nothing of which to be ashamed, nor would my going with my beloved bring any shame upon me or my kin or upon you for that matter.”

He glared at her dubiously. “I find that very hard to believe.”

“If these are your ways in Lothlórien, they are strange indeed! My people would find it odd and shameful for you if you did not take me with you.  They know you care for me greatly and that I care for you.”

They stared at each other in disbelief until she finally shook her head and looked away. She rose gracefully and offered him her hand to help him up. “If these are the ways of Lothlórien, it must be filled with many sad and lonely people. I see why you left.”

Too confused to reply, Haldir took her hand and they walked back to their talan in silence.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Haldir smiled smugly at the thud of the arrow in the target nearly 400 yards away. Pausing only long enough to draw another arrow, he continued to fire. He had been at this for hours or so it seemed by the position of the stars last time he checked. When he finished with his arrows and those of his brothers and other three friends, he would retrieve them all from the target, which admittedly was becoming more difficult to hit in an empty space with so many arrows in it already, and start again.

He had missed one meal already today (he did not care for turns of the stars anyway and it was ridiculous that they did not have days) but he simply did not care. He just kept on shooting. He could stop and make some more arrows, but he found the repetition of firing therapeutic and a healing balm for his troubled fae. For four turns of the stupid stars he had practiced like this after drilling the troops from all of the settlements.

Rúmil and Orophin knew that something was troubling him, but they wisely kept their distance, though he knew that would not last for much longer. He would have to speak to someone at some point other than to bark orders or correct or commend technique. Gilwen had not spoken to him since their time at the falls and he had not attempted to speak to her either.

He did miss her, far more than he believed he could miss anyone. But he was too confused and troubled to attempt to speak with her again. So, he did what he did best when he was troubled, he destroyed targets with arrows. He had completely destroyed eight targets so far which was not bad for only four days. Even in Lórien, he had never managed to destroy so many targets in so little time.

Admittedly, these new long bows they had finally perfected were not the same as the ones from Lórien. There was no mallorn readily available to make the bows, so they had made some compromises. Still, he found that the end result felt almost as pleasing in its aim, power, and strong supple lines as a bow from his homeland and the range was nearly the same. It did please him that the other Galadhrim had not the strength yet to draw let alone fire what the new warriors referred to as the “Lórien longbow”.

These were an ignorant and backward people after all and there were times when he enjoyed feeling superior to them. Of course those times were often followed by some major mistake on his part where they duly condemned him for his lack of sense or knowledge about “simple” things. He deserved those times and they kept his arrogance in check though usually at inconvenient moments. However, he did enjoy the times of being superior as well – especially when he was brooding and irritated like he was now.

He emptied another quiver and tossed it aside as he grabbed the next full one. Only 60 arrows to go and he would have to retrieve again. It was not fair. He would have to make more arrows and have the others do the same. It was becoming too irritating stopping so often to retrieve spent arrows.

“Impressive.”

Haldir nearly jumped out of his skin, but hid his reaction with an over exaggerated shrug of his shoulders.  He was so busy brooding and shooting, he was not paying attention to his surroundings.  Had he been one of his own recruits, he would have been reprimanded and lectured for lack of awareness. As it was, he would punish himself with more target practice.

He carefully released an arrow, landing it neatly in a tiny open space on the upper part of the target, then looked over his shoulder to see Damrod standing a few paces away with his arms crossed.

“So, tell me, did you and your friends have a competition to see who could make the biggest bow and you won?” Damrod laughed at his own jest. “It has been most entertaining watching the six of you try out so many new bows – each one longer than the last. I am very surprised that Angaril did not try to make one out of metal.”

“That is for the Numenoreans to do,” Haldir muttered irritably, choosing another arrow.

“Numenoreans? Is that some clan of the dwarves perhaps?” Damrod asked curiously.

“Yes, yes it is,” Haldir agreed, the lie reflecting his mood. “And they are just as obsessive and arrogant as any clan of dwarves which I have ever encountered in my travels.”

“Interesting.”

Damrod stood in silence for a while longer, Haldir very aware of his eyes on his back while he shot.

Haldir emptied the quiver and selected another one. Resisting the urge to sigh, he asked without looking over his shoulder, “Is there something you wanted, Damrod?”

“Actually I thought there was something that you wanted.”

“Not particularly,” he fired another arrow careful not to shave the feathers off any of the others in the already crowded target. He would need to make a larger target to accommodate his extra arrows.

“I refer to Gilwen.”

Haldir’s next shot went wide. “What about her?”

“Do you love her?”

Haldir lowered the bow and turned to look at Damrod. This was not what he was expecting.

“Yes, sir, I do,” he replied simply.

“Why have you two not spoken for four turns of the stars?”

“You noticed,” Haldir said.

“Of course I noticed. I am her adar. It is my job to notice these things,” Damrod replied intentionally paraphrasing one of Haldir’s warriors.

Haldir nodded grimly realizing he was not going to get out of this discussion lightly.

“Why are you not speaking to each other?”

“We had a disagreement.”

“About…” Damrod encouraged.

Haldir stuck the bow in the ground and leaned against it. “We argued about whether or not she could come with me when I accompany the new warriors when they return to their settlements. She did not understand that for the sake of propriety, it would not be appropriate for her to accompany me.  I do not know how long I will be gone.”

“For the sake of propriety?!” Damrod exclaimed. “How is it improper for two who love each other to be together? Your relationship with each other is no secret.”

Haldir sighed trying to figure out how to explain what should be so very obvious. “Damrod, do you not worry about your daughter’s honor or your own? Does it not worry you that she would be in my company away from you?”

“Haldir, I swear, sometimes I wonder how you could be an ellon of the Galadhrim for the questions you ask!” Damrod threw up his hands in exasperation. “Do you love my daughter?”

“Yes, of course!” Haldir snapped.

Damrod leveled a steely gaze on Haldir. “Would you put her safety above your own?”

“I would give my life to defend and protect her.”

“Do you wish to join with her and have children with her?”

Haldir did not even pause before answering. “Yes.”

“Then tell me, Haldir, why would you be willing to be away from her for so long?”

“I fear for her safety. We are going to explore the edge of the forest and beyond. It would not be proper for me to take her away with me for so long when she is not my wife.”

It was Damrod’s turn to sigh. “Haldir, you worry so much about propriety and doing what is proper. Yet there is little you could do to shame her or us more than going away for so long and leaving her behind. Do the ellyn of Lothlórien treasure their ellith so little that they…they leave them behind? No ellon I know of the Galadhrim would ever conceive of leaving behind the elleth he loves if there were anything he could do to prevent such a parting.”  He shook his fists in frustration. “Haldir, how can you not understand this? How can you claim to be so concerned with propriety when you are so ignorant of what is proper?”

Haldir stared at the ellon in shock. “How can I…” he said faintly. “Damrod, how can you let your daughter go with someone who she has known for so little time? How do you know her feelings are true? How do you know she has made the right choice? How do you know I am worthy of her?”

Damrod turned away, breathing heavily, his hands on his hips. After what could have been a good solid count to ten or even twenty, he turned back and faced Haldir.

“Son,” he said emphasizing the word. “I was one of the ones who found you. I have known you ever since you first came here. You have proven yourself capable and strong and resourceful, though not as wise as I would have liked if this conversation is anything to judge by. I would be proud to call you son. I have watched you with my daughter and spoken with her many times about you. I know her feelings for you. I know your feelings for her. Every time you two go away to the falls, I look into your eyes and hers and listen to your voices upon your return, hoping to notice the change and… I have not seen it. I just…”

He paused, gesturing at Haldir in exasperation. “Haldir, what are you waiting for?

“What?!” Haldir asked incredulously. “There…there is no way we have waited the appropriate amount of time for courting or…your approval…or-“

“My approval?!  Haldir, I thought I had been rather obvious! I have had every opportunity to stop you two going off together and I have never done so. What more approval do you want from me? As for an appropriate amount of time courting…are you ready for the commitment of marriage? Gilwen is. Who do you think you will impress by waiting any longer?”

Haldir stared at the ellon completely at a loss for words. He started to gesture a few times, but could not quite form words. At last he managed, “Damrod, would you be ah encouraging me in this union if I were not going away?”

Damrod wiped his hand across his face and through his hair taking a couple of deep breaths. “I would be willing to wait a little while longer before having this conversation with you if you were not going away, but not munch longer. The fact remains that you two love each other and through some misguided sense of propriety as you keep putting it, you will not consummate this love. It sounds to me as if in Lothlórien lovers are required to wait a time before marrying and many approvals are required and …perhaps other things I do not know. But these are not the ways of any Galadhrim I have ever known.” He gripped Haldir’s limp shoulders and shook him as he met his disbelieving gaze.

“You are in Celos Galen now and are expected to abide by the rules of our society as a member of this society. So I ask you again, Haldir of Celos Galen, what are you waiting for?”

He released the numb ellon and stepped back, bumping the bow which fell to the ground completely forgotten. “You and I will speak of this again after the next meal, my son. And I expect you to have an answer for me.”

With that, Damrod turned on his heel and left a most bewildered Haldir staring stupidly after him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Note: When elves consummate a marriage, there is a change in their voices and in their eyes which marks them as married.