Chapter 12, Heartbreaking Setback

“NO!  How could you?!”  The angry shout echoed through the hallways of Lord Elrond’s home, spoiling the peace of the afternoon.   It was fortunate for those involved, Elrond himself and Elladan, that they were in the family quarters, for at this time of day there were none around to hear their suddenly heated discussion.  What had started as a pleasant conversation regarding Elrohir’s progress had escalated into a full-blown argument when Elrond had rather calmly announced that he had sent for Galadriel to help Elrohir find his memories and that she’d be arriving the next day. 

“He has been doing so well.  He is happy now…how could you do this?!” Elladan shouted as he stormed over to the window, desperately trying to reign in his fury at this father.  Unsuccessful, he whirled around and faced his father, continuing harshly,  “By what right do you do this?!”

Elrond scowled deeply.  He understood Elladan’s concern for his twin, but this was going a bit too far.  “By what right?” he questioned almost incredulously.  “I am Elrohir’s father...not to mention lord of this realm.  Not only do I have the right, but also the duty to make such a decision.  I must do what I believe is best for your brother, regardless of your opinion, Elladan.  And in this instance, I believe that Elrohir’s best chance to recover his memories is with the help of your grandmother.  And furthermore, youngling,” he added, pointing a finger at his son, “I advise you to take better care with your words before you push me too far.  They border on insolence.”

Normally any kind of rebuke from Elrond, especially one as direct as this, would cause his children to immediately rethink their positions and guard their words, but not this time.  This time, the topic was Elrohir and when it came to his twin, Elladan was willing to take on anyone and anything to keep his brother safe, even if that meant their father. 

Still, he at least tried to keep his tone respectful as he explained to his father, “Adar, if this were anyone else I would agree--as lord and healer you should decide what is best.  And even…even with Arwen or Estel I would also agree, but...but this is Elrohir!”  The elder twin clenched his fists as he added, “You should have consulted me.  He is mine!” 

Startled into amusement at the incredible possessiveness that Elladan displayed towards his twin, Elrond smiled as he clarified, “Yours?  I rather thought he belonged to himself.  But if it came to that, as his father I believe he is at least a little bit mine.”  When Elladan only glared at him at these words, Elrond continued, “My son, I know what it is to have a twin and fear for his well-being, but I am Elrohir’s father and will be the one to make any decision on how to aid his recovery.”

Oh why couldn’t his father understand?!  After all, he had had a twin as well!  Elladan continued to glare as he explained with irritation, “Of course, I did not mean ‘mine’ in the sense of ownership, Adar.  I meant…well, I meant that he is…mine…I mean, part of me…I mean…” he huffed in frustration as he realized that words were not conveying what he felt.  “Ada, it is just...” Elladan shook his head, desperate to make his father see things clearly.  “It is just...I...I cannot risk losing him,” he finally finished, willing his father to understand.

Elrond looked lovingly at his upset son as he tried to come up with the right words to make him understand.  Yes, Elrond certainly did know the desperate fear of losing a twin, so he was careful to make his voice much more understanding as he said, “Elladan, Galadriel is your brother’s best hope for regaining his memories.  You know it has been many months since his return and there is nothing more I can do for him.  I would have thought that you, above all others, would have wanted this chance for him.”

Elladan gazed at his father unhappily as he answered, “Aye...in truth, I would give everything to have him back with his memories.  Everything that is, except Elrohir himself.  I fear that if this goes wrong, we may lose him entirely.  For now, he is at least happy.  Adar, I cannot risk losing him!” he repeated almost frantically.

Elrond was sympathetic to his son’s fears, but he also knew that Elladan’s closeness to his twin in this case was clouding his judgment.  “Elladan, your brother deserves this chance to be completely healed.  I, too, worry for him, but I believe if given the choice, it is what he would choose.”

“Then why not put it to the test?” the young elf countered.  “Why not ask him?  Why did you arrange all this without our knowledge?”

“It is what Galadriel herself instructed,” Elrond explained patiently.  “If this is to work, Elrohir must have no foreknowledge of her plans.”

Elladan was well aware of the strange rules that his grandmother sometimes imposed when she worked, but that made it no easier to accept when all his instincts were telling him to grab his twin and take him far away before she arrived.  And as for that...

“So why are you only telling me all this now, when she is arriving tomorrow.  Why would you keep this from me before now?  You must have known of these plans for quite awhile if the party arrives tomorrow,” said Elladan accusingly.

Elrond smiled grimly as he answered, “Because I did not believe you would react calmly to this decision—and it appears that my belief was correct.  Furthermore, I did not want your resulting bad mood to affect Elrohir’s current mood or somehow allow him to be forewarned.  Your grandmother was clear in her instructions that Elrohir is to have no prior knowledge of what she will attempt.  No preconceptions that will hinder the process of searching for and regaining his memories.  This is too important to allow even the slightest bit of irritation on your part to warn your brother that something is amiss.”

“I can keep a secret,” Elladan said, scowling.

“Yes, but Elrohir is good at reading you.  If you are upset, he will know,” countered his father.

Elladan mentally conceded that point and then suddenly sat down on the couch as if deflated.  It was clear that nothing he could say was going to sway his father, especially if Galadriel’s party was arriving tomorrow.  With one last little feeble wisp of defiance, though, he asked smugly, “And how will you keep Elrohir from knowing tomorrow that something is going on?  It will be impossible for him to not see any of the preparations prior to the party’s arrival.  He will know something is happening.”

The grin on Elrond’s face should have warned him of the answer, “Well, my son, that will be your job...”

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It was in their sitting room several hours later that Elrohir found his twin when he returned from working in the infirmary.  Since he still would have nothing to do with horses, his ability to contribute to the realm was rather limited in many ways, so he made a point of helping out in the healing chambers any chance he could.  This meant that most afternoons were spent there with Nindal when he was not needed for other things.  He found great pleasure in helping others and his assistance had certainly come in handy today when several young elves had been injured in a training accident.  That left him, however, quite weary and glad to be done for the day.

Elrohir entered the inviting room, rubbing the back of his neck in fatigue and thinking of a nice, hot bath before dinner when he was surprised to see Elladan slumped down in one of the large chairs.  The older twin was holding a book but obviously not reading.  Tense and stiff, every line in his body bespoke of his agitation.

“Elladan, what has happened?” asked his brother, fatigue forgotten in his concern.

Elladan sat up abruptly and regarded his twin with chagrin.  So much for his insistence that he’d be able to keep his concerns from Elrohir.

He tried to deflect his brother with a too-casual, “Nothing has happened.  I am...just tired.  I have had a long day and am merely fatigued.”

Elrohir said nothing, but the look he gave Elladan spoke volumes.

“Really, it is nothing,” Elladan insisted.  “Do not be troubled,” he added, but then spoiled it by sighing deeply.

The younger twin regarded his brother for another moment and then dropped down into another chair and asked sympathetically, “Missing Estel?”

Elladan felt almost guilty at how grateful he was for the excuse Elrohir had unexpectedly handed him.  He nodded quietly and then looked away, his guilt lessened at least a bit by the fact that he really did miss their little brother.   He simply missed being with the young man, of course, but he also could have used a sympathetic ear with whom to discuss his concerns about Galadriel’s plans.

Still, Elrohir’s comments had opened up an opportunity for him to arrange for the next day’s ‘distraction.’  Since Elrond had informed him that it would be his job to keep Elrohir from seeing either the preparations or the arrival of Arwen and their grandparents, he had been trying to come up with a good plan that would take the two of them away for most of the day.  And now, the excuse of ‘missing Estel’ would play nicely into his plans.

“Aye,” he said, mentally asking Estel for forgiveness for using his absence to trick their brother, “His absence does sadden me.  But…perhaps I could be distracted from my gloom with an outing.  I have been considering a trip to the North Falls for some time, but it is rather far away and would take a fair piece of the day to go and come back.  Would you be interested in joining me there tomorrow?”

Elrohir hesitated a moment before answering.  Elladan had told him of the falls many times—it had long been a special spot for the twins, but they hadn’t gone there yet since it was at the far end of the valley and they usually would have ridden there.  Was Elladan trying to force him to get on a horse again?

His brother’s next words reassured him on that account, “We would have to set off just past dawn, as it will be a long walk, but I assure you it would be worth the trip.  Please say yes—I would dearly like to reacquaint you with one of our favorite places.”

The hopeful look on Elladan’s face convinced Elrohir as nothing else would.  He would have agreed to most anything to please his brother and so without further thought, he readily agreed to meet up with him and spend the day at the falls.

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The next day turned out to be perfect for a picnic, dawning crisp and clear.  The twins met up at first light and after a short stop in the kitchens to pick up the small feast that Lomelia had packed for them, they set off for the long walk. 

At first, Elladan had to pretend to be in a good mood.  He just had a bad feeling about this whole situation with Galadriel and couldn’t shake it.  He had started the night before to think of ways to thwart his father and grandmother’s plans and remained subdued and distracted for the first part of their journey.  After awhile, though, in the face of Elrohir’s obvious joy at the chance for an outing with just the two of them and his ensuing lighthearted chatter, Elladan couldn’t remain gloomy and eventually decided just to enjoy this day with his twin and think about his plans of sabotage later.

On the long walk, the brothers had hours in which to talk.  They talked about nothing and everything, wherever the conversation took them.  Laughter and lightness permeated their time together, so by the time they reached the falls, they were both in high spirits, buoyed up by each other’s presence as well as the breathtaking beauty of their surroundings.  Indeed, the North Falls was a glorious place!  Surrounded on three sides by cliffs, a small stream of water plunged over the high-up edge and fell so far that it turned into mist before being caught by a rocky outcropping, where it formed another small pool.  It continued down from there as a glistening waterfall, merrily splashing into a crystal-clear pool at the base of the cliff. 

The brothers unpacked their lunch and placed the skins of juice in the water to cool while they leaned back against the rocks as they soaked in the perfect tranquility of the place.  The soothing sounds of the waterfall, small birds chirping, and even the buzzing of insects lulled them into a feeling of perfect harmony as they sat together.  Wordlessly, they each lost themselves in deep thoughts until Elladan caught Elrohir staring at him, smiling.

“What?” asked the elder twin, expecting some kind of joke.

But the response was not a lighthearted jest.  Elrohir’s smile widened as he stated simply, “I am happy, Elladan.  I never expected to be, but I am.  All this…” he gestured with his hands, trying to encompass all of Rivendell in his sweeping motion, “…all this is so much more than I could have ever hoped for or imagined.  I…I cannot thank you enough, you and Estel, for finding me and bringing me here.”

Elladan smiled back at his twin.  “I am so glad,” he said quietly.  “But you need not thank us.  I would do anything to bring you happiness and I know Estel would as well.  We are only grateful to have found you.”

Elrohir glanced back at his brother and then ducked his head, almost embarrassed.  Somehow, content as he was, he still couldn’t completely accept that he was worthy of the love that these wonderful people gave him without reservation.  He therefore protested, “But you have done so much for me, and I do not feel that I could ever reciprocate.  I…I must let you know that I am so thankful for your assistance, your counsel, your companionship…your caring.  It overwhelms me at times and…I just thought you should know that I appreciate all you are to me.”

Touched almost beyond ability to respond, Elladan nonetheless was able to say quietly, “Elrohir, will you never understand what you are to me?  There is no need for thanks between the two of us, truly.  If it is my power, I will always do what I can to make you happy.”

Elrohir looked away for a moment, happy but discomfited...he really hadn’t meant for his comment to lead to a deep, meaningful conversation.  He had only wanted to share his happiness with his twin.  So, trying to bring things back to being a bit more relaxed, he grinned and then asked, “You haven’t told me much about this place, yet, Dan.  You mentioned that we had been here many times before.  Did anything interesting ever happen?”

Elladan knew exactly what Elrohir was doing, but accepted the lightening of the mood and grinned as he thought of the countless stories he could tell—this spot had been the site of many games of make-believe when the twins had been young and there were countless little tales of their adventures…and misadventures…connected with the place.  Settling on some of the more memorable times, he was recounting his third story—one of a particularly interesting afternoon when the twins had tried to climb up to the upper-level pool—when he noticed a somewhat melancholy look flit across Elrohir’s face.

He stopped in mid-sentence and questioned, “Ro…?”

Elrohir shook his head, sorry that he stopped his brother’s story.  “I am sorry.  Please continue.  How did we get down from the pool?” he asked.

But Elladan was disturbed by the sad look he’d seen on his twin’s face and asked again, “Ro...what has distressed you?  Did I say something?”

The younger twin merely said again, “Really, it is nothing.  Can you finish the story?  How were we able to get back down?”

“Uhm…we managed to climb down,” Elladan answered distractedly.  “Now I will not be diverted, Elrohir.  Why were you looking sad just now?” he pressed.

Elrohir grimaced.  He definitely needed to guard his expressions better!  He didn’t want anything to spoil this lovely day.  He answered a bit impatiently, “It is nothing, I said.  I was merely reflecting on how much fun we must have had and I was just…just wishing I could remember some of it…that is all.”

Elladan sighed and then asked quietly, “Do you wish for your memories back, then?”

The look he received from his twin answered him even before he spoke.  “How could you even ask?!” Elrohir asked incredulously.  “I would give most anything to regain my past.”

“But you just said you are happy now,” countered Elladan, wishing that his brother would be content as he was.  If not...then maybe his father had been right and Elrohir should be given the chance for Galadriel to help him.  And he wasn’t prepared to give Elrohir that chance!

“Aye,” agreed Elrohir, “I am happy, but that does not mean that I wouldn’t give much to be able to remember.”

Elladan regarded Elrohir rather impatiently, not ready to give up, “Why do you wish to remember, Ro?  Things are going so well now.  Is it not enough that we are able to build new memories?”

Elrohir was a bit astonished at Elladan’s attitude.  Inexplicably, he seemed to wish for him to remain as he was—without his memories.  Elrohir answered earnestly, trying to get his brother to understand, “New memories are wonderful, but do not take the place of the old.  Elladan, you cannot realize what it is to have lost part of yourself.” 

He was surprised when Elladan laughed humorlessly in disbelief, and then smiled softly at his twin in understanding before he continued.  “Dan, you are able to tell me countless stories of our lives together, but to me they are as if they happened to someone else.  It saddens me to know I had such a wonderful past and yet it will never be anything to me but tales.  But even separate from that, did you ever stop to think that I have lost all my friends.  Slowly I am starting to get to know our people again, but in truth most remain as strangers.  And our sister...and grandparents?  What of them?  I could come face to face with them and not know them.  My own kin.  And what of others who have died or gone to the Undying Lands?  How many people are there to whom I owe friendship that I do not even recall existed?  Estel’s father, for instance.  Or fellow warriors who died and should be remembered for their valor and courage.  Or...or what of our mother?  Can you not understand how it hurts to know that I will never even remember her face?  I will never remember her tucking me in at night or picking me up when I’d fallen or greeting me as I came home.  She is nothing to me except a name...and...and an idea of what I would wish for in a mother.  It is not enough, Dan.  I wish to know her again.  Her and all the others whom I loved.”

While Elrohir was talking, Elladan reflected with silent pride on how remarkable his twin was.  Simply put, he had forgotten--his clever brother had worked so hard and now fit in so nicely at home, that he had forgotten just how much Elrohir had lost.  In the face of that, how could he, now that he was reminded so poignantly of Elrohir’s loss, deny him any opportunity to try to regain it?

Elladan nodded, coming to a decision in his mind.  He’d been on the brink of ruining Galadriel’s plans and by telling Elrohir of them, but now he knew that he couldn’t.  He had to give his brother this chance to remember, even if it came with risk.

His eyes held just a bit of sadness as he smiled at Elrohir and said, “You are right, Ro.  You deserve any chance you could get to regain your memories.  I hope you find them some day.”

Elrohir felt that he had somehow missed part of the conversation.  Clearly Elladan felt badly about something, but for the life of him he didn’t know what!  But, determined not to let anything ruin what up to now had been a perfect day, Elrohir turned on his charm full-force and managed to pull his brother from his unhappy mood and before long, the two were once again talking about their long-ago adventures.

They downed the delicious luncheon that Lomelia had packed for them and after a short swim in the pool, started back on the long walk towards home. 

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While the twins were enjoying their picnic, Elrond was watching the arrival of his long-awaited guests.  He was standing on his balcony as he viewed the distant party coming down the path towards his home with mixed feelings.  He dearly hoped that Galadriel would be able to help Elrohir, but Elladan’s words from the day before were haunting him.  His son had been right...Elrohir was happy now.  What if things went badly and Elrohir was driven back into that deep depression?  Or what if his memories were returned and they turned out to be so horrible that he’d wished he’d never remembered?  Galadriel had assured him that nothing could go wrong, but when it came to his children, Elrond could never stop worrying.

Putting aside those doubts for now, though, he left his balcony and arrived at the gates to greet his visitors as the first of the horses rode up.  Even if he’d wanted to, Elrond couldn’t have kept the bright smile from his face as he saw his daughter leap off her horse and run over to him.  It had been so long since he’d seen her and the mutual delight at their reunion was apparent to all as she flew into his arms.

He held her tight for a moment before drawing back so he could look at her.  “You are as beautiful as ever,” he said lovingly as he kissed her forehead.  “How I have missed you, daughter,” he added before giving her another quick hug.

“I have missed you, too, Ada,” she answered from the comfort of her father’s arms.  Then she pulled back so she could see her father’s eyes as she asked, “Ada, in truth, how is Elrohir?  I have been so worried for him and fear that you may have kept bad news from us when you sent your messages.”

“Fear not,” answered Elrond with a smile, grateful that his news was good.  “He is doing wonderfully…truly.  I admit for awhile I was gravely worried as Elrohir was quite despondent for a time, but that is all in the past and he is now very much like his old self.”

“Oh, I am so glad,” she said with relief.  “And what of Elladan?”

“Elladan?” Elrond asked in surprise.

Arwen nodded, “I cannot imagine how Elrohir’s disappearance must have hurt him and have worried for him as well.”

Elrond understood her concerns completely as he’d had the same ones himself, but once again he was pleased to be able to tell her, “Elladan is also well.  Once Elrohir was found, even without his memories, I no longer had any fears for his twin.”

 “I cannot wait to see them both,” Arwen said with a smile.  “But Elrohir…he will not know me, will he?”

Elrond shook his head and answered, “Nay, but do not let it disturb you.  He did not know Elladan, either, and now they are inseparable.”

Arwen smiled.  Yes, that is how she always saw her brothers, as an inseparable pair and she was glad to know that they were together again. 

Elrond continued, “In fact, they are off together as we speak on another of their small adventures out at the North Falls—a picnic this time.”

Arwen, who had accompanied her brothers there many times over the years, grinned in remembrance as she asked, “A picnic, Ada?  Today?” 

Elrond confirmed, “Aye…per your grandmother’s directions, Elrohir was not to have any hint of your arrival, so Elladan chose a picnic to keep him occupied today and away from any preparations for your coming.  And speaking of your grandmother…”

Elrond turned from his daughter to Celeborn and Galadriel, who had also dismounted and were waiting patiently for him to finish his reunion with his daughter.  “Welcome,” he said to them as he clasped their arms warmly in greeting.  They were as imposing as ever, but he would forever see them as the adoring parents of his beloved wife and the loving grandparents of his children.  He was comforted that they dearly loved the twins and Arwen and thus was certain that Galadriel would do all she could to help Elrohir.  Just seeing her standing there, calm in her power, washed away all the doubts that had been raised by his earlier talk with Elladan.

“Come,” he said, gesturing toward the house.  “We can speak on the way inside, for I am certain you would like to freshen up after your long journey.”

The small party walked up the stairs to the house, although Elrond paused a moment as Galadriel placed a hand on his arm and said, “Elrond, I was so pleased that you called for my help with Elrohir.  I have worried greatly for his well-being and am grateful for the chance to assist…how does he fare?”

Just as he’d told Arwen, Elrond repeated, “He is doing wonderfully, Lady Galadriel.  He is content now…at peace with himself.  If it were not for the odd occasion when he fails to remember someone or something, we would never know anything was amiss.”

Galadriel gave him a serene smile as they continued their walk into the house and nodded, “Then all is well and he is ready for me.  I am pleased.”

Elrond responded a bit gravely, “Yes, I felt the time was right for your arrival.  Forgive me for not calling you earlier, but it is only recently that I felt his soul was sufficiently calm for your work.  I understand you wish to begin immediately.  Is there anything you require in way of preparation?”

Galadriel considered briefly and then said, “I require naught but a pool.  A still, quiet pool that I may use as a mirror of his past.  In it, he will be able to watch the events that led to his memory loss—the sight should allow him to find his hidden memories if that is his desire.”

“I know of the perfect pool for your use,” stated Elrond.  “Arwen can give you directions to the East Willow Pool.”  He paused briefly before asking, “Lady Galadriel, I must ask one thing…is there any danger?”  Galadriel’s very presence filled him with confidence in her abilities, but he felt he owed it to Elladan and his concerns to at least ask the question.

“You do know that any use of power invites risk,” chided Galadriel.  “But I do not foresee any great dangers.  As long as I maintain a connection with Elrohir, I will be able to end his connection with the past should it become too distressful.”

Elrond nodded his understanding and with that, the talk turned to simple pleasantries during the rest of the walk to the rooms he’d had prepared for his visitors.

Arwen went to her own chambers while Galadriel and Celeborn disappeared into their room to freshen up.  Within a short time, the small group had finished their ministrations and they all met in the family’s gathering room to await the twin’s return.

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It was only a short while later that Galadriel stood quietly looking at her much-loved grandson.  Elladan and he had returned just a few minutes ago and had left him in his room with a promise that he would see him shortly.  While waiting, the younger twin was taking a few minutes to reflect on the lovely day he’d had with Elladan.  His brother had seemed somewhat distracted, especially near the end of their walk, but regardless of that, Elrohir had had a wonderful day that he knew he’d treasure always.  Now, he sat on the ledge of his balcony, overlooking the peaceful valley below him with his arms around his legs and resting his chin on his knees, lost in serene thoughts.  He looked so happy that Galadriel didn’t want to disturb him.  She would have been content to watch him for hours and would have done so, except that something penetrated Elrohir’s awareness.  Something that told him he was no longer alone. 

The young elf raised his chin and found himself suddenly looking at one of the most beautiful elf maidens he’d ever seen.  No...to call her a maiden was somehow wrong.  She was ageless as all elves, but her eyes held a wisdom that told him that she had seen many countless millennia.  He stood respectfully as she started forward.  He was mildly annoyed that a strange elf had been allowed to enter his private quarters unannounced, but he was too polite to show any irritation.

“Lady, may I help you?” he asked courteously.

The smile that graced the elven woman’s face was at once kind and amused.  “Dear little one,” she said, “just allowing me to look again upon your face is all I need from you.  It brings me more joy than I can describe to see you back where you belong.”

Elrohir couldn’t help raising one eyebrow at her response.  Well!...she apparently was not a stranger who had lost her way in the labyrinth of halls. 

Before Elrohir could think of a suitable reply, however, she reached out a hand and said, “Come, let us leave behind these binding walls and walk in the gardens.”

Her reason for seeking him out was no clearer than before and she still hadn’t said who she was, but a bemused Elrohir, sensing no ill will, allowed himself to take the hand of the beautiful elf and be led out of his home and into the gardens.  The two walked in silence until they came to a quiet glade in which stood a still, clear pool. 

“We will stop here,” said the enchanting creature, breaking the silence.

The two elves sat down on a stone bench by the pool and drank in the peace of the place. 

Elrohir looked at his companion questioningly.  He’d been very patient so far, but he was beginning to be quite curious as to who this person was and what she wanted.  His first question was answered, though, before he could even voice it.

“Son of my child, although it is clear I am not familiar to you, know that I have loved you from long before you were born.  Know this, so you can be sure that nothing I do here will harm you.  There is no place for fears,” she said, taking both of his hands in hers.

‘Son of my child?’ he thought in amazement.  This glorious elf was his grandmother?!  Galadriel?!  Someone might have warned him that she was coming.  Quickly, however, he moved past that thought as he latched on to the second part of her statement.  Why was she warning him that nothing that happened would hurt him?  What was she going to do?  He opened his mouth to speak, but she quickly shook her head.

“Shhh, child,” she said.  “You must say nothing yet.  I have brought you here, to this place, to search for your lost memories and guide them back to your conscious thoughts.”

Elrohir’s heart started beating fast as he listened to the lady’s words.  She could do that?  She could make him remember?  She had told him not to speak, but he needed answers.  He gazed deeply into her eyes, desperate to see if there was anything there that could show him that she was telling the truth.  The eyes were kind, wise, inviting trust and Elrohir found himself falling deeper into them.  But there was power there that he hadn’t seen, and before he could pull away, he was unexpectedly trapped in a dazed confusion, not unlike the fog-like existence he’d lived in for so long while drugged.

His surroundings were shrouded as he felt his mind floating in a mist.  From a distance, he heard her voice telling him to gaze into the pool and without the ability to deny that voice anything, he followed her direction and turned toward the still water.

Elrohir started in surprise as he looked at the pool.  No longer reflecting the canopy of trees, it seemed like a bottomless well of darkness as he gazed into it.  He felt himself drawn forward and then he was falling, falling into the endless black.  At the last moment, he was pulled back by the strong hands still holding onto his.

“Not so fast, my impatient one,” said the voice.  “We must explore this realm slowly.”

Colors started swirling around and around in the pool and Elrohir blinked as he fought a nauseating dizziness.  He really hated feeling out of control like this.  He clung on to the firm grasp of the hands on his, as it was the only thing keeping him grounded.  He was sure if they let him go that he’d be swallowed up by the massive swirl of colors and he’d be lost forever.

“Do not be afraid,” he heard the voice say.  “Tell me what you see.”

Elrohir stared into the pool, not sure what to tell the voice.  He could only see colors swirling in a maddeningly erratic pattern.  “There is...nothing...colors,” he said hesitantly.

“The pool holds your past,” the voice coached.  “Look deeper and find what you have lost.”

The young elf leaned forward, trying to obey the voice, but still seeing nothing tangible.  He concentrated on the very center of the swirling vortex, and at last an image started to form.  “It...I see...there is something,” he said breathlessly.  “Something in the center.”

“Reach out, dear one, and embrace the memory.  It is trying to come to you,” said the voice coaxingly. 

Elrohir swallowed hard.  The thing was growing larger.  Suddenly he did not like this at all.  He did not want to ‘embrace’ whatever was coming out of the pool.  It frightened him.  It was...it was... “It is an elf,” he noted in bewilderment.  Why would an elf scare him?

Galadriel could see what he saw and smiled, “He is coming to aid you in your search, Elrohir.  Reach out to him.  Take his hand and he will guide you.”

Elrohir started to panic as he felt one of her hands letting go, freeing him to reach out to the shadowy image of the elf.  It was growing larger.  He did not want to get closer to it!  He tried to find the missing hand to save him as he felt a growing terror.  But a sharp voice admonished him, “Elrohir!  The fears of your past are keeping you from finding it—trust me when I tell you nothing here will harm you.  Now be stout of heart and reach into the pool.”

No matter what else anyone thought of Lord Elrond’s second son, he was no coward.  Brutally pushing aside the instincts that told him to stay far away from the elf in the pool, Elrohir reached out a tentative hand toward the semi-transparent image and leaned forward to touch it.

As soon as his hand touched the other, however, the image coalesced into a solid form—one that suddenly grinned wickedly, grabbed onto his outstretched hand, and yanked him hard.  Horror filled the younger twin as he felt the second sustaining hand of Galadrial being ripped from him and he fell into a swirling nightmare.

Shocked as he desperately tried to adjust to a new reality, Elrohir felt himself being thrown from the back of a screaming horse—when had he mounted a horse?—and then choked back a scream of his own as the flailing hooves of the frantic beast slammed into his back.  Curled on the ground in breathless agony, he saw an elf, the one who’d pulled him into the pool, suddenly before him.  Without warning, a look of pure hatred came over the other’s face and Elrohir felt a boot kick him hard in the face before he could even try to get to his feet.  Dazed, he felt himself being pulled up and then thrown into the arms of someone else—another elf.  What was happening!?  Where was he!?  Why had the horse attacked him?  Who were these elves?  Why did they kick him?  Oh, his back hurt!  Elrohir gasped as a small dagger raked across his chest as his cloak was cut from him and flung aside.  The elf holding him dug his fingers into Elrohir’s shoulders while the first one removed Elrohir’s weapons.  Weapons?  Where did they come from?  Roughly his arms were lashed behind him by yet another elf.  There were more?  There were at least three of them now.  WHAT WAS HAPPENING?   No!  He couldn’t see!  They had blindfolded him!  His feet were kicked out from beneath him and he slammed into the ground while harsh laughs spoke of his captors’ amusement at his predicament.  He tried to get up, but halfway there, a hand to the back of his head shoved his face down into the dirt.  Trying again to get up, he was instantly knocked down when his legs were swept out from under him.  Again he tried to get up, only to be sent once more to the ground.  Finally, he decided to stay down.  A whip landed across his shoulders!  And again!  He was obviously not playing correctly.  Staggering to his feet, he was knocked down to the jeers and taunts of the brutal elves, over and over.  If he didn’t get up, he was mercilessly whipped until he crawled to his feet.  Countless times...how long could he go on?!  Blindfolded, he never knew which direction the blow would come from that would send him off his feet.  They’ve stopped!  Were they done?  A momentary respite was all Elrohir had before the eternal nightmare continued in a different form.  His world shrank to one of endless torture as his tormenters found a new game.  Tossed from one to the next, each one would whip him, beat him, kick him, and then throw him on only when they had made him cry out, laughing as if playing with a toy.  Hands on him, grabbing at him, catching him.  Still blindfolded, he never knew what was coming next.  He only knew that hands upon him meant imminent pain.  Each time he was touched it was followed by more torment.  He could no longer bear it—head to toe there was only agony—he had to get away!  He suddenly thought of his twin, desperately wishing he were here now to help him understand what was happening.  Oh why would elves be doing this to him?   As well, why had the beautiful lady sent him to this evil realm?  She had said nothing would harm him—she had lied!  She had led him to his doom!  Why was this happening?  Why?!  More kicks, more whips, a knife in the side.  His mind couldn’t process any more.  It was too much!  There was only hopelessness in this pool...unrelenting agony!  He needed...he needed...“DAN!!!” he screamed.  Startled by his scream, the elf just about to catch him missed and instead of landing in his arms, Elrohir drove head-first into a rock wall, white lightning exploding through his skull as his temple connected with the sharp rock.  Pain, despair, darkness...and then Elrohir knew no more.

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In the meantime, Elladan was waiting in the family’s gathering room along with the other members of his family.  After leaving Elrohir in their rooms, he had gone there to greet his sister and grandparents and then had reluctantly stayed while Galadriel left to find Elrohir.  She had instructed them to wait for her while she tried to help Elrohir find his memories and after a stern look from his father, Elladan had agreed to stay there.  The older twin didn’t like the fact that Elrohir wouldn’t be warned about what was going to happen, but Galadriel insisted that it was necessary, since he needed to come to the pool without preconceptions that would shield his thoughts, hiding his memories. 

The minutes went by slowly and Elladan grew more and more restless as his nerves grew taut.  His family tried to engage him in light conversation, but he ignored them all.  Despite his decision to go along with this, he did NOT like it.  He paced the length of the room, pausing only to look off the balcony into the gardens below.  He should have snuck out so he could watch over his brother.  He should have insisted that he be allowed to stand by in case he was needed.  He should....a sudden sense of dread washed over him as he felt, rather than heard, his name being screamed by his twin and he felt a shadow of agonizing pain rush through his body.  It was gone in an instant, but it told him that his brother needed him NOW.  Without waiting to explain and before anyone else in the room could stop him, he dashed to the balcony of the sitting room and leapt into the nearby trees, disappearing before any of his astonished family had even left their chairs. 

Elladan practically flew through the branches, unerringly guided to where he could feel his brother’s presence.  He dropped out of the trees into the glade near a small pool that he and Elrohir had called their “Frog Pond” for the many frogs they’d befriended there over the years.  Those happy memories were nowhere near his thoughts, though, as he took in the scene on the ground.  Galadriel was on her knees sitting next to Elrohir, who was soaking wet and curled up in a tight ball.  She looked up in sorrow as Elladan fell to his knees beside them and harshly demanded, “What happened?”  Then, not waiting for an answer, he turned to his brother and tried to find whatever wound had caused him the intense pain that had been radiated through their connection.

If Elladan had been looking at Galadriel, he would have been astonished to see the great Lady of the Woods looking shaken.  She had not misjudged a situation so badly in the memory of most elves, and she was left in a sick daze at what had just transpired.  She tried to pull herself together as she regarded her grandsons, one now gently trying to coax the other into relaxing from the tight ball he’d formed.  The fact that it was someone she loved curled up in pain because of her made her guilt that much worse.  And she had promised him no harm would come to him!

Rapid footsteps marked the arrival of the rest of the family, Elrond followed closely behind by Arwen, and Celeborn.  As one, they seem to slide to a stop, trying to determine what had taken place in the peaceful glade.

Elladan was on his knees, trying unsuccessfully to rouse his twin while Galadriel was sitting on the ground next to them.  Both she and Elrohir were soaked, so it was obvious that they had both been in the pool.

“Galadriel, what happened?” gasped Elrond as he took in the scene.  When she made no move to reply, he snapped louder, “What happened?!”

The shaken lady finally looked up as Celeborn knelt beside her and put his arm around his wife’s trembling shoulders.  “Oh, Elrond.  I am so grieved by what I have done,” she said quietly.

Elrond dropped down beside his sons as he joined Elladan in his search for Elrohir’s injuries.  Finding none he was more confused than ever.  It was clear that his son had suffered tremendously, but he could find no wounds, so he asked her anxiously, “What?  What is it that you have done that has grieved you?”

When Galadriel didn’t answer, Elrond drew himself up angrily.  Just what had she done to Elrohir?

Recognizing the look on her father’s face as one that bode ill for her grandmother, Arwen chose at that moment to intervene, “Ada, perhaps we should get Elrohir inside where he would be more comfortable.  Answers should wait until he is cared for.”

Elrond was no fool and realized that his daughter was trying to shield her grandmother, but quite honestly he didn’t feel much like fighting with Galadriel and Celeborn at the moment.  His only real concern was Elrohir, who in truth would be more comfortable in dry clothes and in a bed.  Thus, conceding to Arwen’s wishes, he nodded and said, “Very well, we will first bring Elrohir inside and see to his needs.”

He reached down to pick up his child, but was shocked by an almost feral snarl as Elladan shoved him aside.  “I will carry him,” the young elf growled.  Then, belying the harshness in his tone, Elladan was gentleness personified as he tenderly picked up his brother and headed toward the house.

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Elladan carried his twin through the gardens and to the house followed closely by the rest of the family.  Elrohir was a tall, strong elf, but Elladan never faltered, his arms not feeling the burden of his brother’s weight even once as he carried him home.  He spoke to no one as he walked, his attention focused only on taking his twin somewhere where he could be cared for.  Once he reached the front hall, however, he hesitated briefly as he considered where to take Elrohir, to their rooms or the infirmary.   His father’s soft hand on his back steered him toward the infirmary and so it was there that he took Elrohir.

Once inside, Elrond led the way into one of the back rooms, a private area where Elrohir could be tended to without anyone disturbing them.  Elladan carefully placed his twin on the bed, looking for any sign of movement as he laid him down.  Nothing.  There was no sign of life in the now limp, bedraggled, wet elf other than a light rise and fall of his chest as he breathed softly.

Elladan sat numbly in the chair that someone placed beside him, not even noting the gesture as his single-minded focus remained on his twin.  He wanted to cry.  He wanted to scream.  He wanted to hurt somebody.  He wanted...he wanted his brother to wake up and laugh at him for worrying so much!  Just a few short hours ago that is exactly what had happened...Elladan was fussing about something during their walk home and Elrohir had teased him about being such a worrier.  Things had been so...normal.  And now...oh why did this have to happen?  Why couldn’t he have listened to his inner voice that warned him of the danger to Elrohir?  He had ignored it and now Elrohir was paying the cost.  He had failed him!

It was only when Elrond began stripping the wet clothes from Elrohir that Elladan was pulled from his shock and finally began to take note of his surroundings.  He was surprised to find that Elrond had shooed the others out of the room and the three of them were left alone.  Wordlessly, they pulled the wet clothes off of Elrohir and within a short time, had dressed him in dry, comfortable clothes and covered him warmly with a blanket.  Other than his closed eyes and wet hair, the young elf looked as he was only sleeping, but his fearful family wondered if it was a sleep from which he would never awaken.

The silence of the room began to grow ominous as neither Elrond nor Elladan spoke.   While they had been working, the silence had been acceptable, but now that there was nothing left to do, the quiet of the room became quite uncomfortable as neither said anything.  Elladan was simply too distraught to speak, while Elrond was afraid that anything he said would cause his obviously upset son to explode in anger.  He hadn’t forgotten Elladan’s opposition to this plan and was afraid that it was only a matter of time before the elder twin allowed his rage to overpower him.

Fortunately, before the silence could become hostile, the door opened and the rest of the family reentered.  Obviously, Galadriel had gone to change, for she was now wearing dry clothes as well.  The three quietly walked over to the bed and gazed down upon Elrohir, lying there without moving.

“Elrohir is comfortable for the moment,” Elrond announced to the full room, startling everyone as his words broke the uncomfortable silence.  He continued as he turned to Galadriel,  “Now, Lady, in order to begin any healing, I must understand what took place by the pool.  You must tell me everything.”  His tone, while not disrespectful, was much more harsh than he usually used with the Lady Galadriel.

She turned her gaze from Elrohir, at whom she’d been staring since they entered the room.  The face she showed to her son-in-law was a mixture of sorrow and guilt, not the usual poised, serene countenance of the Lady of the Woods.  Elrond, despite his fear for Elrohir and anger at one who had caused harm to his child, found himself surprisingly feeling sorry for her.  She was clearly distraught over what had happened.

The look he gave her was thus softer as she began to speak, “Elrond, what transpired was both unexpected and tragic.  You must know that I would never have allowed my dear grandson injury if I had but seen how to prevent it.” 

With a glance at the still, pale figure, Galadriel continued, “I will tell you what I know.”  She sighed deeply, not a normal sound from the usually tranquil elf, and began, “The memories which I sought to unlock were buried far deeper than I had believed, trapped not only by injury, but reinforced by a great sense of betrayal.  The force needed to break through the block ripped him from my hands and threw him down into the pool of remembrance, back into the memories as a participant rather than an observer.  He was forced to relive the events that led to his memory loss, and that is why he is as you see him now.”

Elrond didn’t like the sound of this.  If whatever Elrohir had endured the first time had led him to completely lose his identity, he didn’t like to think what effect it might have on his son a second time.  Certain that he didn’t want to hear more, but knowing that he must, he said, “Continue.”

Galadriel glanced up at Elrond and then turned her gaze once more onto Elrohir as she tried to put into words the images she’d seen.  Her silence lasted too long, however, and Elrond was forced to prompt her to speak.

“Galadriel,” said Elrond, once again stern.  “I must know the details if I am to heal him.”

“It broke my heart to watch,” she finally said sadly.  “And although I did try to stop it before the damage was done, I was too late.  When Elrohir was drawn into the pool, I followed and pulled him out as quickly as possible, but the damage was done in a heartbeat.  He relived too much in just the short time he was in the pool--what he endured was brutal.”  She paused a moment before she continued.  “Even to speak of it will cause pain.  I do not fear this pain for myself, but for others, Elrond.”  She glanced pointedly at Elladan, who was sitting at his brother’s side, holding his hand and speaking softly in his ear.

Elrond nodded, understanding that the Lady feared Elladan’s reaction when he heard of his brother’s torment.  However, he still knew that he had to know everything if he was to heal his son.  “I understand your concern,” he said, “but for the last time, I MUST hear everything.”

Grimly, Galadriel nodded, “Very well.  I could not hear what transpired as I could only watch what happened, thus I do not understand all that I saw, but I will explain as best as I can.  What I was able to see was...disturbing.  There were those who were making a game of...of hurting him.” 

She faltered as she saw with her perfect memory how the elves had torturously amused themselves.  After a deep breath, she continued, “He was thrown from the horse he was riding, hit by its hooves, and then viciously kicked before he could even arise.  Next, his attackers bound and blindfolded him and placed him inside a circle, knocking him to the ground again and again, whipping him when he did not arise fast enough.  When he finally could arise no more, they tired of that game and began a new one.  One would hold him helpless while another would try to make him cry out.  One at a time they did this, throwing him on to the next only after they had made him reveal his pain.  My grandson is strong and stubborn, but eventually he could no longer bear the agony.  Knives, clubs, fists, whips, even rocks...they used what they could to try to break him and make him cry out.”

Galadriel once again paused as the vision overwhelmed her.  She had seen much of hatred and brutality in her life, but when the subject of that brutality was someone she loved, even her famous composure couldn’t protect her.  As powerful as she was, she was helpless to aid those dear to her.  It hurt as much to see her grandson’s pain as it had when the one being tortured had been her beloved daughter.  A lone tear trickled down her cheek as Elrohir’s torment reminded her again of the loss of her daughter.

“I do not wish to go on,” she whispered.  “It is enough to know that they were brutal, cruel, and he suffered tremendously before finally striking his head and losing consciousness.  Combined with the torture, the blow was enough to cause him to hide himself deeply within his subconscious.”

Elrond nodded abruptly.  He, too, was feeling the helpless rage of one with great power who was still unable to protect his loved ones and did not wish to hear any more.  The thought of his child in the hands of those who would torture him for pleasure!  Still, she had left out one vital piece of information, one more thing he had to know… “Galadriel, who was it who did this to him?”

For a moment, he didn’t think she was going to answer, but finally, she whispered, “It was elves, Elrond.  Elves did this.  I do not know who they were or from whence they came, but they were elves.”

The room was suddenly deathly silent at her words.  None had expected what she had just revealed.  Elves?!  Not orcs, or dwarves, or even men…but elves?!  Their own kind had done this to Elrohir?

Elrond looked in shocked silence at his son.  Who amongst their kind would dare to attack his son?  And why?  Sick at the thought, he pushed aside that unwelcome puzzle for the moment, deciding instead to focus on healing his child.  At least now he knew what he was facing.  He wasn’t the greatest healer in all of Middle Earth for nothing...he would find a way to reach his son!

These optimistic thoughts were crushed, however, as Galadriel continued reluctantly.

“Elrond, one last thing.  Before he fell unconscious today, I could sense that he had run far back into the recesses of his mind.  Farther back than the first time.  He left none of himself...nothing that could be hurt...nothing that would have to face his nightmare reality...nothing of his soul.  I fear that he will not be reached easily...if at all.”

A whimper of protest from the bed drew everyone’s attention from Galadriel’s disturbing words.  Elladan had not been looking at his grandmother, but instead had been staring intently at his brother’s face as he listened to her recitation.  He had pictured the scene in his mind’s eye.  He knew his twin would have been thinking of him while he was hurt, scared.  Had it been then that Elrohir called out for him?  Had he despaired when there was no answer?  And now he was gone.  That which made Elrohir, Elrohir, even without his memories, was gone!  The ache grew in Elladan’s heart until he could no longer bear it and unknowingly gripped his brother’s hand tighter and tighter.  When it was nearly crushing Elrohir’s hand, the pain penetrated the younger twin’s unconsciousness and had caused him to cry out weakly.

Instantly aware of what he was doing, Elladan dropped his hand and sprang back.  He would not hurt his brother further!  Helpless rage suffused his body.  If those responsible for his injuries had been in the room, he would have ripped them apart with his bare hands, so great was his wrath!  Glancing about wildly, he saw no one upon whom to vent his anger, so grabbed up an innocent little vase and threw it against the wall, rewarded when it smashed into a million pieces!  He reached for something else, he knew not what, and it followed the vase, its destruction once more satisfying, yet not enough.  Two more of the room’s decorations met their doom as they also were flung to the wall.  Wild in his grief and fury, he looked around for his next victim, but was stopped by his father, who took him firmly by the shoulders.

“Elladan, be at peace,” said Elrond in an urgent voice that penetrated the younger elf’s grief.  “I know the pain you feel for not being able to help your brother in the past.  But you, above anyone else, can help him now.  You must calm down so we can try to reach him.”

“No!...”  Elladan tried to pull away from his father.  Words...they were just words.  Elrohir was lost to them, he knew it.  He couldn’t do this!  He didn’t have the strength to watch his twin like this.  Even without his memories, Elrohir’s presence had still been enough to make him feel complete.  Simply being with his beloved twin had healed the aching hole in his heart that had been eating at him the whole while Elrohir had been lost.  And now...now Elladan was terrified at what going through the same trauma twice had done to his brother.  If even Galadriel couldn’t sense his soul, Elladan was certain his brother would not be able to find his way home again.  He wanted to scream, so great was his anguish!

A call from Arwen, however, drew Elladan away from his despairing thoughts, “Elladan!  Please...it’s Elrohir!”

The oldest sibling looked over at his sister.  She had gone to Elrohir’s side when Elladan had begun smashing things.  While everyone else had been distracted by the older twin’s rampage, she had seen the effect it was having on her other brother.  The noise had obviously disturbed the younger twin and he had begun to shift restlessly.  His agitated moves, however, were growing more and more violent and he had begun to fight in earnest.  The young elf maiden was having difficulty keeping him from falling off the bed and knew that if anyone could penetrate his hidden dream world, it would be his twin.

His brother’s need doused Elladan’s rage with cold reality.  Instantly back at Elrohir’s side, he knelt down and restrained his brother with a strong arm over his chest.  He murmured low, quiet words in his brother’s ear, speaking in the ‘twin’ language that they hadn’t used since toddlers.  Although not used for many centuries, he had never forgotten it and he hoped that somewhere, in the deep recesses of his mind, his brother wouldn’t have either.  This was a unique language that only the two of them knew.  He was sure that if Elrohir could hear it and recognize it, he would know that the one speaking it to him had to be his brother and he was safe. 

Continuing his words of comfort, Elladan held on tight to his twin as Elrohir continued to thrash about wildly.  Then, against even his expectations, Elladan’s attempt to calm his twin suddenly worked.  With a final soft cry, Elrohir fell limp and soon was lying again quietly.

The silence of the room was unsettling after the great disturbance.  Smashed glass and ceramic lay all about the floor.  A wild-eyed Elladan was staring at his twin.  Arwen, with a dark bruise forming on her cheek where Elrohir’s elbow had unexpectedly caught her, stood unsteadily by her brothers.  Galadriel and Celeborn stood in arm-in-arm in grief-stricken silence.  And Elrond leaned shakily against the wall and buried his face in his hands in his despair.  How could things have gone so wrong so fast?

----------------------

Hours later, the room was equally silent.  All were gone now except Elrohir and his ever-present sentry, Elladan.  Elrohir had shown absolutely no other response to anything since his reaction to Elladan’s tirade and after many hours of trying to wake him, Elrond had conceded defeat for the night and had sent everyone to bed.  All, of course, except for Elladan, who refused to leave his brother’s side for even a moment. 

It was now the early hours of the morning and the whole of Rivendell was asleep, even Elladan, who had finally, exhausted, laid his head down upon his arms as he kept his quiet vigil over his twin.

It was the barest whisper of a sound that woke Elladan from this much-needed rest.  That was all it took, for even asleep, Elladan was aware of the need to guard his brother.  It took a moment, however, for him to wake up enough to grasp the fact that Elrohir was no longer laying in the bed in front of him.  He jumped to his feet, instantly alert as the reality hit him...Elrohir must have woken up!  Hearing a sound behind him, he eagerly started to turn to greet his twin.  Before he had barely started, however, a hard object slammed into the back of his skull and he crashed to the floor.  As his senses faded, he only had the strength to whisper, “No...Elrohir...” as he reached out to the pair of feet heading away from him...and then all was dark.

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