News Resources
Login
Become a member
Help
Search
|
|
| About Us News Resources
Login
Become a member
Help
Search
|
|
|
| A Voice from the Clouds by swg12 | 5 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| JULES6 | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 8/5/2006 |
| "You will have an adventure someday, Faramir. Just you wait. Farewell!" Would have been nice just to see them go on this adventure together. I like the character of Faramir a lot. Nice little story. Thanks for writing it. Keep up the great work. JULES6 Author Reply: Thanks so much again! I have trouble going out of my nice little hobbit settings, so I'm glad that my attempt at writing about our brave men of Gondor was well recieved :) ~ swg ~ | |
| lwarren | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 1/5/2005 |
| Hey, no blushes allowed, swg! Do you know it was 6-8 months after I discovered this site that I realized I could even review without being logged on? Computers and I are definitely somewhat incompatible! LOL No problem at all, and the only reason I questioned was that I surely didn't want you to think I was "flaming" (is that the right word?) your story. I know how difficult it is to post and then hold your breath when reading a review. A Voice... really is a very good beginning, I think, for a story if you are planning to flesh out some parts of it. I know you said you wrote it quickly as a school assignment and then posted to get some suggestions possibly on revision. I only found those two spelling mistakes someone has already mentioned to you, and I had a question about the story's setting. Let's see if I get this right...the story begins with Boromir and Faramir in Minas Tirith somewhere near the White Tower...then they hear the confrontation with the orcs and go to help the guard. The Nazgul is there also, and then later in the battle you have the brothers falling off a bridge into the river. From what I've read and then seen on M-E maps, Minas Tirith is built into the side of Mindolluin, which is part of the White Mountains and the White Tower of Ecthelion is part of that city. The city faces the Pelennor Fields and across the Fields is the city of Osgiliath. I'm going to quote part of the entry of Osgiliath from THE COMPLETE TOLKIEN COMPANION, so bear with me :-) "Osgiliath 'Citadel-of-the-Stars' (Sind.) - The capital and chief city of Gondor from its founding in 3320 Second Age until 1640 Third Age, when it was superseded by the fortress-city Minas Anor (later renamed Minas Tirith). In the centuries which followed it was gradually deserted and lost all its former eminence, and by the time of the War of the Ring the city was little more than a vast ruin upon either bank of the Great River, whose eastern side was occupied by forces of Sauron." So you see, any falling into the river would have taken place in Osgiliath, not before the gates of Minas Tirith. I was confused in that part of the story - you might want to clarify if you do any revision. I thought you did a good job of bringing the prophetic dream into the story - and I think Faramir also had the same dream when Boromir did. (Yep, just looked it up and it says both received the same prophetic dream.) That might provide some interesting confrontation between the two when the discussion of who will go to Imladris arises... I think this would be a great story (you actually did a pretty good job on the first draft *g*!)because I don't remember a story addressing this particular time in Boromir/Faramir's lives. At least I've never seen any. So good luck if you decide to pursue this, and thanks for letting me review again! linda Author Reply: You're welcome, lol ... Thanks for understanding :) Yeah .. I sat down with the Council of Elrond chapter and a pen and paper and wrote down all my errors .. OOPS! OSGILIATH, not Minas Tirith! Duh, silly me! This story will definatly be revised! so ... "PARDON OUR DUST!" this story is now a W.I.P! :) Thanks again! ~ swg ~ | |
| lwarren | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 1/4/2005 |
| I had posted a review on this yesterday with a couple of clarifications about some questions I had about the setting (I think this is a great beginning for an event not much has been written about), but I see it (the review) is not here. If it's been deleted I understand, but if by chance I didn't push POST, and you'd like the review, I can do it again. :-/ sorry! linda Author Reply: Linda! I am sooo sorry! I got your review and posted a reply but I made a mistake in the reply ... I thought the button I hit said "delete reply" but it said "delete review" I was mortified! Plus, I couldn't remember what your name was to send you an email and tell you *blush* By all means, please DO send a review again! Again, I'm soo sorry! ~ swg ~ | |
| LaughingBrook | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 1/2/2005 |
| I only found two words misspelled: Pelennor & Numenor. But I'm not sure if those were purposeful or not, because some people just spell them differently. Don't take my word there are no other misstakes, though, I'm not sure. But it all is wonderful! I enjoyed reading it! Author Reply: Thank you very much! I'll check and see how Tolkien spells those 2 words, cuz how he spelt it is how I'd like to. Thanks for bringing that to my attention! This story obviously, more than any of my others, needs some work. And every little opinion or correction counts and helps! Thanks again for reviewing! Prospero Ano Nuevo! (Happy New Year!) ~ swg ~ | |
| Dreamflower | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 1/2/2005 |
| Generally speaking, the story is pretty good. If you want to improve it a little bit, you might want to remember that in the book, Faramir also had the dream, and had it first. You might also want to make the dialogue a little less modern sounding, more "Gondorian". You've got good bones to work with here. Author Reply: Thanks sooo much! As I said, I wrote this very quickly cuz I had procrastinated on this particular school project. I must have overlooked Faramir's dream! *gasp* I will look into that real soon. And I'll try changing the feel of the dialogue - I'm not used to writing humans, most of my stories are hobbits. Thanks again! ~ swg ~ | |