Chapter Fifty Seven

Aragorn had been sitting patiently, waiting for Legolas to wake up. He spent most of that time watching the elf sleep, as he turned over in his mind all that his father had said.

Mordraug was gone, and Legolas was free of him! That evil creature would never be able to hurt anyone again. That fact alone lifted the ranger’s spirits. He was also exceedingly happy that Elrond had talked Legolas into returning from the refuge in his mind. It was not the first time the man had been a witness to Legolas’s retreat there. However, it was the first time he feared that the elf might want to remain there. He tried to put himself in the archer’s place, contemplating any life, much less an immortal one, without movement, but trying to do so was simply too painful. It was also a waste of time, so he pushed the thought aside.

As always, he made himself believe that Legolas would recover. At no time had he truly given up hope that there would be a time in the not too distant future, when he and his elven friend would be in the woods again, hunting and camping, just as they had done so very many times before. ‘Call me an optimist, but Legolas will be his old self again.’

The ranger looked over at his father. Elrond was still sitting with his eyes closed and leaning his head against the chair back. He wished that there was some way to restore the energy that had obviously been expended in his battle with Mordraug. The man knew, though, that only time would bring the elf lord back to full strength.

Aragorn was still upset that Vilya could not be used to restore Legolas. It would have been such a simple thing for the ring’s power to accomplish. Yet, the ranger understood why it would not happen. Since the time a curious human teenager had first asked and been told about the Ring of Air on his father’s finger, he had known what the ring was meant to do, and what it was not meant to do. However, at this moment, that knowledge was of little comfort. It was his heart that yearned for an exception to be made, even if none had ever been made before.

The twins were still sitting on the floor, quietly conversing with each other, their dark heads almost touching. There was both worry and hope on their faces, as they talked. Aragorn was sure that the woodland warrior was the center of their conversation. He thought briefly of joining them but decided against it. He did not want to be away from the bed even a few feet, when Legolas awoke.

The ranger wasn’t surprised to discover that Glorfindel had left the room unnoticed. Like all elves, he was exceedingly stealthy, making no noise, as he moved. The man would not be startled to find the elder golden-haired elf suddenly appear again, when he finished with the task that had taken him away from this room.

Thus Aragorn’s attention came back to his friend. *Please wake up. Legolas.* he found himself saying. He stared hard at the wood elf, willing him to open his eyes. It took him a moment to realize that something had changed. Legolas was lying as still and quiet as he had been, but... Then the man knew. *He’s awake!*

The joy he felt almost compelled him to say something out loud, and then he realized that if Legolas wanted anyone to know he was back with them, he would have made that known already. The man was confused until he thought it over. Would he himself want to face what he knew the elf soon would: the inquiries as to how he felt, the endless words of encouragement, the possible pity? He knew none there would hold out pity, but there would inevitably be sympathy. He wasn’t so sure he wouldn’t have delayed letting everyone know.

Without thinking, Aragorn reached for Legolas’s left hand and squeezed it, in an effort to offer silent support. Then, he almost recoiled in shock, as it hit him that Legolas could not feel the pressure. Aragorn groaned inwardly at what he considered a thoughtless gesture, though it was done out of love. *He cannot feel, you idiot,* the man berated himself. ‘That’s what this is all about.’

Elrond had seen the gesture and the result it brought. “He knows,” he said softly, “even if he cannot physically feel you. Do not feel guilty about what you did.”

Aragorn jumped at the sound and let go of Legolas’s hand. His face took on a look of sadness. “I did not think,” was all Aragorn could say. It didn’t seem to occur to him that no harm had been done. Legolas had not known what he had done and would not now be feeling worse because of it, yet the man’s voice held a note of shame.

It was then that Legolas knew he had to make known the fact that he was awake. He could no longer deceive those that were concerned for him. Whatever awaited him, he had to begin facing it. So with an inward sigh of determination, the young elf opened his eyes, “I am awake.” His voice was slightly distorted due to the brace that encircled his jaws, making it impossible for him to properly open his mouth. He fought to hold back a frown.

Aragorn immediately stood up and leaned over, so Legolas could see him clearly. He smiled broadly at the elf, who tried to smile back. It wasn’t a totally successful attempt but his blue-gray eyes reflected his true feelings. No matter what else was involved, he was happy to see his best friend smiling down at him.

“Welcome back, mellon nin,” the ranger said.

Suddenly, two identical heads came into Legolas’s view. Both faces were smiling, as well. “Yes,” Elladan said, “welcome back.”

“Give him room,” Elrond said, rising and gently pulling each of the twins back. He understood his sons’ need to greet their friend, but he also knew how intimidating it could be to open your eyes and see several people hovering right above you.

Aragorn also raised up, when he saw his father lean forward, so Legolas could see him.

Elrond nodded at the prince. “Your open eyes are a welcome sight.”

“I promised you I would come back, and I am here.”

“I did not doubt that you would join us, when your head had cleared from the fall.”

Legolas wanted to shake his head but knew that trying was not a good idea, even if the brace had allowed it. Instead, he simply said, “I do not think my head is very clear, but I could no longer wait to let you know that I am ready to do whatever I need to do to get my body back.”

Elrond’s frown was not encouraging to anyone in the room, least of all Legolas. “There is nothing you can do to hasten a recovery, Legolas,” the elf lord reluctantly informed the prince.

“What do you mean?” Legolas’s voice denoted his shock at the elf lord’s words. “I came back to try and banish the paralysis and gain movement. You said...”

“I said I believed you would recover. And, I still do. However, that recovery will have to come on its own.”

“I am to just lie here and wait?” the young elf wailed.

“There is swelling in your neck. I believe now that is the bulge I felt, when I first examined you. When the swelling goes down, we will know the extent of the damage that was done and if any of it lingers.”

Legolas stared at Elrond, feeling somewhat betrayed. It was true that Elrond had never said that there was anything he would be required to physically do to participate in his own recovery. That was an assumption on his part, yet it was a logical one. At no time had Elrond told him he would have to just lie on a bed and endure motionlessness until such a time as his body did or did not right itself. The realization that such was the case dismayed him. “There is naught I can do?” he asked, hoping that this time Elrond would have a suggestion for another course of action.

When Aragorn and the twins realized what Legolas had thought would happen, they felt a pang of sympathy for their woodland friend. They, of course, had known what was coming.

With a look of deep disappointment, Legolas said, “I should have stayed in Greenwood.”

“No!” Aragorn almost shouted. “You should not have stayed there. I know you are disappointed, but you must hang on, Legolas. You must wait, as hard as that will be, until your body begins to respond to the decreased swelling. We all believe as Ada does. You will recover the full function of your body. I know it.”

It was Legolas’s turn to bestow a sympathetic look, as he gazed up at his friend. The ranger was so determined that he would be fine. It was at that moment that Legolas knew he could not give in to despair. He felt that doing so would be letting Estel down, never mind himself.

“Have faith, That is what you can do,” Elrohir said.

“I will.”

After a few moments of silence, Elrond broached another subject that he was afraid might prove to be delicate. “We need to send word to your father about this.”

“No!” Legolas said rather loudly. “You cannot tell him.”

“He needs to know, Legolas,” Elrond said calmly. “The last time I kept word of your condition from him,” he paused. “Well, it was unpleasant, to say the very least.”

Legolas wanted to shake his head this time, too. Again he had to settle for words only. “I would not have him know that I tried to kill myself. He would be so ashamed of me, considering such an action as cowardly.”

Aragorn did shake his head. “He would not think that of you, when he knows why you did it. He loves you too much.”

“My father does love me. I know this well. But, he harbors a pride in his children that sometimes exceeds reason. There have been times, when we have done things that brought about a great disappointment in us. It would break his heart, if he knew what I had done. He would believe that there must have been another way to solve the problem. I could not bear to look into his eyes and see the disillusionment there. No matter what I did after this, I could never regain his pride in me. Never.” The very thought of it almost brought tears to the young archer’s eyes.

“I think you underestimate Thranduil,” Elrond said. “I saw him with you, when he was here. He could never be anything but proud of you.”

“What happened to me before was not my fault. What has happened to bring me to this state is entirely of my doing.”

“That is not correct,” Elladan told him firmly. “Mordraug is the only one at fault here. Thranduil, as much as anyone, would understand that, considering what the Avari had done to you now and to the elves of Mirkwood centuries ago.”

“You still do not understand,” Legolas said desperately. “You do not know how fiercely my father believes in fighting the enemy, not giving in to it. That is why the Shadow has been held to a slow advance. My father has tenaciously fought to keep every inch of the forest he can. He would never accept my giving in to Mordraug. He would try to forgive me. But, in the end, he could not. He would love me still. I know that would never change, but it would never be the same between us.”

“Legolas...” Aragorn began.

“No, Estel, I cannot take the chance. He must never learn of this.”

“How do you propose to keep it from him? It will take time before you are fully well,” Aragorn said, still sure that would be the end result. “He expects that you are recovered from the journey back from the valley forest and will be returning home soon. A few more days, I would guess.”

“And, if he has not received word that you are leaving here soon, he will be demanding to know why,” Elrohir added. He looked at Elladan, who nodded his agreement.

“I will think of something to tell him.” Legolas stated, much more sure than he felt. He knew his father. Thranduil had his faults, but being put off when he wanted to know something was not one of them.

“You would have to lie to him, Legolas,” Aragorn said, “and that is not you.”

“This time it is.”

Aragorn tried another argument. “You would be asking all of us to lie to him, too.” The man was trying his hardest to get the elf to see reason. Legolas’s closed eyes told him he wasn’t succeeding in doing more than making the young archer feel guilty.

The mood in the room, which had been a joyous one when Legolas first awoke, had now become tense. The argument had turned into a battle of wills, and this time it did not look as if Elrond and his opinion would come out the victor.

The elf lord narrowed his eyes. What frightened him was that, if Legolas did not get his way, he could easily retreat back into his mind and he would be lost to them. With a sigh, Elrond said, “We have a day or two before Thranduil will be expecting word from us, so there is still time to settle this matter.”

“It will not change anything,” Legolas told him stubbornly, blue-gray eyes now staring directly into Elrond‘s gray ones.

“We will see,” he replied softly. He then turned to the twins, making sure he was out of Legolas’s line of sight. Once he got their attention, he nodded his head toward the door.

Turning back to Legolas, Elladan leaned forward slightly and said, “I think Elrohir and I will leave you for a while. Much has happened, and you need your rest,” he assured, nodding and smiling at the prince. He withdrew quietly.

The younger twin grinned. “We will not be far.“

“I will withdraw, as well,” Elrond said. He looked at Legolas. “Try to rest and do not let your mind become agitated. All will work out as it should.” With those words, the elf lord followed his two elven sons out of the room, leaving his human foster son with the injured wood elf.

After a moment of silence, Aragorn spoke up. “What do you want to talk about?”

Legolas gave the ranger a sad smile. “You do not need to entertain me, Estel. We both know the situation I am in far too well for us to engage in meaningless words.”

“Meaningless?” the man questioned indignantly. “I was not aware that my conversations were thought to be anything but profound.”

Legolas knew, of course, what the man was attempting. He appreciated it, and try as he might, he couldn’t be angry or even exasperated at his friend. “You are hopeless, Estel.”

“So I’ve been told by more than one person.” He sighed.

Continuing the banter would soon become forced, so he decided to level with the elf, hoping the archer would level with him in return. “How do you want me to act around you, Legolas? I do not want us to dance around any issue, no matter how serious. We have never been anything but honest with each other. Just tell me what you expect from me.”

Legolas followed the ranger with his eyes, as the man lowered himself back into the chair and pulled it up as close to the bed as possible. It was rare that the hyman asked such questions. He usually reacted however his instincts demanded. The fact that he had asked at all pointed up the unusual nature of the situation.

“Estel, I may be paralyzed, but I am still myself. At least, I am working on getting back to that point. I do not want you to feel that you cannot be yourself around me. And please, if you should make a reference to anything about my previous ability to run, walk, ride, climb trees, swim or anything else regarding movement, do not feel self-conscious about it. Apologizing for that would make me feel worse than whatever you said to begin with ever could. Have I your word?”

There was a pleading in Legolas’s eyes that called to the ranger’s heart. He knew he could not do anything to cause his friend any more sadness than he must already fee;. “I will treat you the same as I always have,” Aragorn said. He hoped he had kept his voice even and not filled with the sorrow he was determined to hide.

With a smile that was only partially forced, Aragorn asked, “Would you like me to open the window?”

“Please. I would love to feel the fresh air.”

Aragorn stood up and went to the narrow window next to the bed on the same side where he was sitting. He unlatched the small wooden frame and pushed it outward. Immediately, a gentle breeze made its way into the room.

Legolas could only detect a tiny movement of air across his face, but it felt good. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the warm breeze. “That is nice, Estel. Thank you.”

“Can I get you anything? Some water perhaps?”

It wasn’t until the man asked that Legolas realized how dry his mouth and throat were. “That would be nice, as well.”

A quick glance showed Aragorn that the pitcher on the small table in one corner was empty. He grabbed it. “I’ll be right back.” He quickly hurried from the room in search of water.

Legolas sighed. It was the first time he had been alone since waking up. That was not surprising. What was surprising was the fact that he wanted to be alone. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to move his body.

He again thought back to the elf, who had fallen from the cliff and been paralyzed as he himself now was. That elf had been married with several children. Despite the fact that his family was happy just to have him with them, he could not face life unable to provide for his family or continue his duty as a warrior, something he loved doing. The elf had grieved for his lost life until he passed beyond this world. Legolas had questioned that decision back then. Now, he fully understood why that elf had chosen death.

Death. He had experienced that already. The flight his spirit had taken before being given the choice to return had been phenomenal. He had almost reached the Halls of Mandos where he was sure his Naneth was waiting for him. Would making that journey once more be so hard? Wouldn’t his Naneth be overjoyed to see him again?

Suddenly intruding into these almost pleasant thoughts were the words of Elrond telling him that Eru had saved him for a purpose. He couldn‘t avoid a tinge of bitterness, as he stared upward and asked, “What purpose, Eru? I cannot move, so what did you save me for?”

So many questions. It was maddening, because he didn’t have the answers to any of them.

TBC