Pippin and Sancho are 20, Estella is 25, Merry is 28, Berilac is 30

“Courting Disaster”

“Uh, Merry?” Berilac frowned. He tapped Merry on the shoulder to draw his younger cousin’s attention away from Estella Bolger. “Merry? You might want to have a look at this.” Berilac cleared his throat for emphasis now because Merry was not responding and time appeared to be running out. “Merry!”

“What?” Merry snapped in an annoyed tone as he turned to face Berilac. Just behind Merry, Estella narrowed her eyes also annoyed. Sometimes it wasn’t easy to be the bearer of bad news.

Berilac sighed deeply and pointed off in the direction of the trouble. “I think you might want to do something about that,” Berilac said dryly.

Merry glanced toward the direction in which Berilac was pointing and groaned. “What is he doing now?”

Berilac shrugged. “I don’t know but whatever it is, it seems to be the wrong thing to do. I hated to interrupt you but since you are his official protector I thought you’d want to,” Berilac’s voice trailed off as Merry walked away leaving him behind to contend with Estella Bolger’s angry glare. She put her hands on her hips and watched as Merry strode purposefully across the road and toward the trees just beyond.

“You just had to tell him,” Estella said.

Berilac shoved his hands into his pockets and said, “What was I supposed to do? Stand here and let Sancho kill Pippin?”

“That might have been a good idea,” Estella mused. He folded her arms over her chest and looked in the direction that Merry had gone. Berilac followed her gaze.

*****

As he hurried across the road, Merry watched as Pippin raised his fists and prepared to do battle. Merry groaned inwardly as he noted that Pippin had placed his thumbs inside of his fists yet again. How many times had Merry instructed him not to do that? “Pippin, you twit, if you put your thumbs inside of your fists then you’ll break your thumbs when you land a punch!” Merry recalled saying. Obviously it had done no good at all. There Pippin stood with his thumbs inside of his fists, and his feet braced ready to throw a punch at Sancho Proudfoot.

Sancho was almost a head taller than Pippin and probably weighed half again as much but Pippin wasn’t backing down. Stubborn little Took! Pippin danced about as if taking aim and Merry watched as Sancho grinned. Sancho knew perfectly well that Pippin was completely out matched. Berilac knew it. Merry knew it. It seemed that Pippin was the only one that didn’t know it. Wonderful!

“Don’t just stand there, you great oaf!” Pippin shouted as he bobbed and weaved in front of Sancho. “Get your fists up or you’ll have no chance at all!”

Merry was close enough to hear now and what he was hearing was not at all encouraging. Pippin may not be much of a fighter but the lad excelled at launching insults at his opponent.

“I’ll hit you so hard that your teeth will be rattling around in your empty head for the rest of the week!” Pippin declared. He bounced on the balls of his feet and made ready to swing one thin arm back just as Sancho caught sight of Merry coming toward them.

Merry scowled and delivered one of his most withering stares in Sancho’s direction. Then very slowly he raised one fist and punched the air. Sancho’s eyes widened and Pippin announced. “I’ll make you wish you’d never crossed my path! By the time I’m finished with you, your own mum won’t even recognize you!”

Merry had stopped walking and stood watching the color drain from Sancho’s face while Pippin announced, “Don’t make me throw the first punch! I will if you make me, but I want to be fair about this. Go on, take your best shot you over-sized coward!”

Sancho met Merry’s eyes for a minute and then he looked at Pippin. Merry could see just how much Sancho wanted to ‘take his best shot’ as Pippin had instructed him to do. Sancho struggled with the decision for a second more and then Merry heard Pippin say, “Fine! If you’re just going to stand there like a fence post then you leave me no choice!” As Sancho darted a glance back at Merry, Pippin pulled back a fist and punched directly at Sancho’s stomach.

Sancho was still watching Merry when the punch connected. Sancho let out a soft ‘oof’ noise and look down as Pippin groaned and sank to his knees clutching his hand. Merry rolled his eyes skyward then glared at Sancho and started forward quickly. Sancho snorted, “Serves you right, you little ninny!” and then he turned and ran in the opposite direction.

Pippin looked up and shouted, “Run, or you’ll get more of the same!” He was still holding his injured hand against his waist and still down on his knees but he couldn’t resist a parting shot. Sancho hesitated briefly but then hurried on. Sancho was no fool. He knew perfectly well that Merry was still behind him and although Sancho didn’t want Pippin to think that he’d bested him, he wanted to stay far out of Merry Brandybuck’s way just now.

“Ouch,” Pippin muttered looking down at his thumb and frowning.

“I’ve told you not to make a fist that way,” Merry said sternly.

Startled, Pippin leaned his head back and looked up at his older cousin. “Merry, did you see? I just sent Sancho Proudfoot running in pure terror!” Pippin said triumphantly.

“You did, did you?” Merry asked, reaching a hand down and offering it to Pippin.

Pippin grinned and clasped Merry’s out-stretched hand with his uninjured one and allowed Merry to help him to his feet. “I punched him, Merry,” Pippin said breathlessly. “I don’t think he knew what hit him.”

“You almost broke your thumb, didn’t you?” Merry sighed looking down at Pippin’s hand.

“You’re missing the point,” Pippin objected looking annoyed.

“Am I?” Merry grinned.

“Didn’t you see me punch him?” Pippin wanted to know. He looked up at Merry expectantly. “I pulled back and let him have it and he ran!”

Merry sighed. He didn’t want to do it, but he really should set Pippin straight. After all, his younger cousin had come rather close to getting a beating and the next time Pippin might not be so lucky. Merry wouldn’t always be standing about when trouble struck. He found himself wondering if Berilac would have taken on the job of protector if he had not been there but he pushed that aside and turned his attention back to Pippin. As his father has always reminded him there was no sense in putting off a disagreeable task. You’d only have to face it later. “So you think Sancho ran off because of that punch that you threw?” Merry said looking down at Pippin.

“Well, of course he did. What else could it have been?” Pippin said looking thunder-struck at Merry’s failure to recognize the obvious. “Why until I hit him, he was standing there threatening me. Once he saw that I wasn’t going to take it and that I was actually going to fight back then he ran off like the coward that he is.” Pippin rubbed his thumb and flexed the fingers of his hand as he spoke. “That will teach him a thing or two. I’m stronger than I look.” Pippin straightened up to his full height.

“You’d have to be,” Merry said shaking his head. “You look as if one good wind might blow you away.”

Pippin frowned. “That isn’t very nice.”

“Pip, you need to face facts before you get yourself killed,” Merry began gently.

“What facts? I won,” Pippin said. “I’m standing here victorious and Sancho Proudfoot is no where to be seen.”

“Pippin, you’re far too clever to actually believe that,” Merry said still trying to be as gentle as possible.

“Well, if he didn’t run because I hit him then why did he run? Explain that if you can,” Pippin said looking annoyed. “You saw the whole thing, didn’t you? Didn’t you?”

“I may have missed the beginning of it,” Merry said. “I was talking to Estella at the time but I do believe that Berilac saw the first portion of the event in question.”

“Then Berilac can tell you that Sancho was rather certain that he had me right where he wanted me,” Pippin said. “He was going to pound me into a bloody pulp or at least that was his plan. He said so, Merry. He looked down at me and he said, ‘I’m going to pound you into a bloody pulp, you little twit.’ That’s exactly what he said, Merry.”

“And then what happened?” Merry asked allowing Pippin to get to it on his own.

“Then I decided to challenge him,” Pippin said proudly. “I stood my ground. He wasn’t expecting that. He thought that I would be intimidated and that he’d not even have to make a fist. He thought that he’d just have to threaten me and then I’d beg for mercy or run away and hide from him. That’s what he was thinking. I know he was. He didn’t say it but I could see it in his beady little eyes, Merry.”

“You could?”

“I could,” Pippin said. “That’s when I knew I had him. I realized that he wasn’t at all prepared to fight. He was only prepared to intimidate. I was about to make him do something that he wasn’t ready to do. Why he never even raised his fists! I gave him every chance but he just stood there looking stupid. Finally, he lost focus and started staring over my head at, at-“ Pippin broke off and his eyes took on an injured look as the realization of exactly what Sancho had been looking at struck him. He looked up at Merry for a minute and then his eyes dropped. “I guess you were what he was looking at weren’t you?” Pippin said softly.

“I was,” Merry said quietly.

“You scared him off,” Pippin said disappointedly. “I didn’t do anything except injure my thumb did I?”

Pippin was still looking at the ground and Merry felt as if a hand was squeezing his heart. His chest ached and he wished that he hadn’t been forced to tell Pippin the truth. “You stood your ground,” Merry said trying his best to find something positive in it all. “You didn’t know I was coming but you still stood up to him. You were ready to face him on your own.”

“I’m certain he got a good laugh out of that,” Pippin mumbled digging one toe into the soft grass.

“You were rather impressive,” Merry lied. “I don’t think he laughed.”

Pippin looked up at Merry and frowned. “Impressive?” The skepticism was plain on his face. Pippin was very clever and he was not easily fooled.

“All right,” Merry said, knowing that Pippin had seen through the lie. “You had your elbows out too far to throw a proper punch, you had your thumbs in your fists, and you were bouncing around like a rabbit on a hot rock.”

Pippin squeezed his eyes shut and groaned. “Somewhere in between ‘rather impressive’ and ‘complete idiot’ would have been nice,” Pippin said.

“I thought you wanted me to be honest,” Merry shrugged.

“What I want is for someone to be properly afraid of me,” Pippin said, eyes popping open. “I want someone to look at me and know that I am able to beat them near to death if I so choose. I want to be able to chase someone off just by looking at them hard.” He lowered his voice and said, “Like you just did.”

“Pippin, you’re just not very threatening,” Merry said smiling.

Pippin glared at him, setting his jaw and narrowing his eyes while clenching his fists at his sides. “Not even now?”

Merry shook his head. “Not even now.”

“Why not?” Pippin demanded. “That was a very fierce glare that I just gave you. Why wasn’t it threatening? Didn’t you feel the least bit nervous?”

“I’m afraid not,” Merry said.

“Why? Give me one good reason why you didn’t feel nervous or threatened? Go on!”

“I’ll give you three and you won’t like any of them,” Merry said. “You’re too thin, you’ve got no reputation at all for fighting, and anyone who does fight knows that you don’t put your thumbs inside of your fists.”

“I only asked for one reason,” Pippin said. “That’s the trouble with you, Merry. You always have to show off. One reason would have been plenty.”

“Pippin, I’m not trying to hurt your feelings,” Merry said putting a hand on the younger hobbit’s shoulder. “I’m trying to keep you from getting yourself killed. You’ve got more nerve than skill when it comes to fighting. You’re too brave for your own good.”

“I’m brave?” Pippin looked startled by this. It was something that sounded rather positive and he wasn’t expecting that.

“What would you call standing up to someone that is twice your size?” Merry asked.

“Stupid?”

“Well, it might not be the brightest decision that you’ve made all day, but it was brave in its own way,” Merry said. “You had to realize that Sancho was going to beat you senseless but you didn’t let that scare you. You refused to be intimidated. You didn’t let the fact that Sancho Proudfoot is twice your size and as mean as a bull in full charge stop you. You raised your incorrectly fisted hands and stood your ground.”

“You’ve made your point about my fists all ready,” Pippin said embarrassed.

“The point is, you’re not much of a fighter, Pip,” Merry said gently. “You’re good at plenty of things but fighting just isn’t one of them.”

“I’ll grow into it!” Pippin declared. “I’ve grown quite a lot already.”

Merry arched an eyebrow. “Really?”

“I have! I’m two inches taller than I was last year and I’ve gained a bit of weight as well,” Pippin said patting a hand against his stomach.

“If you’ve put on any extra weight then it must be hiding,” Merry smiled. “The trouble here is, you’ve got taller and so the weight that you’ve gained has more area to cover.”

“So you’ve noticed that I’m taller!” Pippin said smiling in spite of himself.

“I may have noticed,” Merry said smiling back. “But you could do with a couple more inches and quite a few more pounds before you try to beat up Sancho Proudfoot.”

“I’m working on it,” Pippin said testily. “I eat every chance that I get.”

“Never turn down a meal,” Merry said. “Not only is it rude but it’s wasteful.”

“Some day I’ll show Sancho,” Pippin said determinedly.

Merry just smiled.

“I will,” Pippin said. “I’m twenty now but by next year if I eat properly and work on getting stronger then I’ll be able to beat the snot out of him. I’ll be twenty-one and he’ll see a big difference. I’ll hammer him!”

Merry smiled again.

“I probably won’t, will I?” Pippin sighed. “I’m always going to be completely worthless aren’t I?”

“You aren’t worthless,” Merry said. “You just aren’t a fighter. It isn’t one of the things you do well.”

“Merry?”

“What?”

“What do I do well?” Pippin looked up at him intently and waited.

“You are the best tree-climber in the Shire. You’re brave. You’re a good dancer. You’ve got excellent aim with a stone. You play beaner quite well. And,” Merry paused for effect. “You get into and out of more trouble than anyone I know.”

“That last bit isn’t exactly impressive,” Pippin frowned.

“You asked me what it was that you do well,” Merry smiled. “You didn’t say that all of it had to be impressive.”

Pippin glanced over across the road. “Estella Bolger and Berilac are staring at us.”

“I was over there talking to them when you decided to take on Sancho,” Merry said remembering how well his conversation with Estella had been progressing until Berilac had interrupted it.

“You mean you were over there flirting with Estella when I got into a fight with Sancho,” Pippin corrected.

“I might have been doing a bit of flirting,” Merry shrugged.

“Was it going at all well?” Pippin asked looking over at Estella in the distance. “She seems a wee bit put out just now.”

“It was going fairly well I suppose,” Merry frowned. “It’s difficult to tell sometimes. Lasses don’t always let you know if you’re impressing them or not.”

“Why was Berilac there?”

“He was with me when we ran into Estella,” Merry said. “If he hadn’t been, then Sancho would have got a chance to pound you into a bloody pulp. Berilac was bored with my conversation with Estella and he was the one that saw you.”

“You mean to say that Berilac told you that I might need a wee bit of help?” Pippin looked surprised.

“He did.” Merry grinned at the understatement.

“But Berilac doesn’t really like me,” Pippin frowned looking confused.

“How many times do I have to tell you, Pip?” Merry sighed. “He likes you. He just doesn’t want you to know that he likes you.”

“He thinks I’m a pest,” Pippin objected.

“You are a pest,” Merry said. “But he likes you anyway.”

Pippin scowled at Merry. “I am not a pest.” He looked toward Estella and Berilac again. “Estella doesn’t like me.”

“She’ll get used to you,” Merry said. “I did.”

“I don’t want her to get used to me,” Pippin said still scowling. “I don’t like her.”

“I like her so maybe you should try to get used to her,” Merry smiled. “She’s round in all the right places and she has nice eyes.”

Pippin wrinkled up his nose. “You’re going all soft on her, aren’t you?”

“It’s better than spending my time trying to get myself beaten to a bloody pulp,” Merry said with a wink.

“Somehow, I think getting beat to a bloody pulp would cause me less pain than spending time making calf eyes at Estella Bolger,” Pippin said. He crossed his eyes and batted his lashes at Merry.

“You entertain yourself in your way, and I’ll entertain myself in my way,” Merry said only slightly annoyed. “Just remember to keep your thumbs on the outside of your fists. Oh, and it might not be a bad idea if you were to learn to duck.”

“I can duck,” Pippin said.

Merry reached out a hand and smacked Pippin lightly on the top of the head.

“No fair! I didn’t know that was coming,” Pippin objected.

“You have to keep your guard up,” Merry said.

Pippin nodded toward Estella. “So do you.”

Merry glanced at the look on Estella’s face and sighed. “I’ll win her over. You just watch and see. I’ll have that lass eating out of my hand.”

Pippin groaned. “Well, don’t expect me to stick around and watch that happen.”

“Before you know it you’ll be trying to catch the attention of some lass yourself, Peregrin Took,” Merry grinned. “You’re twenty and before you know it you’ll be twenty-five. Some lass will smile at you and you’ll be tripping all over yourself to impress her.”

“Well, one thing is certain,” Pippin said. “That lass will not be Estella Bolger.”

“It better not be,” Merry said glaring at Pippin.

Pippin grinned. “I’d rather let Sancho Proudfoot pound me into a bloody pulp.”

“If I had allowed him to do that, I’d not be getting that nasty glare from Estella now,” Merry said. “I might just be holding her hand and getting a kiss or two.”

“Oh, then I actually saved you,” Pippin teased. He straightened up and looked important. “You should thank me, Merry. You came very close to being in some serious trouble today. If it weren’t for the fact that I was looking out for you, you might be in Estella’s clutches even now. I think you owe me your undying gratitude.”

“What I owe you is a good, swift kick in the seat of the trousers,” Merry snorted.

“You’re lucky that I don’t offend easily,” Pippin said.

“That is something for which I am very grateful,” Merry said sarcastically. “Now if you can manage to stay out of trouble for a while I am going back across the road and see if I can interest Estella Bolger in a bit of hand holding.” Merry turned and started across the road.

“From the look of her, I’d say you’d better be able to dodge a well-thrown punch,” Pippin called out.

Merry didn’t reply. He just kept walking. With Tooks it was best to let them have the last word if you wanted the conversation to end. They’d go on forever unless you conceded. Besides, Estella had his full attention now. Pippin would have to manage on his own for a bit. Merry had other more pressing matters.

The End

GW 02/04/2007