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| Shadows Over Lasgalen by Jay of Lasgalen | 32 Review(s) |
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| Lianna | Reviewed Chapter: 9 on 10/18/2004 |
| I read the earlier version of this story on ff.net a while back, and I was curious to see what you had done with it. I think that the changes are a definite improvement. I especially liked seeing Thranduil being the one to talk to Legolas in the final chapter. A couple of very minor points: Chapter 2. There's a line that says "Leaving his five companions concealed in the trees..." It should be four companions. There are six in the patrol. Elentia is elsewhere. Legolas is leaving. That means four are left. Chapter 7. "Legolas, by some miracle still clinging to Pavisel's back..." Nope. I can't remember what horse he's riding at that point, but it's not Pavisel. The fact that Pavisel isn't carrying a rider is the reason why Tirnan and Thranduil briefly think that Legolas is missing, right? I hope you'll forgive the nitpicking. This is a very good story that gives us all a good appreciation of just how difficult life was for the warriors of Mirkwood toward the end of the Third Age. It's just that I'm an editor by profession, and nitpicking is what I do for a living. Author Reply: You're quite right. I haven't looked at this story for some time, but should have picked up those slips before. I've changed them both. There were only four elves left after Legolas went off, and he should have been riding Elentia's horse when the orcs attacked and Mithrandir saved them. As you say, it was the fact that he wasn't riding his own horse that worried Thranduil so much. Thank you for picking this up - and for reading the story! Jay | |
| Hisie Lome | Reviewed Chapter: 9 on 4/7/2004 |
| Well done and thank you. Again you have shown much attention to character, plot, and details. Mina Seth, Hisie Lome | |
| mistry89 | Reviewed Chapter: 9 on 4/4/2004 |
| Excellent story. I've scattered enough comments about to sink a ship and it's one o'clock in the morning (a Monday morning, what's worse!) Thank you for entertaining me for far too long :) Author Reply: I do apologise for not responding to your wonderful reviews before - it was only five months ago! The trouble is, if I don't do something immediately, I forget. I agree, elves are by far my favourite - both to read and to write about. Even Aragorn doesn't appear that often, as most of my stories are set earlier. I don't think there's any canon basis for an early friendship between Aragorn and Legolas, but he did travel extensively, and also went to Mirkwood, so it's possible. I'll have to consider a time-line. I keep meaning to, but get side-tracked ;-( . But yes, the wide-eyed elfling did indeed get to be Army Commander! I think the elven warriors would be good at all weapons and skills, but some would excel in one area or another. One of Legolas's skills is understanding the forest - he's a true wood-elf - but the presence of the Nazgul affects that. Ah, the troll hunt - strangely enough, I'm writing that episode now in 'With Friends Like These'. At the moment, Elrohir and Legolas have a slight problem there. Thanks again for taking the trouble to review each chapter like that, and I'm sorry I didn't reply before! Jay | |
| mistry89 | Reviewed Chapter: 8 on 4/4/2004 |
| A climactic chapter! Left me breathless and with this little tidbit: "Why in the world would he ask you to help him hunt trolls?”, I'm thinking there's another younger Legolas story involved (I hope so, 'cos I'm sure it will cheer me up). I like the realisation on Thranduil's part that Mirkwood needs it's alliances and that there are things he can do to strengthen it. | |
| mistry89 | Reviewed Chapter: 6 on 4/4/2004 |
| A very sad chapter, and perhaps this is worst of it: "Behind them, trodden unnoticed into the mud and weeds, Math’rin’s harp lay, smashed and broken." | |
| mistry89 | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 4/4/2004 |
| "The bond he had with the forest – though nowhere near as strong as his father’s – made him feel ill at the carnage they could see." A nice reminder (I could do with it now!) of _Thranduil's Heir Version Two_ when the forest delighted in his birth. "And who were the Masters?" Noticed that last chapter, plural ... hmmm. The creature (Nazgul???) has powers, as it's sibiliant voice reaches to the patrol. And then poor Legolas, poor Elentia... I'm still thinking it was Nazgul, which is a pity as that one seems determined to get Legolas and his family back for ruining his fun. Great chapter (that sounds terrible, but I hope you know what I mean!). | |
| mistry89 | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 4/4/2004 |
| Can't review, have to read on, but the recalling of the 3 rules is chilling. | |
| mistry89 | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 4/4/2004 |
| The demonstration that even within the patrol there are different levels of ability, not just skills, but in practice) is great. Dol Guldur would have been considered a threat, and not ignored by the elves, attempts at discovering more of the goings-on there would have been high on their list of priorities - depending on how close they could get without interception by orc or spell or something horrible. Another shocking place to leave a reader (but I'm lucky, as this is complete!!) Thank you. | |
| mistry89 | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 4/4/2004 |
| ".. his rank of Army Commander was not merely an honorary one,.." He made it! Yay! Sorry, but I remember a wide-eyed elfling considering that too far to reach :) "He was deadly with a sword, but gifted with a harp." Well, Sam was gifted with a frypan! Sorry, I'll settle down now ... I like the way you introduce pieces of the characters real lives into the story. It isn't necessary (well, unless he soothes a warg to sleep or something later in the story), but it adds so much depth. It makes all of your stories so readable, little bits picked up that may or may not be referred to again. For example in Mid Winter's Eve you mention Legolas's spider prank, and also allude to something Elrond uses to keep snow from Imladris ... so *we* know that Thranduil knows and that Legolas might work it out for himself. The prank has assumed a life of it's own, perhaps the harpist will too ... either way it means the story has a .... um... rotundity, a 3-dimensional feel to it. By the by, speaking of other stories, have you ever considered a time-line for yours? New readers may find it fun to start at the (chronological) beginning and I know that when I re-read them (which I will, not just for coherency, but also for sheer fun!) it and read through to .... wherever it may lead. Of Aragorn:"Taniquel was looking speculative. “I think he is very good looking. I wonder - ” Legolas laughed at her. “No, Tani, he has already been spoken for! Besides, what would Tirnan say? I think it is just as well he did not come on this trip – he would be jealous!” Ah, so the flirtation with Elladan is over - I suppose it *has* been a long time What a nasty tension-filled ending this chapter has! So many enemies that they seem to be a "creeping darkeness" .... yuck! A great chapter and so much happened ... onward to those nasty orcsess! | |
| mistry89 | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 4/4/2004 |
| I like that they each saw something of interest in the other, before they were introduced. And the opportunity to become better acquainted, how foresightful of Elrond, and how accommodatng of Thranduil! Despite the lack of the Els, I see we get a little humour “I thought Elves were supposed to have a way with animals?” seems destined to become Estel's catch phrase! Thank you - another adventure of pre-LOTR Legolas/elvenkind - my very favourite! (no offence to Hobbits, Men, or Dwarves, but the elves are special - particularly wood-elves - oh, and I don't mind offending Orcs, or Trolls, or Wargs, or Dunlendings, or Har...) | |