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Maggoty Bread  by Thundera Tiger 14 Review(s)
Estel_Mi_OlorReviewed Chapter: 1 on 9/28/2012
That was hilarious!!! I will never be able to watch the movies again without thinking of this story during that line. Who would have thought writing an orc could be so entertaining? He was a food developer! *hahaha* Too well done : )

Author Reply: Well, you can thank Nightwing for this story, really. I never noticed the line until she pointed it out. But I can't watch the movie without thinking about it now, either. So we're all in the same boat together. Thanks for the review! (I'm working on answering your others as we speak...)

VirtuellaReviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/29/2008
"Gorp's conclusion was that in order to strengthen orcs against the light of day, he needed a corrupted form of bread."

Immaculate reasoning by Gorp!

"friends were disposable things in the mind of an orc" LOL

I like your witty writing style. It's actually quite similar to the way I like to write for Discworld, but I would't have thought one could make it fit with LOTR. However, you pulled it off. A very entertaining story!

Author Reply: Thank you so much for your review! I'm a huge fan of Discworld myself (Vetinari lovers of the universe, unite!). That wasn't what I was thinking about while writing this story, but I'll take it as a huge compliment. Many thanks!

NightwingReviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/25/2008
Hello Thundera, and thanks again for this little orc story. This is the first time that I've ever really had a look at things from the orc point-of-view. I have to say it looks like a lonely existence, for those few creatures who perhaps are not truly innately cruel. This fellow was a failure as an orc, as he seemed to desire friendship and maybe a more pleasant sort of life, in a limited orc way. It is almost possible to feel something like sorrow for the little guy.

An interesting wee story - a bit of sweet and a bit of salt. Just like Gorp!


Author Reply: All hail the inspiration behind the story! You're again very welcome for it, so long as it's still okay to credit you with the brains behind something as bizarre as this. A like your description of it: sweet and salty. That's really what you want in any good Gorp (the trail mix kind), so hopefully that's how he comes across, too. Thanks again!

docmonReviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/25/2008
What a fun story! You've managed to create an entirely inept and a nearly sympathetic Orc! I'm almost sorry when the poor guy bites it. The idea that Gorp was too clumsy for anything but food prep - would you want him preparing your food? - is quite hilarious, and I love his reaction to Saruman's visit. Gorp's analysis of the relationship between food and how it affected the creature that ate it was almost enlightening... if only for the lack of that wisdom that landed Gorp in those life-threatening situations. This may have come off of one movie line, but you've woven in other movie scenes and I love the last one you chose to finish of the whole thing. Just perfect.

Author Reply: Hey, oh great one! You know what's really funny people's response to Gorp? Most of them say exactly the same thing, and it's basically what you just said: Gorp's inept, nearly sympathetic, and people are almost sorry to see him go. Either everyone is reading off the same cue card or...actually, I'm not sure what to make of the alternative other than the fact that I'm amused that he's "nearly" sympathetic and it's "almost" sad to lose him in the end. So...endearing but not quite lovable? Sounds about right for Gorp. Anyway, many thanks for all the work you do and for the review!

cathleenReviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/25/2008
Hee, very very clever - I love it! This part especially:

'Maggots were not unheard of in orc dishes. Gorp knew from his experience as a food developer that there were several clans of goblins in the far north who made entire meals based on maggots. But the Uruk-hai were apparently ignorant of such delicacies...'

What a wonderfully original little tale!

Author Reply: Thank you so much for taking the time to review. I'm glad you liked that line. I was rather fond it of it, myself. As for being an "original little tale," I was thinking more along the lines of "inane ramblings from a disturbed mind," but "original" sounds nicer! :)

Thanks again!

ElentarriReviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/25/2008
Brilliant and hilariously funny!

Author Reply: Thank you so much for your comments! I'm glad I tickle your funny bone!

RedheredhReviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/24/2008
Gorp! lol, how appropriate a name is that! Loved that little throw-away...

Very amusing explanation for how the hobbits got their chance to escape. I really enjoy clever gap-fillers like this! And as always, your flowing writing style.

As an aside, Inuit people expose meat and bone marrow to be infested by maggots to increase the bulk and, I guess, the protein. But, I am with your cowardly orc and the rest of Middle-earth about their daily bread - yuk!

Author Reply: The strangest thing about the name "Gorp" is that it came to me while I was playing with various Black Speech names, and I failed to realize its alternate meaning until I was almost finished with the story's first draft. I haven't decided if that was Freudian or just dumb luck, but I definitely had to stick with the name once I remembered the trail mix reference.

Interesting note about the Inuit. I wasn't aware of that, but it makes sense. If you're in a region where food can quickly become scarce, make use of what you've got. Anyway, thanks for the info, and also thank you very much for the review!

Kitt OtterReviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/24/2008
Oh, this is soooo funny. Orcish and crude, yes, but also hilarious and brilliant. The prose is wonderful… if I quoted my favorite parts I’d have to copy and paste the whole story. (I had to love especially the part where Saruman came scratching at the door). I like Gorp. Yep, a shrewd fellow. But not shrewd enough to know better than to snack on an Ent! It was always a joke between among my siblings that “maggoty” is THE all-purpose adjective for orcs, as Imperial stormtroopers with “scum”… Still, it was satisfying to find a character behind the maggotiness.
-Kitt : )

Author Reply: Hey Kitt!

Thank you so much for the review. I'm glad you liked the prose, and I'm also glad you liked Gorp. He's a pathetic little fellow, but maybe that's part of his charm. Love the idea of "maggoty" being the all-purpose adjective. I can definitely see that. And until now, I had failed to notice the overuse of the word "scum" in Star Wars, but now I can't get all the references out of my head. Thank you for the moment of enlightenment! :)

Elena TirielReviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/24/2008
Create something for my servants that will darken their hearts. Have it ready by tomorrow morning.

Bwahahahahaha! Saruman never died... he just took a management position in Silicon Valley!

Seriously, Thundera, I really enjoyed reading this vignette... your theories about the maggoty bread seem so suited to the situation.

Well done!

- Barbara

Author Reply: ::snort::

At one point, I actually considered giving little Gorp a week to make his maggoty bread, but the more I thought about it, the more unlikely it seemed. Lowly engineers like Gorp are rarely given that much time to complete something. :) As for Saruman in Silicon Valley...a lot of things now make much more sense!

Thank you for the review and I'm thrilled you enjoyed it!

ElflingimpReviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/23/2008
Okay, that was funny, but I think I've definetly lost my appetite! LOL! Deb

Author Reply: Whoops. Sorry about your appetite... But I'm glad I amused you in the meantime!

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