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| Jay's Drabblets by Jay of Lasgalen | 9 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| Agape4Gondor | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 3/23/2007 |
| I liked both of these Jay - I don't think one is more 'elvish' than the other - they both have a beauty to them... I liked the starkness of the first AND I liked the descriptive of the second.... Author Reply: Thanks - I like them both, but still think I prefer the first version. | |
| demeter d | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 5/21/2006 |
| Version one was starkly sweet anyway, but yes, this one definitely feels "Elvish". Very sweet. Author Reply: Ooh, I'd almost forgotten this drabble! Thanks for reminding me. I liked bringing the forest into it. | |
| Kalima | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 4/12/2005 |
| Yes, I think it IS elfier. Very nice. Author Reply: I still can't decide which version I prefer - the whole forest rejoicing, or Thranduil's private joy! Author Reply: I still can't decide which version I prefer - the whole forest rejoicing, or Thranduil's private joy! | |
| kate | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 4/24/2004 |
| This is more elfy, but I liked the other one too. | |
| LKK | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 4/11/2004 |
| Version Two of this chapter is definitely more elfy, Jay. Legolas' birth has become an occasion for joy for all in the forest -- flora and elf. On the other hand, that deep personal sense of awe that Thranduil felt has diminished somewhat. The moment is no longer the solitary thoughts of a overawed father. Does that make Version Two worse than Version One? Not necessarily. It depends on what you want to emphasize -- the birth celebrated by all of nature or the birth celebrated by the father. I remember you saying you had rewritten this due to a comment for Version One that Thranduil could have been any father from any race. The comment is valid. But there's also merit in the idea that a father of elf newborn would feel the same sense as the father of a hobbit newborn or the father of a human newborn or the father of a dwarf newborn -- a common experience that unifies the races. So which version is better? That all comes down to what you intend to emphasize the most and what the reader prefers to experience the most. Personally, I like Version One better because I felt more emotional after One than Two. But that's not saying that One is a better drabble than Two. Only that One effected me more. Author Reply: I agree entirely - although I like version two, and the whole of Lasgalen giving thanks, the whole point of the original was to show the mighty Elven King as awestruck as any new father. But I got some harsh criticism for it not being elfy or even Tolkienesque. (Some people don't get subtle). I let the negative reviews get to me. So many thanks for your comments! | |
| Lasse-Lanta | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 4/9/2004 |
| This is good as well, but I liked the first version for it's brevity and mystery. Author Reply: The original version was deliberately phrased so that the mighty Elven-King sounded like any besotted father - but most people missed that. Thank you! | |
| Elendiari22 | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 4/6/2004 |
| It is definitely more "elfy". I love both versions, but this is the better one, I think. :) Author Reply: Thanks - I think I prefer this, too! | |
| eiluj | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 4/4/2004 |
| No one could doubt the "elfiness" -- but really, both are excellent. Author Reply: I'm glad you like them - but hopefully this version is more appropriate to a wood elf! | |
| mistry89 | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 4/4/2004 |
| Hmm, I'd only read the first version about 20 minutes ago, and yes, I think it is more elfy. Actually, it is more than just more elfy, I think it is a far more powerful piece (but that's just me and I've read about 15 stories over the last day or so and I'm probably primed to react emotionally to keywords lke "leaf" and "star". I thought the original demonstrated wonderfully, and in so few words, that combination of powerfulness/powerlessness that comes of *actually* becoming a parent, those first few hours when it becomes a reality and not just a future-baby, but this (the second version) brings in the underlying joy that the living forest has in the birth and the sensation that he isn't just a gift to his parents, but also to Lasgalen. Gah, I've gone all soppy! Oh, yeah, and even Elbereth gets a look in, so they were all *there* :) Definitely more elfy, more ME, more Tolkienesque (no doubt inspiring a not-very-good poem from JRRT, had he included this vignette). Thank you. Author Reply: Thank you for the detailed comparison. I tried to include things a Silvan or Sindarin elf would care about - the trees and the stars. From all your reviews, you must have had a marathon reading session! | |