A/N-- This takes place Post-Yule in 1420.

Merry's Confession

Then suddenly like a cold touch on his heart he thought of Frodo and Sam. 'I am forgetting them!'...'And yet they are more important than the rest of us. And I came to help them; but now they must be hundreds of miles away, if they are still alive." (p. 774, LOTR:ROTK)

“Frodo?”

“Yes, Merry?”

“I have a confession to make…” said Merry softly and slowly.

Frodo looked up from writing the Red Book to look at the deeply distressed grey-blue eyes of Merry. The four travelers were staying for a while at Crickhollow during the post-Yule season, and they had been having quite an enjoyable time the past few days going off to the Golden Perch or tramping over the Shire whenever they could spare the chance to. Oftentimes, Frodo would feel guilty upon leaving the Red Book untouched for several days, but because of the time of year, he agreed to have a few nights off from writing it. However, it was time he started it again, or he would never want to continue the Red Book, and there was much to write about and remember before all the memories were gone.

This was the first night that Merry had been in a sullen mood. The whole night during dinner, Merry did not talk much and seemed that he had a burden on his mind. During dinner, Pippin, Frodo, and Sam did much of the talking, but the tension had been there, and everyone thought that there was something amiss, for a quiet Merry was an indicator that something was wrong.

“What is it, dear Merry?” asked Frodo with concern. “I’ve noticed that you have not been yourself tonight, which is odd considering that only last night you were cracking the best jokes at the Golden Perch while Pippin was drinking himself into a swoon,” said Frodo with a grin. “Is it because you did something to Estella last night that caused much unrest between you two?” teased Frodo.

Merry smiled a small grin to the relief of Frodo, but the smile quickly faded away. “Frodo, so many events happened after our Fellowship broke… I…” Merry drifted off, staring out into the window. But he quickly composed himself and whispered, “I often forgot about you and Sam and the true Quest…. And I feel guilty about that,” Merry finished rapidly, looking down upon his hairy feet.

“Silly Brandybuck, is that all?” asked Frodo.

Merry looked up with surprise. “What do you mean that’s all? It’s always been in the back of my mind because….i mean… you and Sam mean a lot to me and especially during the times when I was with the Rohirrim and during the time that Pippin parted from me, I felt lonely and afraid, but did not ever think of how you might be suffering in your journey into Mordor. I just felt so selfish even during that time… a short instance though it may be.”

Frodo put his arm around Merry’s shoulder. “You need not be guilty about that. Everyone was involved in their own adventures, so that it’s easy to lose sight of what others have to do. I thought about you as well, but obviously during the dark days in Mordor, I would forget because our own lives were at stake. It is expected, dear Merry, that one can forget others during times of extreme peril. But that does not mean that you should feel guilty. I’m glad that you looked after our fool of a Took more. Sam and I managed well in spite of an plotting and mysterious Gollum, but the important thing is that we made it through.”

Merry looked at Frodo with deep admiration and respect. “So you do not find it offensive and inconsiderate on my part for not thinking about you and not following you to the end as I had promised at Crickhollow? I so indeed wanted to, Frodo… you know I would have gone into even Mordor with you…. Till the very bitter end as I had said.”

“Dear Merry, it was not meant to be that the whole Fellowship would be together till the end. I needed to protect you and Pippin and the others from the power of the Ring. I could not have you go into Mordor with me. Already, Boromir had fallen to the Ring---“

“Boromir fell to the Ring?” asked Merry in disbelief and shock. “Is that why---“

“Yes, Merry. That is the ultimate reason on why I decided to part from the Fellowship during that fateful day at Parth Galen. I did not even want to bring Sam with me, but he guessed my mind,” said Frodo.

“Guessed what, Mr. Frodo?” asked Sam, as he came in with Pippin at his heels. They brought in some cram cakes with some chamomile tea. “Guessed that it’s time for a snack after second dinner?” asked Sam with a grin.

“Hey Frodo! Is Merry bothering you while you’re writing the book? I did tell that silly Brandybuck not to impede upon you while you write are writing down our tale. Or maybe he opened up after a quiet night of being uncharacteristically a Brandybuck… are you feeling all right?” Pippin turned to Merry with concern.

“I’m fine now, thank you very much… just needed a talk with the elder cousin, mind you,” replied Merry cheerfully.

“Want to tell all of us, what was on your mind though? I mean I'm sure I know half of it already, or my name is not Peregrin Took,” said Pippin with a mouth full of cram cake.

“Now what did you already know, pray? You inquisitive Took… always full of questions and now food in your mouth.” Merry rolled his eyes but looked at Pippin with amusement.

“Well maybe Sam has something to say about your worries and concerns too. He’s been asking what happened to you at dinner… looking all distressed and such.”

“Ha, shrewd Sam—guessing my cousin’s mind in Parth Galen, and now guessing my mind. I guess the Quest did change you to be more quick-witted, didn’t it, Sam?” said Merry with a chuckle.

“Well… a bit sir, just a bit,” Sam blushed. “Got me worried, when you didn’t help yourself to ‘nother helping of mushroom pie tonight.”

So the tale was repeated again about Merry’s guilty feelings in forgetting Frodo and Sam’s Quest while riding out with the Rohirrim. Sam nodded sympathetically to all that was said and agreed with Frodo that it was not Merry’s fault at all for forgetting even one moment.

“Like Mr. Frodo must’ve said, we were all involved in our separate adventures, either in a better part of the adventure or durin’ the part of horrible danger. I’m glad that you met such fine folk in Rohan, and that they took care of you while they could. It was mighty brave of you to be with strangers for much of the journey to Minas Tirith. But, Mr. Merry, you don’t need to feel guilty about not thinking about us… there’s just too much to think about at times, and Mr. Frodo and I don’t fault you for not thinking about us all the time,” said Sam.

“Besides, you’re not the only one who forgot…” said Pippin with a small burp. “I forgot too. I know, I know… I should’ve thought more as well, but during the whole trip with Gandalf to Minas Tirith, I did not mention one word about you guys. I was just too scared. I was going off to a strange place, without you, Merry. And also the Palantír gave me a great fright,” said Pippin with a shudder.
<
Frodo moved over to put his arm on Pippin’s shoulder to comfort him. “Don’t worry, Ernil I Pheriannath , I do not hold a grudge against you either for being so brave by ‘communicating’ with Sauron, and I am especially impressed with your bravery in going through what you’ve gone through in Minas Tirith and also at the Black Gate,” said Frodo with tenderness and respect.

Frodo continued and looked meaningfully into all the hobbits’ faces, “There are always things that you feel like you should think more of during times of difficulty and danger. However, events affect and shape how and what we think, and it would be unexpected to think of anything else but your own situation during the War of the Ring. What’s most important is that we are all together alive, back in the Shire,” said Frodo.

And with that he raised his mug, and said softly, “To us, hobbits, for showing the greater world of Middle-Earth the genuine worth of our kind; and also for all of you for sticking with me through thick and thin, not only with physical presence, but in thoughts as well.”

~fin~

Many thanks to ethereal_hobbit for beta-ing. =) ::hugs::