Chapter Sixty

The very hour that movement returned to Legolas, he began working hard to get the feeling that had manifested itself in the fingers on his right hand to spread throughout his entire body. It was slow going, but gradually feeling and movement increased until he could once again command fingers, toes, arms legs and feet. He still did not have a great deal of strength nor full range of motion, but he knew it wouldn’t be long until he had both.

The prince’s attitude had also taken a dramatic turn for the better. He was much more pleasant to be around. He demonstrated his eagerness, bordering on obsession, to do what he was supposed to do and was rewarded with positive results.

Physical progress was not the only thing that had given him such a lift to his spirit. The thing he was most proud of was the fact that he had reclaimed his courage before feeling returned to him. It would have been so easy to become the lighthearted elf he had always been, if he had known that his return to life as a warrior was in his future. It had been much harder to reclaim himself, not having had that knowledge. Yet, he had done it.

Retreating into his mind until his spirit departed for the Halls of Mandos had been a near thing. So near, in fact, that he still shuddered to think how close he had come to throwing his life away. ‘I did not give up and flee into my mind.’ he told himself with a small smile. He knew that from now on going to his own private Greenwood would be a journey of light and joy, not a retreat of guilt and shame.

“Why are you smiling?” Aragorn asked, as the ranger walked into the room and approached the bed.

“Have you ever done something that made you proud of yourself?”

The man was a bit taken back by the question, since he was actually expecting Legolas to tell him about some new ability he had regained. He recovered quickly and nodded. “More that once.” The elf’s smile was contagious, so he offered one of his own. “There have been times when I almost applauded myself.”

“Almost?” the elf asked with raised eyebrows. He knew that every so often his friend tended to gloat over some deed he had done.

“Well, once I did applaud myself. There was no one else around to do it for me.”

The sheepish look on the ranger’s face made Legolas laugh. “You will have to tell me about it one day.”

“I can tell you about it right now.”

“Oh, you are so proud of yourself the story can wait no longer. Very well, what did you do to elicit such a reaction on your own behalf?”

“I broke up a pile of dead tree branches and leaves that had dammed up a stream so that it was threatening to flood a small, nearby farm. I did it single handedly.”

Legolas stared at the ranger. “That was good of you, Estel. But, you have done many things far more heroic than that.”

“But, you see, I was only ten years old at the time. In fact, it was only about a month after I had first met you. I actually did it because of you.”

“Because of me?” The elf was clearly puzzled. “How so?”

“I had this image in my mind of a very brave elven Warrior Prince. I had heard the farmer’s fear of the rising water washing away his recently planted crops, and I thought about what you would have done in that situation. I already told you I was very in awe of you, once I got over the fear that my irascible brothers had instilled in me, regarding your penchant for eating small human children.”

Legolas laughed at the memory of that human child, running from him in wide-eyed terror. As for the hero worship, Legolas wasn’t sure what to say.

Aragorn spared him the effort of coming up with something, when he continued with his story. “I told myself, ‘Legolas would go right out there on that pile of debris and tear it loose so the water would run down the streambed again.’ I have to admit that I thought you would be braver than I felt at the time. But, I did it. And afterward, when I stood and watched the water flow through the broken dam instead of destroying the seedlings, I clapped, because I was most pleased with what I had done.”

“Did the farmer not thank you?”

“Oh yes. But that was later. Right then I had only myself to thank me.”

“That was indeed brave for a ten year old child,” Legolas said in admiration. Yet, he couldn’t resist adding, “It was also very dangerous.”

“I heard plenty about that later, when I bragged to my brothers. They were truly frightened for me, but I told them I could do no less than the Warrior Prince of Mirkwood would have done.”

“I imagine they were impressed with that.”

“Not really,“ the ranger replied, lost for a moment in the now-humorous memory. Then, Aragorn looked at Legolas. He had not forgotten that it was the elf who had brought up the subject of self-pride in the first place, and he was curious to find out the reason behind it. “Why did you ask me if I had ever been proud of something I had done?”

Legolas hesitated for only a second before saying, “I have not told you this, Estel, but I had made up my mind to leave and retreat into my mind after my father arrived, and I had spoken with him. That is how far I had descended into despair. Then, I found myself again.”

“When you screamed.”

“Yes. I was enraged that I had let myself sink so low as to want to run away. I was determined that Mordraug would not win. So, I decided right then to face whatever I had to face here in this life. I am proud that I made that decision before the feeling came back to my fingers. If I had let the return of movement be the thing that brought me back instead of my own idea of self-worth, I would have forever seen myself as a coward, who wanted to live only if I could do things the way I always had.”

Aragorn shook his head. “You have never been and never could be a coward, Legolas. I’m glad you told me. I had been trying so hard to make you recognize the fact that you still had a worthwhile life to live, even if you remained paralyzed.”

“I know you did. I am sorry for making your life so difficult.” The elf made a face that reflected his shame. The look was not terribly serious, though his words definitely were. “I apologize for driving you crazy.”

“Well, you’ve been doing that for as long as I’ve known you. You just carried it a bit farther this time.” The ranger then leaned over and held both of the elf’s arms in a firm grip of friendship. “You’ve no idea how good it is to have my best friend back.”

“I do, Estel. I do, because I feared that my anger and frustration may have eventually driven you away.”

“That could never happen.”

Before either could say another word, a knock sounded at the door, and then Elrohir opened it and stuck his head part of the way in. “Legolas, your father is almost here. Elladan just spotted him coming up the road toward the gate. He will be right here in a few moments.”

Legolas closed his eyes and exhaled a heavy sigh. It had been three days since the message from Balardoron had arrived, and still Legolas was not sure if he was prepared to face his father. It looked now as if he would have no choice. Besides, he knew delaying the inevitable would provide him with no real solace.

The blond elf opened his eyes and looked toward Elrohir. He couldn’t really see the youngest twin, but he knew where he stood. “Elrohir, would you find Elrond for me---quickly. I need to talk to him before my father sees me.”

“I am right here, Legolas,” came the dark-haired elf lord’s voice. He walked into the room. “I was on my way from seeing another patient and thought I would look in on you. What do you require?”

“You heard Elrohir say my father is here.”

“I did. I will meet with him and tell him of your condition.”

“First, I want your permission to sit up. I do not wish to have my father see me for the first time lying flat on my back. Seeing me in this neck brace will be hard enough for him to bear. I can lean against the headboard for support. Please allow me to do this.” The prince’s bright blue-gray eyes were pleading.

“This means a lot to you.” After confirmation from the young archer. Elrond said, “I will let you sit up, Legolas, but you must be very careful.”

“I will. I promise.”

Nodding toward Aragorn, the elf lord and his foster son both grabbed onto the archer and slowly eased him up into a sitting position and then carefully pulled him backwards until his back was firmly against the wooden headboard.

They had just pulled the bedcovers up to Legolas’s waist, when the irate form of King Thranduil appeared in the doorway.

Elrohir had prudently moved aside, when he saw the imposing figure of the royal wood elf approaching.

Just as had happened the first time the king had entered a room in which his son was in a bed, injured, Thranduil, looking neither to the right nor the left, headed straight for Legolas.

As much as he wanted to grab his youngest child and hug him tightly, as he had done before, Thranduil did not dare attempt it. The sight of the meal brace around Legolas’s neck and shoulders clenched his heart and caused it to skip a beat. He had to force his breathing to remain steady, as well as force his face not to reflect the dismay he felt. Instead of the hug, Thranduil put both of Legolas’s hands between his slightly larger ones. “Ion nin.”

“We will leave you two alone to talk,” Elrond said, as he started to withdraw.

He took no more than two steps, when Thranduil’s stern voice brought him to a halt. “Do not leave, Elrond.” The king had not turned his head, as he kept his eyes on Legolas.

“Ada,” Legolas began, “please do not...”

Thranduil shook his head to silence his son‘s attempted protest. “I will handle this, Legolas.” It was then that the King of Mirkwood stood up and turned to face the Lord of Imladris. “I left my son in your care, Elrond, assured that he would recover soon from all that he had been through before. I was further assured that it would be only a few days until your sons brought him home fully recovered.

“Imagine how I felt when Cúran arrived to inform me that my son fell from his balcony and broke his neck while he was still in your care. Since Legolas has exceptional balance, even for an elf, I want to know exactly how he could have fallen.” Thranduil’s voice was cold and dangerous. It held the promise of dire consequences, if he did not get the answers he sought.

Legolas took a deep breath. He was very familiar with this particular tone of voice. It was likely the same one his father had used on the humans, who had demanded his presence in Mirkwood not long ago. However, there was one big difference here: Elrond would not be intimidated by the words or the tone.

“I want to know why my son is paralyzed!” Thranduil demanded before Elrond had a chance to say a word.

“Ada, I am not paralyzed,” Legolas quickly informed his father, realizing for the first time that Thranduil had not had the chance to discover that the feeling had returned to him.

Thranduil turned and stared at Legolas. “Cúran told me that after your fall, you were unable to move. He would never tell me such a thing, if it were not true.”

“It was true, Ada, but as I told Cúran, Elrond believed I would recover, and I have.” To confirm his words, he lifted both arms and moved both feet side to side. “You see, Ada, I am fine---for the most part.”

“For the most part?” Thranduil did not like the sound of that.

“I still have a way to go before everything moves as easily as before, but I am working hard and following the instructions given me. In a few days, I will have this neck brace off, and I will be able to get out of this bed and walk out of here.”

Thranduil, unbridled joy on his face, leaned over and kissed Legolas’s forehead. “Thank the Valar. Ion nin, that is wonderful news.” This was the voice of a loving father. He smiled at his son and gently caressed his cheek, his fingertips lingering a moment.

Turning back to Elrond, the icy mask of the elven king slipped easily into place. “How did he fall, Elrond?” Thranduil demanded again. He was sure his son had been through much anguish, and he was determined to find out how it had happened.

Elrond eyed the unhappy king evenly, his demeanor completely unruffled. “I think that whatever we discuss should be done in private. I do not wish to upset Legolas.”

“Upset Legolas?” Thranduil’s voice rose. “Look at him, Elrond, sitting there with that meal cage around his neck. How could he possibly be any more upset than having been paralyzed could be?” The elven king was not going to take no for an answer, that is until Legolas spoke up.

“I will tell you everything, Ada.” By comparison, Legolas’s voice was soft and held a note of reluctant resignation that was impossible to miss.

Thranduil’s eyes narrowed. There was something going on just under the surface here, and he did not like the feeling that that realization brought. An uncomfortable knot began to form in his stomach, as he looked at his son‘s sad face.

Legolas had already told him, and had in fact demonstrated, that he was truly no longer paralyzed. So, what could be the matter? Though not endowed with an abundance of patience, the king made the decision to wait until Legolas told him the full story. He would base his reaction on what it was he heard and felt.

Elrond inclined his head toward Thranduil, who had turned his own head and was looking at the elf lord over his shoulder. “I will be in my study, when you are ready to speak with me,” Elrond told the royal wood elf. He had no doubt that the king would show up there, when he was finished talking to Legolas.

Thranduil may not have been blessed with a full measure of patience, but he was fully cognizant of the diplomatic protocols between leaders. He inclined his head toward Elrond in recognition of the other elf’s station just before Elrond turned and left the room.

Aragorn gave Legolas an encouraging yet sympathetic smile, squeezed his arm and then followed his father out of the room. He pulled the door shut, as he passed it.

Father and son looked at each other for a long moment before Legolas spoke. “Ada, I wish you to hear me out before you say anything. Will you do that for me?”

Thranduil nodded. “Say what you have to say, ion nin. I will listen.” He did not let his words reflect his mounting sense of foreboding.

Legolas began to tell his story. He left out nothing from the time Thranduil had left to return to Mirkwood until the fateful day he had stood on the balcony with Elrond. He neither sugar-coated what had happened nor did he dramatize it. He merely related the events. Harder to reveal were the emotions that had chased each other around in his head and heart during all of those events.

Legolas never once met his father’s eyes. It was easier to tell the story with his own eyes downcast. He tried to keep his voice even, but there were times when his voice all but cracked, and more than once he had to stop and take a deep breath before continuing.

True to his word Thranduil had not said anything. He listened to every word his son uttered. At the mention of the return of Mordraug, the elven king had bristled but still kept his silence. He tried hard to convince himself that hearing the plan to force Legolas to kill his family was the cause of the foreboding he felt. Yet, he somehow knew that it was not.

“I believed that there was only one way to stop Mordraug.” Legolas forced himself to raise his eyes and look directly into the blue-gray ones so like his own. This was the first moment of truth. “Ada, I jumped off of the balcony.”

The shock that appeared on the elder elf’s face was frozen in place. After a moment, his closed mouth began working to open and say something, but it would not obey his wishes.

With an expression of deep regret, Legolas continued, preferring to continue rather than let the silence stretch out between him and his father. “At the time, I did not see any other way.

“I cannot tell you how much I regret the disappointment in me you must be feeling right now. Please forgive me for trying to take my own life. I know how you look down on those, who have done that.”

Thranduil shook himself free of his shock. He reached out and once again caressed his son’s cheek. “I am not disappointed in you. Legolas. I never could be. I think that what you have described was so much more devastating than mere words can convey. You must have felt terribly alone and terrified for what Mordraug was intending to make you do.”

“I was terrified, yes, but I was not alone. Yet, I could not see how anyone could help me. Forgive me,” the younger elf whispered again.

“It is I who should ask for your forgiveness, ion nin. I was not here to help you, when you needed me the most. It is my regret that I left you here.”

“You had to leave, Ada. You had to keep the peace at home.”

“Too often I have had to put the welfare of the realm above my own family.”

“You had no more idea that anything would happen to me after you left than I did. Elrond...”

“Elrond,” Thranduil scoffed. “I should never have trusted that half-elven. He has done nothing but let you fall victim to Mordraug’s powers.”

“You are wrong, Ada. Elrond saved me from Mordraug. He used the power of Vilya to enter my mind and defeat that dark elf.” Legolas then told his father all that had transpired inside his mind and the ultimate revenge exacted against Mordraug.

It was the description of the black tunnel that would serve as Mordraug’s eternal prison that brought a smile to the king’s face. “So, he is gone for good this time.”

“Yes. And, it would never have happened, if not for Elrond. You know yourself what he did to rid me of the venom.” Legolas looked earnestly at his father. “He deserves your utmost gratitude.”

Thranduil sighed. “I will consider it,” he replied non-commitally.

Legolas smiled, knowing that his father would end up doing more than that. He wasn’t sure, however, that there would not be a definite clearing of the air between Thranduil and Elrond before any expression of gratitude was given. But, he knew his father would eventually give Elrond his due. The archer decided not to comment further, preferring to let the two elven lords settle the matter.

“Ada, I have not quite finished the story.”

Thranduil’s attention immediately returned to his youngest child. The look on Legolas’s face did not ease the king’s heart any.

Legolas took another deep breath. This was the second moment of truth. Exhaling slowly, he continued, telling of his bad behavior while being forced to lie motionless in this very bed, thinking he would be paralyzed forever. He again took his father on a journey of his emotions and ended by telling Thranduil of the decision he had originally made to retreat into his mind until his body died and released his spirit.

Legolas almost flinched as he said the words. He had been relieved to find that his father had not condemned him for trying to kill himself, but that, at least, had been done in an effort to protect his family. This, however, was a pure act of cowardice, and he dreaded his father’s reaction.

If Thranduil had had any thoughts of disappointment in his son’s behavior and decision to flee his circumstances, one look at Legolas’s face would have driven it all away. The young archer was miserable. He was obviously waiting for some kind of reproach.

“You are expecting me to rebuke you?” Thranduil asked.

“I could not blame you, if you did. I am fully aware of how cowardly I acted.”

“No, Legolas. You could never be a coward in anything.”

A small smile crossed Legolas’s lips. “Estel said the same thing.”

“If I have agreed with a human, then it can be nothing but true.” The elder elf once again held Legolas’s hands firmly in his own. “I am, always have been and always will be proud of you, Little One. No one can know the horror of what you have been through, therefore, no one can judge you because of it. Me least of all.”

Legolas looked deep into his father’s eyes. He saw reflected there the truth behind what Thranduil had just told him. “Thank you, Ada. You have greatly lightened my heart.”

“As you have always done to mine.”

Legolas didn‘t think that he had ever been more at peace than he was at that moment. “Ada, will you do me a favor?”

“Of course, ion nin. What do you wish me to do?”

“Will you braid my hair for me?”

TBC