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| Fading by sheraiah | 2 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| elliska | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 3/26/2005 |
| Actually, sheraiah, if you look at this critically, it is really quite good. Short stanzas (all yours are 3-5 syllables) when used as the standard verse length generally are used to show an emotion that is struggling along. Varying stanza length usually symbolizes the same thing, and of course you've got that. Your elf is fading in this poem, so thematically that makes a lot of sense. Moreover, the first stanza is all three syllable verses until it builds in the last two stanzas to 4 and 5 syllables--and the subject of those last two lines is the thought of the lost beloved which is driving the elf to fade. So that building verse length emphasizes the increasing importance of theme. Indeed, the only other time you move outside the three syllable length, is when, again, the theme of the lines warrants it--the last two lines. So, structurally, this is really good, which pretty impressive especially if it was instinctive and not consciously planned. Emotionally, it is nicely provocative. Simple but that in itself expresses elven grief--a fading, not a raging thing like humans experience. Intense but not overdone. Just as I picture elves. I know that is way more foolishness than you wanted to hear, but I used to teach a lot of poetry so it is hard for me not to look at the mechanics of a poem. I really thought this was very well done. I'm impressed. | |
| lwarren | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 3/26/2005 |
| sheraiah, what a sad, emotional little poem. You may not write a lot of poetry but the beauty of this is its simplicity. "Pain and despair steal my air" - how very true. The fact that an immortal elf could leave life because of a grief so profound and unfailing always makes me very sad. You've captured it quite well here. Well done! linda | |