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| Fatty Bolger's Year by Speedy Hobbit | 4 Review(s) |
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| Lindelea | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 7/21/2004 |
| Nice touch, the guards bringing apples with them. Very chilling, though, to realise the Black Riders intended murder, and the homey little detail of apples made reading the guards' ending harder. Nice gapfiller. You might want to rethink using "Okay". I've been dinged on it before in my writing. I still have it in my first big story, "Jewels", because I haven't gone back and edited that one all the way through yet, but my understanding is that "okay" is a no-no in Tolkien fanfiction. I've seen "all right" instead, or "I am well" or "are you well?" or even "is it well with you?" as varying forms where we might use "okay". So when might we expect the next chapter? Author Reply: Wow, its been so long since I have written at all! Senior year of high school and now college pretty much took over my life. I might actually write something now, I'm on spring break and have some down time for 2 days all to myself before I'm busy the rest of break! | |
| Lindelea | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 7/21/2004 |
| Nice to read your take on this incident. You're differentiating your minor characters nicely: Estella rather more interested in news of Merry than the others, for some reason Fatty cannot fathom; Folco Boffins (or is it Boffin? I can never remember and always have to look it up) is known for his temper. One word jarred: paranoia. I have been wracking my brain to think of a Middle-earth equivalent to this Freudian-sounding term. Perhaps saying something like "Freddy could not shake the feeling of being watched, no matter how nonsensical it seemed to his orderly mind." Not that you have to write *that* sentence; I forget whether your Freddy has an orderly mind, for instance. (I plead heat exhaustion.) But something like that would get you out of using "paranoia" which surely other readers besides myself might find an uneasy fit. Good job! Glad there's another chapter after this one. Author Reply: Thank you for your constructive criticism pertaining to the word paranoia! I have to remember that it is a Freudian term, and shake the habit of using vocabulary words that are anachronisms. | |
| Lindelea | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 7/21/2004 |
| Thanks for leaving me the link! Having read ch 1, I'd say you're off to a good start. You're how old? (Don't answer that!) Nice writing! My one quibble is the difficulty reading without line breaks. Do you have technical problems, or is it your preference? Author Reply: Ergh, I did not even notice the lack of line breaks. I'd wager that it is a consequence of technical difficulties, for my PC is quite temperamental. And I'm 17 *blinks at introduction* Ee-yipes, I think that ought to be edited, considering I'm on the cusp of the age of eighteen... I commenced this story when I was 16. | |
| Rose Gamgee | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/10/2003 |
| This certainly looks promising! You're right, there's not nearly enough stories about poor old Fatty, so I'm glad to see someone take an interest in him. Your writing style is excellent, with few (and I'm not even sure there were any) grammatical errors. My only issue with it was using the term "buddies"; I don't know if that would work in Middle-earth, but it's not a huge deal. Certainly not enough to stop me from reading, and I hope you do continue this. It would be very interesting to read about what was going on in the Shire while Frodo and Co. were on the Quest. Great work! Author Reply: Thank you for your feedback! It is reviews like this one that really boost my self-esteem. By the way, sorry for replying so late. As in... several months after you reviewed? *blushes, then laughs* I am unsure that the "reply" option was even around when I first posted! | |