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The Choice of Healing by Larner	10 Review(s)
Queen Galadriel	Reviewed Chapter: 14 on 4/7/2006
I must say, Sam and Rosie are very brave. But then, I wouldn't want to lance those boils if I'd never done it before, either, and not sure I could have done it, even if I had. But my goodness, Frodo worries too much. The scars were covered up, and the boils on his neck looked about like any others, I would think. I'm glad Rosie, talked to him, though. Of course he doesn't horrify her! I don't think I could ever trust poppy juice now if I had to. I know Frodo overdoced--purposely--but still... Goodness knows this pattern ought to be familiar by now--Frodo weakening, the fading becoming more and more obvious; and it is. But it's no less heartbreaking. If only Aragorn could have come--though I suppose he could do very little now to help Frodo, but he might have been able to hearten him a little. And if only Frodo had told Sam he was leaving; Sam already guessed that he might, after all. Hmmm...that might be a good AU... The sun-lad. Yes, perfect. God bless, Galadriel Author Reply: I am terrified of needles, and so my mother verbally instructed me as to how to remove splinters, and I became so good at it I was made the family splinter remover, for I could do it with as little discomfort to others as possible. So I see it with Rosie, the one confident enough to communicate to the rest of her family that the needle or fine blade isn't going deeper than the surface and will release the pressure and the infection, helping the person get better. So here I've projected part of my own experience onto Rosie. Frodo knows that the only thing he's likely to feel is a brief increase in the pressure and the pain that's already there, followed by the release of it as the wound empties; but Sam, who's never done this before and is afraid of possibly making things worse (he's heard Aragorn, Elladan, Elrohir, and Elrond all say that probling the wound could paralyze his master, after all, and he's not certain just what probing means, probably), is too tentative to do it right and too inexperienced to know precisely how deep to press. I suspect the Ring, while he carried it, finding that an exaggerated form of modesty and a degree of vanity for his accepted good looks were already there in Frodo's makeup, exaggerated these qualities to the point that he cannot bear to have most others see him as he is now--I suspect he sees the scars as more than just scars but as physical defilement. The idea of them on himself makes him feel ugly beyond belief, a situation the Ring Itself would probably find highly amusing; and he's certain they will horrify others equally. Yes, he needed Rosie's perspective--the first person who tells him as it is, that these aren't disfigurements but are instead proof positive of worthy intent and add to the love and respect she feels for him. At least it may help him get back a bit of perspective in considering them in the future. I've been afraid of using mind- and mood-altering drugs and medications, for I hate to think of losing my self-control. When I've found medications affect my ability to function fairly soberly I've refused to take them again. I have needed to have morphine twice, and I found I didn't particularly care for it. It didn't (in me) relieve the pain so much as it made me less responsive to it and able to sleep until my resting body could then deal with the source of that pain better so that when I woke up I felt considerably better. The second time they had to give me two pain pills and two valiums to help deal with the extreme pain I was in and to help relieve my fear of the needle so they could do the blood tests necessary to try to figure out what I was suffering with and to allow me to accept the morphine. My doctors have NEVER found me an easy patient, you see--not since I was quite small. Frodo managed to retain only enough to put him out for a few hours, and may have had a bit of a hangover afterwards. But he'll be all right in the end. The dreams and imaginings narcotics can cause disturb me more than anything else in my very limited experience with such things.

Inkling	Reviewed Chapter: 14 on 7/13/2005
Larner, I am so deeply sorry about your husband…he must have been a very courageous man. I feared there was a reason your story has the ring of truth to it, but hope that “writing it out” has helped to keep it from eating your heart away... Thanks for explaining…and be assured that I will continue to stick with it. The love that is always present in the story makes the sadness bearable. hugs Inkling Author Reply: He used to joke he was dying of everything. He had blood vessel disease from years of uncontrollable high blood pressure followed by diabetes; he then had heart disease, a triple bypass, a bout of heart attacks the summer before he died; a spate of ministrokes that damaged the breathing centers in the brainstem and the portion of the nerve centers that receives or interprets the information sent from the ankles to tell when one is standing upright--and since he had been blinded in an accident when a young man, he couldn't rely on vision to correct for the lack of accurate information from his legs and feet. Also had only partial feeling in his right thumb as a result of another ministroke. Three years before he died his kidneys failed and he went on peritoneal dialysis. It was truly only the last year that was really bad for him, however. Suddenly we found ourselves on a daily seesaw, and I lived with a PDR in hand, trying to help sort out whether the day's symptoms indicated another stroke, another heart attack, a possible infection, or the side effects of any one or combination of two or more of the many pills and so on he had to take daily. Depression was quite common, sometimes for physical reasons, sometimes as an effect of one or more of the drugs. It was rather hairy at times. I began reading LOTR again during the last weeks, IIRC, and I had been looking forward to the release of the movies, which were due out the following December. I was also very involved on the discussion board for a court case I follow. That and my work with my blind students got me through it all. T. was quite a guy, and I miss him terribly at times, but often feel him looking in on me to remind me to get my bod to bed. I think I'd better do so now, in fact. Luv ya, sweetheart. He still nags me, I find.

Inkling	Reviewed Chapter: 14 on 7/12/2005
Just when I think this story can’t get any sadder…! While, thank God, I’ve never had the experience of seeing someone close to me go through a debilitating or terminal illness, I can imagine that this is what it must be like: the false hopes, the setbacks, the moments of despair… One question: given Frodo’s option of going into the West, what does it mean that he’s attempting suicide—that he feels he would rather die in the Shire than leave it? Or that he feels he is not worthy of going West? Author Reply: I lived through my husband's last illness, and saw the debilitation and the false hopes as well. There were a few times when he considered going more quickly, but he always hung in there anyway. But the depression that accompanies the worst bouts of pain cannot be described easily. I suspect in Frodo's case there was the feeling of lack of worth as well as an unwillingness to leave his identity as a Hobbit of the Shire that may have led him to dismiss the idea of going West at the moment and added to the attempts at suicide. But I suspect it was more a matter of momentary desperation and temporary loss of coherent thought brought on by the nights of sleeplessness and recurrent nightmares and severe depression that accompany such experiences that would induce the feelings anything would be better NOW than what he was going through. The chance to go to the Undying Lands was still in an uncertain future; the pain and overwhelming anxiety and temporary madness they brought on were happening in the moment. I have experienced repeatedly throughout my life a form of temporary anxiety that is almost impossible to describe and that leaves me desperate to move. I have found out over the years it is always brought on by physical discomfort that is sufficiently minor that in the moment I am not consciously paying attention to it, but which on a subconscious level is so stimulating my amygdala that I physically cannot remain still. I've found it can be brought on by earrings fastened too tightly, by having my back just a bit out, by having a mild sore throat and an oncoming bout of strep throat, by being physically too warm, and other such stimul. Trying to describe it beyond this is so very hard to do, but I feel as if my skin is crawling right off my body. A relative who used to do illegal drugs described a similar feeling, but highly exaggerated by the effects of the chemicals in his body, that he would often experience when he was starting to come down. Knowing how I'm truly ready to crawl right up a wall when it happens to me, I can begin to imagine how he felt. A couple times he came close to causing himself serious harm while in such states. I can easily see how someone as sick as my husband was or as Frodo was could find himself wanting to end it NOW. Thanks for sticking with it--it DOES get better.

Ariel	Reviewed Chapter: 14 on 4/12/2005
Oh, rip my heart out, will ya! Sniff I've always thought that this was the greatest loss that Middle earth and Frodo ever experienced. He lost the chance to know family life and, when Frodo and Bilbo left without either leaving a blood heir, M-e lost some of the most astonishing bloodline it had ever known. Like the elves leaving, something faded out of the hobbits when those two left. And most of them never even knew it. Author Reply: Yes, I agree, also. Again, thanks!

Ariel	Reviewed Chapter: 14 on 4/12/2005
He looked down, considering how much to tell her. Finally he met her eyes again. “You need to understand, Miss Narcissa--what he carried for so very long, since Mr. Bilbo left at his party--It stole that from him--the ability to love as a lad loves a lass. It wasn’t nothing you did wrong, nor nothing odd in him. He couldn’t see any lass as a lass, once he got it--just as another Hobbit. Now he can--and he feels there’s not enough left in him to do more than admire. And I fear he’s right.” This is what I have always contended - and have written so in any of my fics that address this subject. Thank you for presenting it here - it's a sad and tragic thought, but I really think this is what Tolkien meant. I am going to be so sad to see this fic end. ((((HUGS))))) Author Reply: I have long felt this, that the Ring was the reason why Bilbo, after his return, didn't marry and settle down, and why Frodo didn't do so, either. And it's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Thanks for the HUGS, as I needed one today.

Armariel	Reviewed Chapter: 14 on 4/10/2005
Wonderful...it's great to read fanfics written by people who are both thoroughly in love with the characters and really know how to write. Not to mention those who aren't pokey about getting to the next installment...heheh (yeah, sometimes I'm pokey too, LOL) Thanks so much! Armariel~~~{~@ Author Reply: Thank you, Armariel, for the kind words and response. The ending has been written for the past week and a half, and my clients just love it.

Andrea	Reviewed Chapter: 14 on 4/10/2005
That was a sad chapter, but beautifully written! What I liked most was the last part about the carvings Drogo had made before he died. It's as if Frodo wanted to assure himself, that there had been a time in his life, when all was fair and he was happy. And I think it's also a way to say a last good-bye. Thank you! Author Reply: I hadn't thought about this being a way of saying goodbye, yet you are right--it is a way of connecting definitely with his parents, remembering their perceptions of the Shire, evaluating, perhaps, how accurate they were. Thanks for the response, which made me think more deeply yet.

harrowcat	Reviewed Chapter: 14 on 4/10/2005
Oh Larner, what a beautifully tender chapter, but so sad and painful. To watch the decline and suffering of one you love and to be able to do little or nothing is agonising for everyone concerned. It is a spiral of pain that is only relieved, and that only a little, by the hope/knowledge that there is something beyond and we will meet our loved ones again. You have wxpreesed this so perfectly - Thank you. Author Reply: Thank you, Harrowcat, for appreciating the feelings I was trying to express. It's not an easy process, admitting there is no chance for proper recovery for either the one deteriorating or those who must watch. Been there--done that. Knowing there will be the reunion helps, but still does not allay the pain now.

shirebound	Reviewed Chapter: 14 on 4/9/2005
I'm certainly glad I know what's (eventually) coming, or I couldn't bear to read this! Poor Frodo. Aragorn's thoughts and letter are so tender and loving... and this is beautiful, Larner: Her eyes were deeply compassionate as she explained, “Beloved, for the two of them there is no more time. If they do not take ship with Ada, neither will live to take any other.” Author Reply: Thank you, Shirebound. That last summer must have been agony for Frodo, trying to accept the need to go. And I think Aragorn himself must have felt torn, if he was indeed aware of the chance Frodo had to go to Elvenhome.

Dreamflower	Reviewed Chapter: 14 on 4/9/2005
What a sad and melancholy chapter; seeing Frodo's increasing deterioration was so painful for all those who loved him--how hard it must have been to watch. I loved Aragorn's letter--his love for Frodo just shines through. This is so beautifully written! Author Reply: Thank you so, Dreamflower. Trying to keep to the strictures of only reminding Frodo of the choice while not appearing to compel him must have been very difficult for all.

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