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| For the Love of the Lord of the White Tree by Legolass | 3 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| Nightwing | Reviewed Chapter: 16 on 1/8/2006 |
| Well, here I am at last. Have read up to chapter sixteen thus far. This is an enjoyable story. I'm pleased that you let it develop at its own pace. No rushing through descriptions and other necessities. Your dialog is good, properly Middle-earthish, and fits well with the scenes. I'll deliver my one criticism, though perhaps this is one that you have caught onto at this point and corrected in your later writings. Please do not be offended. I was guilty of the same error. It is a common one of new authors, and it was the talented LOTR writer Ithilien who was good enough to point it out to me when I was doing it. At times you abruptly shift points of view. In particular this happens in chapter 14. In the scene in which the prisoner is brought to the king, you jump very quickly from the thoughts and observations of Aragorn to those of the prisoner, and then to Arwen's, and then back to the prisoner. Unless one is very skilled and can convey the voice of the all-seeing omniscient narrator with ease (and that would not be me), it is best to stick to the thoughts and observations of just one character at a time, and change to those of another with a new section or chapter. Otherwise things are too jumpy and disjointed, the transitions rough. You can find references to this on the net. Just type in "shifting POV" and some helpful writing advice comes up. I do like the twist at the end of of this chapter. So the "son of the king" the baddies were trying to grab was Legolas, eh? And, dear me, our good elf seems about to deliver himself right into their hands. Goody! More juiciness to come. Author Reply: Hi Nightwing, thanks for reading and reviewing. Ithilien did voice this comment about shifting POVs at one time (when the story was almost over), and she mentioned that she had pointed it out to you. I was also already aware of the role of the omniscient narrator, and how a story may be first-person or a limited third-person as well. I have welcomed many constructive comments (this being one of them), and though I have rushed to rewrite something in response to some of them (only while the story was progressing!), I will be honest about this one, okay, and hope you take it as a discussion? :–) While it is possible to present different POVs – or different scenes – in different chapters, I didn't want the chapters to be too short. I've read published stories where several POVs are presented in the same chapter, and where these sections are marked off only double spaces, with no verbal transitional / discourse markers other than those graphical dividers. And – in my very humble opinion – it works. Since we can't create similar double spaces on fanfic sites, I used lines (which I didn’t quite like) or other such 'markers' in the stories. Sometimes, it was even important for all these shifting POVs to be presented together very quickly following a split-screen technique in my story – such as in Chapter 19 – so I stuck to it (anyway, this was way before Ithilien raised the point). Now, of course it doesn’t mean that I have used shifting POVs as effectively (not even close) to accomplished authors, oh no no no no! But my point is: the use of it is not an “error” as you suggested. :–) I feel it need not be corrected or abandoned; it just has to be refined. And yes, I do agree that one can do a good job with it only if one is skilled enough, but skill comes with practice, with use. So I am grateful to you and Ithilien for raising your comment because it alerts me to something to be improved on. Not that I have *eeeeep* - and not till I retire and have time to sit down and really, really dissect what I write, lol! If that time comes, I may just contact you and beg you to be my sounding board. :–) Thanks again, Nightwing. I look forward to hearing more from you - here or in your own story. BTW - I tried out something... umm... 'different'... in my short 7-chapter story "Once Upon a Strongbow." Well, if you have time after this one... ;-) | |
| Angelelf | Reviewed Chapter: 16 on 3/2/2005 |
| AAHHHHH! More please, please. Author Reply: Coming right up ... | |
| Leaward | Reviewed Chapter: 16 on 3/2/2005 |
| Another good chapter -- and ok, you've got me wondering -- that cloak is going to come into play, but how? Hmm, now the tiny little cogs in my brain are spinning around trying to anticipate what you're up to ... which means you're writing a good story if you've got me thinking like that! Author Reply: I guess you'll have to wait and see, won't you? :-) Thanks for writing in again. | |