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| While the Ring went south... by Thundera Tiger | 28 Review(s) |
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| Grey Wonderer | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 9/24/2005 |
| Priceless! I loved Pippin's reaction to the loss of his secret stash of pipe weed. I do believe that Gimli got a bit more of a reaction than he was hoping for to his prank. Author Reply: There are many things I'd like to revise about these early chapters, but I'm glad you enjoyed the pipe weed incicdent. That was going a wee bit far in my estimation, but it's fun, too. | |
| Grey Wonderer | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 9/24/2005 |
| Found this while looking through the story list on MEFA and I am very glad that I did. I just adore Gimli in this. Seems keeping the peace will be a problem for a while. Author Reply: Hey Grey Wonderer! I'm glad you found me and I hope you continue to enjoy. I liked writing all the Fellowship, but I found myself becoming very attached to Gimli and Boromir during the course of this story. The down-to-earth pragmatism they both seemed to bring really appealed to me. Anyway, thanks for the review! | |
| Estel_Mi_Olor | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 8/28/2005 |
| Cheers, Thundera. Just a quick note to point out an error I noticed while re-reading chapter 4 (January 1st ,3019). A little more than halfway down the page, there is a paragraph that begins, "We do not want them to draw too far ahead, but neither do we want to be just behind them,". The following sentence, I believe, is missing the word "wait". "We shall (wait)a quarter of an hour and then follow." Anyways, just a small thing I happened to notice. Keep writing! | |
| Lindelea | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 6/22/2005 |
| Forgot to mention in reviewing previous chapter that you set up the uneasiness very deftly, understated and not heavy-handed or melodramatic. Well done! The growing of the Ring in Frodo's mind is subtle and again, well done. Your dialog between Frodo and Pippin sounds a bit "modern". "Whoa", I can let pass, as it might be said to a pony, perhaps, but being able to "relate to" something sounds like psychological jargon. Might I suggest something like "You understand such things"/"Understand what things?" Again, "locked up" is a foreign notion to most hobbits. "Hidden away", perhaps? OTOH, if I am being heavy-handed and offensive, say so and I will say no more. I'm an interfering busybody, I fear. ...as he began to pace and wave his arms, forgetting the rest of the Fellowship It's these descriptive snippets, thrown in so casually, that bring the story and characters to life. So... is part of Legolas "getting back" at Gimli the anticipation? Stretching it out, doing nothing, making the dwarf drive himself crazy, wondering what the elf's retaliation will be? Uh, oh, what's the matter with Gimli? His back is screaming? His legs are heavy? Aha. (Reached the end of the chapter.) Appreciate the calendar notes. These were the sort of things that got me hooked on "canon writing". And that's all for today. Hope I have time tomorrow for a chapter. Depends on if I can get up well before the little ones arise. Author Reply: OTOH, if I am being heavy-handed and offensive, say so and I will say no more. I'm an interfering busybody, I fear. First of all, be as heavy-handed and offensive as you can. Smash this story. Destroy. Decimate. Obliterate. Maul. Crush. I won't break out the thesaurus, but I hope you get the idea. I said in response to another of your reviews that I'm working on a rewrite, and this sort of feedback is EXACTLY what I need. There are so many things wrong with the early chapters that I'm sometimes at a loss as to where to begin. Your reviews are proving to be an excellent guide for trouble-shooting, and what's better is that you're a known hobbit writer. Frankly, the hobbits scare me, and I think I need beedback on them most of all. So break out the sledgehammer and go to work if you want to. Or not. I'm certainly not going to force you into editorial duties! But if you see something that needs to be changed, never hesitate to point it out! As for the chapter, you're absolutely right. The conversation between Pippin and Frodo either shouldn't happen at all or it should be approached from a completely different angle. And the language needs to undergo a severe adjustment. Check, check, check. I will definitely keep your comments in mind. Thank you VERY much! | |
| Lindelea | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 6/22/2005 |
| Nice character analysis of Boromir. "Merry was awake but relishing the fact that he didn’t have to move anywhere for another hour or so" -- ah, Merry, I love to awaken a little before the alarm goes off and relish the feeling of not having to get up right away. An hour later, Aragorn and Legolas came back to find Merry getting to his feet, Boromir polishing his sword, Sam starting breakfast, Frodo blinking sleepily, Pippin poking through his pack with an air of concern, Gandalf evaluating the weather, and Gimli leaning against the trunk of a tree looking thoroughly bored. I like the way you keep track of everyone. It helps me build mental pictures as I read. Pippin had "the good stuff" and didn't share? Seems almost unhobbity! I remind myself that he's still a tween and not as mature as the other hobbits, and that hobbits are not paragons of virtue (even though so many people write Frodo as either some sort of saint or else a sex-crazed satyr). "I wish Gandalf would say something with a bit of cheer now and then," Sam muttered to Merry. "Something like ‘oh well done’ or ‘we’re winning today.’ All this doom and gloom is making me shiver." Your timing is wonderful! This snippet, and the rest of the conversation, sounds hobbity and very natural. Children still sleeping, perhaps I can get another chapter in today. Author Reply: The one thing about this story that I like best is Boromir. I'd never really paid much attention to him before, but after writing this, he jumped up into my list of favorite characters and refused to leave. I love him for that, too. So persistent! "Sex-crazed satyr"? ... You've clearly been reading more Frodo fics than I have. I've definitely run up against the paragron of virtue, which can be done well if you pitch it right, but sex-crazed satyr... Actually, scratch that. I did find one the other day. Definitely strange. But back to what you were saying, bear in mind that this was my first venture into LotR fanfiction and I hadn't nailed down all the characterizations. Still haven't, to be honest, but at this point (and for the next ten or so chapters) I was VERY inconsistent with the Fellowship and most especially with the hobbits. It doesn't excuse what's been written, but it's the only reason I can offer. *shrugs* I am working on a rewrite, but it's coming slowly. | |
| Lindelea | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 6/22/2005 |
| Re-reading, and glad of it. I love your descriptions, your characters, their interactions and the flashes of humor. I question that Gimli and Legolas would be so foolish, but then I remember the light-heartedness of the Wood Elves in "The Hobbit", as well as the temperament of the Dwarves in that story, and so I grant you that Gandalf is probably wise in his wagers. On to the next chapter (so long as the children remain asleep)! Author Reply: Hey Lindelea! This is odd timing. I just finished reviewing your poem "The Council of Elrond" for the MEFAs. I suppose great reviewing minds think alike. ;) Loved the poem, by the way. I was laughing so hard I was almost in tears. Anyway, many thanks for the comments. Believe it or not, this story actually started as a one-shot deal and was supposed to be very reminiscent of "The Hobbit." So I'm glad that some of the immaturity in the writing can pass itself off as that. You're right to question the foolishness, though. I do now. In fact, I can barely stand to read the initial chapters of this fic now, but I'm impressed with your ability to plow through them. Cheers! | |
| Lily-Annabeth | Reviewed Chapter: 21 on 12/7/2004 |
| I finally finished this fic :) (took me about three days) I love the humour here, esp. things like the Ranger Responsibility Syndrome, and I am in awe of your ability to recreate Tolkien-esque dialogue and description (I realise that you used his dialogue in places, but yours was so good I almost could not tell the difference) I enjoyed the story very much and I hope that Journey in the Dark is finished soon -- I am most impatient :) Off I go to start reading that one... Excellent job. Author Reply: I'm impressed it only took you three days! This fic is in serious need of revision, so I'm glad the first few chapters didn't put you off entirely. Glad you liked the dialogue and the description. They were things I worked on throughout, and by the end, I think I was actually succeeding in places. I'll work on updates for the sequel. Many thanks for the review! | |
| grumpy | Reviewed Chapter: 21 on 8/25/2004 |
| hi there, just spent the last several days reading your wonderful story. I love how you have written the characters, from the ongoing battle between Legolas and Gimli, to Aragorn's, Ranger Responsibility Syndrone. I agree with Gandalf's and Boramir's thoughts on wanting to push the elf off the mountain. Living in a snow belt part of the country myself, anyone that can be happy arround that much snow really needs to see it up close. anyways thanks for the great read, and now I am off the read your next part Author Reply: Many thanks for your review! I actually grew up with snow for eight or nine months out of the year (sometimes more) and I've seen what it can do to people. For myself, I actually relate more to Legolas because I love the snow. It makes me feel like I'm at home again. Nostalgic, I suppose. Anyway, I'm glad you liked the story and the little quirks that went into it. Definitely light-hearted fare, but enjoyable to write. Thanks again! | |
| docmon | Reviewed Chapter: 21 on 8/12/2004 |
| hi Thundera, I couldn't reply to the review-reply (wasn't surprised) so I'm pasting my response here... You're welcome!! I enjoy your stories so much, it's more than a pleasure for me to tell you. Your stories are so rich and full of detail and suspense, and characters are authentic... I could go on and on again, but I do look forward to more of your writing (anxiously!). especially after starting "During." I really shouldn't do these things when I know I will pay - I hate to start unfinished stories. But I went ahead anyway. And now I'm left just when they enter Moria!! argh!! I'm going to add something I thought about yesterday while thinking about what you may have in store for us. (See? can't get this story out of my mind.) I've only seen the movies, so bear with me. But after Gandalf falls, the Company escapes Moria to a rocky area and catch their breath. But considering what has just happened, I felt a little disappointed in that only Boromir gave any acknowledgement of the need for grief. Aragorn, of course, is all business. Legolas appears a bit bewildered. I would LOVE to get better insight into the reactions of these characters' response to Gandalf's apparent death, especially now that I understand better how long those two characters had known Gandalf. I realized your story would be the most likely place for me to get this, considering your attention to detail and to each characters response to events. So, I just thought I'd mention it. Hope this is the appropriate place. And I now have a copy of the three books, and can begin reading!!! Very excited about that. Already read the Silmarillion and the Hobbit, so I am SO ready! Thank you for your writing and all your care you take in your craft. It is truly a joy to read your work. monica Author Reply: Hello again! First of all, another round of thanks are in order but I should warn you that you've sent me ego somewhere into the upper atmosphere and it's taking me a while to find it. Who would think that something so big would look so small from space?! ;) Anyway, the scene of mourning you describe is set to go in at the end of "During" and it will be following book format rather than movie format. You'll catch the differences easiliy when you come to that part in the books, but essentially, the Fellowship sits outside of Moria (far enough away to give them a measure of safety) and they grieve. All of them. Aragorn *is* the one who eventually rouses them, but he does it when they're more or less ready. Contention between the Ranger and Boromir doesn't come in until later when they're about to enter Lothlorien. But we'll certainly be getting viewpoints from everyone as they mourn. Very quick and very brief glimpses, but there will be something. | |
| docmon | Reviewed Chapter: 21 on 8/8/2004 |
| Thundera, this was terrific! I really enjoyed seeing the development of the friendship, and I felt it rang true to the characters (although I have yet to read the 'trilogy' - working on it! Read the Silmarillion and the Hobbit already...) You managed to create a story with humor, drama, angst, and excitement. And so well written! As someone else has said, I really, really appreciated how you included most characters' reactions to an event. I like knowing the look on Frodo's face, or how Boromir felt uncomfortable, even though they're not involved in what's happening! If I am going to complain about anything, it's that while I'm happy to see you've updated the sequel, this means you're not working on Land of Light and Shadows!!! Anyway, I had more to say about this story, and I should have commented after each chapter, because now I can't remember what I wanted to say. Just know that it was terrific. And I'm going to move on now to During a Journey in the Dark, even though I know I'll regret it, because it's not complete, and that means waiting... Your stuff is just too good to wait! monica Author Reply: Many thanks! The final objective of the piece was to give insight to some of the players in the Fellowship who seemed to be overlooked from time to time, and I'm very glad you felt that this happened. It was great fun for me to imagine, and I hope it was equally enjoyable for you to read. As for LoLaS...well, I'm working on it. Actually, I'm working on another story right now, but it's in the update rotation, don't worry about that. Actually, that story doesn't require nearly as much research as some of the others, but you are right. There is research involved and the chapters are difficult to write. What makes it slow is the fact that I have to check and recheck all the political developments so ensure that I'm following the outline and that I've given the information that needs to be given. Anyway, I hope you enjoy "During" and thank you so much for the kind words. The mean a lot to me! | |