Chapter 3:  picking up the pieces

Oh brother I can’t, I can’t get through.

I’ve been trying hard to reach you ´cause I don’t know what to do.

Oh brother I can´t believe it’s true.

I’m so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you.

Oh I wanna talk to you.

Nothing’s really making any sense at all. Let’s talk, let’s talk, let’s talk….

“Talk” by Coldplay

Elrohir gently wiped a cool cloth over his brother’s face. Half an hour had passed since Glorfindel had left. Elladan was still unconscious, the punch had hit true.

For long years Elrohir had supported his brother, had even used the same excuse as Elladan to hunt down the orcs: that of taking revenge for their mother. He had denied that this would have been the last thing his mother had wished for him - for them. Yet, as it was for Elladan, it was a welcomed means to vent his helpless anger and his overwhelming grief.

However, over the years the pain had not lessened, instead it had increased. He could find no satisfaction in killing another of these brutes. It brought him no closer to his wish to forget, to shed all of his dark thoughts. He was losing himself and feared that one day he would give up the very essence of his being.

Over the years he had tried to persuade Elladan to abandon their hunt; to return home and make peace with their father. But Elladan never listened. Their disputes always ended the same. Elladan pushed him away, accusing him of being a traitor and accepting that the dark side had won. His brother had made it clear. He would continue with or without his assistance. Elrohir relented every time, unwilling to be parted from his beloved brother. He would follow him even to death, a fact that Elladan knew clearly.

Elladan always cooled down, and then he apologized and cried like a child as the brothers embraced. Elrohir assured him that he would forgive his selfish behaviour and an odd, tenuous peace settled between them again.

But over the last ten years Elrohir had remained silent, saying nothing. He knew that his brother had to see reason on his own before he could be persuaded. Elrohir hoped that this day would come before they lost themselves to bloodlust and malice.

He hadn't known what Elladan´s intentions were this time, and it had slipped his notice that his brother had kept the orc's head and carried it into their home. If he had known what Elladan had been planning, he would surely have stopped him. Glorfindel was right. This time Elladan had crossed a line.

Elrohir closed his eyes in anguish when he remembered the look on his father’s face. Elrond's expression of utter shock and resignation would haunt him for the rest of his life.

He settled in a chair next to the bed and waited for Elladan to wake. His brother would be furious but he would make sure that Elladan would not confront Glorfindel again in anger. Even if the warrior had demanded to be informed, Elladan had to cool down first.

………………………………………………….

After Glorfindel rounded a cluster of bushes, he stopped to take a deep breath. The confrontation with the twins had unnerved him. He loved the youngsters as if they were his own sons and he would die for them, yet as with all children, they had to be reprimanded when doing something wrong. What Elladan had done was certainly in this category and was going far beyond anything tolerable. Glorfindel would not back down from this talk, but first he had to look after Elrond.

The expression on the Half-elf’s face had disturbed him. Since Celebrían´s departure the Elf-lord was wounded, yet because he was a perfect actor he was no one had seen behind the façade.

Glorfindel counted himself a keen observer and so he had glimpsed shreds of the desolate soul behind the mask, but never had Elrond let him come near enough to dictate how he could help. Glorfindel had long feared that a breakdown was imminent and felt that the passage of time had not eased this state.

The love and care for his children was one of the few anchors that kept the Elf-lord in this world. The departure of Arwen and the self-destructive ways of the twins had shaken the healer’s mental foundation to a state where even a small incident would be sufficient to tip the balance. Glorfindel feared that his sons’ behaviour might have finally pushed the Elf-lord over the rim.

So he was surprised at seeing Elrond and Erestor sitting before the hearth in comfortable chairs talking quietly. For several moments Glorfindel kept standing in the door listening to the discussion.

Contrary to his assumption Elrond and Erestor were talking over trivialities as if nothing had happened. The warrior narrowed his eyes. Was this a tactic of Erestor to take the mind of the Elf-lord off the topic? Glorfindel´s frown deepened. Elrond would instantly recognize such a maneuver and he seldom reacted kindly when being manipulated.

Just then, Elrond looked up.

“Glorfindel come and join us. Take my seat; I’m off for bed anyway.”

The healer rose from his seat and did not even give his councillor a chance to respond. With a nod of his head, first toward Erestor and then Glorfindel, he gathered his long robes and quickly walked out of the room.

“Elrond, please wait!” Glorfindel called after the Elf-lord, yet the healer did not slow his pace. Instead, he hurried up the steps until the sound of a closing door was heard.

Just as Glorfindel turned to go after his friend, Erestor caught his arm and stopped him.

“Maybe we should give him some peace…,” he started but stopped at the uncomprehending look Glorfindel was giving him.

“Erestor,” Glorfindel retorted not bothering to turn around fully. “We cannot leave him alone, not after what happened. Nothing is alright. He is acting a role again.”

Irritated Erestor increased the hold on the other elf’s arm.

“I’m not blind, Glorfindel, yet I think we should give him some space. A few minutes ago he was talking with me and he appeared perfectly normal.”

Glorfindel freed his arm with a jerk.

“Erestor, he is fooling us and I fear that he will do something imprudent.”

Erestor raised an eyebrow. In all the years he had been serving the Elf-lord he had never seen him doing something rash or inconsiderate.

“These are not normal circumstances, Erestor,” Glorfindel hissed as if he had read the other’s mind. But then he seemed to reconsider. Elrond had retired to his rooms. What bad things could happen to him there?

Still, harm to the mind could be much worse then to the body and wasn't dependent upon place. "I will keep watch over him tonight and talk with the twins again in the morning," Glorfindel declared.

“Then I will be on guard with you, my friend,” Erestor replied softly and took his former seat in front of the hearth. Glorfindel actually smiled. Together they would make sure that nothing would befall the three Half-elves at least this night.

Neither Erestor nor Glorfindel could know how they would fail.

……………………………………

Elladan stuffed his clothing into his travel bag not caring whether they were crumpled or not. Elrohir did not need to look at the stiff posture of his brother to know that his twin was angry.

Not two hours earlier, Elladan had awakened with a headache brought about by Glorfindel's fist. He had barely opened his eyes before he had sprung up from the bed.

With long strides he had just reached the door when he stopped suddenly, grabbing for the handle. Elrohir was beside him in a flash, grabbing him before dizziness caused him to fall.

“Silly! Give your body time to catch up to your brain, even if I doubt it is working right now!” Elrohir cried out.

Elladan let himself be helped to a chair but directed a dark glare at his brother.

“Stop pampering me, Elrohir, I’m no child. Glorfindel would do well to heed this also!”

Elrohir whirled around stopping pouring a glass of water.

“Then stop acting like a child. Your stunt in Ada´s office last night was not smart. Glorfindel had every right to be furious with you.

“If I had only known… ”

The younger twin suddenly stopped, closing his eyes. He staggered back and gripped the edge of the table.

Feeling the anguish of his brother Elladan looked up, irritated. Narrowing his eyes he nonetheless jumped up and rushed to his brother’s side. Images of their father’s shocked face flooded through their bond and Elladan knew instantly what had unsettled his brother. But contrary to his expectations, Elrohir shrugged the comforting hand off his shoulder.

“Leave me alone,” Elrohir shouted. “Glorfindel ordered me to inform him when you are awake and I will do so now. Do me one favour and cool down. Do not make it worse than it already is.”

Elrohir had not turned and did not see his brother’s flashing eyes.

Before he had a chance to open the door Elladan had moved in front of him and was blocking his access by leaning against the wood.

“You will do nothing. I am leaving now, with or without you. It’s your choice. I’m fed up with everyone around telling me what to do.”

Without another word or glance Elladan yanked the door open, shifted his bag onto his back, and left the cottage striding out into the early morning.

“Fine,” Elrohir cried out to his brother before he slammed the door shut. He pressed both palms against his forehead to get his frustration under control. He was fighting to hold his tears in check. Elladan had done it again. He was resuming his hunt and was leaving him with the decision to stay or follow.

Every time his twin left, it was harder to let him go. Yet he knew how impulsive Elladan was and every time he followed, fearing that if he didn't, his brother would not return. Elladan had become reckless and imprudent over the years and without him watching his back, Elrohir was sure that Elladan would one day fall, a victim to his hate and anger.

Knowing that he would never forgive himself if Elladan was killed without him by his side, Elrohir crossed the room and threw his clothing and a few personal things into his travel bag.

With a last look around he donned his cloak and hastened out of the house. Relieved, he registered that it was just pre-dawn. They would sneak out of the valley like thieves to avoid confronting Glorfindel.

His conscience raised up against this decision, yet what other option was left to him … again? He could not let his brother go alone, and to force Elladan to confront Glorfindel right now was not an option any more.

With a last look at his home he saw that the window of his father’s bedroom was dark. Maybe he had found some sleep after all? “Forgive me, Ada,” he whispered before he vanished into the dark, lowering his head and continuing on to the stables.

He never saw his father’s tear-filled eyes behind the curtain as he followed their departure.

To be continued……………………