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| Beyond The Dimrill Gate by Jay of Lasgalen | 20 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| Larner | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 5/2/2009 |
| Bats leaving Moria at dawn would indeed be ominous. | |
| Cairistiona | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 11/19/2008 |
| Call me very much a latecomer to this story, but what a great start! The feeling of malice and menace and foreboding practically leaps from the page. That the bats are flying out at dawn is so evocative of Something Very Wrong Here. Very good start. I'm looking forward to reading the entire story! | |
| Agape4Gondor | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 5/16/2008 |
| Two things that I had to giggle about in the middle of the tension - the 'real' owl and poor Orophin's admonition to keep safe! Great first chapter and I loved that you had the sun rising just as they were descending ito the mines.... | |
| meckinock | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 4/26/2008 |
| This is a great set-up, Jay, to place Aragorn's previous trip into Moria druing the "Estel" years. Elladan and Elrohir would surely not have been able to resist investigating whatever was going on under the mountain. The descriptions of the terrain and the dark sensations that Elladan experiences gives a really dark, creepy, suspenseful tone to the chapter, although I enjoyed the bits of humor, too. Author Reply: Thanks, Meckinock! It seemed a good combination of canon to me. The twins - seasoned warriors as they are - simply couldn't ignore the signs they saw and felt. I'm really glad you felt the oppressive atmosphere they encountered! And I just can't resist a little humour when the three are together - to me it feels natural that they'd tease each other. | |
| pipinheart | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 7/20/2006 |
Very nice... Elladan, Elrohir, and Estel are going to investigate the shadow, I think they should wait for a patrol to go with them, only danger would lurk there... Author Reply: Waiting for a patrol would be sensible, but they hope to sneak in unnoticed. You think it will be dangerous? :>) Quite possibly. | |
| French Pony | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 6/7/2006 |
| Now that I have a little time, I'm going back to catch up on some stories I haven't had time for earlier. This looks like it'll be a good one. You have a knack for writing horror, good character-based horror, so I'm looking forward to this. I like the deliberate pacing of this chapter -- not too fast, but enough of a build-up to get the spine tingling pleasantly. I thought only the Dwarves knew Khuzdul, and that they never taught it to anyone else. Author Reply: Thank you! My favourite part of writing is in describing and developing the characters - and a little horror and angst is good too! Khuzdul *is* supposed to be a secret language - but Gimli was very free with it when he named all the mountains for the Fellowship, so I decided that E3 could well know a little. | |
| TithenFeredir | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 5/10/2006 |
| Well phooey, nothing like marking a tentative return to reviewing by messing up the first one. Spastic fingers, me. Sorry...sorry... ANYWAY, I was going to say, what a great idea for a story! I really like your setup, having Estel out travelling with his brothers, still in training. It makes a lot of sense that the twins would normally avoid the pass, but ignore their discomfort with it to see that Estel was made familiar with that route. I especially liked this little offhand bit of detail that illustrated the hardship of travel: "They had seen no game, but saved their provisions for the journey through the pass, and supped on wafers of waybread, handfuls of withered berries gathered from the low-growing bushes, and water drawn from the stream." Everything that follows is delightfully ominous, especially the Lorien patrols' reports about smoke venting from the mountain and then the bats exiting at dawn. *Rubbing hands together in anticipation of a wild ride ahead* An excellent beginning! ~TF Author Reply: *Grin* Don't worry - I've done things like that too! The mention of Aragorn's earlier trip through Moria has always intrigued me, and the comment about his 'great deeds'. Meeting different people, learning secret paths, and foraging for food are all things a ranger-in-training needs to learn - and who better to teach him than his brothers? I'm glad you're liking the suspense here - I'm certainly enjoying writing it! Thanks for the review. | |
| TithenFeredir | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 5/10/2006 |
| They had seen no game, but saved their provisions for the journey through the pass, and supped on wafers of waybread, handfuls of withered berries gathered from the low-growing bushes, and water drawn from the stream. | |
| Kitty | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 5/10/2006 |
| Jay, you did a great job in building up a growing unease and anxiety not only for the sons of Elrond, but for the reader as well. I'm truly worried what they will find there. My instincts yell to them to run away as far as possible ;( Author Reply: Run away? They should, but I don't think the twins or Estel are the running away types - besides, there wouldn't be a story then! The second chapter's posted, and they do find something unpleasant there ... Thanks for the review! | |
| viggomaniac | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 5/8/2006 |
| Just found this today and must say, you're off to a terrific start. Love the sense of foreboding, the little banter between the twins and Estel and the hesitation by the Lorien elves in accepting Estel as the twins' brother. The naming of the mountains was a good touch and sounds just like something a 'little brother' would do. I'd say I was dying to read the next chapter but not only would that be incorrect but I don't have to. It's already been posted! Author Reply: Thanks for the review! I love writing the twins, but haven't done much about them with Estel. From that quote about his 'great deeds' they obviously took him out questing when he was old enough, and think they'd treat him just as a younger brother. This trip is like a finishing school for a ranger, so he's learning a lot - including names :) | |