Chapter 69. Decision Made

 ‘Pippin?’ Diamond said, her voice anxious. Denethor started forward but the King was closer, and waved the guardsman back as he bent to the hobbits.

 ‘He’s fainted,’ Merry said, his arms tightening to keep his cousin from sagging to the ground.

Without a word Elessar took Pippin from him, scooping the unconscious hobbit into his arms, and began to stride rapidly towards the entrance, the remaining hobbits in his wake.

Bergil fumbled the door open in his haste, bowing as the King passed, but coming erect again he held out his palm in warning. ‘Where do you think you’re going?’ he said to Denethor.

 ‘It’s my duty!’ the guardsman said in astonishment, but Bergil wouldn’t let him pass.

 ‘Your duty was to give evidence as required, and then take yourself back to your bed,’ Bergil said sternly.

 ‘Bed!’ Denethor laughed, but he sobered at a touch on his arm. He turned and immediately bowed, suppressing a grunt at the pain the effort cost him. Arwen stood behind him, serene, gentle, a hint of whimsy in the quirking of her lips, and steel in her eyes.

 ‘Bed,’ the Queen said pleasantly. ‘If someone has to come looking for you...’ She left the threat unfinished and nodded graciously in dismissal. The guardsmen bowed, and when they looked up she was gone.

 ‘Here,’ Bergil said, holding out a peremptory hand. ‘Take off that mail; it’s too heavy for you.’

Denethor winced, lifting off the surcoat, and Bergil hastened to help him, laying the surcoat over his arm as he helped Denethor off with the heavy mail-coat.

 ‘I feel half-clad,’ Denethor grumbled.

 ‘Then put this on,’ Bergil said, thrusting surcoat at him. ‘At least you’ll be three-quarters clad. I’ll just take this off to the armourer’s,’ he hefted the mail-coat and then gazed at Denethor narrowly. ‘On second thought,’ he said slowly, ‘I’ll see you to your bed and then take this off to the armourer’s.’

 ‘No need to put yourself out on my account,’ Denethor said.

 ‘It’s no trouble at all,’ Bergil insisted. ‘Come along now.’

Denethor had the distinct feeling of one being marched off to the dungeons, and he had about as much choice in the matter. ‘Very well,’ he said with a sigh that pained his cracked ribs. ‘Lead me to my doom.’

***

When Pippin awakened he was feeling much better than he had in days; lighter, somehow, freed of a terrible weight that had dragged him deeper than Moria.

He was propped up in bed, undoubtedly to assist his breathing. He never could sleep well, sitting up... At a movement beside him, he turned, to see his wife sitting on the bed. Come to think of it, he noticed that she was holding his hand, had been holding it, probably before he awakened.

Diamond smiled at him hopefully. ‘Welcome back to the world, my dearest,’ she whispered.

 ‘My love,’ Pippin said, lifting her hand to his lips—how convenient, that her hand held his already! All he had to do was shift his grasp.

 ‘You’ve had a good rest,’ she said softly, taking his hand between hers after the kiss. If he wasn't going to bring up the "trial" and the events that had led up to it, well then, neither was she.

 ‘Why are we whispering?’ Pippin whispered.

Diamond nodded behind him, and he turned to behold Denethor, slumped in the chair beside the bed.

 ‘He came to see you,’ Diamond said, ‘and I told him you’d be wakening soon, and pressed him to stay, and so he sat, and...’

 ‘Ah,’ Pippin said. ‘He belongs in a bed.’

 ‘Just as the daisy said to the rose,’ Diamond observed. ‘Here,’ she added, pulling one hand away to take up a cup. ‘Drink. I’d imagine you’re parched.’

Pippin found swallowing a bit difficult, and after a moment’s reflection said, ‘Pony draughts?’

Diamond laughed softly. ‘Very convenient! You cannot exactly push the food about the plate that way!’

 ‘No liver I hope,’ Pippin said, sipping at the cup. It was a mixture of fruit juices, sweet and tangy in one, and very refreshing.

 ‘If there was, I wouldn’t tell!’ Diamond said, her eyes dancing.

 ‘On second thought, it would be a sure way to keep Merry from hanging about and fussing at me,’ Pippin said. ‘He hates the very scent of the stuff!’

 ‘You wouldn’t have minded his fussing at you if you were asleep!’ Diamond said.

 ‘Disturbs the slumber most awfully,’ Pippin complained. ‘Fuss, fuss! Like an old mother hen clucking at her chicks!’

 ‘Cluck cluck!’ Merry said from the doorway.

 ‘Hush, you’ll waken the bodyguard,’ Pippin scolded in a whisper.

 ‘Some bodyguard,’ Merry said, climbing onto the bed and settling himself next to Pippin, ‘sleeping at his post.’

 ‘Don’t tell the King,’ Pippin said. ‘He might make Denny go without his supper, and then where’d he be?’

 ‘In bed, where he belongs,’ Merry said. ‘As I’m glad to see, you are!’

 ‘Hah!’ Pippin said. ‘Not for long...’

 ‘Farry thinks you’re going to Gondor,’ Merry said bluntly.

 ‘Who told him?’ Pippin said, sitting upright.

 ‘You did yourself,’ Merry said. ‘On the picnic, remember? You spoke about him missing his friends, or so he told me.’

 ‘Pippin?’ Diamond said, her hand tightening on her husband’s.

 ‘So, what I want to know, is are you going to Gondor? Sensibly, I mean, taking wife and son with you?’

 ‘I told you...’ Pippin began.

 ‘Going to Gondor, I mean, to live... and not to die?’ Merry went on mercilessly.

 ‘No,’ Pippin said, and it seemed as if he’d stop there, but for the stubborn look on Merry’s face. ‘It’s no good badgering me, Merry. I know now what is the right thing to do.’

 ‘And the right thing is...?’ Merry said, a gleam of challenge in his eye.

Pippin did not rise to the challenge, however. Instead his eye took on a faraway look. ‘The right thing is not always the easiest thing,’ he said, ‘but it is always the best.’

 ‘So Frodo used to say,’ Merry allowed, rather grudgingly. ‘And granted, it would not be easy for you all to go to Gondor, to leave the Shire behind, but...’

 ‘It would be all wrong, for Farry to grow up torn away from his roots,’ Pippin said. ‘What if he were to grow up stunted, or what if he were to be tainted by the evil that is in the hearts of too many Men? Even if I were to live a number of years, and the King promised to send Diamond and Farry back to the Shire after my demise... what damage would be wrought to my precious son, because of my selfish choice?’

Merry sat with his mouth open, stunned at this line of reasoning.

 ‘It was almost a relief to me,’ Pippin went on, ‘when I decided I must go to Gondor alone. Certainly it would be difficult for Diamond and Farry, but no more difficult than if I were to die a year or two hence. And you said yourself, that while the separation would be difficult, there’d be some comfort in knowing that I lived, away there in the Southlands.’

Still speechless, Merry closed his mouth.

Diamond blinked away a tear, but forced a smile as she clung to her husband’s hand as if he were about to be wrenched away from her.

 ‘But the right thing is not always the easiest thing,’ Pippin said again. Seeing that Merry did not understand, he went on. ‘It would be easy to go to Gondor; why, it’s practically my home away from home, when one sets aside the woeful lack of Shire-folk there.’

He raised Diamond’s hand once more for a slow and tender kiss.

 ‘It is not so easy,’ he said more softly, ‘to subject my loved ones to the failing of my body, to the slow—or perhaps rapid—decline, the inevitability of the separation... but perhaps I am selfish...’

Diamond swallowed hard, wanting to protest, but Pippin pressed her hand.

 ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘I am selfish. A dozen years in the Southlands is not worth a twelve-month in the Shire.’

 ‘But...’ Merry said.

 ‘Not to mention,’ Pippin said, ‘Would the Shire truly be better off for my leaving?’ He smiled. ‘Ah, how big-headed that sounds! As if the land would dry up and blow away if I were to leave it!’ He sobered. ‘But I have considered long and hard. Who would be Thain, after me? Regi?’

 ‘He is a competent—’ Merry began.

 ‘It would kill him, to have the full weight of the Shire descend upon his shoulders,’ Pippin said. ‘He is a competent and faithful follower, but lacks the imagination to lead.’ He considered. ‘And Ev’ard—he’s a fine engineer, but his head is in the dirt. He doesn’t have the vision to see where to go, nor the patience to deal with stubborn, silly hobbits.’

Merry opened his mouth again, but Pippin wasn’t finished.

 ‘And Ferdi!’ he said, his eyes opening wide. ‘Can you imagine chaining him to a desk! He’d kick the traces over and break out in ways even I cannot imagine! Either that or he’d wither and die for lack of sunlight and fresh air.’

 ‘And you?’ Diamond said quietly.

 ‘I’ve been places, seen things, know something of the workings of the world,’ Pippin said. ‘And I’ve a year or three left to me, perhaps, better to train Regi in what he needs to know to take over the Thainship, when the time comes. I’ve time to lay plans—and with the plans laid, Regi will have no problem with carrying them out. He’s always been one to count upon.’

Diamond took a sobbing breath, and Pippin pressed her hand. ‘Is it really so terrible?’ he whispered, ‘for me to live out the rest of my time at your side, my love? Is it? Would I do better to go to Gondor while you stay in the Shire for Farry’s sake, where you can imagine me hale and hearty, whether or not it is the case?’

 ‘O Pippin!’ she whispered brokenly, and he pulled her closer, to bury her head against his shoulder.

 ‘I’ll go, if you tell me to go, my love,’ he said.

She pulled away, and though Merry stared intently at her, she slowly shook her head. ‘I won’t send you away,’ she whispered. ‘Forgive me, my love.’

 ‘Very well,’ Pippin said. ‘I’ve made my choice.’

Merry bowed his head in silent acceptance.

 ‘Made your choice?’ Denethor said, stretching cautiously. ‘You’ve been making choices? This early in the morning?’

 ‘Yes,’ Pippin said with a smile for the guardsman. ‘I’ve decided I want ham instead of bacon with my eggs for breakfast. Would you be so kind as to let the cooks know?’

 ‘I’d be happy to,’ Denethor said, rising from his chair. ‘I shall return in three shakes—four at the most.’

 ‘You do that,’ Pippin said, and he grinned as the guardsman left the room.

Once Denethor was safely gone, he held out his arms to Diamond and Merry, and the three shared a long and silent embrace.