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| Shadow by fael bain | 1 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| L( | Reviewed Chapter: 12 on 9/2/2004 |
| ok, need a little gripe time. I love this plot, but for god's sake, they're elves, not Yoda!! Learn to control your sentences - fragments abound and pull the story out of whack. use commas and conjunctions (and but or nor for yet so) instead of choppy, one word adjective sentences. Also, elves mature slowly, taking 50 or 100 years - and they "fall in love" when two halves of the soul meet. crushes and disappointment don't happen, and the "romance" is totally unrealistic. Flaming criticism aside, I do love your plot, and the tiny adduendums you insert to change your version of Middle Earth from others'. Find yourself a solid BETA and keep it up. Author Reply: Hello and thanks for your review! =) I agree completely with you that my earlier chapters were absolutely atrocious and horrendous, but in my defence I wrote them about 2 years ago now, and if you carry on reading (and manage to get pass the irritatingness!), I promise that it gets a lot better. I know it's riddled with mistakes, but I've yet to find a beta who is willing to plough through 58 chapters in total, and I'm a hopeless editor myself! About romance and crushes, I like to take the view that it is open for interpretation. Sure, when they fall in love, it is for life, but I am sure there is attraction and such that will happen, because I feel that otherwise it would be too 'perfect'! It's probably stepping slightly out of Tolkien's original intent, but I'd hoped that others could accept it! I appreciate your honesty, and hope that you find the future paragraphs a lot better..=) | |