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Remembering Boromir by Avon	5 Review(s)
meckinock	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 5/22/2004
Hi, Avon An exceedingnly beautiful and poignant story, as always. The drawing together of Faramir and Elrond seems so sweet and natural. Faramir's pain is so palpable and it's so touching that he retreats in his grief to a place of childhood comfort, a place that he shared with the brother he now mourns. It also seemed in character for Elrond, who has seen so much grief, to seek to comfort him. Your writing is so beautiful I hate to offer any "contructive" comments, and I'm probably going to say something stupidly obnoxious if I try, but since you always ask: The way you brought us into Faramir's private grief, it seemed exceedingly natural for him to be mourning Boromir at that time and in that way. It has only been weeks, as Elrond said, since Boromir's death, after all, and they have been exceedingly busy weeks at that. With the events and stresses of the past weeks it seems perfectly natural that Faramir has not allowed himself up until now to feel or mourn his brother's death. His private mourning in the window seat was a gift of insight on your part. So Elrond's question, "But you have known of your brother’s death for weeks; why does it trouble you so now?“ seemed a little out of place. Surely Elrond didn't mean that the way it sounded? I loved Elrond's overall portrayal and tone; however his one comment: "Remember that your brother was much more than a sum of his parts" seemed a little bit modern and pre-packaged to me, and the subsequent statement, "...passion and boldness all made him Boromir and yet he was more – more than we can describe" seemed a little lordly and all-knowing without providing specific insights into Boromir. What I really liked and would love to see expanded was this: "When he spoke of you during his stay in Rivendell, I saw a gentler man than the one of his public speeches and reported deeds. He was proud, even jealous, of his position – yet he honoured Aragorn, who would take much of it from him." Ah ha! Yes, Elrond would have had a lot of opportunity to observe Boromir at Rivendell (and assess his suitability for the mission). I'd love to hear more about Elrond's first impressions of Boromir and some behind-the-scenes glimpses of his behavior at Rivendell, expansion of how he reacted to Aragorn, etc! This was a great sequence: “You see him swept away by the wave that drowned Númenor yet you also saw him at peace in the Anduin. He may have foundered beneath that crashing wall of water – but he reached some far shore. Boromir did not die in darkness.” I think you could end it after "I know" or leave in the final glimpse of Boromir. I liked it, and it fit with Faramir's state of mind. Sorry if I've gone overboard, I don't know what got into me... mrk Author Reply: Hi Meckinock, Thank you very much for such wonderful feedback - feedback like this is what every writer dreams of IMO. IU've taken al your advice plus some equally constructive stuff I got over at HASA and I'm trying to rewrite - but between work pressures and sudden unexpected inspiration I'm not finished yet. Your writing is so beautiful I hate to offer any "contructive" comments, and I'm probably going to say something stupidly obnoxious if I try, Absolutely definitely not stupid or obnoxious. but since you always ask: The way you brought us into Faramir's private grief, it seemed exceedingly natural for him to be mourning Boromir at that time and in that way. It has only been weeks, as Elrond said, since Boromir's death, after all, and they have been exceedingly busy weeks at that. With the events and stresses of the past weeks it seems perfectly natural that Faramir has not allowed himself up until now to feel or mourn his brother's death. His private mourning in the window seat was a gift of insight on your part. So Elrond's question, "But you have known of your brother’s death for weeks; why does it trouble you so now?“ seemed a little out of place. Surely Elrond didn't mean that the way it sounded? Hmmm... I'm still thinking on this. Apart from the obvious fact that I want Elrond to ask what's up ;-) I feel Faramir's grief/trouble is unexpectedly deep here given how composedly he speaks of Boromir to Frodo. Elrond isn't surprised that he mourns - but this withdrawal (he sends Pippin away and I bet there is work a conscientious steward could be doing) does seem unusual. Anyway, not matter how justified I feel the comment is, if it isn't obvious to others I need to reconsider it. Thanks for the heads-up. I loved Elrond's overall portrayal and tone; however his one comment: "Remember that your brother was much more than a sum of his parts" seemed a little bit modern and pre-packaged to me, and the subsequent statement, "...passion and boldness all made him Boromir and yet he was more – more than we can describe" seemed a little lordly and all-knowing without providing specific insights into Boromir. What I really liked and would love to see expanded was this: "When he spoke of you during his stay in Rivendell, I saw a gentler man than the one of his public speeches and reported deeds. He was proud, even jealous, of his position – yet he honoured Aragorn, who would take much of it from him." Ah ha! Yes, Elrond would have had a lot of opportunity to observe Boromir at Rivendell (and assess his suitability for the mission). I'd love to hear more about Elrond's first impressions of Boromir and some behind-the-scenes glimpses of his behavior at Rivendell, expansion of how he reacted to Aragorn, etc! grins embarrassedly Yeah, I knew that that first line didn't quite work - I am rewriting it. I like your suggestion of how to exppand it - as long as someone else writes it! ;-) Seriously - I am trying but the first couple of lines are definitely goners. Again - thanks so much. That was just great and very helpful. Avon Author Reply: Hi Meckinock, Thank you very much for such wonderful feedback - feedback like this is what every writer dreams of IMO. IU've taken al your advice plus some equally constructive stuff I got over at HASA and I'm trying to rewrite - but between work pressures and sudden unexpected inspiration I'm not finished yet. Your writing is so beautiful I hate to offer any "contructive" comments, and I'm probably going to say something stupidly obnoxious if I try, Absolutely definitely not stupid or obnoxious. but since you always ask: The way you brought us into Faramir's private grief, it seemed exceedingly natural for him to be mourning Boromir at that time and in that way. It has only been weeks, as Elrond said, since Boromir's death, after all, and they have been exceedingly busy weeks at that. With the events and stresses of the past weeks it seems perfectly natural that Faramir has not allowed himself up until now to feel or mourn his brother's death. His private mourning in the window seat was a gift of insight on your part. So Elrond's question, "But you have known of your brother’s death for weeks; why does it trouble you so now?“ seemed a little out of place. Surely Elrond didn't mean that the way it sounded? Hmmm... I'm still thinking on this. Apart from the obvious fact that I want Elrond to ask what's up ;-) I feel Faramir's grief/trouble is unexpectedly deep here given how composedly he speaks of Boromir to Frodo. Elrond isn't surprised that he mourns - but this withdrawal (he sends Pippin away and I bet there is work a conscientious steward could be doing) does seem unusual. Anyway, not matter how justified I feel the comment is, if it isn't obvious to others I need to reconsider it. Thanks for the heads-up. I loved Elrond's overall portrayal and tone; however his one comment: "Remember that your brother was much more than a sum of his parts" seemed a little bit modern and pre-packaged to me, and the subsequent statement, "...passion and boldness all made him Boromir and yet he was more – more than we can describe" seemed a little lordly and all-knowing without providing specific insights into Boromir. What I really liked and would love to see expanded was this: "When he spoke of you during his stay in Rivendell, I saw a gentler man than the one of his public speeches and reported deeds. He was proud, even jealous, of his position – yet he honoured Aragorn, who would take much of it from him." Ah ha! Yes, Elrond would have had a lot of opportunity to observe Boromir at Rivendell (and assess his suitability for the mission). I'd love to hear more about Elrond's first impressions of Boromir and some behind-the-scenes glimpses of his behavior at Rivendell, expansion of how he reacted to Aragorn, etc! grins embarrassedly Yeah, I knew that that first line didn't quite work - I am rewriting it. I like your suggestion of how to exppand it - as long as someone else writes it! ;-) Seriously - I am trying but the first couple of lines are definitely goners. Again - thanks so much. That was just great and very helpful. Avon

Nienna Elanesse	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 5/21/2004
Don't worry about "All-wise Elf-lords" you did fine! I wonder at words like "misdoubt". Did you mean "doubt" or "misunderstand"? Wonderful story. Then again, I am partial to the other Ranger (of Gondor). :) Author Reply: Hi Nienna, Thanks for the feedback. Misdoubt isn't a common word these days but it is a real word - 'Have doubts, misgivings, suspicions or forebodings about' (Pocket Oxford). I'm a bit of a word freak with a wide and peculiar vocab from many years with my nose stuck in a book and I do enjoy using it for my Tolkien stories. ;-) Yes, who could help being partial to our Gondorian Ranger ;-) Thanks again, Avon

Nilmandra	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 5/21/2004
I think what I like best about this is the nobility you have shown in Boromir. I think Tolkien wrote that Boromir honored Aragorn, but they had not contended with one another as lords of Gondor. He did die a noble and valiant death, and his end was fitting - and I sometimes wonder if he could have dealt with the change the return of the king brought. Faramir's ambitions were different and he seems more bendable and pliable - Gandalf spoke of a deep strength in him. Elrond being the one to provide comfort is good, but I think I am glad you did not draw any parallels greater than the loss of brothers. Elrond and Faramir do share that pain and understanding, but I think to compare Elros and Boromir to any degree other than some personal qualities and their relationships to the conversants as brothers would be difficult. The connection on the personal level was good, as was Elrond's remembrance of the good qualities he saw in Boromir. I do like that Faramir thought of Eowyn immediately, however. There are some nice parallels between Theoden and Boromir, in how close to darkness they slipped, but how they were redeemed and how their lives ended well. Author Reply: Thank you for some lovely feedback, Nilmandra. Yeah, you know I don't like that Boromir died - but I'm also not sure how he would have fitted into the new Gondor. I think to compare Elros and Boromir to any degree other than some personal qualities and their relationships to the conversants as brothers would be difficult. I think what I saw, though in the end didn't include, was fraility - human fraility. Aragorn has to contend with (and perhaps I'm being too movie influenced here) the fact that his ancestor created the problem with the Ring by not destroying it - and Elrond has to live with the fact that it was his brother's blood who failed to resist the Ring. I do like that Faramir thought of Eowyn immediately, however. There are some nice parallels between Theoden and Boromir, in how close to darkness they slipped, but how they were redeemed and how their lives ended well. Yeah, I hadn't ever thought of the connection until I was writing the story and it popped in but it is an interesting link, I think. Actually in the original conception of the story - until I started checking dates etc - Eowyn was going to be there with him. Thanks again, Avon

Éile igen Briain	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 5/21/2004
Excellent and uniqueapproach to this topic. I like seeing Faramir and Elrond interact particularly since Elrond has also lost a brother can probably relate better than most. The biggest problem with the fic is the frequent changes in tense, which is easily fixed :) Author Reply: Thank you, Éile igen Briain. I love all feedback but I love specific feedback even better. ;-) I did originally intyend to draw more parallels between Elrond's brother and Boromir but they didn't quite make it in. ;-) Um, the tense changes - I know this is one of my weaknesses so you are probably perfectly right but I've just gone right through without finding any. You couldn't be so kind as to point them out, could you? Avon

Ruse	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 5/20/2004
Wow...absolutely beautiful. I, of course, rush in wherever I hear the name Elrond, so it was very nice to see him here. And Boromir...how I hate that Boromir had to die...it's nice to see him remembered well. :) Beautiful. Author Reply: Thanks, Ruse. Yeah, I want Boromir to come riding home one day for Faramir. Avon

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