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|My Brother's Keeper by daw the minstrel||197 Review(s)|
|Eirinn Leigh||Reviewed Chapter: 6 on 7/20/2016|
|This tale hits a bit too close to real life to be enjoyable but I can't not read it :j |
On another note I'm happy to report the /first/ error I've noticed in your works (happy because one error in all that I've read of yours so far is a much better record than most):: When Legolas leaves his room leaving Turgon behind he says "Goodbye Turgon" loudly enough to be sure that the guard can hear. He should have said "Goodbye Legolas" instead; Otherwise he is giving away his game and the guard's surprise in the next chapter becomes extremely odd.
Author Reply: Hi, Eirinn Leigh!
I think I know what you mean. A story has to have tension, but if there's too much, it becomes unreadable. I wanted to treat the addiction aspect of this story sympathetically but seriously because it is a serious matter. Luckily, my beta is a pharmacist, so she gave me some guidance.
Didn't Legolas say that while he was still inside his room? I meant for him to pretend to send Turgon on his way, and for the guard to hear him do it in his own voice. I have to go look now. Fortunately, Stories of Arda makes it easy to fix mistakes, and I always appreciate it when someone points them out.
|Asms2||Reviewed Chapter: 7 on 4/16/2016|
|I thought it was suspicious when Thranduil seemed so uncharacteristically passive about Eilian's issues. He's the kind of father that would just step in and take control. So it totally made sense when the reveal came that Eilian was a secret agent. I figured something was up, but I wasn't entirely sure what the what going on until that moment. And then the scene at the beginning suddenly made sense (when Ithilden was trying to make sure an elf known for gossiping saw Eilian out of sorts before he took him into his office). |
Someone in the family should have told Legolas what was going on once they realized how worried he was. And Legolas should totally have stayed with Maltanaur instead of running into the clearing. That could have been bad news! But that did mean we got to see Thranduil in action protecting his kids! :)
Fun read! I love your stories!!
Author Reply: Good point about Thranduil. He'd be staging an intervention and locking Eilian up where he eventually locks up Thorin and company until he was sure Eilian was clean and sober. This story was a ton of run to write and post because chapter by chapter, I could see reviewers getting suspicious, some of them sooner than others. I did try to play fair by putting in hints that something was up such as the gossipy elf in Ithilden's office.
When Legolas is a kid, there's some friction between him and Maltanaur because he's not sure he can trust Maltanaur to take good enough care of Eilian. From an adult point of view, that's preposterous because Maltanaur saved his old buddy Thranduil's son for him time and time again. But Legolas lost his mother and always has a fear somewhere that he'll lose someone else too.
Thank you for these lovely reviews that are brightening my day.
|endorearwen||Reviewed Chapter: 7 on 8/17/2013|
|Ended in tears with this one, Daw! So well written! The final image of Maltanaur and Hiolith was poignant and I found it most touching that you ended with the sentence: "He would stay here as long as he was needed." I don't think there was a better way to demonstrate the humility, mercy, compassion and loyalty that the elves have for one another. Given their lifespan, that is an awesome commitment to make.|
I can't say I hardly know where to begin - that would really be a lie! ;-) Favourite scene - the cat! the cat! the cat! Most amusing! Alfirin would naturally want to do everything she could to help the Prince - perfectly sound motivation in my opinion. A little dab here and there - perfectly harmless! ;-) And I could almost feel Ithilden's hand wrapped tightly around my wrist as his breath shortened and his face took on some colour - swoon...
Now, about the rest of the story, very nicely plotted with Eilian! For the longest time I was like Legolas, afraid Eilian was using the dangwath. I really enjoyed the way you wrote about the effect of the shadow sickness on both Elves and Men - very insightful. Although the First and Second born are different in many ways, they also share some common frailties and I think you've done a great job demonstrating that in this story. I just LOVED the way Thranduil handled Turgon! (Oh, he must have enjoyed doing that!) It will be interesting to see if Turgon's character is in any way affected by the event - somehow I doubt it. Turgon is too free a spirit to let something as unimportant as a scolding from the King get him down!
PS - Thanks for throwing poor Ithilden a bone at the end where Alfirin is concerned! Took him long enough to realize she had called him by name... :-)
Author Reply: Ithilden is a dense male and thus does not realize how much a goner Alfirin is. But for two dignified people, this pair is having a hard time. I made myself laugh by having Alfirin's mother offer to "take a look." Actually, I still laugh at that.
When I made up the keepers (Legolas eventually gets one too), I had no idea how much they would grow on me. I think Thranduil owes Maltanaur a lot. Basically, he owes him his second son's maturity and possibly his life.
I had a great time fooling readers with this story. It was interesting to watch people catch on in the reviews, some of the sooner than others, but they all seemed to feel this terrific relief when they knew the truth.
You are coming up on a very old story of mine, then a newer one, then another old one. You'll see the characterizations haven't settle down yet, and the writing is rough. Be kind!
|pipinheart||Reviewed Chapter: 7 on 10/2/2005|
|Nice that Eilian was compliment by his father. But seems Legolas get to be at court, oh, my...|
Maltanaur is seeing to a friend who was long forgotten, he is a good friend
Author Reply: I love Maltanaur. I've just been writing about him for my current story. Thranduil chose well when he named Maltanaur to be Eilian's bodyguard.
|pipinheart||Reviewed Chapter: 6 on 10/2/2005|
|Legolas did the unthinkable, I was afraid he would... Now Maltanaur is taking him back, I hope Eilian is all right without him...|
Author Reply: Maltanaur is seriously annoyed with Legolas. He's afraid he'll endanger Eilian. I think he must see Legolas as an unpredictable factor in Eilian's behavior. He knows Eilian would do almost anything to keep Legolas safe.
|pipinheart||Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 10/1/2005|
|It seems Ithilden has bad luck with Alfirin...He saved from burning her but she was to embarrassed for him to walk her back with her dress torn.|
Eilian is close to discovering who is profiting from ther herb and would love to beat them up over it..
Author Reply: I had a great deal of fun torturing poor Ithilden in this story. He's usually so dignified that this must have been awful for him. And yes, Eilian is close. Were you relieved when you found out he was acting? I think I fooled most readers.
|pipinheart||Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 10/1/2005|
|Using a drug isn't good and it leaves and example to Legolas and his friends... His father seems to know something for sure...|
Author Reply: Turgon is another one who could get into big trouble, given half a chance. He needs parents like Thranduil.
|pipinheart||Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 10/1/2005|
|Legolas was so glad to be able to go with his friends some freedom his father has finally given him...|
Eilian is looking for trouble... It seems he is getting that herb and it is addictive as was told...
Author Reply: Thranduil has a great deal of trouble giving Legolas any freedom. Annael is such a nice kid though. If his parents let him go out, Thranduil should let Legolas do it too.
|pipinheart||Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 10/1/2005|
|Something seems to be wrong with Eilian... Legolas is worried but them appears at the dance and wanting to argue until he was pulled away... Love it!|
Author Reply: You're very nice to review every chapter like this, Pipinheart. Poor Legolas. He's very worried and no one else seems to be doing anything.
|pipinheart||Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 10/1/2005|
|Legolas is worried abour Eilian and no wonder his hands shaking, the shadow has pulled him down.|
Author Reply: Legolas is indeed worried. He knows Eilian can get into trouble, and as you will no doubt see, he wants to help.