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| Black Mountain by White Wolf | 8 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| *~SuGaR~* | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 7/23/2004 |
| Ooooooooo...strange, mysterious mountain...now you've gotten my curiousity ;) Legolas and Estel better watch out with you in control of their lives again! But if Legolas can endure Thranduil in a frenzy, he'll come out in one piece (hopefully...) Can't wait to find out what this mountain is all about! *~SuGaR~* Author Reply: I'm happy your curiosity is peeked. I should resent you saying that Legolas and Estel had better watch out with me in control again. But, you are right. You just know they will be getting into all kinds of trouble. And don't forget, the twins will be right there with them. More coming soon. | |
| Lois | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 7/16/2004 |
| Hi WW -- My apologies for the terse tone of my prior comments: habit, hurry, and carelessness, of which the latter two are not excusable in this venue. In general, I feel publicly posted comments should be limited to a few sentences of closely-reasoned praise, and critique proper reserved for private e-mail, but alas I have not yet discovered how the web board set-up at Arda might allow that. More useful things might be added, more carefully expressed, but not here. It is not a given that I will not be reading more of your story. If I didn't want to read more, I wouldn't care enough to comment; it wouldn't matter. bests, Lois. Author Reply: You do not have to apologize. I do not mind 'public' criticism, as long as the reviewer tells me what they don't like. You gave me your opinions honestly, which is all I ask of my readers. Like all writers I love praise, but I do not expect that that is all I will ever get. That's fair enough. My mother is an artist, but I don't a;waus like every single painting she does. I should not have jumped to the conclusion that you would not read the rest of the story. It's just that, in the past, I have had a few people criticize as a parting shot, and they disappeared thereafter. | |
| OakWolf | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 7/16/2004 |
| It's begun!Wooooo!Must begin plotting the possible mystery of Black Mountain...but please no more elf angst,Set Aragorn on fire er something.... Author Reply: I'm so glad that you are happy I've started my new story. I have a great deal of the mystery worked out but not all of it. No more elf angst? Oh phooey. That's what I do best. I think the twins might object, if I turned their brother into a human torch. A popsicle maybe? Oh well. We shall see. :o) | |
| Lois | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 7/16/2004 |
| A promising start, but... You could raise the apparent IQs of your protagonists in the first chapter by 50 points each by simply giving them a better motivation to explore the Black Mountain. For example, and most easily, you could have some of the Rangers of the group reporting the mountain to "have awakened" to have disappeared there. This would give Aragorn, as the leige-lord responsible for these men's lives, a legitimate and most pressing reason to go hunting them. Or some other person important to Aragorn (but not, perhaps, to Legolas, if you want to preserve the argument) might have vanished there recently. (An adventure for Gilraen, anything. Up to you.) "Because it's there" sounds weak when it's so easy to supply strong reasons. Doing this without losing the nice snappy dialogue is left as an exercise for the writer... One method might be to divide the conversation in two parts, the amusing one first as the result of vague general news, not resulting in action, and something more serious when word of actual known comrades vanishing surfaces, a call to arms Legolas could not legitimately resist. Other patterns are possible. Good luck! bests, Lois. Author Reply: First off, I appreciate your taking the time to give me your comments. You bring up some valid points. There are a number of ways I could have begun and a number of ways I could have given for Aragorn wanting to go to Black Mountain. Obviously, you think the way I handled it made my characters seem less than intelligent. The remark "Because it's there" was meant purely for humor. I recently started a story where rangers were disappearing, and Aragorn wanted to find out why. I know there are a lot of stories with plots similar to each other. however, I like to be as original as I can be. The rangers' reports, while not involving any of them vanishing, had stirred Aragorn's curiosity nonetheless. I guess it is a given that you won't be reading more of this story, but I hope that I can write a story that will keep the readers I do have entertained. Again I thank you for your honesty. | |
| sofia | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 7/15/2004 |
| good beginning for a story. If this is anything like 'wrong path' then im sure there will be a lot of twists, turns, and bunches of surprises, right? can't wait till the next update. -sofia Author Reply: Thank you, sofia. This one will be more of a straight adventure story, but I hope it will be as entertaining as you obviously felt "The Wrong Path" was. | |
| daw the minstrel | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 7/15/2004 |
| Nice job of establishing motivations for these two to take this trip. Thranduil in a frenzy sounds like an interesting sight! Will we get to see it? Author Reply: Thank you, daw. I thought setting things up was important to the story. A frenzied Thranduil is a scary thought, isn't it? Your question will be answered in the next chapter. | |
| Eruanna | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 7/15/2004 |
| Ooh! Promising start! //It had been over three hundred years since the last brave---or foolish---souls had ventured to its black granite slopes.// //"And the barest suspicion that they may have died unnatural deaths means we should go there rather than simply avoiding the place."// //Tell me I will not regret this." "Would you believe me, if I did?" "No."// All great lines! And then there's the classic why?-because-it's-there Mt. Everest thing...well done! And I don't think I *want* to see Thranduil in a frenzy. Interesting mental image. ;-) I'm glad that you took a chapter to set this up with an argument, instead of saying something like, "Aragorn and Legolas had a long argument about it and Aragorn finally won." Or, "Aragorn and Legolas were on the way to a big, black, sinister mountain. A few days before..." And so on, and so on. This is much better. Good job. ;-) More soon, please! Author Reply: I'm glad you like the beginning. I'm also glad you liked those lines. They seemed to me to be so in-character. I love the exchanges those two often have with each other. Thranduil in a frenzy would be terrifying. If I witnessed it, I would want to be in a Derk corner where he couldn't see me. :o) I agree with you abut setting the story up. I think, especially in this case, it was important to do. | |
| Bodkin | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 7/15/2004 |
| Sounds interesting and scary. But I can't see how they are going to get permission to go - from either Thranduil or Elrond. I like Legolas's take on what makes a lie. Much less jesuitical than Aragorn's. Nice honest elf. Look forward to the next chapter. Author Reply: I hope the remainder of the story will be as interesting and scary as it sounds to you. I'll sure try to accomplish that. The next chapter will reveal the permission assure. Legolas has a much stricter idea of honesty, though Aragorn is, as we all know, a very honorable man. He just fudges wish the truth sometimes. | |