I go to find the Sun!

Legolas, Fellowship of the Ring

Chapter 6: And, finally, to find the sun

Legolas fought against darkness. And pain. It was difficult to breath and something was restraining his arms. He pushed against it violently and a knife stabbed into his side. As he groped for the knife, something warm...a hand...patted his cheek. Patted it, not slapped it. Vaguely, he remembered feeling a hand touch him before, but the gesture was mingled with feelings of terror. He managed to free his own hand, so he grabbed for the one touching him, while struggling to sit up.

Something pressed down firmly on his shoulder. "Shhh," a familiar voice soothed. "You are perfectly safe, Legolas. Maybe it is time for you to wake up."

That voice calmed him, though he could not immediately grasp why. He stopped pulling against whatever bound him and relaxed. Into something soft. And warm.

"You would feel better if you ate something. Wake up, Legolas," the voice urged.

He took a few deep breathes. Breathes as deep as the pain in his side allowed. Broken ribs, he remembered. Broken from riding slung over a horse. He was in the man's tent! He had fallen asleep. They needed to escape! He forced his eyes into focus and looked about himself.

This was not a tent. This was his room. His own room in the stronghold. As he strove to make sense of that, he looked at the face hovering over him.

Galithil looked back at him, a slightly worried expression on his face.

Legolas's brows knit and he reflexively loosened his bruising grip on his cousin's wrist. Galithil could not be here! They did not have him too! Anastor was with him and that was bad enough. His eyes darted around the room again. His room. Not the man's tent.

After a long moment, Legolas finally turned his fully conscious attention on his cousin, a little confused. The last thing he remembered was...the fight with the man? No! The fight with Demil! No. He was in the stronghold. He did remember coming home and Glilavan.... Slowly, the events of the last few days jumbled back, ending with his duel with Tureden and the hunt for Mauril.

"How do you feel?" Galithil asked.

Legolas loosed a long breath. "Better," he replied automatically. Then he pushed the covers off himself and tried shifting in his bed just a bit to see if it was true.

Galithil smirked at his cautious efforts.

"Well, at least if I slept through the entire night, Nestoreth's vile potion might have been worth it. I certainly have not managed that in a good many days. And my ribs do not seem too painful at all. Maybe they were not as badly damaged as she thought."

Galithil's smirk turned into a scoffing laugh. "Her vile potion might be worth something, but do not give it all the credit, since it undoubtedly wore off yesterday morning, and you slept through another full day and night."

Legolas stared at him, confusion swirling down upon him again. "What are you saying? Are you saying that I slept through an entire two days?"

"You did," Galithil confirmed and his continued laughter made it clear that he thought it was fairly amusing.

Legolas found it a little alarming.

His cousin squeezed his shoulder. "You were clearly exhausted," he said. "Everyone knew you had not been sleeping, so this was good for you. It was good if for no other reason than it means that you also slept through the worst of the injury to your ribs. But that does not mean they are healed or that you do not need to be careful. Nestoreth said..."

"That they were badly enough cracked that they would break completely with little encouragement," Legolas interrupted. "Yes, she made that very clear to me. No training, no hunting, no gaming, not even any dancing until she gives me permission." He grimaced as he slid closer to the edge of the bed, trying unsuccessfully to position his hands underneath himself to leverage himself up. "She also made certain that I thoroughly understood that broken ribs can prove to be a fatal injury, so there is no need to repeat that lecture either. I will be careful. I will have little choice in the matter. I cannot even manage to get myself out of bed."

Galithil only pressed his lips together and stood, glaring down at Legolas while silently holding out an arm.

Legolas looked at him for a moment and then reached for his arm. "Sorry, Galithil. I did not mean to snap at you," he said as he pulled himself up.

Galithil shrugged. "Slowly," he said, as Legolas stood. "You will be dizzy after spending so much time flat on your back."

"You have had enough broken bones to know," Legolas shot back as he reached his feet. He did sway slightly, gripping his cousin's arm tightly. When he had steadied himself, he took a deep breath and tried again to shake off his disorientation and concentrate on putting together the last things he remembered. The hunt for Manadhien's servants...he had no idea how it finally ended, he realized. Nestoreth had not even allowed him to wait for his father to return to the Hall before she made him drink her medicine. His gaze snapped to Galithil.

"Adar returned safely?" he asked. "You would have already told me anything different, surely."  

"Yes," Galithil assured him quickly. "He is in the Hall. I am supposed to send word to him and your naneth if you wake up. Then, I am to make you eat and take you outside to enjoy the forest."

Legolas made a sour face. The very idea of eating made his stomach churn. "How are Tureden and Belloth? Their injuries healed well, I assume," he asked in an effort to change the subject away from food.

"Tureden has returned to duty," Galithil replied with a dismissive tone, obviously recognizing the diversion for what it was. "And Belloth is still recovering in his cottage, I heard." He gestured towards the door. "Come on. You should eat. You will feel better after you do." He tugged at the sleeve of the nightshirt Legolas was wearing to move him along.

Legolas resisted. "Did adar or the patrols find Fuilin?" he asked.

Galithil sighed and shook his head. "Fuilin escaped," he replied, apparently resigning himself to answering Legolas's questions. He plopped down onto the chair by Legolas's bed where he had obviously been sitting while watching Legolas sleep. There were stacks of patrol reports around the feet of the chair. "They found no sign of him."

Legolas dropped heavily onto the edge of the bed. "What of the passage? Did adar determine if Fuilin saw it?" he asked, fearing the answer.

"He said that he saw a good many footprints throughout the cave. The back wall, in particular, was well investigated. Someone obviously followed your footprints from the front of the cave to the back."

Legolas closed his eyes.

"But the sand in the cave is too dry and deep. It did not hold footprints well enough to be able to distinguish if any were different enough to be from more than one person. There was sand tracked outside the cave in several places, but that could just as easily mean that one person went in and out several times as it could mean that more than one person did. And the rocks outside the cave obviously held no footprints. He does not think there is any way to tell if Fuilin knew. So he has decided that, for safety's sake, we must assume that escape route has been compromised."

Legolas's only response was a word that he would not have used in his father's presence.

"As Hallion said to your adar, try to focus on the positive, Legolas," Galithil said. "Three more of Manadhien's servants are dead. If you had not been at the Oak, Lagril likely would not have been spotted. He certainly would not have been recognized or stopped. And because you helped hunt them, Mauril and Pelin are dead too. Granted, so are two of the Palace Guard and that is terrible. I do not deny it. But if Lagril, Pelin and Mauril had been left alive, they would have killed--or at least tried to kill--the warriors escorting Glilavan, so it is just as likely that innocent lives would have been lost then."

Legolas loosed a long breath and opened his eyes to look at his cousin "How angry is adar?" he asked.

"Fairly angry," Galithil answered with all the honesty Legolas expected. "I have seen him angrier. I have made him angrier. So that is hopeful, because going out that door rivals me going south alone and practically unarmed for stupidity and I survived his wrath."

Legolas frowned, but remained silent. That was a difficult enough memory for Galithil without Legolas saying something smart-mouthed about it.

"Fortunately for you, just as worse things distracted your adar then, they are distracting him now," Galithil continued. "For example, he is very worried about the part you took in the hunt for Manadhien's servants. From what I understand, it far exceeded what he wanted you to do." Galithil paused and scooted forward in the chair until his knees practically touched Legolas's. He looked him levelly in the eyes. "May I ask you something about that?"

Legolas scowled. "I will relieve you of the need. I killed Mauril," he said.

Galithil's jaw clenched, but he held his cousin's gaze. "I confess that concerns me every bit as much as it does your adar," he said softly. "Legolas, we never had the opportunity to talk about Demil before everything else happened, but it was perfectly obvious to me how much you were suffering even before I knew. If I had any idea why...if I had known about Demil, I would have... done more.... And now Mauril too? Will you at least speak to me about this?"

"You did everything you could. And you understand, I hope, that the reason I did not tell you about Demil had nothing to do with you...I just...Galithil, I could not and still cannot find words to talk about it."

Galithil nodded immediately. "I am not criticizing you. Of course, I understand. I mean, I understand that it is very hard to talk about. Of course, I do not understand how you feel about..." he visibly had to make an effort to even say it. "Having killed an elf." He paused before continuing in a very quiet voice. "Two elves." Galithil waited for a moment and then, when Legolas remained silent, he added, "After seeing how much pain Demil caused you...after hearing you argue so strongly against the idea of the king executing the rest of Manadhien's servants...I am very surprised that you shot Mauril. I was present when Tureden spoke to the king about this. He said that he asked you to stand down and allow him to take the shot because he did not want you to have such a deed on your conscience. He said you refused. He considered taking your bow. Did you know that? He did not think you understood what you were doing. He said he was deeply impressed when you revealed precisely how well you do understand..."

Legolas loosed a scornful laugh. "Impressed! Galithil, I killed Mauril. And Demil. I killed two elves. That is only impressive in its evil. Evil that I was forced to, very much against my will, but evil just the same. I have not changed my opinion of whether the king should execute Manadhien and her remaining servant. I will still argue with him to imprison them." He sighed. "I suppose what I understand better now is adar's argument that they must not be allowed to harm this realm. If they have to die to prevent that, I suppose I see that reasoning. It is why I was willing to take a shot that I knew might kill Mauril. He was too far ahead of us and was going to escape. I could not allow him to carry information about that door back to his mistress. And I could not leave Tureden to do what I was unwilling to do. That would not be right."

"I am not criticizing you, Legolas," Galithil repeated calmly. "I am only trying to understand what happened. And hopefully make you see what happened a bit more clearly yourself. I know you every bit as well as I know myself and I do not doubt for a moment that these were not decisions you made lightly. You did what you had to do, in both cases. What was necessary to defend yourself, Anastor, Dannenion and this entire realm. I know that without being told. The question is, do you truly understand it?"

"Yes, I understand it. But..." he shook his head. How did he explain that knowing he had no choice made no difference? How could he make Galithil understand that?

After a long moment, when Legolas gave up trying to think of what he could say, Galithil spoke. "When adar was killed, everyone told me it was not my fault. I still do not entirely believe that..."

That got Legolas's attention and he sucked in a breath to protest it.

"...but even when I did accept that his death was not entirely my fault--that the orcs were also to blame--it did not make it better. It did not make the loss less painful. I imagine what you are dealing with is similar. You know you did what you had to, but that does not really make it easier to bear." He glanced at Legolas to see if he was right.

"Precisely," Legolas replied, and he sincerely regretted his cousin understood that so well.

Galithil nodded. "I hate Manadhien and her servants for doing that to you," he said, matter-of-factly. "I wish I knew some words of comfort that someone said to me when adar died that helped and would make this better for you, but there are none. What you did was a world-shattering act. I know what it feels like when your world disappears from under your feet. You are the only one who can rebuild it. Even rebuilt, it will not be the same world as before. And the rebuilding takes time. You will just have to give yourself that time and accept that the world is different now. But I count you lucky in one respect: all your family remains in the world you must rebuild. And we will be here to help you. If you will let us."

Legolas forced a half smile to his face. The best he could muster. "Thank you, Galithil. I think you are right that more than anything else, this will take time. And distance. I really wish adar had caught Fuilin so Tulus could arrest Manadhien and the whole affair could be over with."

Galithil fixed Legolas with an uneasy look. "I fear that even if Fuilin had been arrested or killed, it would not be over," he said.

"Why?" Legolas asked apprehensively.

"I am not certain who knows this. It was related only to Hallion and the king and, as far as I know, they have only passed it on to Tulus. I happened to be in the room because I was working in the king's office rather than Dolgailon's to summarize patrol reports in the interest of avoiding Engwe. The king did not ask me to leave, and he always tells you whatever he allows me to hear, so I will tell you, but consider it privileged information: Tureden recognized Pelin and Lagril."

"What?" Legolas interrupted. "He did not mention that to me. He even asked me who Pelin was. How did he recognize them? From where?"

"He told the king that he recognized them once he saw their bodies laid out together and he got more than just a glimpse in the shadows of them. He remembered seeing them in Nargothrond..."

"Nargothrond! What was he doing there?"

"Some errand for Thingol, apparently. Delivering news of some sort. He did not say. He did say that he was in the back of the Hall in Nargothrond, awaiting his audience, when Pelin and Lagril were pleading their case to the court. Petitioning to be allowed to stay. They were deemed unwelcome since they had been held by Morgoth in Angband. Their petition was denied and they were sent out of Nargothrond."

Legolas shook his head. "They escaped Morgoth, managed to return to their families and their reward was to be exiled? What sort of twisted reasoning is that?"

"Exactly what I asked when Tureden was telling this tale. Hallion explained that escaped prisoners of Morgoth were rarely welcomed home because it was feared that they had not escaped, but had been set loose as spies--or worse--of Morgoth. Some petitioned for sanctuary in Doriath and were refused there as well."

"That seems cruel to me," Legolas said quietly.

"Me too. But none of that is the important part. Tureden said that when he witnessed this petition, there were four brothers making it--Pelin, Lagril and two more. The only names given were Noldorin, so those were the ones he knew for them--Hessindo and Linto. And also Morinco and Haldince."

"So, the implication is, since Hessindo and Linto obviously ended up serving Manadhien, if they have not died in some other battle, Morinco and Haldince might serve her also and may still be lurking about, since we cannot account for them for certain."

"Precisely. And there is even more than that. Tureden was able to confirm that they were still alive--all four of them--as late as the attack on Menegroth. They were the ones that took Elured and Elurin."

"Tureden saw that?" Legolas exclaimed.

Galithil leaned forward, closer to his cousin. "Legolas, Tureden was their guard. Those four over-powered him and left him for dead when they took those children."

Legolas stared at his cousin with wide eyes. "I wonder if adar knew that about Tureden before hearing this tale," he said quietly after a long moment.

"He appeared to know. Given how evil that deed was, he was very shaken to hear Lagril and Pelin were associated with it..."

"No surprise, that."

Galithil nodded. "At any rate, your adar sent word that there might be two more servants and the news of Lagril, Pelin and Mauril's deaths to Tulus last night. We have not yet heard back from him, either about Manadhien's reaction to the loss of her servants or to my brother's arrival with the horses. Of course, she may not yet have news of either, depending on how fast Fuilin and Dolgailon are traveling and what sorts of spies she has."

"Dolgailon had better be very cautious in that village," Legolas said. "Manadhien is going to be eager for revenge."

"Indeed."

"What of Glilavan? Is he still here? Did he know anything about these other servants?"

"He is still here and your adar questioned him about Morinco and Haldince, but he gave up nothing. Not a word. He is leaving tonight. Your adar does not want to give Fuilin too much time to regroup or muster aid to help him free Glilavan, if he still purposes to do so, but he wanted to be certain the path they will take him on at least appears to be clear. The warriors sent that confirmation last night. I read it amongst the patrol reports. Your adar is personally sending orders to the patrols today. He is writing them now. He wants to be certain Glilavan gets safely out of this forest."

"Good riddance," Legolas muttered.

"And," Galithil said, with a broad grin. "Your adar is probably also spending part of the day writing Lady Galadriel."

"Galadriel? Why would adar be writing her? I did not have the impression he particularly...well, approved of her very existance," Legolas said, remembering his father's reaction to the news that Galadriel would be in Lothlorien.

Galithil snickered. "Hallion suggested--and believe me that your adar tried valiantly to find an argument against this, but he actually failed--that, since we have the Noldorin names for all these people that Galadriel would recognize, there might be reason to write her and ask if she can share any information about them. Apparently the king asked Hallion to write her in the past, but they only had the name Marti at the time and Galadriel responded that she did not know anyone by that name. Now, we know more and Glilavan's escort can deliver the letter on the way to Belfalast, so he was convinced to try again."

Legolas laughed nervously. "Hallion must have had a difficult last few days if he coerced adar into writing Galadriel," he said.

"Hallion has also spent a good deal of time pleading your case, from what I have been around to hear. And Tureden's," Galithil responded. "I was there to see that. It was nearly very ugly."

Legolas's eyes widened again. "What about Tureden?" he asked.

"Oh come, Legolas! You saw your adar's reaction to the fact that Tureden accused you of dishonesty and then ordered Lanthir to lock you up. Put on top of that Tureden not pulling his hits and breaking your ribs and how do you think your adar is going to react?"

Legolas tensed. "How did the detail that Tureden did not pull his blows come out in adar's presence? And what did he do?"

"While Tureden and your adar were discussing Lagril and Pelin, they also talked about the hunt for Mauril. In the course of discussing that, your adar asked Tureden how he could allow you to jump off that cliff. A good question, in truth. That was insane with broken ribs, Legolas. I mean, we have done it before, but while perfectly healthy. And you said it was dangerous. Of course, you were right..."

"Hah! It might have been better for you to have admitted that then! Rather than going through with that idiotic dare!" Legolas exclaimed.

"The point is, Tureden said it was not his place to question what you deemed it necessary to do in the defense of the stronghold..."

"He actually said that?" Legolas burst out.

Galithil nodded. "I was as surprised as you, because he seemed sincere. Your adar laughed when he said it and he replied that Tureden could hardly argue that to try to avoid trouble for letting you go over the cliff when just a few hours before that he had publicly accused you of lying in front of the very people you might one day lead in the defense of this stronghold. And believe me, Legolas, just saying that, your adar was already working up into a very dangerous anger. You know how he grips the edge of the table when he is trying not to use his hands for something worse? Well, he was already doing that."

Legolas held his breath. That was definitely a bad sign.

"Tureden replied that when he spoke to you about going to the Oak, he was under the impression that he was dealing with a child--and he was stupid enough to call you a naughty child. I thought your adar might explode right then. But Tureden went on to say, as fast as he could, that the way you wanted to help hunt Manadhien's servants--that you said that you owed it--made him see that maybe you are not entirely an infant..."

"If he called me an infant, and survived saying that to adar, he might not survive the next time he sees me," Legolas interjected.

Galithil waved his hands. "No, he did not say that. Those were my words. But that was the gist of it. He said that perhaps you do know how to be responsible, or something like that. And, better still, he said that he thought you handled yourself well during that hunt. He seemed especially impressed by the way Mauril was finally stopped--that you were willing to shoot him. He said you were brave and understood your duty. He said that since he changed his mind that you were not an infant--my word--he apologized to you for accusing you of lying. After that, he went on to say that he also apologized for goading you into that duel. He made the mistake of saying the same thing that he said in the Hall--that he had not pulled his blows and he added that he had done so thinking, at the time, that you deserved a little punishment for disobeying him by going to the Oak. When he said that, your adar shot up from the table like one of Mithrandir's fireworks. Hallion had to get between them. Your adar was going to strike him, Legolas, I swear it. Maybe worse."

Legolas sucked in a breath. "But he did not, did he? I mean, Tureden and I already spoke about all this. I told him that I forgave him. It should be over..."

"I do not think your adar cares what you said between yourselves. He was and still is furious with Tureden after hearing that. But no, nothing happened. Hallion intervened and sent Tureden out of uncle's sight. He sent me out of the office at that point too and they stayed in there all the way until dinner time. Uncle came to the table that evening, but he did not eat a bite and he was silent the entire time."

Legolas stared at his cousin.

"I think anyone who hurts the Elvenking's son might regret it--in the brief moment before they die--but they will regret it," Galithil concluded. "I acutally feel just a little pity for Manadhien and her servants after seeing that."

Legolas loosed a long sigh. "I am so looking forward to speaking to the king, given the mood he is in," he said. Then he stood. "You said that nana and adar said that I was free to go outside. I think I will go, while I still can. I am going to have a bath..."

"And some food."

"...and then I am going out.  You will come too?"

Galithil nodded. "Definitely, but we need to find Berior first and I want to show you both something before we go outside. It might be a nice diversion for you."

Legolas looked at his cousin suspiciously. "I fear anything that you refer to as a diversion, Galithil."

Galithil laughed and gave him a shove towards his bath. "It is Celonhael's wedding present to Maidhien and I. I want you and Berior to see it," he said.

*~*~*

Legolas followed Galithil through the corridors in a largely unused portion of the family quarters. Berior padded silently along behind them. Legolas knew he was in enough trouble already, so he was almost afraid to see what this wedding present was, if it was hidden away in an unoccupied suite. Only the claim that it was Celonhael's gift allayed his fears and persuaded him to go see it. Nothing Celonhael had given could be anything too trouble-making.

Galithil stopped and pulled open a door.

Legolas peered into the suite. It was dark, but even so, he could see it was empty save a for a table and a few worn, mismatched chairs in the middle of the main room. The table was covered with a stained, torn sheet and held several lamps, a bucket of paint brushes and two dozen or more jars of paint. Galithil lit a faggot he had taken from Legolas's room on one of the torches in the corridor and used it to light a lamp in the room.

Legolas stopped just inside the door of the suite. Berior came in behind him, moving slowly.

They found themselves gazing at the beginnings of a mural that wrapped the walls of the main room.

"Do you think you can finish it?" Galithil asked once the lamp was burning brightly.

Legolas's jaw dropped. "You think I can finish this?" he asked, still staring--gaping to be honest--at the scale of the mural.

It was a forest scene, like many of the decorations in the stronghold. It was only blocked in outlines with base colors, but what Celonhael had designed was obvious--a flowery glade, surrounded by oaks, with birds and forest creatures hiding amongst the branches and tree trunks. These were not difficult subjects by any stretch of the imagination. On canvas or paper, Legolas could certainly paint or sketch them completely satisfactorily. But on this scale...as a mural.... One that covered three walls. He began to shake his head.

"I will help you, Legolas," Berior intervened, before Legolas could speak. His voice quavered.

Legolas looked at him, eyebrows raised. "I did not know that you painted with your adar," he said. "You quit lessons with Gelireth long ago."

Berior frowned. "I did not paint with adar," he replied, now reduced to a whisper. "I wish I had. Will you show me?"

Legolas turned back to face the mural in order to hide his dismay. "I do not really have the skill for something like this..." he began.

"You always say that," Galithil interrupted, "but your paintings are beautiful. Even your adar has told you that and he is a really good painter too. You could do this, Legolas. I know it is a lot to ask. I know it will take a very long time. But who else can I ask to do it? I cannot ask the king to use the precious little unoccupied time he has to paint decorations for me and Maidhien. And, like Berior, I quit my painting lessons long ago. If I asked Gelireth to paint it for us, she will just tell me that I should not have quit, so I could paint it for myself. But I cannot expect Maidhien to live here with a half-painted mural either. Please, Legolas," he practically begged.

Legolas shook his head. "You do not understand, Galithil. Painting something on this scale is far different from painting on a canvas. Even a large one. Aside from problems of scale, I have never painted with these types of paints. They are completely different from oils. I do not know anything about how to blend them. And they dry so quickly...."

"Legolas, you have three walls and many years in which to learn," Galithil answered. "Your adar could show you the basics, since he loves painting murals, and then you could finish it as slowly as you wanted to--just a little at a time. That is what Uncle Celonhael was doing. It will be five years before Maidhien and I move into these rooms, after all. "

"I promise I will help any way I can," Berior added, "and if you teach me, I will be able to do even more."

Legolas clamped his mouth shut in an effort not to laugh. He could not teach someone to do what he could not do himself. Even if he could, painting was not a skill one perfected in a few weeks or even a few years. But how could he refuse? As Galithil said, he and Maidhien could not be expected to live in a half painted room. And Uncle Celonhael's work deserved to be finished. Especially since it seemed to mean so much to Berior.

"I will try," he conceded, fixing Galithil with a stern look to counter his pleased one. "But I am not making any promises. The only reason I am agreeing to try this at all is because if I make a mess of it, all adar or Gelireth will have to do to correct it is re-plaster the part I destroy and start again." He sighed as he turned back to the wall. "Tell me somewhere that you and Maidhien intend to put a large piece of furniture. I will start there, where the mistakes I make while figuring out this paint can be hidden."

Galithil rolled his eyes.

"I am serious, Galithil," Legolas insisted. "You may be very sorry that Celonhael could not finish this for you."

"I certainly am," Berior whispered.

Legolas grimaced. "We all are, of course," he said, turning to Berior. "That was thoughtless of me. I apologize..."

Berior waved him silent. "I understand. We are both struggling right now. With too many griefs."

Legolas nodded his thanks to Berior, but at the same time, studied him intently, considering if he should say something to him about an issue that had been weighing on his mind. Berior raised an eyebrow at him when he continued looking at him, so Legolas turned back at the mural. "Berior, I do not want to quarrel with you. I cannot imagine how painful your loss has been for you and I have absolutely no desire to add to your burden. But, you are not the only person to grieve the loss of your adar and your actions are making that loss much more painful for another person, who does not deserve your hostility."

As Legolas spoke, Berior drew himself up tensely and looked at Legolas with a cold glare. He obviously knew what Legolas intended to say.

Galithil's gaze darted between them in confusion.

Legolas turned back to face Berior. "Do you blame me for your adar's death?" he asked softly. "I am much more responsible than the queen."

Galithil's jaw dropped and he turned on Berior. "What is he saying?" he demanded.

"The queen ordered adar to go and she had no business doing that. Adar is not a warrior to go out hunting criminals. He should not have been there..."

Legolas waited for Berior to stop speaking, preparing to try to persuade that he was wrong.

Galithil, however, did not restrain himself. "You take that back," he said, taking a menacing step towards Berior. "Take it back or I will make you take it back."

"Galithil!" Legolas said, stepping between them.

"I am not taking anything back. She should not have sent him and he would be alive if she had not," Berior said, squaring off with Galithil.

Galithil took another step forward, stopping only when Legolas physically blocked his path. "Your adar asked to go with Uncle Thranduil when he went after Legolas and Anastor," Galithil said, leaning around Legolas to speak into Berior's face. "More than that. He told the king that he would not allow him to go alone. And when the king--the king, Berior--ordered him aside, your adar refused that order. He refused to step aside and he said that he insisted that he be allowed to go. He barred the king's path, to force him to acquiesce to that demand. He only backed down when the king asked him to stay and look after Aunt Lindomiel in case both he and Legolas were killed. Uncle Thranduil trusted your adar with her and you are accusing her of causing his death. How do you think the king would react to that? Or your adar? He would be ashamed of you!"

"Enough Galithil," Legolas said.

"Enough?" Galithil repeated. "This is your naneth, Legolas." He looked over Legolas's shoulder to glare at Berior again. "She has been my naneth since my own died. She has given so much of herself for me. And she is prepared to do the same for you. This is how you repay her? I will not stand for it. Take it back, Berior. Right now!"

"Nana would not want you fighting with Berior while he is grieving, Galithil," Legolas said quietly. "I assure you, I did not react much better than you to hearing this and nana forbade me to confront Berior. I do not want to confront him. I would like to try to convince him he is wrong, but that will be hard to do with you two threatening each other."

Galithil took a few puffing breaths and then stepped back, fists still clenched, but largely under control of himself.

Legolas turned to Berior, making sure to stay between him and Galithil.

Berior shifted the stubborn expression he aimed at Galithil onto Legolas.

"You are correct, to some degree, that nana is responsible," Legolas said. "Just as an officer is responsible for the losses under his command. But nana did not plan a poor battle strategy that resulted in your adar's death. Adar, might have, by sending only two guards with him. Do you blame adar for that? Or you could argue that I am at fault for allowing myself to be captured, which required everyone to come after me. Or that it was my fault because the king, and your adar, were anxious to get Fuilin and Mauril away from me. Do you blame me?"

"I do," Berior whispered. "Somewhat. I know you did not want to be captured or to have anything else that you endured happen. I know the king did not think two guards would be too few. And I know that aunt Lindomiel did not mean for adar to be killed looking for Manadhien's servants. But..." he grimaced. "It is impossible to be angry at you, Legolas, after...everything you have been through. I was angry at uncle Thranduil, until..." he looked sidelong at Legolas and Galithil, "I have to tell you what he told me about Menegroth."

Both Legolas and Galithil's eyebrows rose dramatically at that.

"I cannot be angry at him after hearing it," Berior continued. "So that only leaves Aunt Lindomiel."

"Believe me, Berior," Legolas said quietly. "Nana regrets sending your adar. He was her closest friend. She is deeply grieving his death. Good came of his sacrifice, but I will not try to argue that it justifies his loss because I know that nothing can justify it for you or any of us. But I will ask you this: how does your anger at the queen serve anyone? Does it truly make you feel better to hurt her? And me through her?"

"Of course not," Berior answered.

"Then please try to let it go," Legolas pleaded. "She is hurt by your actions. I cannot believe your adar would want that. He cared for her like a daughter, just as he saw my adar as a son."

"Honestly, Berior," Galithil said, "Legolas is right. I apologize for the way I spoke to you just now, but for your own sake and the sake of this family, you have to let this go. We cannot fight each other. We need to stick together and help each other through this. If I learned anything from my adar's death is was the importance of the support--the love--everyone in the family could offer me. Without it--without what Uncle Thranduil and Aunt Lindomiel gave of themselves for me, I would have faded. You need support yourself now and we all, including Aunt Lindomiel, want to give it to you. But you have to be willing to accept it. And to give it back to others who also need it."

"Very true," a voice called from the open doorway.

Legolas, Galithil and Berior all spun around to face it. When Legolas saw his father framed by the door, he drew a sharp breath, wondering how much of their argument he had heard. Berior obviously was wondering the same. He looked very nervous.

Thranduil, however, was focused on the walls of the room. "What is this?" he asked, voice filled with wonder.

"Uncle Celonhael's wedding present for Maidhien and I," Galithil answered promptly, clearly glad to change the subject.

"Legolas and I are going to finish it," Berior added.

Thranduil's gaze darted to Legolas before returning quickly to the mural. "I hope you will let me help also," he said.

"Adar, surely you would not have time..." Legolas protested. He did not want to obligate his father to become involved in such a time consuming task.

"To paint with my son and nephew? Of course I can find time for that," Thranduil insisted. "I cannot believe Celonhael hid this from me. He knows how much I enjoyed painting your rooms with him. Quite selfish of him to hoard this opportunity for himself," he finished with a wink at Berior.

Berior smiled, taking the comment for the joke Thranduil clearly intended it to be.

Thranduil walked over to him and put an arm around his shoulders. "I have not seen you yet today. You are well this morning?" he asked gently.

Berior nodded. "As well as can be expected," he answered.

"Good. And I am glad to see this," he said, scanning the room. "Glad you and Legolas both will be working on it. It is certainly something better for you to focus on and something to connect you to your adar and the beauty of your House."

"I agree," Berior replied, though his voice was rough.

Thranduil squeezed his shoulders and then released him. "I intend to spend some time on the Green today. And perhaps the river. I would like to speak to Legolas a moment, since he has finally deigned to grace us with his conscious presence. But then I will go outside. Would you and Galithil care to join me. Fishing or swimming, perhaps? Or both?"

"Are you serious, uncle? You are not working today?"

"I am finished for the day," Thranduil replied.

Berior brightened. "I would certainly like to join you."

"So would I, of course," Galithil said.

"Then I will meet you on the Green if you will give Legolas and I a few moments," Thranduil said.

Galithil and Berior nodded and headed towards the door, with a backward glance at Legolas.

In the doorway, Berior paused. "Is Aunt Lindomiel playing truant today too?" he asked. "Would she be able to join us?"

Thranduil looked back at him with a very neutral expression.

Legolas's eyes widened. Adar knows, he thought.

"I am not certain if she can abandon her preparations for the festival and your trip to Dale, but I know it would mean a great deal to her if you would invite her just the same, Berior. As it would to me," Thranduil said.

Berior nodded. "Then we will go find her and ask," he said in his normal, merry tone of voice.

Legolas managed a half-smile for his cousin, though his heart had begun to race in response to the confrontation he knew was coming. He watched Berior and Galithil leave and then faced his father.

Thranduil wholly surprised him by gathering him carefully into his arms. "How do you feel, ion nin?" he asked.

"I am fine, adar," Legolas answered automatically.  

His father's arms tightened around his shoulders. "Fine! I watched an arrow strike you squarely in the center of your back. A hit that would have killed you had you not been wearing mail. One that would have killed you, despite the mail, had Fuilin been using bodkins rather than broadheads. And then I come into the stronghold to find you unconscious. For two days. Perhaps you are fine, Legolas, but I am not." Thranduil released him and stood back, studying him closely.

"To be fair, adar," Legolas said quietly, "I watched several arrows fly at you, knowing you were not wearing armor. That was equally frightening."

Thranduil loosed a wry laugh. "Yet I am truly uninjured and despite your claim to be 'fine,' we both know that is not true. You have re-injured two ribs that you already suffered to heal."

"I was drugged to sleep, adar. And, as Galithil pointed out to me, sleeping was good. My ribs healed quite a bit while I slept. I was oblivious to the worst of it."

"Not oblivious enough, if the nightmares I witnessed were any indication. You need time to recover from this incident, Legolas. I am very tempted to forbid you to pick up any weapon, practice or real, until I give you permission." He left that threat hanging, waiting for a reaction.

Legolas frowned. "The Troop Commander, acting as captain of the Training Program, has already banned me from handling bladed weapons until he gives permission and he communicated that order to the lieutenants..."

Thranduil drew himself up stiffly. "Dolgailon did not discuss that with me."

Legolas met his father's gaze. "Do officers normally consult with the parents of the warriors in the Training Program before issuing commands, adar?"

Thranduil glared at him silently for a long moment. "Perhaps not," he conceded, though he sounded no less annoyed.

Legolas looked back down. "He was not wrong to issue that order. Obviously my judgment regarding whether I am ready to spar, or even physically capable of doing so, is not sound at the moment. When Tureden asked me to spar with him on the training field between classes, I could not find a way to refuse him. Langon had to intervene. That evening, when Tureden challenged me at the Oak, I should have told him I was injured and could not fight him, but I instead, I fell to your greatest fear of the Oak--I allowed myself to be goaded into a game that I knew was too dangerous. That fight was more my fault than it was Tureden's. You should not blame him for it." Legolas was prepared to say more, but Thranduil did not allow it.

"I should not blame him!" he repeated. "He broke your ribs, Legolas! He might not have intended to do that much damage, but he admitted to me that he did intend, in his own words, to 'cause you a little pain' in punishment for going to the Oak. He is lucky to have lived through that confession and I say that fully aware of how sensitive you currently are to the topic of killing elves."

"You had better never come to the training field then, adar. Langon has given me, and nearly everyone else in the training, more than one bruise intended to teach a lesson. So has Hebor."

"As your officer, and within reason, I accept that may happen. They are training you to be a warrior. Warriors suffer a great deal of pain, but I do not think I need to explain that you you, since you have been seriously wounded in battles twice now. Tureden, on the other hand, has absolutely no right to teach you anything in that manner. None at all. He is not your officer, your lord or your adar." Thranduil made a scoffing noise. "Not that your adar or your lord would teach anyone a lesson in that manner. Well, I might teach Tureden such a lesson the next time he lays hands on you and he knows that."

Legolas said nothing, unwilling to provoke his father on this topic, since much worse ones were close at hand.

"You and Tureden spoke already," Thranduil finally said into the silence. "About all the issues between you. I heard that from Hallion and your naneth. They both said they thought you were very generous in your responses. And they seemed fairly satisfied with what was said. I assume, since you are defending Tureden, that you are also satisfied?"

"I am. Largely speaking," Legolas replied. "I cannot imagine becoming his friend. Not as Tulus and I were friends. But I think he will now at least have a bit of respect for me."

"I agree with that. He spoke highly of how you managed yourself while we were hunting for Manadhien's servants. In the end, he even defended your decision to jump off the cliff to chase Mauril," Thranduil said.

Now Legolas looked at his father nervously.

"Since I was not forced to witness that, I will try to trust your judgment that it was necessary and refrain from criticizing it. Moreover, I will say that I agree with Tureden's assessment that you did very well that night. Both in the way you contributed to the hunt--particularly that you finished Mauril--and by the fact that you asked to participate to begin with."

"As I said then, I was bound to do what I could to correct the mistake I made," Legolas replied, bracing himself for the opening that statement made.

Thranduil remained silent, clearly awaiting whatever explanation Legolas intended to make.

Legolas frowned and looked down. "I know my actions that night were foolish, my lord. Honestly, worse than foolish, they were thoughtless. I confess that you were correct when you stated that I never considered the idea that Manadhien's servants might be nearby, much less spying on the stronghold, searching for a way to aid Glilavan. And I do recognize that this was not a prank, but rather an abuse of the trust the king placed in me when he chose to share with me information regarding the security of this stronghold. An abuse that led to the deaths of two warriors when they were forced to help correct my mistake. One that endangered the king and his guard when they were forced to correct it. There is no excuse for my actions. I can only beg your pardon and your mercy, my lord."

Thranduil studied Legolas for a long moment and then he turned and sat in one of the chairs near the table. "While you spent the last two days essentially unconscious," he said, and his voice sounded very tired, "I have had more than enough time to contemplate the excuse the queen offered for your actions. To contemplate what it would be like to be held against my will. To face the prospect of being forced, against my will, into an abhorrent life. I cannot imagine such a thing. I can say, with certainty, that I would prefer death. The argument that you were not thinking rationally, given all that you recently suffered is, beyond any doubt, both very relevant to the offense you committed and a compelling mitigating argument."

Legolas held his breath. He knew his father was not finished.

"And I respect your reasoning for not simply walking past Lanthir to leave the stronghold. In your place, under the same circumstances, I probably would have done it. Of course, when I became the prince of this realm, I was an adult, so I never experienced the type of conflict you face between the responsibilities that I have imposed upon you long before you come of age and the authority you will naturally wield once you come of age. I can see the difficulties that arise from that. Perhaps I am mistaken to ask so much of you and your cousins so soon."

Legolas stiffened. "I can speak only for myself, my lord, but I have always wanted to serve your court. I will admit that not every aspect of serving the court--interminable meetings, for example..."

Thranduil laughed out loud at that.

"...are as exciting as they seemed when I was younger and simply thrilled to be doing something with you while being treated as an adult," Legolas continued without pause. "Still, I take pride in the service I am able to give and I know that I learn a great deal by watching your dealings. If the result of this incident is that you feel compelled to bar me from service to the court, I must accept that, but it will be a very bitter punishment."

"It is one that I am considering," Thranduil said quietly. "It is the one I used when, in his childhood, Dolgailon misused the door behind my throne to spy upon my council meetings." Then he fell silent and remained so, thinking, for so long that Legolas had difficulty holding his gaze.

Finally, Thranduil drew and released a long breath. "Very well. I genuinely believe that you used that passage because you could not bear to be imprisoned, even for one night, after enduring being Fuilin's prisoner. After enduring the threat of being enslaved, indefinitely, to that man. Moreover, clearly you were not capable of making your best judgments after being forced to kill Demil in order to escape that fate. And, most importantly, you showed that you understand the seriousness of this mistake by doing all that you could to correct it, willingly. Therefore, I believe I am justified to respond to this offense with some leniency. But, still, respond I must."

Legolas stood so rigidly in anticipation of his father's next words that pain spiked across his sore ribs. He resolutely ignored it.

"So this is my decision: First: the stone doors in this stronghold open for those who I will they should. The Gates open for any warrior responsible for their defense. The secret doors open for members of my family only, since they are who I will trust to lead the defense of this stronghold. You will find that, until you come of age, these doors will no longer open for you. That includes the door to the passage you used, the Gates themselves, the door behind my throne and the door behind the desk in my office. The only exception will be the door to your naneth's garden through the sitting room, because I will not bar you from that garden. Do you understand?"

Legolas blinked in disbelief. That punishment was almost entirely symbolic. He certainly never had any occasion to open or close the Gates. And it might be inconvenient to not be able to use the door behind the throne or behind his father's desk, but the loss of those privileges...it was nothing. He could not believe his ears.

"The doors will not open, but I may still serve the court. As I do now?" he asked to be certain that he did understand.

Thranduil nodded. "Indeed you will, Legolas. Exclusively. The second part of my decision is that I am ordering your participation in the Training Program to be suspended."

Legolas could not suppress a gasp. He had not expected that.

"Your offense was one against the trust I place in your judgment. My response, therefore, should curtail how much I must depend on that trust. There are two areas in which I do that--the court and the military. To be frank, Legolas, I cannot afford to lose your service to the court at the moment, immediately after losing Celonhael and while Dolgailon is focused on the Training Program and his village. And I refuse to allow my only response to this incident be one that is no more than a token punishment. It is too serious an offense to do that. That leaves me with the option of suspending your training, so that is what I will do," he concluded. Then he leaned back in his chair and looked silently at Legolas, as if daring him to speak.

Legolas stared at his father. One did not argue with the king's sentence, once it had been pronounced. Still... "May I ask for how long you are ordering my training to be suspended?"

"I did not specify. I am willing to hear whatever argument you would like to make on that subject."

Legolas returned his father's gaze for a long moment, marshaling his thoughts. Then he spoke. "I am certain that I do not have to emphasize how important it is that I learn to defend this realm. We agreed on that subject nearly a dozen years ago. And while I have benefited from weapons training since then, enough that I can, at least, defend myself, the material in the tactics classes in the training program is what I truly need to learn and cannot learn elsewhere. I will grant you that there is likely very little difference between me finishing that training five years from now or five years after I come of age. But, if I stop training now, after being abducted during a training exercise, that will create a definite impression--one of cowardice. Of an unwillingness, either on my part or yours, that I should face the dangers involved in the defense of this realm. That is not the impression that I want the populace to form of me and I do not see any way that we could portray this decision that would not give that impression. Except, of course, publicly announcing the full reasoning behind it. That is possible, though fraught with its own problems, not the least of which would be revealing the very information we are trying to keep secret. I assume that we are having this audience in unused rooms in the family quarters, rather than in the Hall, because you did not care to make the details of this offense public."

Thranduil's mouth twitched in what almost appeared to be a smile. "Well reasoned, as always. That was my concern with this decision also.  So, I will suspend your training for one year, rather than until you come of age. And we will explain that suspension by saying that it will give you time to recover physically and emotionally from this experience. That is, to be honest, the reason I settled on this response rather than suspending your service to the court. I am very concerned about you, ion nin, and I want you under my eye while you recover."

Legolas frowned. "I am fine, adar. Truly."

"You will be. That much I believe," he responded. Then his expression became one of regret. "Unfortunately, Legolas, this explanation will be well understood by the populace because it is public knowledge that you killed Mauril, so they expect you are...experiencing some difficulties. If it is any consolation to you, there is, I have heard, a great swell of both admiration for your defense of the stronghold and of pity that it required such a horrible act. Mixed into all that is the rumor that you killed Demil to escape him. I am not certain how that information got out. It was not through Dannenion or Anastor. They both came to me, separately, to tell me it had leaked and they swore they were not the source of that leak. I believe that..."

"So do I," Legolas interjected.

"But I did not want to respond to that without hearing how you would prefer it be handled."

Legolas shook his head. "I am not proud of what I was forced to do. Not at all. But neither am I ashamed of it. It was necessary. This should be handled simply by telling the truth. The people have the right to know about my actions, just as they have the right to know that there are very deranged elves amongst them that we are searching for."

"Very well," Thranduil said quietly. "We will work with Hallion to determine the best way to communicate what has happened to the populace." He gestured to a chair. "Sit down, Legolas."

Legolas slowly pulled the chair so that it properly faced his father and used the time that took to try to compose himself. Even a year away from training was something he would dearly feel. Finally, he sat, his gaze still on the stone floor.

"I know this hurts you, Legolas," Thranduil said gently. "Believe me when I say that it tears at my heart to do it, now of all times, when you are already struggling."

"I did not expect anything less when I realized what a terrible mistake I had made. I am truly sorry, my lord. Especially that it caused two deaths and endangered you and your guards."

Thranduil shook his head. "Try to put it behind you, Legolas," he said firmly. He paused and leaned forward to draw Legolas's full attention. "I want to discuss one other matter with you and I want you to listen very carefully and hear my words."

"Of course, my lord," Legolas replied, somewhat startled that his father seemed to think he needed to be told to listen.

"Tureden told me that your argument for jumping off that cliff to pursue Mauril was that, if it was necessary for you to give your life to stop him, then so be it. Is that accurate?"

"I did tell him that, my lord. Your own order was that Mauril was not to escape under any circumstance. He was escaping. My cousins, Anastor and Noruil and I have been around that waterfall enough to know that he did not simply fall over the second ledge. Anastor and I knew there was a trail there." He hesitated before continuing. "That is not the first time I made that jump. I knew I could do it, so it was worth the risk to stop Mauril."

"You and Tureden did stop him and that was critical. I will grant you that. But I want you to understand something Legolas: I had to accept before agreeing to have children that any child I have, son or even daughter in Mirkwood..."

Legolas's gaze snapped to meet his father's when he used that name for the forest.

"...will, by necessity, fight to defend this forest. Warriors can lose their lives. I understand that. I accept it. But Legolas, your life is something that I would not willingly give. Not in exchange for anything if there was any way at all that I could avoid it. If, for example, instead of selling you to men, Manadhien had asked for my life in place of yours, I would have agreed to those terms..."

"Adar..."

Thranduil waved him to silence. "Do your duty to this realm, Legolas. I am not denying that. And if, at a time of great need, that duty requires you to give your life..." He fell silent and looked away. When he continued, his voice was rough. "Understand that is a sacrifice you can make only once, and the benefit must be great enough to outweigh the cost. The cost may well be that I would not survive your loss. I told you that before, when you entered the Training Program. But, after watching an arrow strike you, I now know much better the truth of it. Please take care, ion nin. And make choices that are mindful of the value of your life to this realm. And to me. Do you understand?"

"Of course I understand, adar," Legolas whispered, unable to muster more voice.

Thranduil nodded. Then he made an obvious effort to compose himself and looked back at Legolas levelly. "You made a mistake, ion nin, leaving the stronghold through that door. But, that single action aside, I want you to know how very proud I am of how you managed yourself throughout this entire entire incident. You have impressed me at every turn."

Legolas tried, and was not certain how successful he was, to manage a smile in response to that. He did not feel particularly proud of anything that had happened.

Thranduil laid a hand on his shoulder, briefly, giving it a squeeze. "I am looking forward to working on this mural with you. And with Berior," he said.

Legolas nodded. "I certainly appreciate the offer. I told Galithil that I know nothing about these paints."

"I can show you. I doubt you will find them too difficult." He paused again. Then said. "And I appreciate greatly you speaking to Berior on your naneth's behalf. That was an intolerable situation, but my own relationship with Berior at the moment is very delicate, so I am unable to manage it as I would have liked. You apparently made an impression on him. Thank you."

"There is no need to thank me, adar. It was intolerable, as you said, and had to be addressed."

Thranduil nodded. "You asked me about going with your naneth to Dale."

That caught Legolas's attention. He looked up at his father.

"You may go. I have already told Berior and Galithil that they may go, as well, so there is no need for you to make that argument."

Legolas's mouth fell open slightly. "Truly?" he asked, a genuine smile brightening his face.

His father seemed sincerely pleased by that reaction. "Yes," he responded. "And I have informed Hallion that I will not be returning to work until after the festival. I intend to participate in the full hunt with you and your cousins, assuming you and they are agreeable to that."

Legolas stared at him in amazement. "I am certain Berior and Galithil will be very pleased, but I cannot go on this hunt. Nestoreth has forbidden me to even lift my bow until she gives me permission..."

Thranduil shrugged. "You are old enough to decide when you can draw a bow, Legolas. And you do not need Nestoreth's permission to come on the hunt and participate to the extent that you can. I hope you could enjoy yourself, even if you do not manage to bring in a deer just this once." Then he added in what could only be described as a teasing tone. "Or could your pride not bear such a failure."

Legolas grinned at his father. "If Galithil said something similar, I would say that he was goading me. Surely you are not."

"No, I am not because I do not want to face your naneth if you slow your healing by injuring yourself on this hunt. But I do want you to come and try to have some fun with your cousins." He stood, raising Legolas to his feet. Then he draped an arm carefully across Legolas's shoulders, steering him from the room. "Whenever you are properly healed, Dollion suggested to me that what the populace around the stronghold really needs to see is an archery contest between the two of us. Perhaps by the festival, you will be well enough healed for that contest."

Legolas all but staggered to a stop in response to that, staring at his father.

"Dollion told me that I should be worried, but I think I can still best you," Thranduil concluded, not really trying very hard to hide a smirk.

Legolas gave in and laughed. "We will see, adar," he said softly.

*~*~*

Adar/ada -- Father/dad
Naneth/nana -- Mother/mum

AN: Elured and Eluchin were King Dior's six-year-old sons, who the servants of Celegorm kidnapped and left to starve in the woods after the attack on Menegroth.

This is the end of To Find the Sun. I will probably post, at some point, two stories that are one chapter each, that stem from this story. One involves Tureden and Legolas and one is Legolas's archery contest with Thranduil. I'll put those in Steps Along the Way. The next part of the main story takes Legolas to Dale and will be started, if not next week, then the week after that.

Thank you so much to everyone that read and especially to those who reviewed. I really appreciate both!