Chapter 1

25, March 1420

“Happy New Year, Frodo!”

“Hey Pip, what a pleasant surprise! Oh yes, today is the Gondorian New Year, I almost forgot! What are you doing here?” asked Frodo as he opened the door to the Cotton’s house, which he was staying at.

“I came to see how you were doing,” responded Pippin enthusiastically as he gave his elder cousin a big hug. “Merry couldn’t be here because he has some business to tend to in Buckland, but he thought it would be good for one of us to pay you and Sam a visit because it has been a year since the Quest was officially over, and I thought I should like to see how you’re doing. And also to see if Sam remembered so that he could cook us a good meal commemorating the event,” said Pippin slyly with a mischievous grin on his face.

“Sam definitely remembered. This morning we had a great breakfast and elevenses with many cakes about. You should’ve come earlier… the food’s gone now,” replied Frodo with a grin.

The hobbits went for a walk in the clear, beautiful day. It was hard to believe that it had already been a year since Frodo and Sam had finally reached Mount Doom and destroyed the Ring.

“A year ago was when I first had slain the troll. I was so angry, but it is a part that definitely is going into your book, Frodo!” said Pippin. But then his smile faded and his face looked troubled even though the sun glistened on top of his brown curls and the birds chirped cheerily in the backdrop of where they were walking. “I was so depressed at that moment, and all hope left me when the dreaded Mouth of Sauron came out with your things… ” Pippin’s voice drifted and some tears formed in his eyes.

“Oh Pippin!” Frodo hugged Pippin closely. “It’s over; there is nothing to fear. I’m alive; we’re alive. We’re back. It’s a happy new year for the Gondorians, and we should smile to know that we succeeded. And all of Gondor knows and remembers what a brave Ernil I Pheriannath you are.”

Pippin sighed. “I know Frodo, but have you ever experienced the feeling of having no more hope left, but just letting all your frustrations and despair out with violence? When I stabbed upwards to the troll and it crashed down upon me, I saw a glimmer of hope, like at the time the eagles were coming, and then I thought I strayed into another’s dream and then saw nothing anymore. I couldn’t believe, or did not want to believe that you were gone, but at that moment, I did not care. I just did not care…” Pippin’s voice trailed as tears formed in his eyes.

Frodo held Pippin closely but did not know what to say. He had his own horrible memory of this Gondorian New Year’s Day but did not want to think about his time in Mount Doom. He’d rather not dwell on the memories he would not even dare to write in the Red Book himself. Twelve days had passed since his strange illness, and he was not ready to relive the dark thoughts of that day and share to his cousin. Or to anyone.

Seeing Frodo’s distant expression, Pippin said, “I’m sorry, Frodo. I did not mean to upset you. I just had to tell someone about the other more negative side of this day. Merry wasn’t with me when I rode out to the Black Gate, and I learned to manage my feelings at that moment and tried not to care, but it was hard; it was hard, but then again, what else can one do in the face of battle other than move on?”

Frodo looked into the clear green eyes of Pippin. He saw strength there that was beyond his cousin’s tweenage years, and he momentarily saw a vision of Pippin as he would be: the strong, wise Thain of Tookland that would rise above all his ancestors to protect the Shire for generations to come.

“What can one do in any situation other than move on, dear cousin? We’ve all changed in the face of adversity, in the face of grief, in the face of difficulty that was laid before us in this Quest quite unpredictably, and I think we’ve all dealt with our different situations with great, strong, resilient hobbity strength.” Frodo’s words trailed off. He meant what he said, but he felt that he was saying it also to comfort himself as well.

“Frodo, I look up to you. You are indeed the strongest one among us. You’ve been through so much, so much. I guess that is why I wanted to talk to you about my feelings during that moment, that day. But I know you have your own pains and memories. How are you faring?” Pippin peered with concern into Frodo’s deep blue eyes, which looked ever so seriously into Pippin’s.

“I’m all right… just writing the Red Book… many memories to be accounted for indeed,” replied Frodo wryly. “No need to worry about me, silly Took.” But Frodo looked away from Pippin, trying hard to maintain his composure, fearing that memories would indeed flood back to haunt him. But none did at the moment, and he was glad that it was still bright in the Shire. The wind was calm and at that moment, light, warm breezes swept through the Shire to hearten and cheer the hearts of anyone who was feeling melancholy.

Pippin continued to glance admirably at Frodo. He was not totally convinced at Frodo’s words, but he did not wish to press Frodo when he himself had started talking about the events of March 25th, a year ago.

Pippin broke the silence. “Well, I think the whole of Gondor is having a good day. The first year of having a true King run their lands and the recent letter from Aragorn sounds very optimistic. The lands of North and South Ithilien that had once been deserted are now being populated again. In the past year, Aragorn says that many peace accords have been made with the people in Harad and with the Easterlings to ensure that there are no more disputes. He has also traveled North to Esgaroth to understand those policies better. I wonder if he’ll come here to pay us a visit sometime instead of just writing letters.” Pippin looked pensive.

Pippin’s words brought Frodo back from his own thoughts.
“Or maybe you should pay a visit to him, you lazy Took,” teased Frodo with a smile. “You are Knight of Gondor, after all.”

Pippin pretended to look hurt, “Oh cousin Frodo, my family has been ever so protective against me going anywhere other than to Hobbiton ever since my ‘disappearance’ last year with you on our journey. I do not think they’ll let the future Thain go tramping across Middle Earth for a long time…. Alas, Merry and I do want to go back to Rohan and Gondor to see how our kingdoms are,” said Pippin dramatically.

“Your kingdoms?” Frodo choked back a laugh. “You hobbits are knights and have sworn service, but that does not mean they’re your kingdoms,” Frodo joked back. But Frodo’s face soon turned serious again as he said, “I’m sure that they’ll let you go tramping about again soon.”

“Well, you know what I mean. And yes, I think that it won’t be long till Merry and I will indeed get too restless and maybe travel to all the lands that we’ve been to before. Old Treebeard… I wonder sometimes, whether or not he has found the Entwives yet…”

“That is quite a story that you have yet to tell me about, Pippin. I need more details for the Red Book soon too. Whenever you or Merry have a chance…” Frodo said.

“I’ll tell about you about them now. Since it is a hopeful and cheery story after all. It does match this wonderful weather. Spring has indeed come on the New Year, hasn’t it? It was good to have a big tree-herder take care of you after that awful trek with those orcs, even though there were many battles and conflicts going on surrounding Fangorn…”

“I’m sure you’ll make a good story-teller too, dear Pippin. So shall we begin?”

“Begin?”

“Yes. Well, I thought you wanted to talk about your adventures with the Ents.”

“Without Merry?”

“He doesn’t have to know about this preliminary consultation,” said Frodo with a wink.

“Yes, I’ll give you my side of the story, and perhaps he can tell you more the next time he comes. Or maybe when you come to Crickhollow.”

“Yes, of course, Pip, of course. Now let me get the papers, and you can start.”

And with the encouragement of Frodo and the unquenchable cheerfulness and eagerness of Pippin, the first draft of Book 3, Chapter 4 was written on that fine New Year’s Day.

TBC

Chapter 2

“Hmmpph… I deserve all the best dinner foods for this service I gave to you, Frodo,” said Pippin after he had spent the past hour talking about Treebeard and the Ents. “You owe me, Frodo. I cannot believe you’re spending New Year’s still writing your book. We should’ve done something fun,” Pippin pretended to pout with a slight grin on his face.

“Why, this is fun, isn’t it, Pip? I think this is one of the best parts of the journey, save perhaps maybe the baths and stories during our brief time in Crickhollow. I’d rather write about this than anything else,” replied Frodo.

“True, there are far more terrible times to write about. How do you manage, Frodo? I do not think you should think about writing until… until… maybe later after … for a while until you feel better.”

“And how do you know I’m not fine, silly Took?” Frodo tried hard to keep the lively nature of the day and the conversation going.

“I know,” said Pippin simply. “So, how about you come to Buckland to see Merry with me? It’ll be good break from writing and remembering.”

“Maybe.”

“Just maybe? Why?”

“Pip, I don’t want this project to linger that much either. And perhaps not all memories will stay. I mean, I think I need much help from Sam to write the parts in Mordor….” Frodo’s voice trailed.

“See, cousin, you can’t even talk about it that well. Take a rest; don’t worry so much,” recommended Pippin.

Frodo thought back to what happened twelve days ago when he indeed grew ill and had memories flood back to him with great ferocity. He had hardly remembered anything other than feeling darkness and pain try to smother him, and the memories from the time in Cirith Ungol had emerged back to his mind with such aggression that depression and despair had strongly grasped at him, not wanting to let go. The red illuminated heart of Sammath Naur filled his mind with dread, as he saw himself do something that he had not intended to do but in his heart had known he would succumb before the end. It had indeed been a year since he had betrayed Middle-Earth. Frodo involuntarily reached for the Evenstar and it seemed that suddenly the sun had moved into the cloud, shading the day from the brightness it was marked with before. His heart pounded loudly, and he feared everyone would know about the guiltiness he still possessed.

“Frodo? Are you all right?”

Frodo had turned a bit pale and seemed preoccupied with his own thoughts. He kept on rubbing the jewel.

“Frodo? Frodo!”

Frodo turned to Pippin, oblivious to the fact that he had been acting oddly for a while now. Frodo absent-mindedly replied, “I’m sorry I failed…”

“Are you all right? And what do you mean, ‘you failed’? Please tell me what is wrong.” Pippin placed his hand on Frodo’s arm.

“It’s nothing… just… some … darkness,” Frodo stopped, looked away, and said nothing more.

“Darkness? Frodo, tell me,” pleaded Pippin, looking deep into his cousin’s eyes, wrought with such concern and worry that Frodo indeed felt pressured to share his pain with his dear cousin.

“I presume we all still have dark memories to combat…and mine are no less easy to face,” Frodo said slowly and reluctantly.

“Yes, I know that, dear Frodo. Do you want to speak more about it? I think it’ll be better if you did. It’s only fair, Frodo… I did tell you what I still remembered from a year ago. You should share your burdens too,” said Pippin, putting an arm around Frodo’s shoulder.

Frodo trembled but whispered to Pippin, “I’m not sure if you know, but I did not succeed at the end; I really did not…Only Sam knows what happened in the deep of Mount Doom that day, and I still am not comfortable in the truth of the matter.” Frodo paused and looked at Pippin’s confused look, but then continued, “I do not understand the Lay they have about me, for I am not someone that should be sung about. If there was a hero, it should be Sam, for without him, I really would not have gone as far as I had gone.”

Frodo sighed loudly.

“I’m really not as admirable as you think I am, Pip. I did not do anything right for the Quest and gave myself away at the end.”

“Frodo, you did what you could, and that’s all that matters, isn’t it? You were pursuing a most hopeless Quest for what I’ve gathered, and for you to even be willing is something by itself to be proud about. I had not the courage to take the Ring at all,” said Pippin. “Be proud of what you were able to achieve.” Pippin did not want to press what exactly happened at Mount Doom, but he had an idea that Frodo’s missing finger had everything to do with it. Many times in the past year, he and Merry would try to press Sam to tell them the truth, but Sam had declined to tell each time and had insisted that Frodo would tell them too as time went on.

Frodo smiled amidst the heaviness that still weighed in his heart, “I suppose I had no choice in the matter though, dear Pippin. But there really isn’t anything to be proud of or to remember during such a tiring, hopeless Quest.”

“You made it through with us though, Frodo. Please remember that and know that you have some sort of strength to be able to endure. In Minas Tirith, Gandalf told me he thought that you were ‘bronwe athan harthad’, endurance beyond hope… How you maintained so much endurance and resilience in such a Quest is not to be belittled and thought less in importance.” Pippin hugged Frodo fiercely. “I’m glad that you’re alive with me.”

“I am too, Pippin,” Frodo was too touched to say anything. He had never heard the Elvish phrase before, and it was flattering that it came out of Pippin’s mouth, since Pippin knew almost no Elvish. The heaviness in his heart lifted a bit, for he felt indeed quite fortunate to still be among those that he loved. The challenge was how to forgive himself of the guiltiness that he possessed that no one but he could eradicate. If indeed it was even possible.

There were a few minutes of silence as both cousins just cherished the fact that they were alive and still together after all that they had been through. It was almost dusk, and the sun was setting but illuminating red, pink, and orange colors upon the clouds, making a beautiful collage portraying the evening Shire sky. The breeze turned slightly cool, but not enough to make it bitterly cold or uncomfortable.

Frodo broke the silence, ”I guess I’ll come for a bit to Buckland. Sam is hardly here anyway, and I do not feel always right for impeding upon the Cottons. Once Bag End is restored, I will go back, but yes, I should visit Buckland again …till then.”

“Yes! I’m so glad I convinced you! Merry and I were having a bet---”

“What? You hobbits bet whether or not I would come to Buckland?” grinned Frodo. “You should know that I would, eventually.”

“From how Sam described you, we were worried that you would be stubborn in saying ‘no’,” Pippin replied with a smile. “I’m glad you are though. We miss you.”

“I’m glad I am too, Pippin. Now shall we go back home to see what the Cottons have prepared? I’m sure you’re hungry after all that story-telling and such,” said Frodo

Pippin sprang up and exclaimed, “Last one there does not get any dessert!”

“That is hardly fair; do you know how old your cousin Frodo is?” replied Frodo with a grin, as he slowly jogged and followed Pippin back to the Cottons.

“Silly Took, what would I do without you?” Frodo said as they reached the door.

“No… you’ll never be without me; what ever gave you that silly thought?” replied Pippin nonchalantly.

Frodo put his arm on Pippin’s shoulder and replied, “Thanks, Pippin… Thanks for coming to Hobbiton. Happy Gondorian New Year, dear cousin.”

~**fin***~