Thirty-three

Legolas did not go far before realizing he needed to put more distance than a few branches between himself and the man who had been raised by elves. Aragorn would not let the matter go, and Legolas did not put it past his friend to follow him up into the tree.  

He let his anger drive him, and descended to the ground. He strode purposely to the tree nearby tree line of the forest, ignoring Lancaeriel's call of concern. He knew he probably looked very angry, for he was, but he also did not want to speak to anyone in his present state. When she persisted, he picked up his pace, and then leapt up into the closest tree and raced through the branches, letting the emotions swirling within him drive him. He had a nagging thought that his retreat was futile, for he could not run away from himself…nor the shadow he had almost convinced himself did not exist.

It did not take long for him to work off the initial heat of anger. He dropped to the ground beside a gurgling creek and sunk to the leaf-strewn earth, his back against a broad tree trunk and let the tree song and water song play over him. But they brought no comfort to him as they would once have done.

With his anger having abated, he was left to his thoughts. He pulled one knee up and wrapped an arm around it, letting the other trail in the chill water beside him. He was aware that his reaction to his friends' concern had been extreme, but he had needed to put a stop to whatever Aragorn was going to say. And when his anger had not been enough to curb the words—

Legolas had seen the look on Gimli's face when his goblet had hit the wall. The shock and fear there. He had also seen the steel determination in Aragorn's eyes. It had angered him further, but even more, he had felt fear. And that had left him only one recourse.

Legolas had fled.

The truth was, he knew better than anyone the darkness that haunted him. He knew it affected him, kept him from his rest, diminished his appetite…came close to causing him to fade.

He had avoided examining it too closely. He preferred to pretend it was not there, that his friends helped him fight it, but it was not just the sea longing that haunted him. The trouble was, he did not know what caused it. It had been building for decades, ever since he had heard the gulls and the shadow took a toll on him, stealing his joy. He could present a decent façade in public — let others see what they wanted to see — but deep down, he was weary. And despite the support of his friends, he was alone.

Facing that darkness, without understanding it, frightened him.

Fear was the one emotion he truly could not manage well. It was an assault on his pride, a type of weakness he did not want or know how to face. He had tried, but his condition and the healing of it eluded him. So he had given up hope of ever doing so until he sailed, and had instead ignored it.

Aragorn was offering him hope. But he had learned hope unrealized created a desperate despair he had no wish to experience again. He had once hoped that time would lessen the pain of the sea's call, the strength of it, but he had been wrong. It had only strengthened, growing ever louder.

He could not dare to hope. When hope proved false, he would be left with nothing but darkness. He could not see any help for his condition…and it terrified him.

More now because Aragorn had seen it, called him out on it, and now he could not deny it — not to himself.

So he sat beside the babbling stream, sinking into a despair nearly tangible.

"Why do you do this to yourself, little one?"

Legolas turned his head towards the familiar voice, startled. Kneeling there on the ground beside him in sparkling white, stars glimmering in her blue eyes was Rainiriel.

 "Why do you refuse aid which is offered in love?" she asked.

He truly had not expected to see her again, least of all here and now. But when she reached out a long-fingered hand to trail gently down his cheek, he could not stop the trail of tears that spilled down his cheeks.

She brushed them away.

"Can you help me, my lady?" he asked, his voice forlorn, even to his own ears.

"I have already told you how you can be saved. Why do you choose not to listen?" She lifted one arched brow and gave him a teasing smile. "Truly, you are more stubborn than your grandfather."

Legolas felt his lips twitch in a half hearted response to her tease, but the sorrow did not lift from his heart.

Her expression turned serious as she continued to stroke his face. "Pride will not save you, Legolas. Only you can. But you can not do it alone, dear heart. You must trust those you love to see you through this darkness and back into the light. You are not meant to suffer so. I would see you joyful again. As would your friends."

"Lady Galadriel said I would have no more joy once I heard the gulls," he said flatly. "How can I be joyous when the longing is ever present, torturing my heart?"

Rainiriel's eyes flashed with what he thought was annoyance. "That woman and her vague prophecies," she muttered.

Then she quoted the words that had brought dread to him in Fangorn, when Gandalf had been returned to them, and the lady's message spoken.

"Legolas Greenleaf long under tree,

In joy thou hast lived, Beware of the Sea!

If thou hearest the cry of the gull on the shore,

Thy heart shall then rest in the forest no more."

"Yes," he said. "And it is true."

"Of course it is. But you have misinterpreted what was said to you."

"Misinterpreted? Yes, I thought it was speaking of my death! Instead of dying, I heard the gulls and the song awakened within me and I have had no peace since!"

"Not true. You have found respite from it from time to time, but I will not argue that with you. What I will tell you is that with the song awakened, your heart no longer dwells in the forest as it once did, but rather longs for the great waters that will one day carry you West. That is the meaning of the words.

"Yes, and no longer do I live in joy!" Legolas snapped in irritation.

She pulled her hand away and leaned back at his words. Then her eyes hardened. "Because you choose not! Stubborn princeling!"

Legolas blinked, surprised at her reaction. And baffled. He had no idea what she meant. Would he not choose to live in joy if he could? He had tried, but could not see past the sea and the song and the despair that filled him.

"You silly elfling! The words do not mean that you cannot find happiness here, or live joyfully as you always have done in the past. You simply must find that joy elsewhere, for though you still love the trees, they can no longer comfort you as they once did." She patted his hand and smiled at him as if that explained everything.

But Legolas only felt confused. "In what then can I find such comfort?" he asked, but she simply shook her head.

"It is not for me to give you all the answers, Legolas. Some you must find on your own…perhaps by swallowing your pride and heeding the words of those who love you."

She paused then gave him a look he had seen grandmothers give naughty grandchildren. "You have not behaved well, young prince," Rainiriel scolded, her smile taking the sting from the words.

She stood then and held out a hand to him. Legolas took it and rose to his own feet, his eyes searching hers. He was still not sure what she meant, but what she had said had given him a lot to think about.

She did not speak again, but touched his cheek a final time before stepping back. Then she was gone, and Legolas was left blinking at the trees around him.

He leaned against the tree at his back and pondered what Rainiriel had said. And as he thought, deep guilt and regret rose within him. He had behaved horribly, and he owed his friends an apology. He had let fear and pride become walls between himself and those he loved.

He sighed, as he considered what Rainiriel had said. While he still did not want to talk about the shadow which seemed to separate him from the light of joy, he owed them the right to speak their concerns. And perhaps, they could help him see past the darkness and once again find his way to the light.

He was ready to listen.

— o —

A long silence reigned in Legolas's talan after his outraged departure. Aragorn sat unmoving, feeling he had failed to help their friend. He knew Gimli felt the same.

Legolas needed their help; but if in his stubborn pride Legolas refused that help, would the darkness overtake him and he succumb to grief?

Aragorn glanced at Gimli.

The dwarf sat staring into his mug of ale, untouched since Legolas had left, more than an hour ago.

Aragorn had not taken a sip of his wine either, since Legolas's departure. He just toyed with the goblet in his hand, turning it this way and that and watching the wine swirl within it as he pondered all that had been spoken…and Legolas's reaction to it.

He felt dejected, defeated in his goal to seeing Legolas whole again.

The softest of sounds caused Aragorn to raise his eyes. He started, finding Legolas slumped back in his chair, legs outstretched, ankles crossed, arms folded over his chest, eyes downcast. The elf's body language screamed of one closed off, demanding others to stay away.

So Aragorn said nothing and just waited.

It took a few minutes, but Legolas took a deep breath and let it out in a heavy sigh, then lifted his head and cast a hesitant glance at them. But he kept his arms crossed, and Aragorn was not sure what to make of the vulnerable look on his friend's face.

Legolas looked back down at his feet and said nothing.

It was Gimli who broke the silence.

The dwarf leaned forward and sat his mug of ale on the table in front of him, then fixed Legolas with his dark brown eyes as he rested his forearms on his knees.

"Took you long enough," Gimli stated.

Legolas's eyes lifted to meet Gimli's stare. The two looked long at each other, sorrow and regret evident in both of their faces.

Finally, Legolas spoke a single word. "Aye."

The smallest of smiles, barely detectable under the thick red beard, turned the dwarf's lips. "Then you are ready to listen?" Gimli asked, his heavy brows lifting hopefully.

Legolas exhaled, his gaze dropping again to the floor. "Not quite."

Gimli's brows drew together in a frown, and the dwarf turned an inquiring look upon Aragorn.

Aragorn was not sure what to think of their friend's behavior. He shrugged. Gimli shook his head ever so slightly, looking back to the elf.

Then Legolas began to speak, without looking at either of them. "Before I hear what you have to say, I must tell you my anger and actions were…unwarranted and unjustifiable." Legolas shook his head and winced, then raised his head to turn a sorrowful look upon both of them by turn. "Can you forgive me?"

Aragorn released a sigh of relief. "Aye," he answered, capturing Legolas's gaze. "It is understandable, my friend."

Gimli nodded, "I expected much worse, elf. Provided you heed Aragorn's words, I believe we can overlook your outburst." He snorted. "It is not as if neither of us has ever lost his temper."

The elf's eyes crinkled at the corners as a small chuckle shook his frame. He visibly relaxed a bit, his arms still crossed, but more lightly over his middle, rather than firmly across his chest.  A slight smile remained on his face. "Then I am ready to hear what you have to say."

Aragorn hesitated, not quite sure where to begin.

"Tell him what you saw in his rooms," Gimli told him.

"You were in my rooms?" Legolas asked, his eyes widening in affront.

"Calm down, Legolas," Gimli told him, also noticing the agitation and tensing of Legolas's arms. "Not here. Up north, in your father's halls" Then he snorted. "You act as if you have something to hide in there!" He grinned then. "Some articles of ladies' clothing, perhaps?"

Legolas's eyes looked to nearly burst from his head. "I— No! What—" His gaze narrowed. "That is not funny."

Aragorn nearly laughed out loud. Gimli had managed what only the dwarf could. Legolas's agitation at the topic they wished to discuss had passed, and now they were back on more comfortable ground. If one could call insulting one another comfortable, but for the elf and the dwarf it was.

"Legolas," Aragorn said, drawing the elf's attention away from the dwarf. "When we were in Eryn Lasgalen, searching your father's halls for you, I was reminded of something you had once told me. And suddenly, I understood. I knew what had happened to you." He paused to collect his thoughts, and noted that Legolas was listening intently to what he had to say.

There was the tiniest spark of hope in that elven gaze.

"Legolas, when I was growing up, the one thing that stood out to me about you was your joyful nature in the face of great darkness. It was something I did not comprehend until the fateful day you decided to teach me proverbs. Do you remember?"

Legolas snorted. "Remember? I try hard to forget. That was not a pleasant day." He made a face and shuddered.

Aragorn chuckled. "No, it was not, and I am sure you felt you had wasted your time and breath, for I was determined not to learn a thing from those silly sayings, as I saw them."

"Indeed," Legolas said with a smile.

Aragorn sobered. "There was one thing I learned that day that has remained with me my entire life." When Legolas's brows lifted with surprise, he added, "Actually, there were many lessons that day that I found useful throughout my life, but one in particular impressed itself upon me, for when you explained it, I suddenly understood how you remained so full of life and joy amidst the darkness that was then Mirkwood. It was one that saw me through countless dark times, including the quest to Mordor and the War that followed. Without that lesson, I would have given up and been lost in darkness long before Frodo came to bear the ring."

Legolas sat upright, leaning forward, his eyes bright with curiosity. "I do not understand. What lesson? I recall nothing that day as being so significant."

"If only you knew the lessons I learned from you, my friend. But I believe one of the most important lessons I ever learned, I learned that day from a simple elvish proverb, which you insisted on drilling into my thick head."

Gimli chuckled at the comment, but Legolas waited, intent on what Aragorn said.

"Do you remember it?" Aragorn asked his friend.

With a snort, Legolas shook his head. "There were too many proverbs that day, Estel. And many more in the days following, thanks to Lord Elrond's insistence we study rather than look for trouble."

Aragorn smiled fondly as he remembered his foster father's irritation at finding them soaking wet, bruised, battered, and laughing in his room. He had been all of perhaps twelve? My how time had flown, and things had changed.

But the change in Legolas was not one he would see remain.

Aragorn locked eyes with the elf, before softly quoting the proverb in Sindarin.

" 'Turn your face to the sun, and the shadows fall behind you.' "

Legolas's face went blank of expression.

He sat staring at Aragorn for several long moments, before his chin raised as understanding dawned. His lips parted as he drew in a soft breath, his eyes no longer focusing on anything in particular as he contemplated his friend's words.

Eyes still unfocused, Legolas began to speak.

"I have not understood all that has happened within me since that day at Pelargir. The call of the sea was overwhelming, and I was drowning in it. I was able to push it aside only because our lives depended on our ability to concentrate on the task at hand. There was a battle to fight. But once the battle was won…"

His voice trailed off, and he sat in silence a few moments in thought.

"There has been a shadow upon me. I was aware of it, but unable to understand what caused it or how to defeat it. I have been surrounded on all sides by the swells. The song of the waves at times drowning out even forest song."

He shook his head and continued. "I have been able to focus on nothing else. There is only darkness…and…" Legolas broke off, looking dazed.

Aragorn rose and skirted the table before sitting down upon it, facing his friend at a more intimate distance. He reached out and placed a hand on the elf's arm.

"The sun is still there, my friend, if you but search for it. If you would but focus upon the light, the darkness of the sea will fade behind you. It will not cease to be there, in the background, and I am sure there will be times it will still wash over you, but it will no longer be able to hold the power over you to steal your joy of life, Legolas. Find it…search for it, do not let the darkness win."

o —

Silence filled the talan as Aragorn's words penetrated Legolas's barriers and touched his heart. Yes, he understood it now as well. He knew what Rainiriel had meant. He had lost what for years had been his focus and his light — the forest and trees and the song of his home, and upon moving to Ithilien, even his family.

And in losing the song of the forest, and gaining the song of the sea, he had not reset his focus on something that brought him joy. He had only felt the sadness of the sea longing and focused upon that, and it had made him melancholy and lost, for he could not yet attain the promise of which the sea sung.

His heart still loved the trees and forests of Ennor, but they did not call to him in the same manner as the sea longing. But he could not focus on the sea either! Not yet. A time would come for that, but for now, what could he focus upon? Where would he find his light and thus his joy?

Bright feminine laughter carried through the open door, rousing him from his thoughts.

Legolas stood and walked out onto the platform, his eyes settling upon Lancaeriel walking beside Tathar. She was gesturing in a manner that suggested they spoke of fishing. Her eyes were shining as she laughed at something Tathar said.

Then she glanced up and saw him standing there, and his gaze was drawn to her eyes —eyes the color of the sea, but which spoke to him of cool forests and cheerful streams and something else. They shone with light and peace, and even joy.

There was light, right before him, in one who needed him as much as he needed her.

Her smile faded to a look of concern, and he remembered how he had ignored her call earlier in his anger. He gave her a rueful smile, pointed towards Asgarnen's brook, and mouthed the word, "Ithil". Then he held his arms before him horizontally, and lifted one from the other, mimicking the rising moon, and mouthed the word as well. "Moonrise."

She nodded her understanding that he wanted her to meet him there when the moon rose in the sky. She still look concerned, but it was tinged with curiosity now. She turned back to Tathar, who had stood frowning up at Legolas while they had communicated without words.

She shoved him, and pointed down the path, seeming to pick right back up on their previous conversation. Tathar joined in, but his eyes trailed back to Legolas.

Legolas smirked at him, then turned and walked back to the door.

He paused in the doorway to look at Aragorn, and noticed the light shining in the king's eyes as well. A glance at Gimli showed it dwelled even in dark, dwarven eyes.

Legolas felt the shadow falling away.  He was surrounded by light, if he would but look for it.

With a smile, he pranced back into the talan, then knelt before Aragorn, a light laugh escaping him. Then he pulled the man into a tight hug.

Aragorn returned it, saying, "Welcome back, my friend."

Legolas pulled back and grinned at him. Then his eyes met Gimli's over Aragorn's shoulder, and he was amazed to see tears of joy slipping down Gimli's cheeks and into his beard.

He stood and moved towards the dwarf.

Gimli shook his head and glared up at Legolas through the tears. "Hug me elf, and so help me I will— OOF!"

Legolas wrapped Gimli in his arms tightly, holding his stocky friend in a rare brotherly embrace that Gimli tolerated for all of three seconds before saying, "Enough! That is well. I am glad you are back too…but, Legolas! I need to breathe!"

With another laugh, Legolas released his friend and dashed for the door and up into the tree with a whoop.

Behind him man and dwarf sat wide-eyed staring at each other.

Finally, Gimli found his tongue. "By Mahal, Aragorn, what have we done?"

"We have released a terror, my friend." The man grinned. "I fear the days to come shall be…"

"…the stuff of nightmares" Gimli finished for him, beaming back. "I look forward to it!"

"And I as well, friend Gimli."

— o —

The rising moon shone down on the rushing stream for which Asgarnen took it's' name, the soft moonbeams shimmering across the surface of the water in flashes of silver. In the distance, an owl hooted, its soft voice blending in with the rustling of the leaves and the splashing water as it played over the rocks in the streambed.

Legolas stood on the bank at the forest edge, teasing puffs of air playing in his hair and lifting the loose strands to dance around his face as the light gusts wafted past him. He stared at the play of water in the moonlight, a smile on his face.

For the first time in over thirty years, he truly felt like himself.

He sensed another presence detach itself from the shadows, and come to stand by his side. He glanced down at Lancaeriel, her mahogany hair billowing around her face, until she pulled it behind her in irritation, fastening it with a leather cord.

Legolas felt his lips twitch at her frustration with her hair, and he grinned at her when she peered up at him, the moonlight reflecting in her eyes. But she did not seem to sense his teasing, because she just gazed up into his eyes, her expression searching his.

Finally, she gave voice to the question that she had probably been wishing to ask since he had barreled out of his talan and into the woods earlier that afternoon.

"What has happened?" Lancaeriel frowned, then her expression cleared. "You are much different." She arched a brow as he just grinned even more widely.

"Forgive me, my lady, I am having trouble containing the joy I have not felt in many years. Indeed, I do not wish to contain it!"

He laughed brightly, tossing his head back and smiling at the moon which kissed his

face.

She watched as he giddily turned in a circle, arms outstretched like an elfling. Then she seemed to just accept him as he spun, her giggles joining his laughter. "I used to do that as a child," she told him. And she began to spin with him in circles.   

They laughed and spun until they fell into a dizzy heap.

Legolas rolled to his back and looked up at the stars. "They are so beautiful. I had forgotten."

Lancaeriel scooted so she was lying beside him, and turned her own gaze heavenward.  "They are beautiful. I can never get enough of the stars, for they remind me I am not alone."

The smile fell from Legolas's face as he sobered at her words.

"For years, I have felt alone more times than I can count. The sea and its call isolated me from what gave me joy. Alone. Such a frightening word, is it not?"

Lancaeriel sat up and looked down at him, watching his eyes move among the stars. "It is…but Lass, as long as you remember there are those who care for you, you are never alone."

Legolas's eyes met hers and he reached up and touched her cheek, a smile on his lips. "I am glad I found you and brought you here."

Her eyes glittering with starlight, she replied, "As am I."

- o -

**Quote is from The Two Towers, JRR Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Author's Note: Aragorn's recollections about his and Legolas's very bad day, as well as learning proverbs, can be found in my story, Instruction In Youth.

I am working on an epilogue and this story will finally be complete! Thanks for reading!