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While the Ring went south...  by Thundera Tiger 4 Review(s)
Grey WondererReviewed Chapter: 3 on 9/24/2005
Rocks! I love it. And Gimli was waiting and watching all the while for a return prank that had already begun. Legolas did a double prank on that one. Loved Pippin's talk with Frodo too.

Author Reply: Out of everything these guys pulled, the rocks in the pack were my absolute favorite. Part of the fun was making Gimli watch for something coming all the while knowing it had already happened. Glad you liked it, too!

LindeleaReviewed Chapter: 3 on 6/22/2005
Forgot to mention in reviewing previous chapter that you set up the uneasiness very deftly, understated and not heavy-handed or melodramatic. Well done!

The growing of the Ring in Frodo's mind is subtle and again, well done.

Your dialog between Frodo and Pippin sounds a bit "modern". "Whoa", I can let pass, as it might be said to a pony, perhaps, but being able to "relate to" something sounds like psychological jargon. Might I suggest something like "You understand such things"/"Understand what things?" Again, "locked up" is a foreign notion to most hobbits. "Hidden away", perhaps?

OTOH, if I am being heavy-handed and offensive, say so and I will say no more. I'm an interfering busybody, I fear.

...as he began to pace and wave his arms, forgetting the rest of the Fellowship
It's these descriptive snippets, thrown in so casually, that bring the story and characters to life.

So... is part of Legolas "getting back" at Gimli the anticipation? Stretching it out, doing nothing, making the dwarf drive himself crazy, wondering what the elf's retaliation will be?

Uh, oh, what's the matter with Gimli? His back is screaming? His legs are heavy? Aha. (Reached the end of the chapter.)

Appreciate the calendar notes. These were the sort of things that got me hooked on "canon writing".

And that's all for today. Hope I have time tomorrow for a chapter. Depends on if I can get up well before the little ones arise.

Author Reply: OTOH, if I am being heavy-handed and offensive, say so and I will say no more. I'm an interfering busybody, I fear.

First of all, be as heavy-handed and offensive as you can. Smash this story. Destroy. Decimate. Obliterate. Maul. Crush. I won't break out the thesaurus, but I hope you get the idea. I said in response to another of your reviews that I'm working on a rewrite, and this sort of feedback is EXACTLY what I need. There are so many things wrong with the early chapters that I'm sometimes at a loss as to where to begin. Your reviews are proving to be an excellent guide for trouble-shooting, and what's better is that you're a known hobbit writer. Frankly, the hobbits scare me, and I think I need beedback on them most of all. So break out the sledgehammer and go to work if you want to. Or not. I'm certainly not going to force you into editorial duties! But if you see something that needs to be changed, never hesitate to point it out!

As for the chapter, you're absolutely right. The conversation between Pippin and Frodo either shouldn't happen at all or it should be approached from a completely different angle. And the language needs to undergo a severe adjustment. Check, check, check. I will definitely keep your comments in mind. Thank you VERY much!

BadgerReviewed Chapter: 3 on 2/14/2004
I'm really enjoying this story--it's well written and the characters are true.

I was thrown out of the story at one point in this chapter, however--when Legolas addresses Aragorn as "my liege." I doubt that Elves would consider Men to be their feudal lords, or owe them fealty! And even if by some chance Mirkwood owed fealty to Gondor, Aragorn hasn't yet taken a crown. He's just a Ranger at this point, not a liege lord.

But that's being exceedingly picky, and I really am thoroughly enjoying this!

LeraReviewed Chapter: 3 on 9/18/2003
I never wondered if Boramir would feel uncomfortable around the different races, but I guess it's natural that he would. He probably hasn't been around elves, dwarves or hobbits much. Considering his personality, he obviously likes to be in control and is used to it. It must be throwing him for a loop to not be in charge and not be the most knowledgable about the situation. Poor guy.

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