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During a journey in the dark... by Thundera Tiger	9 Review(s)
Estel_Mi_Olor	Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 8/25/2004
Thank you for this lovely present. I just got back from my vacation and what do I find? A Thundera update of one of my favorite fics! YAY! Great chapter! Very tense, lots of suspense. I love chapters like that. You make everything so much more interesting that the original Tolkien-which I do not mean to belittle in any way. I think it's having many different perspectives instead of just one. You get a more detailed picture that way. One of my favorite parts in the chapter was Gandalf's POV about the riddle. There are so many character quirks missing! It seems so perfect though that Gandalf should go off to test his mind against others that are Wise. So Gandalf. And on this note I would like to try my hand at guessing the EVENT is... Event is either 1 of 3 possible things: 1) Legolas and Boromir going scouting. 2) Merry and Gandalf thinking of the password instead of Frodo. or 3) Legolas getting cut off from the rest of the Fellowship. Now I realize that I am only supposed to name one event...so I think it is either 1 or 3... :) Do I still get bonus points if I'm right? And I didn't look in HOME or at the end of the chapter. I'm going to do that after I send the review. Thanks again for this great chapter, Thundera. Can't wait for more! Author Reply: Glad to provide you with this "present." I'd hoped to have updated FND by now, too, but that just hasn't worked out. Within the next couple of days, though. Hopefully... I'm very glad you like the character perspectives that go into this, because really, that's the only thing making this different from a verbatim retelling of the book. And it's becoming more difficult to gives these events a unique spin because we're entering parts of the book where Tolkien spent time going into detail about what was happening. Makes it more difficult. I rather enjoyed Gandalf's POV in this chapter. I'll confess upfront that it was my favorite to write. It's definitely a more...old school Gandalf. In other words, this is Gandalf the Gray as we saw him in "The Hobbit." Subtly different from Gandalf the Gray of LotR, and VERY different from Gandalf the White. As for your event...you can't guess two! That's cheating. But #3 is the right one. In the books, Legolas was with the rest of the Fellowship when the Watcher attacked, but in HOME, he was off wandering the lake shore and had to jump over the tentacles to get back. #1 was my own addition, but as it doesn't directly contradict anything in the books, I don't count it as a canon violation. #2 is canon because in the books it's Merry who spots the clue on the door (though he doesn't realize that's what he sees) and Gandalf who solves the rest of the riddle. That part always bothered me in the movies. What was up with Frodo thinking of the password? It was Gandalf and Merry! Sheesh! So...partial bonus points for you because you cheated and went for two events.

Ariel	Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 8/4/2004
Nicely paced and balanced - a surprisingly interesting read for such familiar territory. I have heard such works referred to as a 'retelling of the story' but no one who had read these fascinating pieces could consider your stories merely retelling. You bring forth plausible thoughts and POVs without going off on bizarre, self-serving tangents. You serve Tolkien's story, and I admire anyone who has that kind of respect for the work. Bravo. A very rewarding read. Author Reply: Thank you so much! I'm often terrified that I've fallen into the trap of "retelling," and at the same time, I'm terrified that I've wandered too far away from canon in an effort to avoid said "retelling." Balance is hard to achieve, and there are a few sections already that make me wince a bit. But thank you so much for your vote of confidence. Your words mean much, and it gives me encouragement that I'm not just regurgitating what's already been written. Thank you again!

Hai Took	Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 8/4/2004
Wonderful! Another chapter! Aragorn's unease about entering Moria was very good! Because of his foresight he would know that something terribel waitst hem but the way you wrote him still seeming so calm to those around him, save Legolas, was very in character for him! Pippin's thoughts and wavering faith in Gandalf's ability to get them in through Moria is a very real though. For this is perhaps the first time the hobbits have seen Gandalf come up against something and not be able to overcome in right away! I love they way you stick to the books, please continue to do so! Adding bits from the original manuscripts is neat as well! I like that you still included that it was Merry who was on the right track! I can't wait for more, and I will try to be patient ;) Looking forward to more! Author Reply: Thank you very much! It was my opinion that Aragorn's unease was underplayed in the books, but then, none of the characters really got a chance to voice their feelings when they entered the mines. I actually debated about making Pippin seem like the doubting noe (I made Merry agree with him so he'd have company) but as you put it, this is the first time the hobbits have seen Gandalf falter. Granted that he doesn't falter for very long, but cnosidering their situation, it had to be something of a tension builder. Anyway, thanks so much for the review! I'll work on the next chapter for you!

Kitt of Lindon	Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 7/30/2004
What can I say? In FotR, this was one of my favorite parts and I am pleased to see you have done it justice. You made the characters of Aragorn and Gandalf brilliantly clear when you used their POV. I absolutly love that you put Legolas' little scene at the end. I agree that it makes it more exciting. The first time after I read it in HoMe, I kept wondering why Tolkien would not have included it. (especially for the reason that it gave Legolas a scene as he is rarely mentioned at all) Ah well, it made my day to see that. :) Author Reply: I also wondered why Legolas's little jump over the tentacles wasn't in the final version. I think it was marked to go into the third draft but didn't. Either that or I'm getting it mixed up with Legolas's wounding on the bridge. I'll have to recheck that later. Anyway, I thought it added a bit of drama to the scene, and it was good for keeping up the tension, which sags somewhat after the Warg fight. Anyway, thanks so much for your compliments!

Elwen	Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 7/30/2004
I am continualy surprised by the depth of your knowledge and research. But what I like most about that is that you use it to craft the story . . . rather than using the story to display your skill. You gave us a lovely dip into many of the Fellowship's minds here too, building the tension and unease by describing in detail their reactions to the place. I don't mind if you write in book or movie version. Both are valid. But I admire your strength of will in trying to stick to book version. Author Reply: Wow. I think that's quite possibly the best compliment anyone has ever given me. Thank you! I'm frequently concerned that research and details overwhelm the story, so I try to tone them down as much as possible. I'm glad you think it's working. That makes me much more comfortable about these kind of things. Not too comfortable, of course, because that can be dangerous. But the pressure is eased a bit. Thank you very much!

daw the minstrel	Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 7/30/2004
I liked the way you showed the experience of the four warriors through things such as Aragorn's and Gimli's ability to go through the packs and sort out unneeded items quickly. Actually, I think what I like about that scene in particular is that it's Gimli and Aragorn. Gimli is usually neglected in fanfic in general, so having him and Aragorn shown as trusting one another's knowledge and working together was an attractive image. I also liked the idea of Gandalf enjoying games and puzzles, even (especially?)dangerous ones. And Gandalf's reasoning about the inscriptions was interesting to read. He sees that Merry got to the right part right away! And he thinks of Boromir as innocent. That was striking. Nice instantiation of Sam having to choose between Bill and Frodo when the Watcher grabs Frodo. Author Reply: The neglect of Gimli is something that really irks me about fanfiction. Not all fanfiction, of course, because there are some extremely talented writers out there who are amazing at writing the dwarf. But by and large, he's a very forgotten character. Which is a shame, because he's such an intriguing, complex character. Gandalf's love of "dangerous games" was one of my favorite parts of this chapter. I hesitated when including it, but then I started thinking about "The Hobbit" and just what he got himself into in that particular story. And as Gandalf the Gray, he was something of a risk taker. Gandalf the White was, too, but he didn't seem to enjoy it as much as the old version. As for the innocence of Boromir, it's my personal theory that innocence is what the Ring preyed upon. Boromir only wanted to help his people. It was an innocent desire that the Ring twisted, and compounded with general ignorance, it pulled Boromir into its clutches.

fliewatuet	Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 7/30/2004
I just discovered that I forgot to review the last chapter. Sorry for that. But your story still has me thrilled (and is a nice read over breakfast:-)). You are doing a marvellous job at combining Tolkien's dialogue with the thoughts and introspection of the various characters. And I absolutely loved the linguistic explanation for Gandalf's failure to find the correct password immediately ;-) fliewatuet Author Reply: No problem about the reviewing! I'm terrible at it myself, so I'm elated that anyone remembers to review at all. I don't and I beat myself up over it constantly. Anyway, glad you liked this chapter and I hope it went well with whatever you had for breakfast. Thanks for the encouragement about the integration of Tolkien and introspection. That's what gave me the most trouble with this particular chapter, so I'm especially glad you liked that part.

Jay of Lasgalen	Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 7/30/2004
I'm very pleased to see a return of this story, I like the level of detail from the books that you include. The scene by the pool as Gandalf pondered had more tension - they'd have been in big trouble if he couldn't work it out! An additional elf scene is always good, and the HoME books are a great source for abandoned plot lines that can be resurrected and still be canon! (or nearly). There's one later on the bridge of Khazad-Dum that I want to use one day. I think, though, that I'd have liked to see Gimli helping Legolas. Jay Author Reply: I was really tempted to keep in the part where Gimli hauls Legolas in, and now that I think about it in retrospect, I've spotted a few ways in which it could have been done. But it still felt somewhat...awkward to me. Especially in light of a few things that are upcoming. But I completely understand where you're coming from. I wanted to keep it in, too. The part on the bridge...like I told French Pony, it might be included, but I haven't decided yet. If it is included, it's very likely that Legolas won't be the one injured but that I'll have transferred his injury to another. But it's going to depend on the narrative flow in the Chamber of Mazarbul. That part is outlined, but there's a big difference between an outline and a flesh-out chapter.

French Pony	Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 7/29/2004
It's interesting to see how the structure of this is developing compared to "While The Ring Went South." In the earlier one, you had much more freedom, as you were detailing events that Tolkien glosses over in about a page and a half. Here, you're entering territory that he's already covered. You're more limited in what you can do, and I think you'll need to be careful from here on out that you don't spend too much time in repeating the book. The best writing in this chapter is in those parts where the "book action" is going on, but your action focuses on what someone else is doing in the meantime. With nine characters to work with, you'll generally have plenty of choice, and this would also help to give a sense that this is new ground we're covering here instead of treading the narrow original path. I think the beginning of the chapter, with Aragorn's musings, dragged a bit, but once you got the whole gang together, it picked up. You're getting more confident at writing Hobbits, and it was a good choice to use Merry and Pippin for viewpoint in the middle of the chapter. I was wondering if I'd notice the bit of action from HOME, as I haven't read them in a while, and my LOTR books are packed until mid-August, but about halfway through, I remembered Legolas's leap, and sure enough, there it was at the end. I remember, when I first read about it, thinking that Tolkien shouldn't have cut it, as it's a nicely amazing little moment. There's another, similar, bit of action in HOME that got cut from the final version that takes place just as the Fellowship is leaving the mines. I'll be interested to see if you'll include that bit; you'd have to do some rewriting to accommodate it, but it'd be interesting to see. Author Reply: Which part of the HOME version? The part in which Legolas gets shot, crawls over the bridge, and Gimli gets to play archer? Or the part in which both the Balrog and Gandalf take a nosedive into the abyss because a troll jumped onto the bridge after them and broke it? I'm definitely not including the second one. To me, it's an insult to both Gandalf and the Balrog. I mean, taken out by a troll? No, Maia should take down Maia. At least, that's my opinion. As for the other one...I'm still debating it. I've left the outline open enough that it's possible to include it, but I'm not sure if I will. I've also considered switching the victim off of Legolas and giving it to another character, but I don't think I'll say who just yet. Still, the fact that Legolas was shot seems a more plausible reason than shock, but given that this is a Balrog... Yeah. Still debating it. I'm making a note of your warning to be careful, and frankly, it's something that terrifies me. I'm most concerned about the Twenty-First Hall, the Chamber of Mazarbul and the Bridge. So much is already laid out in those sections. That's part of what makes shifting into the HOME version so appealing. Before we get to that point, it's almost like "While the Ring went south..." all over again. They trek through the dark, there are a few scenes of dialogue, and then more trekking. And along the way there are holes and bumps and obstacles. Much easier than this chapter. So your recommendation is to concentrate on what other people are doing when Tolkien's dialogue gets rolling. Got it. I can certainly try that. That's actually the plan of attack for the Twenty-First Hall. The Chamber of Mazarbul still needs work, while the bridge...well, I've left it open, so I'm not sure who will be saying or doing what yet. On a final note, MANY thanks for the review, and for all the reviews you've ever given! I love the fact that you tell me what's not working. It helps immensely in revisions and future chapters. Not everybody is willing to do that. Thanks again!

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