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Endurance by Bodkin	14 Review(s)
Imhiriel	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 9/1/2006
Argh - pressed the button too quickly... What I wanted to add: "Yet in assuaging my grief and healing my pain, I am afraid that I will lose them." I have always felt Nerdanel's and Fëanor's separation was by no means from lack of love, but rather that they simply could no longer live with each other without hurting each other, that both were so intense that they could not step down and compromise. Author Reply: I reckon Nerdanel tried and tried - and loved Feanor dearly - but he was damaged before she ever married him. Deserted by his mother, indulged as the pride and joy of his father - who then did the unthinkable and remarried to give him two brothers - and talented, too. Everybody thinking him marvellous - it's hardly surprising he lacked humility. Then - seven sons - seven - Nerdanel wasn't going to have had time to give Feanor the attention he was sure he deserved. And then, those sons so desperate to please their father that they didn't even question his demands but tied themselves into his arrogant and completely bonkers quest to defeat a fallen Vala. It's a shame Tolkien said Feanor didn't return. I'd have liked to see him learn a bit of humility and learn to understand what he had done wrong. And, perhaps, become reconciled with one he had hurt very badly.

Imhiriel	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 9/1/2006
Oh, this story hurts! I have only lately become interested in stories about the Fëanorians at all (apart from some about Maglor), but you captured so well that dreadful tangle, with misery on all sides, and little hope for healing before the end of Time. Focusing on the family-relationships brings it to such a close, personal level. And it's beautiful how their surroundings reflect their mood. I do hope you will continue this story. Author Reply: It is painful! I feel so bad for Nerdanel - who did nothing wrong that I can see, apart from stepping back from a Feanor who was becoming dangerously obsessed and was left with nothing and the rest of Arda to mourn her husband and children. Being left behind in Aman must have been terrible - and pretty much every other inhabitant of the Blessed Realm must have looked at her as if she were responsible for it all - the loss of the Trees, the Kinslaying, the March of the Noldor. Then, most, if not all, of her sons are unlikely ever to return to her. And Feanor never will - at least, not until Arda itself ends. I am still hoping to continue it - in time!

nessie	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 7/17/2006
This is a great piece on Nerdanel and her grief. There are few fics out there that really capture that part of her (too many of them are on how Feanor abused her) and I'd really would love to see this continued, although it makes a great oneshot. Call me crazy, but I have a soft spot for Feanor (and Eol too, if you believe it) and if there would be a possibility of him or his sons being reincarnated, I'd like to see it. ~nessie~ Author Reply: I really feel for Nerdanel. She gets so little of the attention - and yet she lost everything! Well, I suppose she had her life and her parents, but she lost her husband and all her children and her grandson and - I would imagine - the respect of the elves of the Blessed Realm. She would have been shunned, I think - and cut herself off. I reckon she left Feanor to try to bring him to his senses and make him realise what was happening to him... I feel sorry for Feanor - I think a lot of things built up to make him the rather self-centred elf he was and that quite a few of them are the direct responsibility of the Valar and that maybe they should have shared the blame for them! Doesn't Tolkien say that Feanor was not rehoused while Arda lasted? I think it would have been very hard to bring him back to face the elves of the BR - and it wouldn't have been easy to return his sons, not after the second and third kin-slayings. But levels of guilt and responsibility do differ - and maybe having to face what you have done would be part of achieving redemption. I've been distracted from this, but I think I do intend to add to it at some point. I would like to see Nerdanel in Irmo's gardens - learning to forgive herself and preparing to receive at least one of her family back. Thanks for reading - and reminding me of this story!

Soledad	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 12/31/2005
That was very beautiful! I always felt sorry for Nerdanel - few people in Tolkien's universe were quite so bereft of anything they loved like she did. Good that Mahtan is such a wise Elf. Author Reply: Thank you. Nerdanel gets a really raw deal, I think. She is supposed to be wise and does her best to get Feanor to see reason, and yet she is left with nothing - other than the despair of losing those she loves and the humiliation of (doubtless) receiving the scorn of those whose condemnation will have no effect on Feanor and his sons as they aren't there! Mahtan is a very wise elf - and close to Aule, too. He and his wife will have done their best to look after Nerdanel - but it's not the same! Parent to child is much stronger and more emotional than child to parent. I think the time has come for some restitution!

jastaelf	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 12/28/2005
This is absolutely beautiful. My favourite line is this one: ‘It will give me plenty of time to make sure that my thoughts are expressed as fluently as possible. And that my words will be unforgettable.' I have rarely seen Mahtan in any fic, and Nerdanel often gets short shrift as well; that makes this all the more lovely. It is so beautifully crafted, so clean and lyrical; the characterizations are subtle and full of life, and the sorrow is just palpable. But so too is the hope that infuses it, like the undying love of a good mother. Thank you for the gift of this tale. If it remains a one-shot, it remains a jewel... if it goes on from here, I will be very happy. :-) Author Reply: Thank you. I can't help but feel that Mahtan might well want to dismember his son-in-law on his return - but that he would be too controlled to do it. But I can't imagine a father who wouldn't want to make sure that his wayward s-in-l heard his unvarnished opinion of him. The more I read into this whole world, the more I feel for the female characters - who, so often, were abandoned to deal with dreadful situations. And few of them could have been as bad as Nerdanel's - apart from losing Feanor and her sons, she must have had to cope with rejection from many of those remaining in Aman, not only those who had been victims of the kinslaying, but also those whose family had followed Feanor to Arda. I think this might develop into more - but I must try to finish off some other things first. I have too many tales awaiting endings. I am glad you enjoyed this.

Ellie	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 12/26/2005
very sad. very well done. I feel so sorry for her and her family. Please write more. Author Reply: Thank you. Nerdanel is one whose story seems to me to be very sad - she was right, and yet Feanor and her sons went off and dived headlong into disaster. I blame the Silmarils, myself. I will write more - but I must finish off some things first!

elliska	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 12/25/2005
Wow this made me cry. I like how this one starts out with Nerdanel wondering what the point would be in returning and ends with her father saying that perhaps her duty is to prepare a way for her sons. And as usual, I am amazed at how well you manage the theme of redemption--both her own, since she is wondering what she did that none of her sons heeded her, and her sons'. I think reading this, I finally put my finger on what I like most about your version of Valinor: forgiveness is not easy to find, but it is possible. The way you show a wide variety of characters finding forgiveness/understanding in themselves and from others is really uplifting. And it was fascinating to hear a little of Nerdanel's view of her Feanor and sons, as she put it. Their actions were sad and I have always pitied Maedhros and Maglor, but hearing her love for them just makes it too sad. And I really liked how this conversation proceeded as the moon traveled across to the sky until the sun rose. That seemed so elfy to me and it also complimented the fact that this conversation took place it seems on the anniversary of Feanor's death, so long ago--the whole thing shows the elves view of time. I have to say, Bodkin, I would love to read your portrayal of the return of the sons of Feanor (and even a little peek at Feanor, although you are right that it would be at the remaking of the world). I do hope you continue this. Author Reply: Nerdanel is one of the characters who seems to me to get a very raw deal. In fact, a lot of wives, mothers and sweethearts are! She is called Wise, but yet Feanor swept all her sons off headlong in his thoughtless emotional quest for vengeance - and their oath held them to a stupid course. Then, being elves, she had to live with their choice for ever! There has to be redemption in this life for elves - and it cannot be easy. What Feanor's sons have done is almost unforgivable - there has to be atonement - and yet, in the end, they have to have attained the wisdom to deal with their faults. But not alone. However wise they become, those around them have to understand and accept them. Maedhros and Maglor are the most appealing (because the most defined) of Feanor's sons, and you can't help but feel that they suffered for their oath - they have the qualities of tragic heroes, noble elves brought down through a catastrophic fault. The 'C' sons, Curufin, Caranthir and Celegorm are much less appealing, I find, and the 'A' sons, are so indistinct I have to look up their names every time to be sure I've not muddled them with Finarfin's 'A' sons. Which is good, I suppose, when it comes to writing about them. I imagine Nerdanel keeps her grief pretty buried most of the time - but anniversaries are always hard and 100 yeni is a long time. Pretty much a landmark. And there is no need to hurry a conversation when you're talking about events getting on for 15000 years ago. This is unlikely to proceed just yet - must get Arwen sorted out first, and try to finish off Ripe for Change - but I think it will. I like Nerdanel and would like to see her reunited with at least some of her family! Thank you. Sorry to be so long about replying, but Christmas, you know!

Redheredh	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 12/22/2005
Very nice... Very Nice! Such beautiful expressions of complicated feelings and thoughts. The physical setting was wonderful. Especially using the passage(s) of time, long and short, to reflect the slow and swift movement of her emotions. And timelessness as well. Brilliant work - as usual. I am so hopeful for Celebrimbor now. Like Maglor, he was dragged in by association and struggled to do what was right. Like Nerdanel. But, I suppose one could say her struggle was against an even mightier imperative. Those left behind, those who wait, seem always dipicted as mere adjuncts to the epic when they are an integral part of it - beginning, middle, and end! Sad how we have to so often 'learn it for ourselves' in order to finally be prepared to grasp something - rather than simply learn from those who have already done the lesson. Perhaps because life is a science but living is not. I really like your Mahtan. But, that is part of the purpose of these sorts of tales, isn't it, What use has the world for me? It may be that all are caught in your sorrow and guilt and that none will be free until you have found your own answers. I do hope we get to follow Nerdanel a little ways more on her journey forward. Author Reply: Thank you. I think Celebrimbor deserves to return. One of the reasons I think Namo might have kept some elves for so much longer than others it tied in with trauma. Celebrimbor's death must have been particularly traumatic and I reckon he might have needed an awful lot of time to come to terms with it. Maglor - I like to think of him as serving a sort of penance in Arda that will make it possible for him to return to Aman. And then there's the thought of whether or not having someone yearning for your return might speed up the process. It's all terribly complicated! And open to interpretation. An awful lot of females got left behind one way or another. And I don't think their stories are less worth telling - although they are less action-packed! I think Nerdanel will want to share more of her experience - and she might find some consolation. Although any reunion with Feanor will be a very, very long time coming, I like to think that he will return somewhat subdued and understanding a great deal more about the need to understand people as well as make beautiful things.

perelleth	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 12/22/2005
A hundred yeni! that´s a long time indeed! YEt the pain in NErdanel seems fresh and raw as the first day! I like the subject, and NErdanel is very credible in her long seated pain, almost "comfortable" in its familiarity. Yet I liked mAhtan a lot, poor one, suffering for his grandchildren, but for his daughter above all... he was comofrting, supporting and provoking... and he was right in showing her the way out... I´m amazed at your productivity, bodkin, so good for us! Author Reply: A hundred yeni - that's 14,400 years and, I would reckon possibly six ages, bearing in mind that the First Age was only about 600 years. And grief is like that - for most of the time you rub along, but every now and then an anniversary, or a song, or a fragrance or something will open up wounds you thought were no more than scars. And for elves: their immortality must make even the passage of ages seem irrelevant. Nerdanel, too, has so much more to her sorrow than an elf whose child was slain by an orc or whose husband met his death at the hands of a kin-slayer. Or even any other kin-slayers. It will be hard for Feanor and his sons to find forgiveness and acceptance even when the world is remade - and she has to learn to forgive them before she can expect anyone else to do it. I like Mahtan - and, surprisingly enough, sort of agree that it is almost easier to forgive Feanor than his sons. Sometimes short pieces like this appear almost fully formed and need no more than to be put down on paper. Thank you - I'm glad you liked it.

Vicki Turner	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 12/21/2005
Please continue! this is very good and i would dearly love to see what happens next. Author Reply: Thank you. I expect this will carry on - although I doubt if it will see the return of Feanor, since that doesn't happen before the world is remade! Nerdanel has always seemed to me to have been one of Feanor's unsung victims. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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