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| Home is Where the Heart is by FrodoBaggins_88 | 2 Review(s) |
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| Shemyaza | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 8/26/2004 |
| Hi I like the idea that Frodo is torn after going to the west with the other ringbearers and I like the way you've compared it to Elrond and his quandary over Arwen. The plotbunny is a sound one. However I agree with the previous reviewer that you need less dialogue. Sometimes a paragraph of description can say just as much, if not more, than a whole bunch of dialogue. Try to describe Frodo's or Elrond's feelings before or after making a statement. At the moment, they are just making bald statements and the reader has no idea of the emotion or frustration, anger, distress that the character is feeling at the time. Those descriptions of emotions serve to underline the reasons why Elrond or Frodo might wish so desperately to return. They will give a reader who perhaps hasn't ever read the book properly some background as to why these two people are feeling so out of place. The other thing to remember is that unfortunately neither Elrond or Frodo *can* go back. The trip into the west and Valinor is a one-way trip only, unless of course you make Lord Manwe Sulimo contact Eru Iluvitar (God to us) and get them some special dispensation to do so. Just a few thoughts to keep you busy! Author Reply: Thank you for reviewing. I'm not going to make changes on this plot bunny as it's been completed, and I have too many other stories and bunnies floating around in my head. I will definitely make sure I have more description in future stories, though. I know that Elrond and Frodo wouldn't be able to return, but this is meant to be AU. I'm changing it for the story. I'm not saying that Tolkien's ending was bad, of course, because it was very good and reasonable, but fanfic brings room for other ideas. I just find it hard to believe that Frodo would go over there and everything be fine and dandy, you know? Thank you for making sure I knew that though, and for the thoughts to keep me busy. I will definitely take things into consideration for future stories, as I said before, and thank you for taking the time to read this and review. :) | |
| Arwen Baggins | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 8/25/2004 |
| Hmmm.....too much dialouge. You need to add more description. I like Elrond's idea, by the way. Author Reply: Glad you liked Elrond's idea. :) About the dialogue...that's always been my weakness to put too much of it and too little description. I am continually battling that desire. Thank you for reminding me to make sure I do that. :) Thanks for R&R. | |