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| Home by Rose Sared | 8 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| lwarren | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 6/27/2004 |
| Hey, RS! I liked the first, longer version best; but then, I'm very much into language and the way words flow through dialogue and description. Then again, maybe that's because I teach language/reading to kids and we do lots of "picking apart" of stories and poetry in order to find the different ways authors describe things. Those stand as examples for the kids in their own writing (me,too!)....sooooooo I love the way words are fit together to make powerful, visual statements in a story (like the one you made with Gimli sharpening his weapon and comparing the repetition of that chore over the years to the iron-tower of the Dark Lord being filed to the ground). Actually there were several places especially catching throughout the first HOME...and still some left in the second also. I just like the longer....do ya' think that's why my reviews are sooooo wordy? ;-) Sounds like an interesting writing challenge....did it drive you crazy trying to pare the first HOME down to the second? Anywho, an interesting comparison of the two! :D linda Author Reply: Funny really, all I did was take out all the descriptors, and boy do I mean all. So then I got the bones and that needed a little tweaking but it was the same story. So half of my writing is putting in the pictures and the emotions- hum. I really dislike the shorter versions. Really. I guess, like you I read for story and language, I like the double chocolate version. Having said that, almost without exception the versions that the other writers posted of their own works, cut down to fit the word limit, I prefered. So is it just because it was my baby put on a diet (several people do prefer the anorexic versions, others the longer.) I am beginning to think that it comes down to taste. Do you want early hobbit hole (cluttered and homely) or city-loft pared down to one design statement.The thing is I like both in their place. So I remain bewildered. Rose (no wiser what makes good writing until I read someone else's. For me it is good if it makes my heart twitch. Hard to work that into a writing goup!) | |
| daw the minstrel | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 6/27/2004 |
| Actually, I liked the longer version better, and that surprised me because I tend to write short, spare stuff myself. Is that a good answer or a bad one given the aim of the exercise? Author Reply: And you say such nice things about my rococco prose? Thanks daw, the exercise was about tense, and got hijacked about length. Since I write in pictures I was interested to hear comment, great learning stuff for me and I hope not too boring for you all.(Your writing style is to die for and is much aspired to, by me at least.) Thanks Rose | |
| Bodkin | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 6/27/2004 |
| My personal favourite: wordy version, first person from Gimli. Author Reply: Um, me too I think, but Mum's are not unbiased judges of their children. Thanks for bearing with me. Rose | |
| Lindorien | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 6/27/2004 |
| Well, I like 'em all, but my favorites are the shorter ones. I think the very last one resonates most with me. So, tell me, Rose - are you sick of writing this story? This sort of reminds me of a movie - was it FX? In which the same things happen over and over and over except told from different viewpoints and in different ways, but each version has a twist? Lindorien Author Reply: Screaming, desperate, pulling my hair out sick with the whole thing, this fic in particular and I am going off everyone else's apace! Let's not do this again - pleeeez! Rose | |
| lwarren | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 6/25/2004 |
| Ai, RS, I sit here in tears and make a list of all the beautiful phrases you included in this lovely tale of two friends. I love the friendship between these two unlikely characters; I look for stories about it constantly. This one is unusual because of the way you used POV, which made it even more memorable. "These sweeping actions, repeated daily over the span of my years...could have ground the great iron-tower of the Dark Lord to ruin..." - powerful, when you think of all the repetitive actions in our lives "...the elf has ruined me for polite company." Dear, grumpy Gimli. :-) "...sorcery born from the spell of mineral oil, the mourning of the gulls, and the tilt of that unchanging head." *sigh* Legolas perched on the mast - the gulls "sweep round his head like a swirl of leaves..." :( heartache approaches, it makes me think of time for Legolas from that point on as autumn; the leaves are falling, everything is changing for him (and the elves of ME) and winter is coming quickly " 'Gimli,' his voice barely makes the distance between us. 'The sea.' " *sob* such a short wrenching statement And there are others; the way the bow of the ship held him as he literally threw his heart after the flying gulls, and how the dwarf was his anchor, and the way they seemed to understand each other. You have written an extremely affecting piece here, at least for me. I can't think of many that have caught the friendship between Legolas and Gimli any better. You may not have read the directions right, but this is a keeper! linda Author Reply: Now you have made me cry! How blessed I am to have someone who loves my fiction so much. Thank you, you make all the aggravation and striving worth while. Most gratified you enjoyed the exercise. Rose Author Reply: Sorry to reply to a reply of my own, but have you found the 'Big List of Legolas Gimli fics' on the Axe Bow archive. Both friendship and slash lists are there, and most of the best fics in the genre. Lotsa Love Rose | |
| daw the minstrel | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 6/24/2004 |
| This was lovely, Rose. I enjoyed seeing the actions from the two different character's perspectives. And the imagery was nice. Author Reply: Thanks daw. Writing for a workshop is so different from free writing, it is very good mental exercise, and makes me just examine why I write the things I do. I have a three hundred word version up on the HA workshop site. I don't like it (no pictures) but others do. Is it taste? Don't know. Sorry for the rave, thanks for the reveiw. Rose | |
| Lamiel | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 6/24/2004 |
| Oh, very nice. I love the imagery, the little details - the wave catching under the bow of the ship, like a cat stretching. And such beautiful description of Legolas perched high on the crosstree of the mast, his hair glowing in the sun. Lovely. You portray the even through the two perspectives very well, and without seeming redundant or repetitive. Very nice. Author Reply: So glad you liked it Lamiel. I have posted a three hundred word version, now, to the workshop, it is such a contrast, no imagery. Some people like it but I don't know if it just a matter of taste or a matter of good writing. Interesting huh? Rose | |
| Bodkin | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 6/24/2004 |
| I like Gimli - he doesn't really get featured enough except as a sidekick to the handsome prince. He's a very wholehearted person, isn't he - and strong in mind as well as body. I don't know if Legolas would have survived 120 years of sea longing without his support. Nice story. Interesting combination of points of view. Author Reply: Thank you, it is always fun to do writing exercises as they push you into doing things you would never otherwise do. Glad the experiment succeeded for you. Rose | |