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Along Came A Spider  by Jay of Lasgalen 8 Review(s)
RhapsodyReviewed Chapter: 4 on 11/29/2004
Elladan could hear soft sounds of everyday life drifting in from the infirmary. Here in the small, windowless room, lit only by a single lamp and a small fire, it was impossible to keep track of the time, and he had no idea if it was morning, noon or night, but outside life continued regardless.

What a start... this description brought be back to an episode of Buffy called the Body. The main character just discovered her mother has died and everythinhg is quiet... untill you hear the sounds outside of normal life because she left the front door open. The shock Elladan has been going through are very well described.

There is nothing he can do but wait... but then...

"He stared blankly as first his mother, then his father came in, escorted by one of Calmacil’s apprentice healers. For an instant he wondered if the exhaustion and worry were playing tricks with his mind. How could they be here so quickly?"

I am so glad that they came! Especially Celebrían.

Author Reply: It wasn't deliberate, but I think I had in mind here the day my father died. All around, life went on, and one of the first things I had to do was to ring a friend to say I couldn't pick her children up as arranged for a shooting competition.

No matter how old the twins are, at times like this Elrond and Celebrían are very welcome.

Thanks for the review!

DeepBlueSomethingReviewed Chapter: 4 on 10/17/2004
That was so sad. Things don't look good for Elrohir. I also noticed that this chapter contained the scene from your drabble. At least Elrond and Celebrian are there now. I think Elladan could really use some emotional support.

Legolas had really been great through all of this. It's sweet the way he pops in to sit with the twins in between his duties. I'm glad his patrol got all the nasty spiders. Not something you want crawling around in your back yard.

I really like Calmacil. He's a cool character. It will be intersting to see his interaction with Elrond. Elrond is probably used to playing the role of healer in this kind of situation. However, this time he gets to be a frantic relative. I'll bet it will be difficult for him to sit back and let someone else be in charge of his son's care. However, it seems like Calmacil has a good bedside manner. I don't envy him having to cope with Elrond the father, instead of Elrond the healer.

Sounds like poor Elrohir is going to have a LONG recovery if he survives this. Will you be extending the story into that part as well? I hope so. I like the comfort part of hurt/comfort stories.

Love this story. Thanks for taking the time to write it. You are doing a great job, as always.

Author Reply: You know, you're the first one to notice the drabble here. Thank you!

Legolas has been very supportive, and done what he can - but it's not the same as Elrond and Celebrían. Calmacil and Elrond have worked together before, so I don't see problems there. He's there if they need him, but Elrond and Elladan are quite capable of looking after Elrohir.

Will we see Elrohir's recovery? Well, I won't end the story when (if) he wakes up, so there will be some comfort going on.









DotReviewed Chapter: 4 on 10/17/2004
What a very powerful chapter. God, my heart is pounding. I think poor Elladan is nearing breaking point.

That idea of life continuing on as normal outside the sickroom is spot on. I think we’ve all felt like that at times, be it with anger or, as in Elladan’s case, simple incomprehension. I’m wondering about the room they’re in. Elladan seems to long for the “light, airy rooms, the wide windows and walkways that seemed to link the rooms seamlessly with the outside” of his home that they’re both used to. I suppose there’s not much anyone can do about it if the infirmary is part of the caverns but it would seem to me that they might both benefit from somewhere a little less stifling.

Isn’t Legolas just marvellous? He’s being such a true friend, just quietly supportive and staying there even when he knows he can’t really do anything. It’s so good of him, particularly when he still has to work as well. He’s the kind of person anyone would want to have with them in a crisis.

I really feel for Elladan in his exhaustion, utterly afraid to sleep for fear of missing either precious time with his brother, or his last moments. If only *someone* could offer genuine hope, he might be able to get some rest.

The description of Elrohir’s pulse changing dramatically and the sudden gasps for breath are just so frightening. I think it was around there that the screen went blurry from tears. Not only is he obviously still suffering but how awful to have to watch that.

That bit with Thranduil was so very moving. Of anyone, he does indeed understand Elladan’s anguish. His whispered admission that sometimes he had wished that Legolas could have gone beyond the pain was just heart-wrenching. It really drives home just how ill Elrohir is here, and how Legolas was, as well as the desperation of those who watch over them.

Your images are so vivid – the dull skin, the chapped lips, the bruises… It must have been hard for Elladan to see the bruising that came from his own hands, but at least he seems to know that he had no choice.

It scares me to see Calmacil so puzzled. Bad news would be heartbreaking but it’s just awful for no-one to know what’s happening. Elrond may be the greatest healer, but Calmacil would be much more familiar with the effects of spider venom.

Elladan’s longing for his parents to some and offer him some comfort and hope is just so sad to see. But they’re here! Thank the stars. Even though it’s only been three days since Elrohir was bitten… Perhaps Elladan wasn’t the only one to have had a vision. Maybe Galadriel? Elrond? Or maybe when Elrond and Celebrían felt their sons’ pain they just rode like the devil.

Anyway, they seem unlikely to be able to do much but their presence should comfort at least one of their sons. I guess like Elladan, I’ll just have to wait and see what happens…;-)




Author Reply: I do love your reviews - they are so beautifully detailed!

All this is much harder for Elladan than Elrohir - he's beyond pain now, but all Elladan can think of is that his brother will die :( It's as well that their parents have arrived - Elladan needs some support. How did they arrive so quickly? Wait and see. All will be explained.

I'm glad that Legolas is coming across as so supportive, despite the fact that he's hardly in this story. He'd love to be there more, but decided to cancel his leave to deal with the spiders instead. The pressures of duty ...

I wanted the description of Elrohir - and Thranduil's admission - to show just how terrible the venom is. Calmacil knows what he's doing, but Námo's intervention ('I will do what I can to ease your way') has puzzled him.

elliskaReviewed Chapter: 4 on 10/17/2004
It seemed strange to Elladan that while all of his attention was here, focused on Elrohir and his struggle for life, elsewhere life was unaffected. Children would be playing; people laughing; completely unaware of the desperate fight so near them.

He was afraid that if he stopped his soft words of encouragement, Elrohir would be lost. He was afraid that Elrohir would indeed die, and was desperate not to waste any of the precious time they had left together. He was afraid that Elrohir would die while he slept, and he would never have the chance to say goodbye. So he sat, sleepless and exhausted, and waited.


Wow. You captured the feelings of sitting with a dying family member all too well here. Great job. I am very glad Elrond has arrived. The twins need him.

Author Reply: Elrond and Celebrían's arrival will take a little of the weight off Elladan. At least there will be someone to share that terrible vigil.

I wasn't consciously thinking of it, but I think some of that passage is based on the time just before my father died a few years ago.

LiannaReviewed Chapter: 4 on 10/17/2004
"It seemed strange to Elladan that while all of his attention was here, focused on Elrohir and his struggle for life, elsewhere life was unaffected. Children would be playing; people laughing; completely unaware of the desperate fight so near them."

That's so exactly right, Jay. I think we have all had that feeling at some time or other, when our own families have been caught up in a crisis. How could the rest of the world not notice?

I think you're right about Thranduil's reaction when Legolas was so ill, too. People do sometimes just want the sick person's pain to end, sometimes, in that situation -- and then they may feel guilty later if the person recovers. I'm glad Thranduil doesn't seem to be suffering from guilt, though. He wouldn't be able to help Elladan if he was.

Have I mentioned how much I like your version of Legolas? He's so competent and unobtrusively supportive -- which is exactly how I would expect him to be, considering the way he acts in LOTR (especially the movies). I have always seen Legolas as the sort of friend you would want to have nearby when you're facing one of the greatest challenges of your life -- whether you're Aragorn struggling through the War of the Ring or Elladan coping with the more personal crisis in this story. Your version of Legolas is one of the most in-character versions I have ever seen in fanfiction.

Author Reply: Wow, thanks! That is a huge compliment. Legolas would love to be there to support the twins all the time - after all, he's been through this - but as an army officer, duty calls, and he has to deal with the spiders first.

I'm thinking this venom has about a 90% mortality rate - so Thranduil did not have much hope that Legolas would survive. If he was going to die anyway, the sooner the better, in a way :( And yes, life goes on.


BodkinReviewed Chapter: 4 on 10/17/2004
Poor Elrohir - but even poorer Elladan. In some ways, being the person at the centre of a medical crisis is more tolerable than being the helpless person watching your loved one suffer.

Elladan has plenty of support, but nothing will really help him until Elrohir opens his eyes and recognises him.

This poison sounds extremely unpleasant. I suggest they avoid spiders in future. Thranduil's admission that there were moments when death seemed preferable to watching Legolas suffer further is quite horrific.

I hope he survives without permanent damage.

Author Reply: You're right - Elrohir is more or less out of it at the moment (thanks to Námo), so the one suffering most is Elladan. It will be easier now his parents are here, but only one thing will truly help him.

This poison is unpleasant - I read all the horrific effects of different venoms, and used nearly all of them :(

KittyReviewed Chapter: 4 on 10/17/2004
You have me on the edge of my seat once more. Poor Elladan, he must be totally despaired. To sit hour after hour beneath his twin and fear to loose him forever, while the hope dwindles ... *wants to hug and comfort Elladan* I hope, his parents are able to help *both* of them at least a bit. Elladan needs help nearly as much as his brother. It is good that he is not longer alone with this burden!

I am anxiously waiting for the next chapter! You write angst so well - but the consequence is, I can't wait for the update ...

P.S. Thank you very much for your compliment about my English! I was quite happy and glad to know it is not so bad as I sometime fear - and of course it is encouraging to try and write more reviews.

Author Reply: You do indeed write English well. But a small point - Elladan is beside Elrohir, not beneath him. That sounds slashy :) Language can be so complicated ...

I think this is harder for Elladan now - he is on his own in a different place. I'm glad Elrond and Celebrían have arrived.

daw the minstrelReviewed Chapter: 4 on 10/17/2004
You have realistic details here, Jay, that make the story more gripping -- the fresh buising, for instance, or the cracked lips. I still like the glimpses of grown-up warrior Legolas that we get, and I was happy to see Elrond and Celebrian.

Author Reply: You were happy to see Elrond and Celebrían? Not half as glad as Elladan was! There won't be a great deal of Legolas in this story, but he is fairly senior in the army now (perhaps second in command) and busy with the spiders. As much as he'd like to have his leave and support the twins, duty calls first.

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