News Resources
Login
Become a member
Help
Search
|
|
| About Us News Resources
Login
Become a member
Help
Search
|
|
|
| When Shadow Touches Home by daw the minstrel | 105 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| Brenda Geraci | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 8/9/2003 |
| Well, the first four chapters of When Shadow Touches Home are as wonderful as every other story you have ever written. I love your writing. Your characters live and breathe, and I feel as though I could reach out and lay my hand on Eilian's arm or kiss the blond head of little Legolas as I make this journey with them. Can't wait for the next chapter! Another thing that I inordinately appreciate in your writing style is solid continuity in characters and storylines. I remember the blanket that Legolas uses for comfort in this story because you had written about it in another of your stories before this one. It's nice when your reading audience can depend on their author to keep the thread of the storyline true from past to present and all episodes taking place between. What a gift you have, and how generous you are to share it with your grateful fans. Looking forward to Chapter Five! | |
| Levade | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 8/6/2003 |
| A great chapter! I can't help wondering how long it will be before Legolas completely loses it -- he's very close it seems. Growling at Adar! *g* I remember doing that, or daring to, and getting much the same reaction. The race was wonderful! I love the way the tree gathered Eilian then scolded him. He's quite the reckless adventurer, maybe much like his Adar was? Or his grandfather. And the pressure on Ithilden increases as the Shadow grows. How frustrating to live so long and still not understand everything, nor see all the patterns. I hope Thranduil has some of that beautiful hair left when all of this is done! Peace, Levade | |
| Levade | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 8/6/2003 |
| Two updates and I'm behind! It is so hard to go through the loss of a family member, but when its the mother it seems doubly hard. Especially seeing how young Legolas is, it doesn't surprise me that Thranduil doesn't quite know what to do. *g* Though I have to snicker at the thought of his dismay at having stubborn children. They're, all four, quite lost right now, aren't they? And acting out is perfectly normal, each in their own way. *sigh* You write them very real, and I always look forward to reading more! Peace, Levade | |
| fadesintothewest | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 8/6/2003 |
| It seems that all three males are struggling with keeping sane, not only do they have to deal with Lorellin's death but they have the increasing Shadow to deal with. Poor little Legolas, he plays at being an orc, those horrible creatures that ate his mother as he so vividly described it. It must be his way of trying to control his feelings. Hopefully Eilian and Legolas can help each other come to some resolution of sorts. | |
| Fadesintothewest | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 8/5/2003 |
| Ai, you are right I didn't receive notification of the last chapter, but I did to chapter 4. Little Legolas throwing mud at the elleth? Oh dear, it seems Thranduil has his hands full with all his sons. Nobody seems to be on the same page and Thranduil is going to have to figure out how to bring the family together. He must really be missing his wife, they all are obviously but it's those little things that make you really miss moms. | |
| Fan81981 | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 8/5/2003 |
| I am in the middle of catching up on all the reading I have missed because of interviews and all. I must say this chapter was very well done. Thranduil is not a mushy father at all but he does love all his kids. Even if all of them resemble orcs at time. The bit when he feeds legolas made me tear up. So sad. Poor darling. Why did you have to kill his mother off? Why does everyone kill his mother off? *sniff* Anyway, onwards - have one more chapter left. Now THAT is something to smile about. Fan | |
| aure_enteluva | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 8/5/2003 |
| Again, very good. I especially liked the comparison of that orcs' blood's spurting to a fountain in his father's gardens. When I read about an arrow being "nocked", I kept thinking "notched", (s)he means notched. Of course I went for my dictionary and looked up "nock", and you're using the term correctly. I'd always said "notched", as to place the notch in the back of an arrow against the drawstring. Perhaps I was wrong all along, had heard "nocked" somewhere along the line and got it wrong. At any rate it was a bit distracting for me at least (partly because I was *so* sure I was right, lol). If it were me I'd choose a word that people were less likely to get confused, such as fitted. But then again, I could be a unique case and then there's no need to change it. Marta | |
| aure_enteluva | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/5/2003 |
| I really like this chapter. It looks like a compelling story, and you are obviously very skilled as a writer. But I'm sure you want a bit of constructive criticism. So here it is: use more contractions, especially between Thranduil and his sons, and *especially* in anything Legolas says. It seems like the conversation is a bit too formal at times, and I think contractions might help in that regard. I'd also like to get a bit of more description of the places you're in. Be warned: I am a very descriptive writer, but I would like a better feel for what these places look like. What kind of bed did Legolas lay in? What color was his tunic. What did the dining room look like? That type of thing. Oh, and one last thing. You seemed to use "said" a lot. I'd use other words to describe speaking. A good-sized list is available at http://tinyurl.com/j0z8 . It's also better if you can avoid adverbs. They're a perfectly acceptable form of writing but a lot of times they can be incorporated into the text another way. Often [character] + said + [adverb] can be written as [character] + [speech verb incorporating adverb]. For example, "Jane said angrily" could become "Jane shouted". The effect's the same, and there's a lot more punch. But like I said I loved your first chapter. I had to think hard on some things you could improve. If I was too harsh, feel free to go over and rip "Lady of Gondor" (my story) to shreds. ;-) Marta | |
| The Karenator | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 8/5/2003 |
| Daw, Another great chapter. I still think the relationships between the family members retain an underlying sweet flavor of sincere love for one another and I like the strong bond they share....even when they're battling each other. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it!) Unfortunately for them, they are also drowning in guilt and grief. I'm not sure anyone ever truly recovers from such a loss as they have suffered, but one merely finds a way to place it in a scarred corner in the heart and continue. I'm sure they will learn to manage the pain, each in his own way. Right now, they don't seem to be able to even recognize it fully or control the effect it's had on their lives...sort of like being on an out of control roller coaster. They know what happened, know they suffer from it, but this knowledge doesn't seem to translate or at least there doesn't seem to be much communication between the head and the heart or an understanding of how to deal with it. And Legolas is just too small to be able to make any sense of anything except he's angry and misses his nana. Like some of the other reviewers, I like the careful attention Thranduil is giving to Legolas at meals. It may seem a small thing, but to me, it tells us a lot about the kind of father he is. Ah and Celuwen....I can hardly wait! I think Eilian needs a good kissing! (Volunteers will be lining up to the right!) I also loved Maltanaur's reaction to Ithilden's little discussion with him. He's a good elf....knows who butters his bread! Oh and the fire thing....what kid hasn't tested the power of fire? It's a scary thing for a parent to have to confront. Thranduil has known for a long time that Turgon is fueled and ready to launch. I loved your discription of him in Prodigal Sons when Legolas thought he was like trying to stop a boulder rolling down a hill. Most parents know a Turgon or even have one themselves! You're doing well with your angst....got me by the heartstrings! This is getting too long...so I'll beat it for the time being. Looking forward to the next chapter. | |
| Nilmandra | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 8/4/2003 |
| I like Maltanaur more and more. An outsider who loves and cares for the King's family is a good influence right now. Ithilden may not recognize his need for a 'keeper' but now more than ever he and Eilian both need one. I look forward to more interactin between them. Eilian is bored - never a good thing. He is concerned about his performance on the job though, and this is good. He does need something stable right now. Legolas is really acting out. Those orcs must seem awfully powerful to such a small child - they stole from the powerful people in his small world. So he is going to act like them. Eilian sees his anger, but I was so saddened to think of him sent off to his room for the evening when he really needs someone who can draw out of him his feelings or at least play with him and give him some normalcy. And Eilian's final recklessness this chapter - what does he have to lose? That certainly speaks to a deep need in his soul. The tears at the end are telling - the tree caught him and admonished him and somehow he must have seen there is something to lose. | |