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| A Small and Passing Thing by Lindelea | 2 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| Larner | Reviewed Chapter: 28 on 4/22/2023 |
| Life is returning for Freddy. Yeah! | |
| FantasyFan | Reviewed Chapter: 28 on 10/12/2003 |
| Well, you have written the scene with coherence and internal consistency. I do think Freddy's awakening is a little abrupt, but not to the point of failure. What would make it easier for me is just a little bit of the interior dialogue as Freddy returns to wakefullness. It wouldn't have to make the chapter a lot longer, but it's completely missing from this chapter as written. It is a long chapter however, and you may choose to make it into two. The part between Estella's return and the conversation of the four hobbits doesn't sparkle as much as your writing usually does - if the restoration of Bag End is important enough to the story to write about, it deserves a little more life. If it isn't, this could be a part to cut out. You have done a good job working the text from 'The Grey Havens' into the conversation, and a little Pippin angst, but there's no Merry teasing! I guess they're allowed to have a serious conversation once in a while. Freddy must be healing if he's ready to demand a bath and to walk down the hall by himself. I am assuming that his reaction to Rudi's innocent remark about shearing goes back to the second chapter, when Lobelia made a very similar comment while Freddy was at his worst. He was barely concious at the time, and it's funny what associations stuck in his mind. At least Rudi and Frodo are now alerted to look for the least sign of discomfort and counter it, whether they understand it or not. Estella is clearly good for Freddy and it seems she can get away with more than the others. The good memories outweigh the bad, when he focuses on her. Author Reply: Still have to tackle the restoration of Bag End, and yes, it is important in that it symbolises the determination of most hobbits in the Shire (Sam and Merry included) to make things exactly as they were before. It is human nature to yearn for a simpler time, is it not? But I did add some material to chapter 23, and to 27, to show what was going on in Freddy's mind after the re-setting of his fingers. You're right, mention of shearing or sheep takes Freddy back to that scene in the Lockholes, with Lobelia. Healing is still a little ways away, and it will never be complete... but let us not give away the rest of the story... | |