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| Ever Mine by Wayfarer | 1 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| purrlin | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 1/22/2006 |
| I like this. From your preamble I had expected alot worse. Only one small insignificant change would I make. Change confine to confines in your second stanza. I think it would read better(and sound better when read out loud) and would also be reflected in the ending of the fourth stanzas first line that also ends in s. That's just a personal thought. I liked how longterm Grima is looking at this and with such confidence in his abilities to see it done they way he envisages it. Poor Eowyn to have to put up with such a sneaky, self absorbed ponce masquerading as Theodens selfless carer. well done! purrlin :) Author Reply: Hello, purrlin! musie heaves a sigh of relief and sends his thanks that it is not "as worse as" you had thought. Thank you for the suggestion, I've had numerous battles with musie on it too. As this is a villanelle, I'd think that rhyming ought to be in pairs, ie 1-2, 3-4, 5-6. And it just seems to us that "Her secret thoughts she confines" does not make for sound reading due to the plural thoughts,/i>. Anyway, so sticking with the paired rhyming logic, musie wanted dearly to rhyme design in stanza 3, 1st line to "signs", you know, make design plural for a little bit of word play and to emphasize his ulterior motives... I rather thought it a bit much then, but now am quite taken with it... Maybe we'll really do that instead. Something more to fight with musie about... WOOT! Thanks for the feedback, purrlin! =) ~W | |