News Resources
Login
Become a member
Help
Search
|
|
| About Us News Resources
Login
Become a member
Help
Search
|
|
|
| Aftershock by XtremeFrolicker | 10 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| Danina | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 11/18/2005 |
| Was thinking more about your story later and wanted to add some compliments: 1. The last line ROCKS. Mwahah. Poor Merry. 2. I really love the whole idea of your story, the way Sam and even Merry approach Frodo in exactly the way you face one of those "I'm not mad; I'm disappointed." scoldings from a beloved, much-respected family member like a father or an older brother. It's easy to forget just HOW much older than Merry and Sam Frodo *is*...while he's undoubtedly a friend and someone they want to take care of, there's a certain amount of looking up to him too, and to disappoint and betray him, even for his own sake, goes way against the grain. Siiiigh. Yay Hobbits. I need to go reread "A Conspiracy Unmasked." | |
| Danina | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 11/18/2005 |
| Wow, *this* is your first piece? Excellent. If you want constructive criticism, I'd say the bit with Merry and Sam in the kitchen rang truest to me....some of the Frodo and Sam stuff got a bit oversentimental or you used words that didn't quite fit Sam's voice. The overall characterization seemed perfect; just some of the dialogue near the end struck me as a bit off. I think we authors always want to make Sam and Frodo come right out and SAY things that they're thinking but wouldn't actually verbalize...stupid hobbits, hiding their feelings. :4) Overall it was awesome, though, and as I said that bit with Sam and Merry in the kitchen was especially perfect. I love fics that look a bit at Sam's relationship with the other hobbits in the Fellowship; here we can see how Merry and Sam have developed a nice co-conspirator relationship in their mission to protect Frodo (and avoid his tongue-lashings or his "disappointed eyes"!) Keep writing!! | |
| Bodkin | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 11/18/2005 |
| I love the way Frodo, Sam and Merry are behaving towards each other. Excellent piece. More, please! | |
| Queen Galadriel | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 11/17/2005 |
| Hello, and welcome to 'authorhood'! I remember how it felt to post the first story, how nervous I was, but I think you're off to a really, really good start! This is such a sweet story! Sam's prattling had me laughing so hard I could scarcely keep my seat, and though it was rather unwise of him, it adds the humour that was needed. And I like the touching interview as well, of course. I look forward to seeing more of your work! God bless, Galadriel | |
| Larner | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 11/17/2005 |
| Very nicely done, and good characterizations of all. Love it! And poor Sam--blathering on like that, trying to distract Frodo as he did. And LOVE the things he learned. Love the leavening of humor to it. Thanks so much for a giggle along with the tear. | |
| SurgicalSteel | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 11/17/2005 |
| Really lovely - you've captured Frodo and Sam beautifully. I can really see this scene taking place. Wonderful! | |
| esamen | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 11/17/2005 |
| Very well done, Xtreme! You have a great way of bringing a voice to the page. Merry, Frodo and Sam all sounded very different from each other. I really liked it. Nice work with all the dialogue. And good job on telling the story. You picked a moment in the story and amplified it very well. Very Tolkien. I like fics that stick with canon. Welcome, and please write more! I am a Frodo fan and I pretty much check out anything written on SoA about him. Congratulations on your first fic. Bring on the second one soon. Esamen | |
| shirebound | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 11/17/2005 |
| A very impressive first story, XtremeFrolicker! This is a very nice scene between Sam and Frodo, and this conversation probably bonds them even more tightly together. The love and regard they have for one another shines through beautifully. | |
| Dreamflower | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 11/17/2005 |
| *This* is your first fic? It's quite wonderful! You have the "book voice" for all three hobbits down beautifully, and you don't make the mistake of overdoing things that many first time fic writers do. It's lovely; nicely understated, true to canon, and filling in a gap very well indeed. I very much enjoyed this little bit between Sam and Merry: “I gather Frodo wants to have a little chat?” Sam jumped about a foot. He turned and saw Meriadoc Brandybuck sitting at the table, looking expectantly at him as he nursed his ale. Sam had been too preoccupied with his own thoughts to notice. “I told him I would get him some tea first,” Sam said, sitting across from his fellow conspirator. “You know that putting it off won’t help,” said Merry. “He’s going to say his piece, even if he has to tie you down to say it.” “I know that sir, I’m just thinking that maybe having a bit of food around will distract him.” “Yes, and if nothing else, the tea will help his voice,” said Merry with a wicked grin. “All that lecturing is very hard on the throat, you know.” “I don’t see what you’re smiling about, sir. You’re turn’s coming soon enough.” Merry grimaced. “I am perfectly aware of that, Master Gamgee, although I would like to thank you for reminding me. I am simply having an ale and planning my strategy.” “Any good plans come to mind?” “Well, short of throwing a pillow at him and running, no.” So very much in character for both of them, and capturing a certain level of friendship between the two of them as well. And you hit all the right notes in his later conversation with Frodo, as well: “I’m sorry, sir, truly! I just wanted to make sure you were all right! And it ain’t like I didn’t suffer! I had to listen to Mrs. Strawbottom tell the story about her corns twice! And that’s nothing compared to what Daddy Twofoot had to say about-“ “Yes, yes, well, no need to bring that up again,” said Frodo, putting down his tea rather suddenly. “I still need to know what you found out, besides Daddy Twofoot’s…er…condition.” “Well, I learned that Mistress Lobelia is as bad to her relatives as she is to their servants, and that Mr. Folco didn’t know how to read until he was in his tweens. And I learned that Mr. Bilbo was allergic to cats, you don’t like sunflowers because you got lost in a field when you were just a tot, and that Mr. Merry had horrible acne for years.” Frodo gave a strangled “cough” into his napkin. “Mr. Merry said that you had provided quite a bit of information about me. What did you say?” “Well….er….I told them when you had trouble sleeping, or when you started to look sadder than usual. I kept them up to date on your health, and let them know if you were going long periods of time without visitors.” “So that’s how they always know to show up when things get quiet.” “Yes, sir. I pretty much kept them up to date on your life: who you’d seen, what you did, how I thought you looked.” Frodo nodded, as if taking this all in. "I see." I loved all this, the way you managed to work in a bit of humor, and some of the minor canon characters as well. You sustained Sam's voice very well, not something easy to do, and also captured Frodo's genteel but firm one in this. If this is your first story, I most certainly hope it is not your last. I would like to see a good many stories follow this very promising start. Only one thing you may want to fix: The elf was Gildor Inglorion, and not Glorfindel, who came to the hobbits in the Woody End that night. An easy mistake to make. | |
| harrowcat | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 11/17/2005 |
| I enjoyed this XtremeFrolicker. Have often wondered how Frodo felt about being spyed on. Well done for a first effort. | |